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Yes I know I'm still a work in progress but I thought I was further along. A few months after my confessions I felt like such shit I wanted everybody to know what scum I was. I wrote a long letter on FB addressed to my entire friend's list. It was a confession of all my actions, xSO read it and asked me not to send it. He said I was trying to punish myself but in the process was going to spread his business around (this is before my discovery of his actions) and he didn't feel anyone else needed to know. Since then I've been okay and building myself up again. A lot of the people on that list though were mutual friends from college that we only saw 2-4 times a year in bars. We ended up going to one more party before I found out about his actions. We got invited last year to something and I told the other ne who invited us we were no longer together. She said she hoped we worked it out and left it at that. No one from this group ever contacted me again. I deleted their numbers. Today I got a text, I'm 99.9% positive that its one of the women from this group asking me to come hang out. I declined but it made my chest tighten to think of what would happen if they found out my history. I have been 100% honest anytime some on has asked about infidelity or why he and I are no longer together yet this group finding out has sent me into a tizzy. WTF? Maybe I'm not as far along as I thought.

[This message edited by Unagie at 7:08 PM, August 21st (Thursday)]

Any change in your status is bound to make you afraid. How your distant friends identify you (involved/single/wayward/betrayed) is another change in the things around you. You cannot ignore that. Just like so many things you have gone through already, take a deep breath and don't borrow trouble that hasn't happened yet.

There are lots of reasons you feel upset. That doesn't mean you are back at the starting line. It is just the next hurdle on your track.

FWIW, I have so many mixed emotions about my friends. I am old enough that I have two groups of friends -- the really old, close friends, and then the group from around the neighborhood/school/whatever.

The people in the neighborhood never need to know. But I kind of want to discuss it with my close friends. I think I'd find support there. At the same time, I am not sure that I'm welcome in my best friend's (since 6th grade) house. He's one of the people who knows. His wife hasn't spoken to me since DDay.

I have a lot of the same anxiety as you do. Honestly, I just haven't gotten far enough along to face it. Where you are at now is still out on the horizon for me. So don't beat yourself up. You'll get through it.

Hang in there.