C.S. Lewis rocks!
We are fortunate in the fact that we are newly married, and if we were going to deal with this at any point, I suppose I am thankful we can learn these lessons early on.
I see some on here say "If I were newly wed I would be gone" and "If I didn't have so much to loose, I would be gone" and "If I were younger and cuter I would be gone". I try to stay out of those threads.
I do because I was one of those guys....so firmly stating what I believed I would do.
Humility was sorely needed in my life...and this trial continues to do that for me.
As F'ed as this sounds.....if you can truly get into R (both spouses honestly desiring it for healthy reasons)....it matters not what age you are, if you are a SAHM or how long you have been married. It is a gift as it will lead to a maturity and intimacy that would most likely have eluded you for a lifetime.
What if I D'ed immediately...found a cute 20 something year old that worshiped the ground I walked on. Think I would have dug into my abandonment issues, seen my false intimacy coping mechs in the true light they ARE? NO WAY! Where would the motivation come from?
As a Christian who believe in eternity...our life on earth is but a blink of an eye. It is a training ground for your character. I hate the fact that for 30 years I remained mostly emotionally and spiritually in one place.
My wifes A, as dreadful as it was, has been the explosion needed to bust me out of my ruts.
Ruts are nothing more than graves with the ends kicked out.
My wife had an EA while we were engaged. We did not see that as the opportunity it was...and both rug swept that.
Fast forward 15 years. BOOM!
But what happend in those 15 years? Lots!!! Some good, some not so good.
We have two daughters, 7 and 10....they would not be here had we split.
I don't believe in luck or coincidences.
Everything happens for a reason.
I believe God gave me the wife he gave me. I also believe He loves us so much that he gave us free will...and stands out of our way as we use it. We are imperfect. Just because God put us together does NOT mean we will stay together....that dang free will thing! He intends for us to stay together, just like He intended for us to NOT sin as we have. But, until we get to heaven, we are going to remain imperfect and are called to improve. We are meant to BE like Jesus...not BE JESUS. KWIM?
Perfectionism. Turns out that is a part of me too. My false hope that if I did everything just right, the pain of abandonment I felt as a child would never re-enter my life again....and that is the birth place of my CoD.
Keep the faith. This is a roller coaster of a ride....but you have the stomach for it. You will have doubts...don't give in.
God is with us all.
[This message edited by blakesteele at 4:57 PM, August 22nd (Friday)]