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Maia's Withdrawal Survival Guide (repost for newbies)

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EvolvingSoul posted 1/29/2018 18:32 PM

Bumped for antelope.

EvolvingSoul posted 2/12/2018 01:39 AM

Bumped for StoneLotus.

EvolvingSoul posted 2/12/2018 19:09 PM

Bumped for worstwifey7.

Lucky77 posted 2/20/2018 10:37 AM

Bump for RJN0917

EvolvingSoul posted 3/1/2018 16:58 PM

Bumped for ConstantLearner.

EvolvingSoul posted 3/2/2018 17:34 PM

Bumped for Badgergirl.

EvolvingSoul posted 3/12/2018 19:10 PM

Bumped for Scatty.

Maia posted 3/23/2018 13:48 PM

Celebrating 15 year wedding anniversary soon. And grand baby number 3 on the way. Never happier. Hugs to all.

Krystlebefore posted 3/25/2018 17:25 PM

Bumped for mcmc2

ASoCalledLife posted 3/28/2018 08:53 AM

Bumped for little mermaid 6.

hikingout posted 4/9/2018 12:11 PM

Bumped for doglover

Bella5 posted 4/13/2018 12:18 PM

👍

Krystlebefore posted 4/30/2018 15:16 PM

Bumped for lord tennyson

Maia posted 5/8/2018 10:41 AM

bump.

harrybrown posted 5/8/2018 12:17 PM

I am curious.

you talk about forgiveness from the OM and forgiving your H.

Your H is an afterthought in most of the postings that I read.

when is there remorse for the pain of your H?

Maia posted 5/27/2018 21:54 PM

Hi Harry.

First off take a look at my member number. I wrote this in 2005 and am over 13 years out from dday with a successful R

So this was written very much when I was trying actively to come out of the fog. I was very possibly at my most selfish at this point in my life. But I could not handle him. I could barely handle me then. This isn't to say that I didn't love him. Indeed I did in my own twisted sense. I was broken and pieces of me loved him. Pieces didn't. And empathy with his pain couldn't be my focus till I fixed me. It was a bit like putting on the oxygen mask on a flight before aiding another. I could best help him by fixing me because that's what I could control. When I did dwell on his feelings it was devastating. Because I'd gutted him and I knew it. Make no mistake. I will never diminish that.
But that's not the purpose of this post. The purpose here was to walk out of madness.i bump and revisit it because it worked. And .might help others.

[This message edited by Maia at 9:57 PM, May 27th (Sunday)]

WhoTheBleep posted 5/27/2018 22:04 PM

"And empathy with his pain couldn't be my focus till I fixed me. It was a bit like putting on the oxygen mask on a flight before aiding another. "

This explains why my own R was so unsuccessful. He made a good show for 6 months. Then my pain was brushed aside as he became focused on himself, again (and not in the healing sense...in the entitlement sense.)

Maia posted 5/27/2018 22:10 PM

I'm sorry it was like that for you whothebleep. Really am. Hugs

EvolvingSoul posted 6/5/2018 16:56 PM

Bumped for those struggling with NC.

EvolvingSoul posted 6/13/2018 20:04 PM

Bumped for Doglover84.

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