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Tigaress (original poster member #43954) posted at 6:43 PM on Friday, August 22nd, 2014
My husband has been out of the country for over a month. He has not called once and only sent a few random, superficial emails. Six or seven weeks ago, when I caught him cheating he promised me a 'longish' email, explaining everything and also describing his thoughts about the future. I have not yet received that email. Instead, I'm sometimes seeing some of his communication. Just a few minutes ago, I saw communication between him and his ex. She asks if he'll fix things with me. He responds that I am 'emotionally distraught and messed up' and that 'monogamy is stupid'. The first part is probably because I told his mother when she asked me how I was doing that I was crying a lot. Now my heart is pounding. I'm desperately trying to get a hold of a friend to torture him or her yet another time with my whining. That means I would not spend that time studying and will lose even more valuable time before my upcoming exam. This is a cycle and it has to end. Are you going through the same thing? People tell me to stop looking at his communication but if I do that I start forgetting the (ongoing) bad things and wanting to forgive and forget. And even worse, I start missing him, listening to his empty words etc. What to do?
HurtingandLost ( member #29322) posted at 7:34 PM on Friday, August 22nd, 2014
You need to stop, take a deep breath, and focus on YOU. YOU are the important factor in this equation, NOT HIM NOT HER NOT HIS BULLSHIT.
You have ZERO control over him or his actions. You DO have control over YOU. Take a moment and think about that. It's all about YOU.
The rollercoaster is normal. It takes some time. The first four or five months after Dday #1 I was a dazed fool, existing in life instead of LIVING my life. This last go round I found out on the weekend of the 4th and started dusting myself off a little over a week ago.
But the key ingredient is YOU. How much head space do you want to give him? How much control are you going to allow HIS actions dictate how YOU feel? You didnt create this shitstorm. HE DID.
Don't be so hard on yourself. Pick yourself up, call a friend or two and plan a night out. Give yourself time to heal, it does take time. But reclaim your life. You can do it.
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