My WW had kept in contact with a old boyfriend throughout our 20 year marriage via facebook, email, text, phone and occasionally in person (along with a group of other men). Turns out she has major boundry issues, go figure
I found out in Jan2014 that 4 years ago they had "drunken sex". Long story short she said after that incident along with several others (work and friends of friends) that I had no idea about she "realized how messed up she was" and made changes in herself and committed her self to our marriage. I found this stuff out initially through a facebook post and then TT for several months. We are working on recovery and she sent a NC letter to one individual and showed me all correspondence.She also agreed to show me any other attempts at correspondence from anyone in her past that have violated boundaries including this x boyfriend. She is being transparent and I have access to her phone and other media.She says she felt very guilty for the infidelity with him 4 years ago and kept him at arms length but she did say he would send a text or call a few times a year leading up to my discovery. She never told him or anyone else outright to never contact her again.She said she will show me any text she gets from him when it happens along with her response that will include a NC request.The last time they had contact was x-mass 2013 and she said he just asked via text how she was doing and she responded "really good" and has not heard from him since. My question is this: Should I ask her to send him a no contact letter now or should I let sleeping dogs lay and wait for him to contact her (he will someday) and have her request the NC then?
Part of me wants to give her an opportunity to show she is committed down the road when it happens. Part of me wants her to do it now but I also feel like she will then be initiating contact with him unprovoked. What should I do?
