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Newest Member: drummerwife (46039)

User Topic: I am so f@#$ing stupid!
nme1
♀ 44360
Member # 44360
Default  Posted: 10:14 PM, August 24th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Today is the worst day ever. After 5 months of tt and flat out lies I finally know some of the truth. I took his phone and recovered all the texts. Now I know all the sordid details. I knew he was lying!!!
I rang him at work and told him we are done. He came home and packed his bags then left.

What do I tell our children?

The emptiness goes on.....


Me: BS
Him: WS
M 12 yrs with 2 DS 9 & 4
D-Day 6th March 2014

Posts: 151 | Registered: Aug 2014 | From: Australia
brkn_heartd
♀ 30396
Member # 30396
Default  Posted: 10:25 PM, August 24th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so sorry. The pain of the lies is terrible. The boys are going to know he is gone. Make sure they know he is gone because HE has problems to work out. Emphasis to them that this is not their fault.

I am sending support your way and to let you know you have been heard.


Me-51 BS
Him 58-WS
Married 31 yrs, together 34
Affair Aug-Dec 09
official D-12/14/09
broke NC 1/31/10
second D 3/19/10

Posts: 1718 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Northwesten US
StillStanding1
♀ 40144
Member # 40144
Default  Posted: 10:37 PM, August 24th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so sorry. I know how much pain you are in. Telling the kids is AWFUL. I remember it like yesterday, unfortunately. It was a disaster for us. It WILL get better. I promise.

I agree... Be sure to emphasize that your boys are NOT at fault here. All kids think they could've impacted the outcome somehow. Encourage them to talk and share their feelings. They will be scared and fearful of how their lives will change. Reassure them of your love - you will need to be their rock and their security. They need to trust one parent not to abandon them. You can do this!!!!!

Sending lots of strength and courage... And hugs for all of you.

[This message edited by StillStanding1 at 10:38 PM, August 24th (Sunday)]


Me: 40s BS, Him: 40s WH
M 21 yrs - 3 teens
LTA = 2+ yrs, Dday = 2/10/13, he moved out, he officially moved back in 1/25/14 and our work continues...

Posts: 746 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: MidWest
nme1
♀ 44360
Member # 44360
Default  Posted: 12:29 AM, August 25th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i just don't know what to tell them - they are only 8 and 3. I thought we were reconciling so there would be no need to tell them anything - stupid, stupid, stupid!!!!

I


Me: BS
Him: WS
M 12 yrs with 2 DS 9 & 4
D-Day 6th March 2014

Posts: 151 | Registered: Aug 2014 | From: Australia
standinghere
♂ 34689
Member # 34689
Default  Posted: 2:28 AM, August 25th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow, you are not nearly as stupid as I was made out to be.

I had over 9 years of lies, a troubled sex life, and genuinely enormous patience on my part, which eventually led to a confession, which was filled with lies, then to MC, and her to IC, which again was filled with lies, all that lasted nearly 7 months.

I felt like I was being tortured because a lot of this made no sense.

Then, the truth came out suddenly and unexpectedly, when she just couldn't bear to hold the lies up any more.

Hell, followed by more Hell.


BH - Me - Late 30's (now late 40's)
WW - Her - Late 30's (now late 40's)
4 Children
Her - Love of my life...still is.
Reconciled - Partly...she can't get over it.
Her - Thunderstruck by what she did.

Posts: 1031 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: USA
Ostrich80
34827
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 3:25 AM, August 25th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So he skipped out and left you to tell your kids...what a guy I'm so sorry. I guess he couldn't handle you knowing the truth, so cowardly. You are not stupid, not one bit and please believe that.


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 5277 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
whereismylove
♀ 41794
Member # 41794
Default  Posted: 3:49 AM, August 25th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't think you should tell the kids much because of their age. Even though you may hate his guts the children love him and they are the most important thing. They need to be protected and loved by both of you as much as possible. Figure out the simplest explanation and as hard as it is, try to keep calm and carry on as much as possible. I know how you feel I was in false R for a year. Trying to shield my children from the destruction of our family was what gave me strength and made me get out of bed. I felt like the pain would kill me, but there was no way in hell I was going to let the kids get caught up in sorrow. Even so, they knew, they saw, they heard my muffled gasps as I cried in the shower. You just do the best you can.hugs


DDay: Nov.6th, Dec 24, Dec.27(2013) Jan 10th(2014) & texting during false R until July 2014.
Me : BS, 36. awesome doting wife & former stay @home mom now back 2school and work.
Him: WS, 43. EU spouse. 7 months long "accidental" affair. Fol

Posts: 68 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Northern California
nolight
♀ 32785
Member # 32785
Default  Posted: 3:55 AM, August 25th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No you're not stupid for trusting your spouse, that's how life is supposed to be. I'm so sorry that you have found out that he is not worth your trust

Maybe give yourself a few days before you talk to your children about the permanence of the situation they're so young they will accept it if you say he has to go away for a couple of days.

It's a hard balance to be honest while being age appropriate, someone with experience will come along soon.


Did she make you cry, make you breakdown and shatter your illusion of love? And is it over now and do you know how to pick up the pieces and go home? - Fleetwood Mac

Posts: 530 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Hawaii
nme1
♀ 44360
Member # 44360
Default  Posted: 5:46 AM, August 25th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the kind words. He returned briefly this afternoon to grab some more stuff and to unburden himself by telling me more stuff. We are currently up to version 6. Then wanted to know how he can fix things? Seriously!!!!!

I told him to leave and have told the kids that he's been called into work (WH is in the military and is away often so the kids have accepted this). This buys me a little time until I can sort some shit through.

Now I just have to master faking normal. Any ideas?


Me: BS
Him: WS
M 12 yrs with 2 DS 9 & 4
D-Day 6th March 2014

Posts: 151 | Registered: Aug 2014 | From: Australia
nme1
♀ 44360
Member # 44360
Default  Posted: 5:53 AM, August 25th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ostrich80 he did want to tell them that he wouldn't be living with us anymore but I told him not to talk to them. Our 8 year old is special needs so I'm really concerned with the impact on him. I'm thinking that we may have to explain things in family therapy. I don't want them to grow up with abandonment issues.

Why don't WSs ever think of their children!!


Me: BS
Him: WS
M 12 yrs with 2 DS 9 & 4
D-Day 6th March 2014

Posts: 151 | Registered: Aug 2014 | From: Australia
Topic Posts: 10

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