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Newest Member: Hilda (61117)

User Topic: moving forward
♀ 39140
Member # 39140
Sad  Posted: 9:31 AM, August 22nd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, last night husband and I told our 7 year old daughter that daddy is going to have his own place and mommy will have her own place. Overall it went well. Yes, there were tears, but i was able to control my emotions and that helped daughter with calming down. We told her, held her as a family for a few minutes, then I took her and he left with his truck and trailer filled up.
He and I will still talk and text and see one another a lot actually. He is going to be at the house next week Friday while I go to work and he and she are going to go school shopping when she gets up. They will have a nice day together.
On the weekends he keeps her, on the Sunday he brings her back, he will mow the grass for me where he usually would anyway, and do any other things around the house that need fixed or looked at.
No more egg shells to walk on around the house either. No more wondering what daddy will be doing when daughter and I are visiting family (and he chooses not to go with us). No more saying to my mom "we need to get home so I can make dinner" when she is asking if we will stay for dinner at her house. No more feeling like I'm doing wrong when all I'm trying to do it right. No more asking husband if he wants to go do "x" with daughter and I and him saying no, then we feel obligated to stay home too, even though a fun day at the park would be nice.

Now - I haven't told my family yet. We both felt daughter needed to know first. It's her right. A couple of my friends know though, because they have been there for me when I had doubts or when I needed to vent, etc. So I kept them abreast of what was happening. Today on my way to get daughter at daycare, after i leave work, I will call my mom and tell her.
I am really dreading that more than when we told daughter last night.

This sucks.

Posts: 30 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: MI
♀ 33226
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 9:39 AM, August 22nd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((jk5366 & DD))))) Telling the children is, in my mind, the hardest part of all this. It sounds like you handled it beautifully, honey.

Sending you strength for the conversation with your mom.

You can call me NIK

And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane

Posts: 40228 | Registered: Aug 2011
♀ 39140
Member # 39140
Default  Posted: 10:10 AM, August 22nd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you. I will need the strength and the words to come to me for it too. I don't want my mom to worry about daughter and I. I also don't want her to hate husband, seeing as he will still be in our lives, and he is very willing to do things for us, her too, if/when she needs things done.
Again, ugh...

This sucks.

Posts: 30 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: MI
♀ 30341
Member # 30341
Default  Posted: 10:54 AM, August 22nd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hope that things went well with telling your Mom! It is okay if she worries about your daughter a little bit, I think it is a natural thing for a mother to do--worry. Hopefully she will respect your boundaries and your decisions regarding how much your ex is in your life.

Keep in mind, his doing favors for you like mowing your grass etc, keeps him pretty involved in what is going on in your life and may make you feel some obligation towards him or for him to assume some "rights" to know what is going on in your life. There may come a time when that is no longer appropriate/helpful/wanted by you. You have theright to change your mind at any time about this.

I agree with NIK that telling the children and dealing with their emotions is a very difficult part of divorce. It is hard to see their hearts affected by this! (((jk5366)))

DDay 11/17/2010 BW:54

Posts: 4122 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Iowa
♀ 42092
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 10:56 AM, August 22nd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


You are doing so well and your DD is very, very lucky to have you thinking about her interests and carving out a new safe space with no eggshells. This is absolutely going to end up being healthier for her.

Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4324 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
♂ 36759
Member # 36759
Default  Posted: 5:37 AM, August 24th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What better4me said!

Be a little careful with this setup. I know it is easy to want to be friends with your DD's dad thinking things will be better for DD, but it will bring a lot of pain as well. The more contact you have with XWH the harder it will be to detach and move on.

I thought XWW and I could remain friends after D. Our kids are all adults so it certainly should have been easier than co-parenting. What I found is that as time went by I wanted less and less contact with XWW. It was just to painful to know anything about what was going on in her life. I told her it was too painful and cut all ties including social media. Now we only communicate regarding kids or the few remaining financial ties.

As better4me noted, you have the right to change your mind. If you feel that the contact with XWH is keeping you from healing effectively, then make the changes.

Peace to you and DD7!


BH 50s
xWW 50s

Dday1 7-2012
Dday2 8-2012
Divorce 9-2012

4 kids all adults.

Married 22+ years.

I have moved on and life is good!

Posts: 277 | Registered: Sep 2012
Topic Posts: 6

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