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Newest Member: hstones (61101)

User Topic: How Would You Handle This?
♂ 44549
Member # 44549
Default  Posted: 7:17 PM, August 21st (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Read my background and updates, Really Confused.

WW teaches a Sunday school class at church for children.

Went to church tonight with DD, WW was late, as usual.

WW is hugging and happily greeting people like life is so grand, I wanted to barf. During a portion of the evening they were talking about the importance if family.

Do I clue someone in?

I am very, very uncomfortable, I go there because of DD

Any thoughts?

Posts: 65 | Registered: Aug 2014
♀ 43242
Member # 43242
Default  Posted: 7:57 PM, August 21st (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hear you, Hoosier. My WH is a Boy Scout leader who, each week for years, has been vowing to be "trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, and reverent" while screwing a MOW behind my back. He invited this same OW to attend church with him on the Sundays I did not go, and held hands with her -- "discreetly", he says -- during the service. Yes, cheating in church.

It's kind of hard to reconcile the hypocrisy, isn't it? And SOOOOO tempting to out them to those who think they are pillars of the community.

I have not, as of yet, because if we decide to R, I don't want that many more people second-guessing my decision. But it made me so ill that I have stopped going to church altogether, and only attend Boy Scout events for the short periods that I can tolerate pasting on a happy face.

Ultimately, you should decide what is best for YOU, and then do it.

Me & WH: 50, married 20+ years, 4 kids
DDay: 3/5/14, 7 yr LTA plus multiple ONS
Conclusion: Some things are too broken to be fixed.

Posts: 776 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Virginia
♀ 42776
Member # 42776
Default  Posted: 8:21 PM, August 21st (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wouldn't go. I'd find a new church and take DD if that was important but I wouldn't go to that one. It's a big part of your "old" life, and sad as that it is...heck, I don't know. My boys are mostly grown, and stbxwh's family is huge, and local, and social...but I found "pretending" everything was hunky dory and regular impossible. My other option was to let them all know what a giant rotten jerk he's been, and continues to be, but I love them, so I can't do it. So, I disappeared from the scene, the boys are free to go with their dad, or aunts or grandmother but I'm not going too -- and they "get" it. Honestly , I'm sure my inlaws all "get"it too.

Gotta work on this bitter-thing...
married 26 years, together 31,childhood sweethearts

2 kids, 18 + 20
divorce is happening - it can't not

june 5th,2015...divorced.

Posts: 349 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: connecticut
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 2:05 AM, August 22nd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yea I.get it. My ws is loved by many. Annoys me when ppl tell me how lucky I am.
Even my kids say their friends talk about their cool awesome dad. Sometimes they will say, yea but he's not like that at home.
Our little community thinks he's the shit. It makes me want to scream the truth,
Been with him over half my life
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank

Posts: 5738 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
♀ 35812
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 3:26 PM, August 22nd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Personally, I'd serve her with divorce papers, and go to the pastor of the church and let him/her know that you're divorcing your wife because of multiple infidelities, including an on-going one. And let the pastor know that you are not the keeper of her secrets any more and that if anyone at all asks, you are going to be real upfront about telling them the reason for the divorce. As a church secretary, I can guarantee you that if this knowledge came to me, there would be action taken, even if it was nothing more than her being called into a meeting between the pastor and the Sunday school supervisor.

She fired you from being her husband. You have no obligation to keep any secrets for her whatsoever.

Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012

Posts: 9908 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
♂ 55
Member # 55
Default  Posted: 3:47 PM, August 22nd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It must be next to impossible to witness this. I would go to another church if I were you. I would start completely distancing myself from her in every way.

I really don't know how your wife can be so oblivious to all of this.

Posts: 7391 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: USA
Topic Posts: 6

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