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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Other Child
soverysad
♀ Member
Member # 14594
Default  Posted: 6:08 PM, August 15th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ditto what CNC says.

Take care of you.



Posts: 518 | Registered: May 2007
CluelessBlonde
♀ Member
Member # 13933
Default  Posted: 1:39 PM, August 16th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi everyone. I know I don't belong here since, as far as I know, there is no OC (thank God), but I've some of your posts in other forums and I just have to say that I have so much admiration for all of you. I truly don't know where you've all found the strength to deal with this. It has to be so so so hard.

That's all. I just wanted to share.


If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.

If you eat a live toad first thing in the morning, nothing worse can happen for the rest of the day.


Posts: 24947 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: NYC area
dust to dust
♀ Member
Member # 12583
Default  Posted: 6:48 PM, August 16th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tonight just completely sucks. I think its really hitting home that OW could possibly have my H's child. I'm dreading the next six months simply because of her. I don't know what I will do if H turns out to be the father. I think I might literally break down. I'm praying that the paternity test comes out negative. Its also taking all of my strength and reserve to not check her myspace page. I know she posts belly pics. I think seeing those pictures would just drive me over the edge, which is probably why I am rigorously posting tonight. Its something to keep me occupied while my baby is sleeping.


dday 1- september 06, he was having a three month affair.
dday2- april 1st 2008, six months after oc was born, h finally came clean about everything.
Present day- trying to R again.

Posts: 1532 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: florida
crazedNconfused
Member
Member # 11075
Default  Posted: 7:08 PM, August 16th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

dust,

sorry you have to endure this horrible waiting period. i can't imagine being in your shoes and to be powerless to do anything about something you didn't bring upon yourself and something you didn't deserve. let yourself wallow...let yourself feel sad...i still do. somedays having a good cry always feels good. then afterwards we pick ourselves up again and get on with life. when i 1st found out...i know this may be mean or harsh...but i said..."hey at least its just a baby and not AIDS..." keep your head up...my thoughts are wish you..


Posts: 104 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: Texas
ABCSJ
♀ New Member
Member # 15201
Default  Posted: 7:56 PM, August 16th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

but i said..."hey at least its just a baby and not AIDS..."

Crazed you crack me up! It's true it could be worse you could have OC and an incurable disease.
I mean its true sometimes the thought of OC seems like OC is an incurable disease but I am just in a bad mood and being mean.
Dust waiting is hard but actually knowing for sure it is H's isn't much better. For me it was facing the fact that together we have 3 girls and now he has something I will never have, a son! After 12 years of marriage and practically growing up together there is finally something we dont share in common. Something that is his and his alone. It sucks!


Me - 29
Him - 30
Kids - 12, 10, 4
OC - 8
OW - 31
D-Day - June 24th, 2007
R - July 2007

Posts: 42 | Registered: Jul 2007
misto1976
♀ Member
Member # 14803
Default  Posted: 8:15 PM, August 16th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((dust))))

I know how you are feeling. When I found the ow had put up belly pics on her myspace page I swear I almost barfed!!
And just today I was feeling sad and looked at the pic and thought to myself, OMG that could be my H's!! I have another three months to go, I think, until her baby is born so I know the waiting game is hard but try not to dwell on it and I don't know how healthy it is but I have clung to SI like a safety blanket.


Me - FBS/FWS (EA) 31
Him - FBS/FWH 30
Three kids
DDay - Feb. 21, 2007
R - Feb. 23, 2007 Still working every day
OW - is a not going to invade my thoughts anymore :)

Posts: 218 | Registered: May 2007 | From: Texas
dust to dust
♀ Member
Member # 12583
Default  Posted: 8:48 PM, August 16th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Crazed- You are right at least there is no incurable disease lurking around. I think that would stress me out even more if I had to wait for an STD result!
Misto- I saw a pic of my H sleeping. I guess it was after they had did the 'deed'. She posted it up on her myspace saying something like "this is peanut's dad... he didn't even wake up while I was taking the picture." For some odd reason she decided to nickname her unborn child peanut. I almost lost it that day and gave my engagement ring back to my then F for the second time. I also threatened to leave him. It took a lot of convincing on his part to keep me from walking out the door. Mind you I think I was over twenty weeks pregnant then and really didn't have any place to go except his parents. They live two seconds away from us, so that would have defeated the purpose of me walking out lol. I have since then told myself that looking on her page just causes even more unwanted stress. But yet a part of me still wants to see what she is up to.
This waiting game completely sucks.


dday 1- september 06, he was having a three month affair.
dday2- april 1st 2008, six months after oc was born, h finally came clean about everything.
Present day- trying to R again.

Posts: 1532 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: florida
25wimsey
♀ Member
Member # 7816
Default  Posted: 8:58 PM, August 16th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hugs to all.

I feel like the whole experience of the infidelity and LTA is an incurable disease that I was given by OW and H together--and the good days I might have will be like a remission of cancer, but I will always still have had the cancer.

If OW had a myspace page I don't think I could stop myself from checking it out--probably really often. We're all older that you guys, myspace stuff wasn't done by everyone like it is now--and anyway she's in Europe now and even if she does do it there, I can't find it or probably understand it anyway!

We're off next week to visit OC, along with a little vacation beforehand. Hope it's not too bad--on their turf and all that.

The thought of her taking pictures of H just kills me--he said that she was always taking photos--claims he doesn't have any, not sure if I believe him. Packing up his office to move here-- I can picture him throwing some photos in a box and just bringing them along. Being paranoid and suspicious is certainly a change I find in myself which is permanent, but I hope will lessen.



Posts: 695 | Registered: Aug 2005
soverysad
♀ Member
Member # 14594
Default  Posted: 8:59 PM, August 16th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((dust))))))

Oh - it is soooooo difficult, I know. We waited 2 and a half months and I almost went insane. I didn't know about SI then. H kept telling me that the OC couldn't be his -- he only got BJs from the Ho. Whatever. Apparently I was supposed to believe that.

Keep posting -- all night if you have to -- do anything just don't check her myspace page. Don't give the OW any way of knowing you are upset. We are here for you. I wish I had had SI last year -- instead I cried and obsessed all by myself.

(((((((dust)))))))))

************************

Hey, cluelessblonde -- thanks for the vote of support. It really does suck to have OC involved. A permanent reminder. Thanks for being understanding.



Posts: 518 | Registered: May 2007
dust to dust
♀ Member
Member # 12583
Default  Posted: 9:19 PM, August 16th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks to all for the support tonight. It really helped.


dday 1- september 06, he was having a three month affair.
dday2- april 1st 2008, six months after oc was born, h finally came clean about everything.
Present day- trying to R again.

Posts: 1532 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: florida
yougogirl
♀ Member
Member # 11332
Default  Posted: 12:02 AM, August 19th (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Anyone with an OC with a OW who is/was a coworker?

I can't help but wonder what's going on with my WH (see my thread in General). Suspected OW is/was a coworker, she has a daughter and is married, for some reason we keep getting stuff geared towards babies when DD is now 4, etc.

WH is also in some sort of IC that seems to be related to his work (I can't divulge details). Would it be possible that OW threatened him or vice versa and now he's in work-ordered IC?

The theories running through my mind . . .

It's driving me batty!!!!


Me = doormat BS
Him = Narcissistic WH who can't be caught
DD = 10 yo and my reason for living
4 DDogs
D-Day - TBD, maybe when Hell freezes over

Posts: 2303 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: East Coast
redvixen
♀ Member
Member # 15259
Default  Posted: 12:46 PM, August 19th (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

YouGoGirl, I'm not sure, but in my company, if someone is caught "doing wrong", they can often keep their job by going to some sort of counseling. I am mostly referring to addictions (alcohol, drugs), but I believe mental health can also qualify.
My H's FOW is still trying to convince him that her unborn is his. Even though he went with her to an ultrasound and the doctor told them that she was 12 weeks, two more weeks than possible for it to be his. Now she's trying to say that the blood test she just had says she's only 10 weeks. How dumb does she think we are?


Me, BS Him WS early 40's at the start, cheated before and after cancer diagnosis.
Two A's, two OW's, online looking for sex partners, two false R's.
Threw him out in January 2009.
Divorce final March 30th, 2010

XWH died Dec. 2010


Posts: 4104 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: New Jersey
25wimsey
♀ Member
Member # 7816
Default  Posted: 12:54 PM, August 19th (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ultrasounds aren't perfect--looks like it will have to be DNA to convince OW of your H's non-paternity. Good luck.

Posts: 695 | Registered: Aug 2005
TotallyFaithful
♀ Member
Member # 14417
Default  Posted: 5:17 PM, August 19th (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry... no O.C. in my scenario... thank goodness BUT I did want to comment on the ultrasound remark.

It is true that ultrasounds can be unreliable in LATER pregnancy but in the first trimester, they are VERY reliable. An ultrasound of a 10 week pregnancy would be correct within a couple of days, at the worst. Confusing a 12 week and a 10 week pregnancy would only be possible if the person performing the ultrasound was not properly trained.

Now, one could find it difficult to distinguish between a 36 and 38 week fetus but not one from the first trimester.

Totally F.


Posts: 482 | Registered: Apr 2007
soverysad
♀ Member
Member # 14594
Default  Posted: 6:18 PM, August 19th (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nothing matters until you have the DNA testing. There are two OC here. I understand how difficult it is to wait, but ultrasounds don't mean anything -- won't hold up in court. Go NC and wait until you can get DNA done.



Posts: 518 | Registered: May 2007
tryin24give
♀ New Member
Member # 15821
Default  Posted: 7:51 AM, August 20th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She is 8 months old. We have a 2 yr old and a 3mnth old together. Will it ever get easier seeing her? This was the second time I had seen her and it was better then the first time, but I dont want to treat her differently then my own children in the long run. Is there anyone out there that can shed some light on this? Anyone who has an OC due to a ONS? How do you cope?


Me: 29
Him: 28
Children: D-3, S-18mnths, D-22mnths
D-Day- March 2007

Posts: 32 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: PA
tryingbutcant
New Member
Member # 15774
Default  Posted: 8:14 AM, August 20th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good Morning All,
I first want to thank all of you who replied to my previous post. I truly took comfort in your advise and well wishes. As the OC was born this weekend I find myself torn. I thought I could deal with this but now that it is at my front door I don't think that I can. I think I feel most hurt and betrayed at the fact that this is my husband's first biological child and I never thought this moment would not be shared between the two of us. Now, he wants to tell his parents and I'm sure others. How do I handle this? Am I a fool? What will people think? I now question if I want anymore kids or if the reason I want another child is the right one. Despite this situation as I have said before he is a great provider and step-father. My daughter knows her real father but we have been together since she was 1 and she will be ten this year and he is all she knows. Him and his family adore her and take very good care of her. Is it wrong to put her first? Please help. I can take care of myself, however outside of this situation our reconciliation has been good. We had a great summer together but the reality is that things have officially changed. How do I tell my daughter this? Am I teaching her that this is acceptable?

Posts: 5 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: NC
Marlene1
Member
Member # 15332
Default  Posted: 4:25 PM, August 20th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Can someone recommend a DNA at home testing service. I don't need the information for legal purposes, just for my own knowledge. I am of course looking for the cheapest most accurate service!
thank you

Posts: 1343 | Registered: Jul 2007
25wimsey
♀ Member
Member # 7816
Default  Posted: 7:22 PM, August 20th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tryingbutcan't--so sorry for your situation. OC in our case is 17 months old, H is involved with him as much as is feasible (long-distance between them and us), and it is possible but very, very hard. My H didn't go to the birth, but saw them in the hospital the next day.

It's really hard for me to not let my anger about OW (who has made it difficult for me to be a part of things until just recently) eat away at me. I did spend one weekend with H and OC, and we are going to visit him next week for the second round. That part wasn't as bad as I'd expected--he's cute and an innocent in all this, and for the marriage to work, I have to accept H's being a part of OC's life.

The key is keeping as many boundaries as possible--no private contact between OW and H, phone calls with me present as much as possible, and being prepared for all the babymamadrama (as I've heard it called) that will come up if OW is still harboring fantasies about either being with H in the end or having a "happy family" with just the 3 of them.

One thing that is helpful is making it clear that OC has two families, one with his mother and one with his father and step-mother :( NOT a family with H and OW!!

Feel free to PM me as well if you need to--does H agree with NC with OW as much as feasible and involving you with the baby? It sounds like you're not sure you want to deal with all this--you aren't wrong no matter what you decide. Your H is important to your daughter, that's something that is a big thing to consider. But you're important too--don't make any decisions right away, at least not without finding out where you H stands as far as your own relationship.


Posts: 695 | Registered: Aug 2005
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 7:39 PM, August 20th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((Trying24))
Dealing with the OW and the OC is one of the hardest things you will ever have to do. I have 3 OC involved in my situation.

It is very hard for me to look into their faces and see my H. We have made them part of our family and I have come to care for them very much. In fact they are staying with us for another 2 weeks until school starts, just could not leave them with the drug addict mother.

I had to seperate my feelings for OC from my anger and feelings about A and OW and believe me it was not easy, this was going on for 10 yrs. w/o my knowledge. I have good days and bad days, but in the long run I have to remember that these children are innocent, they did not ask to be born and did not ask for their situations.

Just have some control, set boundaries, and don't let OW think she is hurting you, live good is the best revenge against OW.

Marlene, I did not use it but Genetree sent me a free swab kit and I believe it was $199 for home testing. I need to go legal way $1,100, not ready for that yet. Just google paternity testing or Gene Tree and it should come up.


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
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