First of all welcome here, you will get alot of good insight and advice from this sight.
I didn't know if you have had a chance to look over some of the posts here but you will find that everyone's situation is different. C or NC is a choice that is to be made for what works best for you. There is no right or wrong in that situation.
I am glad to hear that your H is speaking to an attorney with the kind of OW you are describing you want to protect yourselves legally. Whatever you decide to do, make sure you are doing it together as a united front because it is hard to R as it is and when OC is involved is most difficult. If you are not woring together, it is near impossible.
Hugs to you!
[This message edited by BMC0415 at 3:44 PM, December 11th (Tuesday)]
hello! i am sorry you have to be here. i encourage you to read through my posts. my situation is similar to yours in that the OC in my life was from a ONS also. H didn't know until OC was 9mo and OW had filed a paternity suit against him, and I didn't know until H had positive DNA confirmation. We DO have C. It is NOT easy but life does go on. Some may say that at least it was just a meaningless ONS, but it doesn't matter, it is still betrayal and it still sucks. But as I've said before...it could be worse...at leasts its just a child and not HIV...and that OC gets to grow up knowing that his conception was from a dirty, meaningless ONS and the "daddy" had never asked for it to be born.
heads up my dear...with time it gets better. PM me if you want to chat.
I'm one with contact and it's very hard. There are many here with NC. As CnC said, it's an individual choice for each person in this rotten situation. Read other posts and post and pm here--it's a great place for support and ideas.
Unfortunately, there's no black and white. I also think WS have an obligation to both the OC and the BS--and how that plays out is different for each of us. The obligation to OC, if you choose NC, will obviously be only financial--hope it's not too bad where you live! I've read somewhere that it works if you just consider that monthly payment as just another car payment that has to be paid off!
If you and your H basically agree on NC, that's great--you can be united in your decision about that and work on your own relationship. Glad you have an attorney to advise you--it'll be a long and bumpy ride. Keep posting and good luck.
XWH died Dec. 2010
My daughter is in this situation (and is a health professional) so I can speak to it. If you have the pre-birth DNA done there is an 8-10% miscarriage rate and no one should ask another to take that risk. The most common method now is to have the test done after delivery by swab.
[This message edited by crazedNconfused at 5:28 PM, January 25th (Friday)]
[This message edited by crazedNconfused at 5:30 PM, January 25th (Friday)]
Could you stick to calling him the OTHER CHILD please? I understand your hurt and angry, but this is a child none the less, and that term is really offensive! It reminds me of the "N" word ... another term that should be abolished and removed from the dictionary. We aren't living in the stone ages anymore!
The next person that refers to an OC/OP in a derogatory fashion will be removed from this forum
I don't care if anyone wants to refer to me in a deragatory fashion, I'm an adult,
You may not care, but we Mods do