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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Sexual Abuse Survivors/Spouses of SAB's
jsngold
♂ Member
Member # 27699
Default  Posted: 3:29 PM, July 20th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good news. I think.

Apparently she has been reading my books: "Allies in Healing" and "Ghosts in the Bedroom".

She comes into the guest room (where I have been sleeping) and says, "I was wrong. I thought that incest meant that someone in your family had sex with you. But apparently it doesn't have to mean that."

In other words: (1) she is starting to acknowledge what happened to her. And (2) her monster of a brother didn't actually have sex with her.

She spent the next hour reading more from the books.

I guess that this is a step forward. I am going to keep up the 180 and wait and see. Wish me luck.


BH: 37 (me)
WW: 37 (her) SAB, EA (but not PA, or so she says)
Married: 12.5 years
Kids: 12, 9, and 7
D-Day: 7 Feb 2010
Divorced: 22 July 2012

Posts: 101 | Registered: Feb 2010
Lonerider
♂ Member
Member # 9205
Default  Posted: 10:42 AM, July 21st (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's good news, jns, a step towards healing.


BS me 43 years old
WS her 45 years old
married 14 years, together 20
2 kids
D-day 7/15/05

Posts: 4225 | Registered: Dec 2005 | From: western NY
jsngold
♂ Member
Member # 27699
Default  Posted: 6:50 AM, August 2nd (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Am I supposed to frame this as "sexual abuse", in which case I should move towards her?

Or should I frame it as "infidelity" in which case I should move away from her 198)?


BH: 37 (me)
WW: 37 (her) SAB, EA (but not PA, or so she says)
Married: 12.5 years
Kids: 12, 9, and 7
D-Day: 7 Feb 2010
Divorced: 22 July 2012

Posts: 101 | Registered: Feb 2010
jsngold
♂ Member
Member # 27699
Default  Posted: 6:53 AM, August 2nd (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry for the typo.

I meant:

Or should I frame it as "infidelity" in which case I should move away from her (180)?


BH: 37 (me)
WW: 37 (her) SAB, EA (but not PA, or so she says)
Married: 12.5 years
Kids: 12, 9, and 7
D-Day: 7 Feb 2010
Divorced: 22 July 2012

Posts: 101 | Registered: Feb 2010
jsngold
♂ Member
Member # 27699
Default  Posted: 7:12 AM, August 2nd (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just read her diary again.

Why? It's been six months and I need an update. We are nowhere near reconciliation, but I am staying for the kids. Doing the 180 is great for me, but it has no effect on her. Or rather, she relishes the distance.

So her diary...

Only sporadic mentions of her affair partner. A little bit of regret. "Why did I fall in love with him?" kind of stuff.

Almost no mentions of me. Definitely no "I love jsngold and want to be married to him for the rest of our lives. I feel remorse for betraying him and being disloyal to him. I want to go to marriage counseling and commit to my marriage." None of that.

The only time she mentions me is when she says, "Thank God jsngold took the kids out today. I got to have some private time without him or the kids."

Her whole diary is about, "Poor me. I had such a crappy childhood. When will I ever feel better about myself?"

So I guess the question is:

Should I pissed off about the lack of progress towards reconciliation and dealing with the infidelity?

Or should I be happy that she is finally starting to address her sexual abuse issues?


BH: 37 (me)
WW: 37 (her) SAB, EA (but not PA, or so she says)
Married: 12.5 years
Kids: 12, 9, and 7
D-Day: 7 Feb 2010
Divorced: 22 July 2012

Posts: 101 | Registered: Feb 2010
jsngold
♂ Member
Member # 27699
Default  Posted: 7:44 AM, August 2nd (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OK, one more and that's it.

Timelines:

If the SAB survivor is actively working on her SAB issues, it takes 3 - 5 years to recover.

If both partners are actively working on R, it takes 2 - 5 years for reconciliation.

Of course, in my case it doesn't really matter, because my WW hasn't started actively working on her SAB issues, nor has she actively started working on R. But I digress...

Do those timelines go back to back, or can they happen at the same time?

I mean, do I have to wait 10 years to have my life back?

Arghhh!


BH: 37 (me)
WW: 37 (her) SAB, EA (but not PA, or so she says)
Married: 12.5 years
Kids: 12, 9, and 7
D-Day: 7 Feb 2010
Divorced: 22 July 2012

Posts: 101 | Registered: Feb 2010
sunflowergirl30
♀ Member
Member # 28979
Default  Posted: 9:44 AM, August 2nd (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I guess I must not be normal. I was sexually abused beginning at being raped at 5yrs.old I viewed sex as something painful And to be feared. I was not promiscuous. My only sexual partner by my choice was my husband at 17yrs. Old.... my friends who were sexually abused seemed to view sex as just an act and seemed to feel validated from it. The thought of letting someone inside me made me feel to fearful. I shut down during our marriage. Certain acts would take me back to my abuse.things my H would say during sex. I would shut down, escape into my mind stare off. He felt rejected. Never understanding that even though he didn't hurt me and I loved him I could stop these flashes of my past! Now his affair has made it worse! I just feel like nothing. No amount of counceling could repair that damage in me and now I fear the same about his betrayal! I trusted him! Gave a part of myself to him I was afraid to share with any1 else and he used my love and trust to betray me. Now I fight against my fear of being violated and my thoughts of him w/ his OW..its hard to relax and have sex w/ all this in my head.


Together 20yrs married 17yrs
2 kids, now 18 & 15
Bw: now 37
Wh: now 36
Mow: now 49
1st D-day EA w/mow our realtor 4-?-2007, 2nd D-day PA w/ same mow 5-29-2010

Posts: 1037 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Pacific Northwest
sunflowergirl30
♀ Member
Member # 28979
Default  Posted: 10:03 AM, August 2nd (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As a small child I learned or felt anyhow that any attention from a male was because they wanted something from me..they wanted to take something from me. I have never been a person who hugs or is friendly to people. I fell inlove with my H and it was a relief to be able to be held and touched and feel safe...but it seems I wanted to feel safe like a child and be held and he needed me to be a woman and be sexual more than I wanted to. I didn't want to b sexy cuz sexy draws attention and brings expectations that I wanted to avoid. There r many factors my H gave for having his affair. Our struggling financially, our kids becoming teen and preteen and being extremely rebellious,his unhappiness at work,me not validating him making him feel wanted being sexual enough not giving him enough sex. To me its all bullshit. I didn't deserve to be abused as a kid and I didn't deserve to be cheated on! He is shocked when I say I would have rather he left me than cheated on me! Duh! Who wants to be lied to and share the one trhey love and have no choice in the matter! Being sexually abused as a child I felt I had no voice or choice as a child! Being cheated on and lied to for months by my H again left me feeling like I had no voice in the situation and no choice to say NO! NO! I don't want t be a part of this I don't want to share u! I don't want to BE HURT anymore! I'm so angry and resentful! I trusted my H so much.


Together 20yrs married 17yrs
2 kids, now 18 & 15
Bw: now 37
Wh: now 36
Mow: now 49
1st D-day EA w/mow our realtor 4-?-2007, 2nd D-day PA w/ same mow 5-29-2010

Posts: 1037 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Pacific Northwest
DevastatedUKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 29109
Default  Posted: 11:00 AM, August 2nd (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi all,

My WFiance is a survivor (I only found this out on d-day) - he refuses IC (says he doesn't believe in it so there's no point in going as he thinks it's all a con for therapists to make money!)

R is going really well - we're only 5 months past d-day, but I wanted to ask whether anyone has or knows of anyone who has successfully healed from SAB without the aid of therapy?

Whilst I have tried to encourage WF to go to therapy I've not pushed him to do so as I know it must be his decision. He does however, seem to be becoming more self aware and if he reacts in a certain way to a certain situation he will acknowledge that his reaction was as a result of his SAB. Is that what therapy for SAB does? Helps the survivor to become more self aware? Or is it more complicated than that? I've read some books on the subject of SAB but the ones I've read seem to assume that the survivor is also having IC.

Thanks in advance of any responses x


Me: BFiancee 31
Him: FWFiance 31
Together 12 years, engaged for the last 5
A = 4 ONS with same OW in 2008 (friends with 'benefits')
D-Day: End of Feb 2010

Posts: 143 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: UK
Lonerider
♂ Member
Member # 9205
Default  Posted: 11:26 AM, August 2nd (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

jnsgold,

If the SAB survivor is actively working on her SAB issues, it takes 3 - 5 years to recover.

If both partners are actively working on R, it takes 2 - 5 years for reconciliation.

Of course, in my case it doesn't really matter, because my WW hasn't started actively working on her SAB issues, nor has she actively started working on R. But I digress...

Do those timelines go back to back, or can they happen at the same time?

I mean, do I have to wait 10 years to have my life back?

First, those are just guidelines.

Second, your WW is not actively doing the work.

Third, you get your life back when you take it back. I'm suspecting if you wait for your WW, you will be waiting a very long time.

FWIW, I'm five years out, the A five years ago doesn't bother me much, but my FWW is still broken, still capable of cheating, and not doing much work on herself.


BS me 43 years old
WS her 45 years old
married 14 years, together 20
2 kids
D-day 7/15/05

Posts: 4225 | Registered: Dec 2005 | From: western NY
Lonerider
♂ Member
Member # 9205
Default  Posted: 11:27 AM, August 2nd (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

sunflowergirl,

Welcome to the thread, you don't deserve any of what happened to you.

It sounds like your WH is not owning his shit, and is not remorseful.


BS me 43 years old
WS her 45 years old
married 14 years, together 20
2 kids
D-day 7/15/05

Posts: 4225 | Registered: Dec 2005 | From: western NY
jsngold
♂ Member
Member # 27699
Default  Posted: 1:11 AM, August 4th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

sunflowergirl,

Yeah, welcome to the thread (and the website) that no one wants to be on.

You'll get a lot of good support here. Just be forewarned: this thread is pretty quiet, so don't get discouraged if the support is not in real time.

For what it's worth, The Courage to Heal by Laura Davis is excellent. I am reading her companion book, Allies in Healing, and it is helping me a lot.

Good luck!


BH: 37 (me)
WW: 37 (her) SAB, EA (but not PA, or so she says)
Married: 12.5 years
Kids: 12, 9, and 7
D-Day: 7 Feb 2010
Divorced: 22 July 2012

Posts: 101 | Registered: Feb 2010
sadskittles
♀ Member
Member # 21232
Default  Posted: 10:25 AM, August 4th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just wanted to give a short update and tell all of you that I have finally started IC.

My therapist has a lengthly background with SAS, so I am hoping that I will become more comfortable with her after a feqw more sessions, so that I can start opening up to her.

It is scarey and exciting all at the same time. For this first time I actually feel like I am open to IC and that I will beenfit from it. I am ready to heal and move forward... I know it will take time and a lot of hard work but I know I can do it.


Moving on... without him and stronger for it.

Posts: 359 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Wisconsin
caspers1wish
♀ Member
Member # 28720
Default  Posted: 4:06 PM, August 9th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

sadskittles,

That's really great news you're finally in IC, please keep posting on how it goes, I'm sure you'll go through many emotions, and a lot of them will probably be unpleasant, but I think that means you're making some headway.

I wish you luck and am eager to hear about your progress.


Me - FWW (35)
Him - BH (34)
Kids - Ages 6, 8, 10
Married 13 years, together 18 years.
Last D-Day - November 2008

Posts: 700 | Registered: Jun 2010
caspers1wish
♀ Member
Member # 28720
Default  Posted: 4:59 PM, August 9th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

jnsgold,

First, I'm not sure you should be reading her diary unless she knows about it but I can imagine that it might be the only way to see the inner workings of her mind. But mostly, you are looking for her remorse in her journals.

Almost no mentions of me. Definitely no "I love jsngold and want to be married to him for the rest of our lives. I feel remorse for betraying him and being disloyal to him. I want to go to marriage counseling and commit to my marriage." None of that.

From the very few posts I have read, I gather that she is not very remorseful. If she is not actively remorseful with you, I highly doubt this line of thought will work its way into her journal at this point, maybe later if she starts doing the necessary work to even be able to see that aspect. So searching for the answers in her journal, from a broken person, might not be helpful for you in any way but set you up for further disappointment.

Her whole diary is about, "Poor me. I had such a crappy childhood. When will I ever feel better about myself?"

I have always had diaries throughout my life, and as a survivor of incest, most of them are filled with "poor me's." Quite honestly, journals are really all about the person who is penning it. When I journal, I'm not writing about other people's pain and struggles, I'm writing about my own. If my husband read my journal and thought it looked like I was just feeling sorry for myself, I would have felt extremely hurt that he was minimizing my abuse.

I do think that it's easy for sab survivors to play the victim card, stay in that victim rut. She needs help to see past her "poor me" persona, especially if she is using this as a means to manipulate you. Definitely by staying in that pity party rut, she's not taking ownership in healing from her abuse and infidelity.

Should I pissed off about the lack of progress towards reconciliation and dealing with the infidelity?

Or should I be happy that she is finally starting to address her sexual abuse issues?

Your wife needs to do a lot of work on herself before she can be a full partner in the marriage. I think that her working on herself is a step towards working out her infidelity. I think you are perfectly justified in feeling frustrated that there is little progress with Recon, but feel somewhat good about her facing her abuse issues, but keep in mind that repairing the marriage without fixing herself, will not keep the marriage safe from future cheating. She has problems she needs to acknowledge and work on.

Do those timelines go back to back, or can they happen at the same time?

I mean, do I have to wait 10 years to have my life back?

Arghhh!

I have asked myself these very questions. The simple answer is it will take as long as it needs to take. For my BH and I, right now, our focus is on healing from my abuse. I worry constantly that that is all I'm doing, and ignoring healing our marriage from my infidelities. All I can do is let my BH know that I'm working hard on my own issues. The stronger I become in resolving my past, the stronger I am in our marriage.

I'm sorry that your WW is not doing more on the recon and abuse front. It's ok if you can't wait for her to do the work, you need to take care of you, because I agree with Lonerider, you might be waiting a very long time. I'm sorry for your pain, good luck.


Me - FWW (35)
Him - BH (34)
Kids - Ages 6, 8, 10
Married 13 years, together 18 years.
Last D-Day - November 2008

Posts: 700 | Registered: Jun 2010
sadskittles
♀ Member
Member # 21232
Default  Posted: 9:49 AM, August 23rd (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

caspers1wish

I have had several IC sessions. She has been working through some current issues right now, but in the next few sessions she wants to start to talk about my SA. I have an appointment today. I am really nervous... when she even mentions the SA I break down into tears.


Moving on... without him and stronger for it.

Posts: 359 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Wisconsin
caspers1wish
♀ Member
Member # 28720
Default  Posted: 1:15 PM, August 23rd (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((sadskittles))

Good luck with your IC today. I can totally understand about being nervous and wanting to burst into tears at the thought of it. Sending you strength and positive thoughts. You can get through this.


Me - FWW (35)
Him - BH (34)
Kids - Ages 6, 8, 10
Married 13 years, together 18 years.
Last D-Day - November 2008

Posts: 700 | Registered: Jun 2010
lost&scared
♂ New Member
Member # 29434
Default  Posted: 1:29 PM, August 26th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello.

I'm a first-time poster and a WS, recently cheated on my longtime GF in a 3-week affair; also inappropriate relationship last spring and fall with another woman.

The reason I'm posting here is the child of an abuse survivor, and has thoughts about how that has effected him/her, even if the parent did not abuse him/her. I found out several years ago that my father (who died last year) was sexually abused by his mother. He never abused me or my siblings (that I know of). But I've been thinking lately about how trauma is inherited in hidden ways, and how his post-traumatic behavior may have impacted mine, in sex and in everything else.

Anyway, I know this is not the main topic of the forum, but thought someone might have some thoughts, or even identify.

Thanks!


Posts: 13 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: philly
shattered123
♀ Member
Member # 27843
Default  Posted: 8:20 AM, September 3rd (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Gulp. This is my first posting on this thread. I am a BW, my FWH and I are moving along quite well in R, actually. Unfortunately, my childhood issues are bubbling up again...

My father was an alcoholic and my mother codependent. He drank every night into oblivion when I was a small child. He would go to bed at like 6 or 7 p.m. drunk. I can remember being 5 or 6 years old, sitting in the living room, and hearing him call my mother to the bedroom. She was disgusted by him, so she forced me to go to bed with him. This continued for years, and I told no one about it. She alternated between me and my sister (sister later became a drug addict and went to prison).

During my teen years, I suffered from a dissociative disorder. Very much like Sybil, but without the multiple personalities. I would become aware from some sort of pseudo-unconscious state, find myself somewhere I did not recall going to, etc. It was terrifying. I injured myself several times, knocked out one of my front teeth, required stitches, etc. Most of the episodes of dissociation were accompanied by screaming, but I never had any knowledge of screaming, only being told afterward. It even happened in school. I cannot tell you the torment I endured. It was so bad.

Finally, my parents took me to an IC. I saw him two times, he induced one of my dissociative episodes. I never went back. He spoke to my parents a couple more times, my dad stopped drinking, my episodes stopped. All of it swept under the rug.

At age 19, the man I was dating committed date rape. I felt so guilty, I promised God I would never tell anyone what he did. I continued to date him, eventually married him. We had two children together. He continued to be physically and verbally abusive. We were married 14 years, and I finally divorced him. During my D, I spoke to an IC again, who asked me how my childhood was. I said it was super fabulous... Then on my way to the next session in the car, all those memories came rushing back. I came into his office and told him that "nothing happened," but my mom forced me to go to bed with my dad. I told him how I remember the smell of alchol and cigarettes, how I tried to inch away from him as he fell asleep, how I timed my breathing with his to tell if he was asleep. If I woke him up, he would pull me back to him. He was naked. I was not. How I hated it, it was so disgusting and gross. How I could not wait to get away from him.

So during my D, I confronted my parents. I asked my mom why she sent me to bed with my dad. She said he just wanted to "cuddle, and nothing happened." My sister then got released from prison, IC told me to talk to her about it. I did. She went back to my parents and told them I was accusing my dad of molesting me. All my siblings turned against me.

I went NC with my entire FOO, I had no choice. I knew what I knew, and was not willing to rewrite history. I had suffered too much. Waaaay too much.

I was working from home at that time, and met my current husband over the phone. We fell for each other and had a long distance relationship. He was finishing his degree, I had purchased the house from my XH and was raising my kids. When we got married, he had 8 months to go on his degree, living 100 miles away from me. Finally, he came home and got a job. Within a few months, the company he worked for decided to transfer him 450 miles away. I filed the court paper work to move with the kids. My XH decided that was a good time to sue for custody. We both lawyered up and moved through the process. Kids were teenagers, they wanted to go, so really he did not have much standing to stop it. Then the day before the trial, my attorney called me with his "witness list." Both my parents, all my siblings. The lawyer asked who the hell are these people, and why are they testifying against you??

Oh my God, I thought I could never survive that. My current husband stood behind me, and we got through it somehow. The judge talked to my kids (how traumatic for them) privately, then threw out the case. I still remember sitting in the court waiting room looking at my FOO and hating them for what they were doing to me. I have always been a responsible and loving mother, I always said the abuse stopped with me. My kids have always meant everything to me.

So we move 450 miles away, XH removes himself completely from kids' lives. My H and I are married for 15 years when he has his stupid A.

It started as an EA, I begged him to stop it. It was with his subordinate. Finally he changed jobs,and I thought it would end. On the contrary, it intensified. The phone calls and texts. I gave him an ultimatum, which he ignored.

He had a business trip to the city, and she asked him if she could "hitch a ride" and go shopping while he had his meeting. She wanted our financial stability, she wanted my life. I have always made more $$ than my H, even though I put him through school for his Master's, but she thought she could have what I have, just get me out of the picture. So he stupidly said she could go, he swears he never intended to have sex, but of course they did. He said he insantly felt so guilty, knew he did not love this skag, and came home behaving like a total ass.

A few days later, I told him I thought he was not alone on that trip. Just had a sense, since we have always been very close, I could tell. He then confessed to me that she went along, but "nothing happened..." I jumped out of the truck on the freeway, hoping to get killed. He went and got me, brought me back to the truck, we fought and argued, went home....

Over the next few days, he TT'd me until finally admitted to the sex. He refused to go NC with his "good friend" for 24 hours, then called her and told her NC in front of me. The next day, he broke NC and called her again to "confirm NC."

Over the next 46 days, he continued texting her, and she chased him, still hoping we would get a D. I spoke to an attorney, and finally found out about his texts and a hidden e-mail. I confronted him again, this apparently put the fear into him, and he came home, got down on his knees sobbing and begging me for one more chance. He then called her on speaker phone and told her NC. She has been back fishing a few times, but I know now that it is over. Our R is finally progressing as I feel it should.

Okay, so I have been through extensive counseling for my FOO issues. I have learned that I will always have the scars of what they did to me.

Over the years, I had gained weight and felt really terrible about myself. I think part of that is that I am terrified of men, terrified of their attention, etc. Through the infidelity diet, I have lost 32 pounds, and I have started working out, because the A lowered my self esteem below zero, lower than I ever thought possible. So I wanted to feel attractive, wanted my H to feel attracted to me. He says he always has been, but I need to do it for ME. I am up to a mile a day on the elliptical, my muscles are getting toned, and I am feeling better.

I am right now on a business trip with FWH, and am working out of the hotel room on the net while he has his meetings. The other day, I walked past the lounge and this man gave me a look. I ended up back in the room sobbing, terrified, absolutely out of control. So what do I do?!? I need to work out and feel better for ME, but then I am so afraid of men. This stupid A has dragged up so much garbage, I am at my wits end.

Thank you for reading this. I know it is so long, and there really is so much more, but it was cathartic writing it. Thank God for this site, it truly has saved my life. Bless all of you for all the help you have given me.


Posts: 2590 | Registered: Mar 2010
wincings_sparkle
♀ Member
Member # 27129
Default  Posted: 8:14 PM, September 3rd (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((sunflowergirl30)))
I'm sorry for your pain.
First, you are normal. Your reactions are normal, your feelings are normal.

Whatever your husbands "factors" are for having an affair... they are not your fault and he needs to own his own shit.

No amount of counseling could repair that damage in me and now I fear the same about his betrayal.

I know that sometimes it seems that no matter what you do that you cannot heal the damage that other people have caused in you... You can. You have the power in your life to change your fear. I don't know how you feel about counseling. Finding the right one can make a huge difference. It takes a lot of work to recover from abuse (both the sexual abuse and the abuse caused by the affair).

Again, your feelings are normal. I hope that you can find the healing that you need.

(((jsngold))) I think that Lonerider and Casper pretty much said everything I could think of to say.


(((DevastatedUKgirl)))
I think it depends on how much work someone is willing to do. Are they reading through books, working through workbooks, etc... I think that therapy helps if you can find the right therapist. The wrong therapist can actually make things worse. Becoming self aware was/is a big part of my therapy, another part is using that self awareness to improve my reactions and correct myself when my reactions are caused by wrong thinking. (If that makes sense? )


(((sadskittles)))

I am really nervous... when she even mentions the SA I break down into tears.
It's normal. I froze. Completely and totally froze. My throat wouldn't work. It was all I could do to breathe.

I wrote it all down and handed it to my psychiatrist. If there was a question I would just write out the answer. Eventually, I could speak again. How embarrassing not to be able to talk. I felt like an idiot. Guess what? It's normal.
How is your therapy going? Thinking of you (((sadskittles)))

(((shattered123)))
It sounds like you have come a long way down a really rough road. Be proud of yourself for all of the work that you have done.

The other day, I walked past the lounge and this man gave me a look. I ended up back in the room sobbing, terrified, absolutely out of control. So what do I do?!? I need to work out and feel better for ME, but then I am so afraid of men.
You continue to work out and feel good about yourself. It's okay to be afraid sometimes.

Have you taken a self-defense class for women? I would highly recommend one if you haven't. You have made it through so much. I think that you can overcome this fear too.

Aside: I've run from strange looking men too. (I know, bad humor. )


"When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free."
- Catherine Ponder
Me-FWW. BH-wincing_at_light

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