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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Sexual Abuse Survivors/Spouses of SAB's
survivor girl
♀ Member
Member # 21552
Default  Posted: 1:18 PM, September 7th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

re: "Courage to Heal"

I felt connected, like I wasn't alone and that my behaviors and feelings that seemed crazy to me actually had a reason.

This is exactly how I felt about the book. I can't recommend it enough.


FWW

SAB survivor

"Our doubts are traitors,
And make us lose the good we oft might win
By fearing to attempt." --Shakespeare

"Just DO it" ---Nike

D-Day March 2006


Posts: 111 | Registered: Nov 2008
hurts
♂ Member
Member # 9444
Default  Posted: 1:21 PM, September 7th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just a couple of thoughts here. I know that we spent a lot of effort to keep the cycle broken. It is probably more overkill, but so far I think it is working.

all4love - somewhere in the back pages here is a recommendation to contact the local womens shelters and ask for IC's that deal with these issues specifically. Your area is large enough that I would check for overlapping recommendations from different shelters and agencies. Then check with the state regulating authority to see if any complaints have been files. Then go in and chat with them and make sure they have a history of dealing witrh these issues.

We took one IC at his word that he knew what he was doing and this idiot created more damage that help. He really had no clue about how to treat such.

its, I follow you closely here and I am so impressed at your courage and desire to get this stuff resolved. Just know I keep you and the others in my prayers.


Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, "Where have I gone wrong?"
Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night."
--- Charles M. Schulz
SO if I check my pulse, and it is not there, do I get the day off?

Posts: 8381 | Registered: Jan 2006 | From: At Home
all4love
♀ Member
Member # 25127
Default  Posted: 2:06 PM, September 7th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

THANK YOU everyone!! I really appreciate your sage words. I am getting Courage to Heal today (will alternate that with Not Just Friends). Journaling is a fantastic idea. And yes, I really will be sure of an IC before starting. Ironically my H is an IC and I called 2 renown ICs that are his friends and they both suggested I write first before going to an IC because they can do more damage than good in this area. They think Writing a LOT and working them a bit will heal this. I hope so but I'd still like to get some referrals to some ICs specializing in this. I tend to go it alone but I feel way too alone in this anyway-EXCEPT for you all and that is HUGE! Talked to my Mom for an hour yesterday. She knows about my stepfathers and does believe me. She also gave me more clues to what happened at age 4 though it happened when no one was home (had an extremely negligent babysitter who left me alone all the time in an apartment complex. Anyone could enter the apartment. There was physical evidence of violation but no one knew who did it (including me). I do remember a drug put over my face to knock me out. HOW much did you have to remember to let it go?


Had EA for 6 months
NC 16 mos though randomly ran into him 5/10
D-DAY Nov 2008
In R-M 12 1/2 years
2 beautiful boys (9 and 11 yrs old.

Posts: 63 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: Los Angeles
itspjw
♀ Member
Member # 21268
Default  Posted: 4:43 PM, September 8th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Okay, so I told IC my memory. Well, actually I wrote it on a piece of paper because I couldn't say it, but I did get it out.

Man, that was hard.

It's the worst incident I remember. It wasn't easy.

But now I do feel a small bit of relief.


no, I can't take one more step towards you...cuz all that's waiting is regret...

there's just too much that time cannot erase

dday 9/11/08

And the more I know, the less I understand

Because of you...I am afraid...


Posts: 14786 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Texas
itspjw
♀ Member
Member # 21268
Default  Posted: 6:30 PM, September 8th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's too hard.

I don't know how to do this anymore.


no, I can't take one more step towards you...cuz all that's waiting is regret...

there's just too much that time cannot erase

dday 9/11/08

And the more I know, the less I understand

Because of you...I am afraid...


Posts: 14786 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Texas
unfound
♀ Member
Member # 12802
Default  Posted: 6:34 PM, September 8th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((its))

it's hard, real damned hard, but not too hard. I promise.

no one knows how to do this when they start on this journey... you've done so well so far. I believe in you. I believe you can do this, even when you don't think you can.


ka-mai
*******************
Hey you, would you help me to carry the stone ...

Posts: 14749 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: mercury's underboob
itspjw
♀ Member
Member # 21268
Default  Posted: 7:23 PM, September 8th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

thanks, unfound.

I am currently not only trying to deal with this, but obviously still dealing with A (1st dday anniversary coming up this Friday), and dealing with clinical depression as well.

I am just tired of fighting.

I do know I will probably feel better tomorrow, but right now I am in pieces.

I also just found out today new info about my 15 yr old daughter that is upsetting. No, she is not having sex, and doesn't plan to any time soon, but I am concerned about something else.

I so want to be able to be there for her, and for my son and my niece, but I sometimes feel I am so screwed up myself that how can I be any help?


no, I can't take one more step towards you...cuz all that's waiting is regret...

there's just too much that time cannot erase

dday 9/11/08

And the more I know, the less I understand

Because of you...I am afraid...


Posts: 14786 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Texas
unfound
♀ Member
Member # 12802
Default  Posted: 7:35 PM, September 8th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((its))) pm for you


ka-mai
*******************
Hey you, would you help me to carry the stone ...

Posts: 14749 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: mercury's underboob
humboldtmom
♀ Member
Member # 21569
Default  Posted: 7:40 PM, September 8th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((its))))

Coming from someone who knows it, but can't always practice it:

You have to heal yourself first, then you can help others.

No sense drowning while trying to help someone else! And yeah, I know it's easier said than done. But your courage will be an inspiration to all those around you.

I still use journaling on my tough days (depression, SAB, A for example). I can "get it out" by getting it on paper. Looking back I can see patterns and I can also see that there were many times that I was at my lowest point yet somehow I got back up again. That in itself is inspirational to see.

We're all here on one tough-ass journey, and it helps me to see the hope in someone else's eyes when I can't find it on my own. Take the strength of all these people here (including me) that believe in you, and use THAT even if you think you have no strength left. You will survive this journey, and that why the title is "survivor" of abuse, not just "victim"!


Me BS - 32
FWH - 34 - 1.5yr PA (with my sister, RIP)
Together 13y Married 10y
3 children: 10 & 9 & 1 1/2
D-Day 9/08

Posts: 223 | Registered: Nov 2008
itspjw
♀ Member
Member # 21268
Default  Posted: 8:01 PM, September 8th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you both.

Unfound, I read and responded to your pm

hum,

You have to heal yourself first, then you can help others.

Just like when on an airplane, you put your own oxygen mask on first, right?

Thanks for the reminder. I do know that, but it is easy to forget it when all you want to do is be there for your kids.

I am not in a good place tonight, but hope you all know that when i am in a better place I will be there for you!


no, I can't take one more step towards you...cuz all that's waiting is regret...

there's just too much that time cannot erase

dday 9/11/08

And the more I know, the less I understand

Because of you...I am afraid...


Posts: 14786 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Texas
itspjw
♀ Member
Member # 21268
Default  Posted: 8:34 PM, September 8th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hurts, thank you for your prayers.

I need all I can get!


no, I can't take one more step towards you...cuz all that's waiting is regret...

there's just too much that time cannot erase

dday 9/11/08

And the more I know, the less I understand

Because of you...I am afraid...


Posts: 14786 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Texas
itspjw
♀ Member
Member # 21268
Default  Posted: 8:44 PM, September 8th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is there hope? Really?


no, I can't take one more step towards you...cuz all that's waiting is regret...

there's just too much that time cannot erase

dday 9/11/08

And the more I know, the less I understand

Because of you...I am afraid...


Posts: 14786 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Texas
survivor girl
♀ Member
Member # 21552
Default  Posted: 7:01 PM, September 9th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

yes, most definately.


FWW

SAB survivor

"Our doubts are traitors,
And make us lose the good we oft might win
By fearing to attempt." --Shakespeare

"Just DO it" ---Nike

D-Day March 2006


Posts: 111 | Registered: Nov 2008
itspjw
♀ Member
Member # 21268
Default  Posted: 7:04 PM, September 9th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm not so sure about that right now.


no, I can't take one more step towards you...cuz all that's waiting is regret...

there's just too much that time cannot erase

dday 9/11/08

And the more I know, the less I understand

Because of you...I am afraid...


Posts: 14786 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Texas
copingwithdoubts
♀ Member
Member # 21431
Default  Posted: 7:14 PM, September 9th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((its))) There is hope, and I'm feeling it today. We are all making progress...headed in a positive direction, facing our demons straight on. I know it must be extremely difficult; you are very brave!




Posts: 349 | Registered: Oct 2008
itspjw
♀ Member
Member # 21268
Default  Posted: 7:24 PM, September 9th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just bought "Courage to Heal" and barely started reading it.

I still don't know if I really want to do this.

Why can't I just lock it away again?


no, I can't take one more step towards you...cuz all that's waiting is regret...

there's just too much that time cannot erase

dday 9/11/08

And the more I know, the less I understand

Because of you...I am afraid...


Posts: 14786 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Texas
island_girl
Member
Member # 22616
Default  Posted: 7:26 PM, September 9th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi everyone. I'm new to this thread... and finally facing the fact that I probably need to be here.

I looked into the book Courage to Heal and it says its for dealing with child sexual abuse. I'm not really sure if I was a abused as a child. I have one vague memory, but the things I really remember happened later and by someone else. So would this book apply/help me if I wasn't dealing with a childhood issue?


Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever. - Mahatma Gandhi

Posts: 2760 | Registered: Jan 2009
itspjw
♀ Member
Member # 21268
Default  Posted: 7:29 PM, September 9th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't really know for sure, since I just bought it.

I'm so sorry you have to be here.


no, I can't take one more step towards you...cuz all that's waiting is regret...

there's just too much that time cannot erase

dday 9/11/08

And the more I know, the less I understand

Because of you...I am afraid...


Posts: 14786 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Texas
copingwithdoubts
♀ Member
Member # 21431
Default  Posted: 7:33 PM, September 9th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You can't because it was not working for you or your family. I think you will feel such a release when you have come to terms with it...you will have inner peace. Real peace its. Someone took it away from you, but you can get it back. It belongs to you!




Posts: 349 | Registered: Oct 2008
island_girl
Member
Member # 22616
Default  Posted: 7:33 PM, September 9th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

thanks its...

you have no idea how long it took me to hit "submit" on that. Facing that this is something I need to address is harder than I thought it would be.


Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever. - Mahatma Gandhi

Posts: 2760 | Registered: Jan 2009
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