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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Sexual Abuse Survivors/Spouses of SAB's
MiJa
♂ Member
Member # 11442
Default  Posted: 4:42 AM, February 26th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

no_one:

Thanks. I'm glad to hear it. The words have always rung very true to me.

I hope it's okay for me to ask... what brings you to the SAb thread?


"But I opened my eyes and walked out the door and the clouds came tumbling down, and it's bye-bye, goodbye, I tried..." -- Ben Folds, "Landed"

Posts: 595 | Registered: Jul 2006
hurts
♂ Member
Member # 9444
Default  Posted: 3:40 PM, March 13th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump


Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, "Where have I gone wrong?"
Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night."
--- Charles M. Schulz
SO if I check my pulse, and it is not there, do I get the day off?

Posts: 8381 | Registered: Jan 2006 | From: At Home
churchpunkmom
♀ Member
Member # 18558
Default  Posted: 1:27 PM, March 21st (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi, I'm a SAS and a BS.

Things were already 'coming up' for me before the A as it was because my oldest children have reached the age I was when the abuse began. I realized it subconsciously and had dreamed (about a week or two before the A) that I 'cheated on' my H with his boss. However, in the dream I told him I did not want to do it and he used the same manipulative crap that my abuser used to use on me. I told my H about this dream the next morning and he said 'So you actually dreamed that he raped you..' Why can't I see it that way? Am I still really that messed up?

Anyway, naturally, his A has re-opened a lot of old wounds and brought it all back up again. Gee, thanks dear.


Me: FBW
Him: FWH
Kids: 8yo, 7yo, 5yo, 3yo, and 1yo
A: 1/08-4/08
DDay 3-9-08
Reconciled
"People want the truth, but never want the scars.." Emery
"Before you try to beat the odds, make sure you can survive the odds beating you.."

Posts: 262 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: loony bin
Lonerider
♂ Member
Member # 9205
Default  Posted: 1:42 PM, March 21st (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My wife got upset when her nieces (who she suspected were abused) daughters were the same age that the abused occurred.

It may have also been the same age she was abused.


BS me 43 years old
WS her 45 years old
married 14 years, together 20
2 kids
D-day 7/15/05

Posts: 4225 | Registered: Dec 2005 | From: western NY
feuerlong
Member
Member # 18774
Default  Posted: 6:17 PM, March 23rd (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i am a SAb survivor. i was molested and raped as a toddler in nursery school, and then later molested and raped by my father (who also was physically and emotionally abusive as well, a real tyrant). and, for the record, i am a BS.

i wanted to share knowledge of EMDR therapy with you all. it's very effective at allowing the brain to realign those bad experiences so that they are less destructive and traumatic.

i've done plenty of excellent, healing work on myself without the help of therapy, and also with the help of therapy. for the past year or so i've also been doing EMDR, and it's made quite a difference. please check it out.


Posts: 53 | Registered: Mar 2008
hurts
♂ Member
Member # 9444
Default  Posted: 12:41 AM, March 24th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks, it is something I was thinking about.


Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, "Where have I gone wrong?"
Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night."
--- Charles M. Schulz
SO if I check my pulse, and it is not there, do I get the day off?

Posts: 8381 | Registered: Jan 2006 | From: At Home
Lonerider
♂ Member
Member # 9205
Default  Posted: 9:25 AM, March 24th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dw asked her therapist about EMDR, but her IC said she's not strong and stable enough for it.


BS me 43 years old
WS her 45 years old
married 14 years, together 20
2 kids
D-day 7/15/05

Posts: 4225 | Registered: Dec 2005 | From: western NY
unfound
♀ Member
Member # 12802
Default  Posted: 3:54 PM, March 25th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I haven't posted here in forever.

just wanted all to know that someone is thinking of you and holding you in their heart. whether a survivor of SAb, or suffering the ripple effect is has on others.

**FWH is a survivor (surviving) of SAb/incest.


ka-mai
*******************
Hey you, would you help me to carry the stone ...

Posts: 14749 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: mercury's underboob
Lonerider
♂ Member
Member # 9205
Default  Posted: 10:38 AM, March 31st (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We just watched Black Snake Moan. It was intense, and a little too hollywood ( as if a few days of intense therapy can heal such a wound), but it was pretty good.


BS me 43 years old
WS her 45 years old
married 14 years, together 20
2 kids
D-day 7/15/05

Posts: 4225 | Registered: Dec 2005 | From: western NY
hurts
♂ Member
Member # 9444
Default  Posted: 1:07 PM, March 31st (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I haven't heard of it. Is it a released movie or on one of the channels?


Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, "Where have I gone wrong?"
Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night."
--- Charles M. Schulz
SO if I check my pulse, and it is not there, do I get the day off?

Posts: 8381 | Registered: Jan 2006 | From: At Home
Lonerider
♂ Member
Member # 9205
Default  Posted: 1:35 PM, March 31st (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hurts,

It was released a year or two ago, with Samuel L. Jackson and Christina Ricci.

The buzz on it was misleading, yes, Samuel Jackson does chain up Christina Ricci, but it's not a sex film (though sex happens in the film, in very uncomfortable ways).

It's a study of what a little girl who was molested may grow up to be like.


BS me 43 years old
WS her 45 years old
married 14 years, together 20
2 kids
D-day 7/15/05

Posts: 4225 | Registered: Dec 2005 | From: western NY
no_one
♀ Member
Member # 18041
Default  Posted: 10:06 PM, April 5th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

one of the shittiest things is that my parents, especially my mom, didnt take the situation seriously and actually teased me about it for years, dont ask why i have no idea

in other words, they never 'had my back' , and now , with my spouse, the same thing is occuring where no matter how or how often he fucks me over, she always takes his side ..

its not even that, i guess its that she always blames it on ME and its fucking maddening now and then

makes me wanna puke


im dead inside

Posts: 469 | Registered: Feb 2008
smokenfire
Member
Member # 5217
Default  Posted: 5:08 AM, April 7th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I saw Black Snake Moan and thought DAM I wish someone would have done that for me! But no, no one ever did.

I have been having issues out the but due to my friends daughter being raped and molested since the age of four days old....

I thought I was okay - truly I did and then BAM there it was.

Spouse has been an absolute ass and is mad I won't talk to him - he wanted to have me committed (NOT) and still is insisting on meds which I will not do either.

I am doing REALLY great - I am really proud of me. I've talked with my pastor extensivly via email and we have our first appointment tomorrow.

I talked to the other pastor as well who I had avoided because he is my good friend and so is his wife and this is just ugly stuff, not something you want to bring into a friendship (well not me anyway).

So the down side to this is you can think you are WAY better (and I still in a way think I was) and BAM have huge issues - but you can do them better then you have in the past.

Maturity, gotta love it when that happens.


I have a very strict no returns policy - if you got him - you have to keep him.
Don't kick me in the mouth and then complain about how I bleed...

Posts: 5961 | Registered: Aug 2004
no_one
♀ Member
Member # 18041
Default  Posted: 4:50 PM, April 12th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hey, i was just wondering...

does anyone else here have problems with dreams/nightmares about this?

just had another one last night and wondering what these mean and if other people have them


im dead inside

Posts: 469 | Registered: Feb 2008
smokenfire
Member
Member # 5217
Default  Posted: 8:46 PM, April 14th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When I still had PTSD and anxiety attacks I still had dreams.

I haven't had dreams for years, but I learned methods for coping with the anxiety (but not the issues). Learning to be less anxious will help, but dealing with the root will help even more.

Hugs.

I hate nightmares, I remember when that used to happen.


I have a very strict no returns policy - if you got him - you have to keep him.
Don't kick me in the mouth and then complain about how I bleed...

Posts: 5961 | Registered: Aug 2004
feelinginthedark
♀ Member
Member # 10933
Default  Posted: 1:49 AM, April 15th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

whato do with all the anger, especially if you are in a situation where you were not believed....at least at first...even though you never gave anyone any reason to doubt you

Posts: 606 | Registered: Jun 2006
smokenfire
Member
Member # 5217
Default  Posted: 4:40 AM, April 15th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You know I don't know as I am only just now starting to deal with my anger (and I never told).

I didn't even know I had anger issues until a few weeks ago.

Have you tried journaling?
Are in you in IC?

It is hard to find good (or let's be honest - decent) IC's who actually know how to deal with this and how to help you deal with the root of the issue rather then address the symptoms.

I'm sorry I am not much help, hopefully someone else who has dealt with that can help you more.

In the meantime keep posting, I'll listen :D


I have a very strict no returns policy - if you got him - you have to keep him.
Don't kick me in the mouth and then complain about how I bleed...

Posts: 5961 | Registered: Aug 2004
no_one
♀ Member
Member # 18041
Default  Posted: 11:55 PM, April 18th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

thnx, im actually gonna do that and try starting a journal


im dead inside

Posts: 469 | Registered: Feb 2008
riseofthephoenix
♀ Member
Member # 18526
Default  Posted: 8:30 PM, April 20th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

whew, glad i found this thread, w/some help!

two things: 1) my WH (then my BF) was never truly supportive when I was going thru discovery/recovery years ago. I think it put us on the bad sexual/non-communicative road we went down leading up to the A.

2) it strikes me that being SA'd is similar to being fucked over by a WS. its all about them, not about you, and makes you think you are a POS, with no self esteem.


me (BS) 39 / STBXH 39 / separated 10 mos. / couple 17 yrs / D-day 6/27/07 / D-day "just friends" about April 1, 2010 / I think that's 3 in total that I found out about


Posts: 122 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: PA
716dayslost
♂ Member
Member # 11536
Default  Posted: 7:14 AM, April 21st (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for this topic.
My WW has been having resurfaced childhood memories about it. I think that this is something she never dealt with and is a root of some persoal problems she has. As we all know, if you are in a M, one's personal problems effect the M.
She just does not want to face this. I gave her all the space she needed and did not push her to. She wants me to never bring it up, and regretably I respect her wishes. The last thing I want to do is force her to do something and take her control away. It would be like I was her abuser all over again.

MC has suggested a book about the subject, but she has not pursued it. MC encourages her to work through this, but does not push her either.

It feels helpless to sit and wait on the sidelines and hope she decides to work through it.


You can stand me up at the gates of hell
But I won't back down
In a world that keeps on pushin' me around
But I'll stand my ground and I won't back down

Posts: 1546 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: New York
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