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Newest Member: Hephaestus2 (60769)

User Topic: One year mark, changed job, transparency and house sold.
♀ 41303
Member # 41303
Default  Posted: 10:46 PM, August 21st (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This weekend will be one year that WH s affair came to light. So many tears, so many changes. He has been trying very hard to be a better man. The anger in me is subsiding. We are working towards a new chapter. When I found out I gave him ultimatums, quit his job working out of town. Get new job in town. Total transparency, no lies, no secrets, all of which he has done. I asked to put house up for sale and it finally sold last month, new owners moving in next week. We just got approved for the new house we are buying today. But... I don't feel the excitement I would have before the affair. I feel like I hope I'm doing the right thing? I still don't have total trust in him, I don't know if I have forgiven him? I have accepted it but not forgiven if that makes any sense? He's trying so hard and I see the changes but why on earth did it have to come to this? I used to think he was a strong man but I think I'm the strong one and he is the one who is weak. I see him differently than before. I love him and believe he loves me but I don't think I'll ever truly know his WHY? My anniversary is one week after our DD , last year I didn't even want to look at him. This year we are going away. I guess after one year things have improved in strides I just hope they continue. Have faith not fear !


Life is not measured by the breaths we take
but by the moments that take our breath away.

Posts: 260 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: canada
♂ 30369
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 10:06 AM, August 22nd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

These all sound like very positive changes in the right direction, marionwendy. I am hoping that once he gets settled into his new job, and you get settled into the new house, that things will continue to improve. I think these are really impressive changes for the first year, though.

Wishing you the best of luck.

Posts: 30659 | Registered: Dec 2010
♀ 21101
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 10:47 AM, August 22nd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sounds like a busy year.
You are strong, and you can stand proud that you did what you believed was the best thing given the situation.

You are brave, you are amazing.

The changes are major, and even without dealing with A, put you at the top of the list for major life stressors. It's a lot to take in. It's a lot to deal with in everyday life.

I do understand the not forgiving him, but accepting what happened. Forgiving came much later. Don't rush it. Watch for the consistent everyday changes in him. You may not ever fully understand the why, but he needs to be the one to do the work to figure that out. He has made changes, but work has he done on himself? What are the real changes he made to deal with life and situations that led him to the choices he made?

There are many components to R and being successful at it, and even if you get all of them, there is still no guarantee life will stay good. So enjoy each day, and accept it as a gift. Be happy in who you are. The rest will come.

(((and strength)))

Him: FWS
Kids: 18 & 20
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.

Posts: 13095 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
♀ 35812
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 5:27 PM, August 22nd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

At the one year mark, I would say that you're doing well, even though it sure as heck doesn't feel like it. The one year mark is big. Really big. It's like you're walking down a path, taking care of things as they come up, keeping a steady pace, and all of the sudden, a HUGE stake pile-drives into the path in front of you painted bright neon orange, taking you out of your normal everyday stroll. You stare at it, walk up to it, stop, and circle it a few times, watching it pulse. You finally continue to walk down your path but every so often, you have to look back to see the orange pulses, getting fainter and fainter, but still seeable.

I call these types of date or events Fish-Slaps upside the head.

Right now, both of you have a great deal of stress. You've made some serious, life-changing choices. You have this anti-versary staring you in the face. And you're facing them together. You may not be a tightly bonded couple yet, but your both walking down the same path. That's some serious progress, sistah! It really is!

Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012

Posts: 9789 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
Topic Posts: 4

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