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Newest Member: Depressed4ever (43230)

I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Other Child
misto1976
♀ Member
Member # 14803
Default  Posted: 10:33 AM, July 3rd (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Your story (soverysad) is absolutely frightening to me! The biggest fear my H and I have is that somehow she will give this child our last name or some connection with my husband since she is psycho. I don't want to persue this OW or OC until I know for sure if she is going to come after us or not...I really would hate to stir sh*t up and have contact with her since on her myspace it says that she is married to a wonderful man or might as well be married...I don't know what to make of that. I don't want to be too hopeful that she found someone and won't come after us but it would be nice! For now I've decided since my H doesn't care about any info about this OC I won't tell him it is going to be a boy.


Me - FBS/FWS (EA) 31
Him - FBS/FWH 30
Three kids
DDay - Feb. 21, 2007
R - Feb. 23, 2007 Still working every day
OW - is a not going to invade my thoughts anymore :)

Posts: 218 | Registered: May 2007 | From: Texas
soverysad
♀ Member
Member # 14594
Default  Posted: 2:54 PM, July 3rd (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((((misto)))))) It is hard to be on a tightrope, isn't it. Especially when none of your actions put you there. Just keep your eyes and ears open and make sure to document anything suspicious. I don't allow any of my children's names or mine to be used on the computer. Keep your guard up. And I agree with not telling the H what the sex of the child is. Hang in there.

Blessings.



Posts: 518 | Registered: May 2007
linbol
♀ Member
Member # 15008
Default  Posted: 10:06 PM, July 3rd (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

just found out about the affair 2 weeks ago.found out OW is few weeks pregnant. She is playing games doesn't know what she wants to do. I say bull crap every woman knows exactly what she wants to do when she finds out she is pregnant. WS is very sorry for bringing this into our lives.Wants to stay with his family but still wants a relationship with OC. I can not separate the two.pUT HIM OUT FOR THE TIME BEING.I cannot decide what I want to do.I informed our children he was upset becuz he thought we were going to wait to see what OW is going to do. Iam not going to be on hold for any one I told him to deal with it.He is fearing what I will do next and how I am going to treat him in the future.

Posts: 330 | Registered: Jun 2007
linbol
♀ Member
Member # 15008
Default  Posted: 12:30 PM, July 6th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How do you go NC when there is a pending c. Just the mere fact that she is in limbo of what she wants to do. Is driving both of us up a wall. He says he can't sleep nor eat, becuz of he hurt me.Can we really work through this especially with the possibility of OC.

Posts: 330 | Registered: Jun 2007
misto1976
♀ Member
Member # 14803
Default  Posted: 1:16 PM, July 6th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well there are lots of people here that are doing just that linbol going on despite the OC. I've discovered from these wonderful people on SI that we don't have to make decisions about OC right away...we can concentrate on our marriage and if and when the OC comes into our lives we will deal with it together. It takes time and it is difficult but if you love each other and really want to work through it you can do it even with an OC in the picture. Make sure you visit the Healing Library often it's a lifesaver! I hate that we are all here but I personally am so very glad to have all these wonderful people always there for words of encouragement or advice.


Me - FBS/FWS (EA) 31
Him - FBS/FWH 30
Three kids
DDay - Feb. 21, 2007
R - Feb. 23, 2007 Still working every day
OW - is a not going to invade my thoughts anymore :)

Posts: 218 | Registered: May 2007 | From: Texas
misto1976
♀ Member
Member # 14803
Default  Posted: 1:19 PM, July 6th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh and also remember that your emotions are so fresh and raw right now that you may say and feel things that you won't feel a few months down the line. Time doesn't necessarily get rid of the pain but it does dull over time.


Me - FBS/FWS (EA) 31
Him - FBS/FWH 30
Three kids
DDay - Feb. 21, 2007
R - Feb. 23, 2007 Still working every day
OW - is a not going to invade my thoughts anymore :)

Posts: 218 | Registered: May 2007 | From: Texas
soverysad
♀ Member
Member # 14594
Default  Posted: 12:19 AM, July 7th (Saturday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((linbol)))) Breathe right now. It is hard. But deal with your marriage first.



Posts: 518 | Registered: May 2007
linbol
♀ Member
Member # 15008
Default  Posted: 8:41 AM, July 7th (Saturday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

thank you misto1976 and soverysad I'm trying to work on those things. Most of the time it is moment by moment. It is really difficult when my thoughts bring me to doubts such as last night as I was dropping off my son at the movies I was feeling like it is so much easier to not have a mate. I wouldn't have to worry about what the other person wants or needs just mine and mine son.As I walked back into my home my thoughts brought me back to something he said in the week before he went back that he never ever pictured a future without me in it.I had told him I wished him no harm and that he could leave and not come back.I think that shocked him that I was so calm. This week he asked me why was I so willing to give him up. I never answered.I just thought how much easier it would be.We both feel as though we are in limbo until he can come back home and work on things. He wants me to heal in this time that we are separated. Can I heal during this time or do we need to do that together.

Posts: 330 | Registered: Jun 2007
clv40
♀ Member
Member # 14409
Default  Posted: 10:44 AM, July 7th (Saturday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, for this situation to work out, both spouses must be committed 1000% to restoring the marriage. My WH and I separated last month. Last night he called me and said that he can't let me or OW go (there is also an OC who is 1 year younger than our son). I told him that by saying that he had let one of us go-me. And Monday I will be calling my attorney in order to file for divorce.

Posts: 1370 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: Florida
linbol
♀ Member
Member # 15008
Default  Posted: 11:00 PM, July 8th (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would have done the same thing mlv40. If he had said the same thing to me.He and I had always planned on R. I just needed some time and space in the beginning so I had him sent away. Which he reminded me this morning. And you know what I don't feel guilty about it. We did find out that we do not have to worry about the OC issue.Which I found very strange in the first place. OW was so adamant about having this c at first then after I had him sent away she allowed some one to talk her into doing something she didn't want to do. My SM says she probably wasn't pregnant in the first place. The strange thing is when we found out this information I showed no feelings what so ever. I didn't even bat an eye. My fiance is actually in better spirits with this new information. Now he wonders how he is going to speak to our children. Would have just been us dealing with what he did. Now has to face our chidren.

Posts: 330 | Registered: Jun 2007
soverysad
♀ Member
Member # 14594
Default  Posted: 9:45 PM, July 9th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((clv40)))

Very down tonight. Trying to pay bills -- can't pay them all. OW is getting half the paycheck. H lost his job - where is the CS going to come from now?

I'm angry and sad all at once. I hate having to see the OC's names every time I look at our insurance account online. I hate that that bitch gets so much money and I can't buy groceries. My kids went to stay for the next month with my folks. Hopefully I can get a job. Every weekend we will go visit them. I hate that I had to do that so my kids could eat.

But mostly, I'm so very sad tonight.



Posts: 518 | Registered: May 2007
charlotte
♀ Member
Member # 3663
Default  Posted: 10:27 PM, July 9th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((soverysad)))

Sweetie I am so sorry.

Think of it this way your kids are having a wonderful time with their grandparents.

I hate seeing OC's names and the OW's name. So I know What you mean about that.

I am praying for you and your family.

I hope you find a job.


Posts: 3983 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: Maryland ES
soverysad
♀ Member
Member # 14594
Default  Posted: 2:31 AM, July 10th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you Charlotte. I'm going to try to sleep. My heart is fluttering oddly so I don't know if I can.



Posts: 518 | Registered: May 2007
clv40
♀ Member
Member # 14409
Default  Posted: 11:23 AM, July 10th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((soverysad)))

(((everyone here)))


Posts: 1370 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: Florida
linbol
♀ Member
Member # 15008
Default  Posted: 5:15 PM, July 10th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((soverysad)))
You are in my prayers and thoughts. They just do not think of the consequences of their actions. You should try making him pay the bills let him figure out how to do it with half. he should be the one losing sleep over this. I'm sorry for venting they just make me so angry. I think I'm just in my angry phase at this time. The strange thing is I'm doing it with such peace my fiance has no clue that I am mad. I just do it with kindness.

Posts: 330 | Registered: Jun 2007
soverysad
♀ Member
Member # 14594
Default  Posted: 6:34 PM, July 10th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks guys. H is very remorseful and trying to help with how to pay for everything. For the last few months he has been trying to get a second job. He doesn't want me to work at all. But I have an interview with a placement agency tomorrow. Hopefully I will test well on Microsoft Office applications. They say they have several jobs that might work for me.

I really appreciate the hugs and prayers. You are all on my prayer list too.



Posts: 518 | Registered: May 2007
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 6:36 PM, July 10th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((soverysad)) I am so sorry that you are going thru this. I hope things get better for you soon. It is a shame that everyone is paying for the mistakes of your h. I have 3 OC to deal with and while I have decided to make them a part of our lives, don't think it doesn't hurt me everyday when I hear them call my h daddy.

You are in my prayers.


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
soverysad
♀ Member
Member # 14594
Default  Posted: 6:42 PM, July 10th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks BMC. We go back to court soon - next week in fact. Hopefully every lie that has been told by the OW will come out. And the judge will order the mandatory disclosure of OW's 1040s. If my suspicions and paperwork are correct she makes quite a bit more that H.

Curious - how do you manage contact with the OC? Do your COM find it difficult? H does not want contact with the OC right now. He wants to keep the option open however. It would be difficult anyway, they are very young and live in a state very far away from us.



Posts: 518 | Registered: May 2007
crazedNconfused
Member
Member # 11075
Default  Posted: 8:22 PM, July 10th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BMC

I totally feel you on that one. I have also accepted the OC in our life but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. We had OC this weekend and he is turning 2 soon, he is a very good baby and is happy and content. He has no clue how strange his world is, so long as there is someone to feed him and play with him he is happy. But it is a delicate balance and the hurt is always there. But when he throws up his pudgy little arms at me and says "mama" for me to pick him up, for a split second things feel ok. Sometimes he actually does prefer me over my H, that feels ok too.

But soemtimes as I'm putting him down for a nap I can't help but stare. We are asian and OW is mex/white, OC doesn't have asian features but you can tell that he looks a lot like my H once informed. He is a beautiful child...and all i can do is let the wave of hurt and betrayal pass through, let the few tears fall and then pull myself together again.

It hurts really bad sometimes, but nothing can be done now right? What's done is done and this child exists. It was a big mistake, one in which my H will always be regretful for but it's done. What right did she have to bring this beautiful child into this world? I don't understand. What was she thinking? What are these OW really thinking when they do this?


Posts: 104 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: Texas
linbol
♀ Member
Member # 15008
Default  Posted: 8:54 PM, July 10th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

All of you are in my prays. I can only imagine the hurt you feel even if it is only one third of the pain of the initial A it still feels the same. I really feel the do it to manipulate the situation. I believe they think the men will choose them. They use the children as pawns in their games. If they really cared about the children they would have protected themselves. So as to not place an innocent child in the middle of a scandal. I can only imagine what the children will grow up and think because eventually someone is going to tell them
how they came about. I can only pray that it is a sensitive caring soul that lets them know that through it all they are still loved and aren't the blame for their parents indiscretions.

Posts: 330 | Registered: Jun 2007
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