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User Topic: Other Child
MYOC&ME
♀ Member
Member # 10539
Default  Posted: 7:02 PM, December 14th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BMC, Auntics everyone...I am not trying to trigger or attack anyone for the decision that they have made. I come here to hear the various opinions and challenge my own thought process. I think that half the battle of getting past a situation is how we view it.

I was raped by a con-artist, and then raped again by society for allowing myself to be raped and then my son was raped by the same entities all in the name of what is "best for the marriage".

I know that no one here is my stitch but I feel that the thought processes presented here represent a good sample of society that help set into place what happen in my life.

I seek understand!

You do what is right for your family and I do what works for my family. To me neither is right or wrong it is what we can live with. The only people who did not ask for this situation is the BS and the COM and the OC.

Whatever way we choose to deal with the betrayal is a personal decision for each of us to make.
I have seen this quote a lot in this situation.
I am wonder if anyone other that me can see that how OW and MM could adopt this to justify to them having the Affair. I mean they did what the wanted, got what they felt they needed without care or consideration for the effects it will have on the others involved.

Am I over analyzing? Is there a place to stop the burn in this?


Decided today that how I got here is less important that what I do here.

Posts: 230 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Eastcoast
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 7:22 PM, December 14th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think that all of us are guilty of at one time or another feeling our opinion was the right one,whether it really was right or not,it's human nature. I also think that all of us BS,OW,OC,MM,COM,have all been hurt by the situation we are in one way or another. We all experience anger and frustration and sometimes it bubbles over. We try not to take things that people say too personally, but unfortunately it happens and we have to remind ourselves that we aren't dealing withour own personal OW or BS. We all need to realize that sometimes we will have to agree to disagree and not attack one another for it. My best wishes go out to all on this thread and prayers for peace of mind for all of us .


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
25wimsey
♀ Member
Member # 7816
Default  Posted: 7:26 PM, December 14th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You do what is right for your family and I do what works for my family. To me neither is right or wrong it is what we can live with. The only people who did not ask for this situation is the BS and the COM and the OC.

Whatever way we choose to deal with the betrayal is a personal decision for each of us to make.

I have seen this quote a lot in this situation.
I am wonder if anyone other that me can see that how OW and MM could adopt this to justify to them having the Affair. I mean they did what the wanted, got what they felt they needed without care or consideration for the effects it will have on the others involved.

One thought I had, the quotes you refer to say "what works for my family"--when affair partners work to justify their A's, there's no taking into consideration their families, just themselves. That's one difference.

If a WS chooses not to stay with the AP, then decisions have to be made that do consider the family--and of course that includes BS as well as OC. The situation is complicated by the fact of betrayal of the WS' spouse and family, and if circumstances make it too impossible to deal with contact with the child, whether because of OW or BS or WS, it's hard to blame anyone for the hard choices they all have to make.

I know in my case, OW makes it hard for MY family to be involved with OC in a way that doesn't include her in what we feel is an inappropriate way. My H and I have contact, but it's a constant struggle--things change all the time, her demands are all over the map, and as the OC grows up, this will impact him in a negative way too. And it's certainly impacting H and myself negatively right now--

I still don't think there's one answer for every situation, and we are still struggling with the right "answer" for our family. But it will include contact with OC--and hopefully not at the expense of what WS and I are trying to rebuild.

The burn never really stops I don't think.


Posts: 695 | Registered: Aug 2005
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 7:29 PM, December 14th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with Wimsey,I don't think the burn will ever go away .


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 8:03 PM, December 14th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

MYOC,

I personally never thought that you were being disrepectful. I feel like I have gotten a little insight from you and others and a difference of opinion is a good thing keeps us all thinking.

And I truly believe what I said. Only you know what pill you can swallow and what you can live with. You don't think it hurts me sometimes to look in these kids faces and see a woman I hate? It is hard, but they are they own people and I have to remember that when I am dealing with them.

[This message edited by BMC0415 at 9:23 PM, December 14th (Friday)]


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
sparkle76
♀ Member
Member # 13108
Default  Posted: 7:29 AM, December 15th (Saturday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm late in catching up again!

DD~ I don't know how it would go, since it depends on the state everyone's in. Here in PA, they did give her 1st ex-husband a form to assume parental status, since OC was conceived and born when they were still married, and to this day, OC has his last name. The only reason her 1st ex was able to refuse to sign the form was because he gave legal proof that he was not living with and did not have contact with the mother at the time (she had a PFA and restraining order against him, so he would've been in trouble if he's gotten near her). But even after that, when H and I kept trying to talk to her about a test, she would refuse. You could pay for it, but unless you were able to test the child, OW could refuse to let a test to be done on him. That was our case for awhile. So unless you have physical contact with the child, it would be hard to test him or her without the mother's knowledge or consent.

[This message edited by sparkle76 at 7:56 AM, December 15th (Saturday)]


Me~ BW 37
fWH~37
Married 14 years
6 children together and he has a son from his A
D-day #1~ May 4th, 2002
D-day #2~ June 27th, 2002
D-day of OC's paternity~ June 30th, 2004

slowly reconciling

Looking for the rainbow after the storm


Posts: 241 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: PA
sparkle76
♀ Member
Member # 13108
Default  Posted: 7:46 AM, December 15th (Saturday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I, too, would like to speak about the comments about WS who do or appear to "walk away" from OC. My H and I are also dealing with an OW who has the "stay away and pay" mentality. At every turn she will come up with "reasons" not to keep the scheduled visitation. There is a LONG record of missed visits...but the courts really don't care. They care when support payments are missed, and will take every action to make sure support order is followed to the letter, but OW can get away with alienating a child or children from their father, with no repercussions at all.

It gets mind bendingly frustrating and seems completely hypocritical. There are studies that show the effects that parental alienation has. Men do get depressed too. I think everyone here on SI would agree that no one deserves mental abuse, yet some OW (like in our sitch) believe that just because they had sex, it gives them entitlement to berate and belittle the man and his wife....and even their kids.

It's easy to say that if he were "truly" a parent, he would move any mountain. But for us BS....just try to think how we felt on D-Day. I know I ,for one, didn't feel I could do anything at that point. When you feel beaten down, you're not going to just have the determination to move mountains.

So I can understand why my FWH doesn't go to pick up OC sometimes, when OW says that she will not let him go with him. I can empathize with the frustration he has when we have gone there and OW claims OC is "not there", and she won't let us in. Yes, we could call the cops....who may not even want to come out. Times that we have filed reports, we were at first told that the police didn't want to get involved.

My point is, yes, one can keep fighting....but can you understand when it's exhausting and the husband and wife need a break from it sometimes? I don't think that should be seen as the father "using an excuse" not to "deal" with OC. Yes, I believe that my H is a good father, but I also know that I don't fight him on spending time with our kids....I encourage it. The OW that I know, doesn't.

[This message edited by sparkle76 at 7:49 AM, December 15th (Saturday)]


Me~ BW 37
fWH~37
Married 14 years
6 children together and he has a son from his A
D-day #1~ May 4th, 2002
D-day #2~ June 27th, 2002
D-day of OC's paternity~ June 30th, 2004

slowly reconciling

Looking for the rainbow after the storm


Posts: 241 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: PA
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 8:26 AM, December 15th (Saturday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am "glad" for a lack of a better word,to see that my H and I aren't the only ones dealing with an unreasonable OW. I was begining to think that we were the only ones. It just goes to show that not all OW are as open minded and have thier childrens best intrest at heart as the FOW that post here.


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
usuallycoping
New Member
Member # 17404
Default  Posted: 12:17 PM, December 15th (Saturday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I post in a few different places and recognize some of the folks here.
I am BW with a 10 month old OC (boy) and an 11 month old DS. The OW was a friend (not close but we all frequently socialised together. And (obviously) she became preg shortly after I did with our planned child.

We were living abroad (where H and Ow are from) for a couple of years.
When i found out (about the A and OC) at 4 months pregnant I told him that I was moving home (6000 mmiles) and he was welcome to come if he wanted to work on things. No hesitation on his part despite leaving work and entire family- we left.

Although this was an extended A, i do believe that there were no promises or declarations made. Not because H said so (he has lied repeatedly about all aspects and only seems to have really `gotten it' about 4 months ago) but because of intercepted emails from her where she says this clearly (she also admits her feelings for him for the first time-after she has decided to keep the baby, and urges him to leave me for her.) I beleive him when he says that he did not love her. our relationship has always been intense, passionate and emotional and sexual (including during the A).
so his explanation of looking for emotion free no strings attached sex makes more sense than some big love affair.

Anyhow the sits is this. H started paying voluntary CS as soon as oc was born, sends presents, we go there about twice a year to see his family (who have all met oc). Pretty good outcome compared with how he told her it was going to be when he first found out ie. most likely nc until baby was older. she has lied about the babies parentage to most of her family.
I have spent a lot of time getting my head around things and think i could have oc in my life (especially long distance ).
TBH this is not because of any great concern for oc, but rather, for H- he does not want to turn his back on this child. I too try to think of him like a nephew.

However, I found my own lines and boundries for my relationship and i am not willing for my H to continue to have a side life that does not include me.He is welcome to make a different choice but i have made my decision re what i will accept for my life and relationship.

This, of course is a sticking point with ow, she does not want me involved- in fact i suspects she wishes i would just disapear- this was not the plan.
so our first visit (about 4 months ago) we asked to have the visit with a chaperone of her choice (ie without her)- no.
she wanted it to be H, her and one of his sibs if `he needs a chaperone'. at the last minute she buckled and we visited her house- H, me, OW, and a friend of hers- for a couple of hours. He spent the rest of the time trying to arrange another visit and she screamed at him daily about how selfish he is.
So fast forward- we are heading over for xmas and she has hardened her position. he cannot see oc with me- and she must be there (when we suggested perhaps someone else to be there she was soindignant. she has loads of siblings, i did this for my neices visits with her father- not outrageous or unusual.
so this time she has suggested mediation- which H jumped on. Of course once she realised that he wanted it she has found a million and one reasons why it is not possible for this visit. so we are back to our standoff. h is being wonderful and solid but i know he sad about the idea of not seeing oc and hates this game of chicken.

so question is - especially for all you FOW out there-

am i wrong or is this all about her and her hurt. there does not seem to be any concern for the oC here just resentment at her situation dressed up as parental concern.i know that we are all placing conditions but H has me and our family to take into consideration where she only has oc to act in the best interest of.
i am sure if he could talk he would want to see his dad whether or not step mom was around (anyway kids love me)
eta spelling corrections

[This message edited by usuallycoping at 4:06 PM, December 15th (Saturday)]


Posts: 11 | Registered: Dec 2007
usuallycoping
New Member
Member # 17404
Default  Posted: 2:03 PM, December 15th (Saturday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

just was going back and reading and wanted to ask - my oc&me- with all respect,
you said a few posts back that nc for anything less than abuse was "a bad decision" and that a parent should `move mountains' to parent their child-
I understand that you are speaking generally and that each sitch is different-
but how do propose that the FWH (the one with an actual obligation to the oc- as opposed to BW) should respond in a situation like mine?
If he gives in to the demands of the ow to have a relationship with oc that excludes me, he will lose me. I have done a lot of soul searching and know that if i do not share this child with him, and learn to know him separate from ow, i will resent the baby , and i would prefer to start over- much as i love and adore h and he is a great, hands on, loving daddy(and yes he is)

i don't know. I just dont think the `i would move mountains' thing applies so much here. We may very well end up nc for a time (not totally, i am sure we will continue to send presents etc,) not by choice, but because until she gets over her bitterness and anger she may just not be able to separate what she wants, and her need to control and punish us, from the best interests of the child. To me this means accepting that the situation that she created (along with h) and that she is not going to have the kind of relationship with her baby's father that she would like.

Do these mountains that he is supposed to move include giving up his marriage and family?(especially considering that i am not insisting on nc)
i am not sure that is fair. If he could have gotten an abortion, he would have. if he could have given the baby up for adoption, he would have. women, good mothers, do both all the time. He had neither option and we are dealing with it as best we can but that does not mean he is required to sacrifice his entire life and happiness at the alter of this baby.

[This message edited by usuallycoping at 4:02 PM, December 15th (Saturday)]


Posts: 11 | Registered: Dec 2007
dovey
♀ Member
Member # 1614
Default  Posted: 5:45 PM, December 15th (Saturday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I read here occassionally and I have so much respect for you ladies that are dealing with this situation. Thank God the xow never got pregnant, she wanted to. But I read with interest as my mom was the ow, and i was the oc. I never knew until my own situation(h's ema) came out. But I always knew I wasn't cherished, I was always a burden, a source of resentment. I was a means to an end that backfired.
of course now I am happy and have my own family and family I have made.
My only advice i could offer is honesty, I never got it and my whole life was clouded by that. Good luck to you all, this is such a painful situation.


Happily reconciled, finally! And afterward I'd feel like I'd been chewing on ashes:no matter how I'd try to spit it out, the bad taste remained. Sayo Masuda

Posts: 2390 | Registered: Jun 2003 | From: north east
marysway
Member
Member # 5388
Default  Posted: 5:52 PM, December 15th (Saturday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She was with her boyfriend for five years without getting pregnant, had unprotected sex with my H, and wound up pregnant. Makes me worry.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

First hand I'm sorry your going through this but I have to say that "I" went through 4.5 years of infertilty. I had 8 miscarrages before (and that is counting the triplet when I had my twins) and my xh and I were on our last round of treatment IVF and I was able to carry that pregnancy through. I have multipul fertitly problems to this day. I was told by both my specilist and my ob that if we wanted more kids (even by the slight chance I do get pregnant still to hold it through the first trimester) I would still need to go through the specilist as my problems did not disaprear because I got pregnant.

Low and behold 5 years later I get pregnant and although I still needed to be on progejestion it was not as high a dose as it had always been in the past. So to say that she was with someone for 5 years and never got pregnant really from my experience mean anything. Just a little tid from my background.


Marysway

I am still determined to be cheerful and happy, in whatever situation I may be; for I have also learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions, and not upon our circumstances.

- M


Posts: 209 | Registered: Sep 2004 | From: Over here somewhere
firstandthird
♀ Member
Member # 17022
Default  Posted: 6:20 PM, December 15th (Saturday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

that's true, she could have medical difficulty getting pregnant. she and her BF were practicing safe sex through their entire relationship and she is very young, 21 I think, so maybe or maybe not. The timing just felt strange even before I knew about the two of them and the ONS. She announced pregnancy about 2-3 weeks after breaking up with him. I realize there are a lot of possible explanations. Thank you for sharing your situation and I am very sorry for your pain. I will try to keep that in mind, it's entirely possible the child is her ex's. I'll keep everyone updated.


Me: BS 26
Him: WS(ONS) 27
Wedding Day: Mar 17, 2007
ONS: Sept 4, 2007
OC born: May 22, 2008
Nov 25, 2008: Found out the OC is not his!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posts: 108 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: ohio
crazedNconfused
Member
Member # 11075
Default  Posted: 8:43 PM, December 15th (Saturday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

usuallycoping,

C or NC is a very personal decision and you do what is best for you. in the beginning it would have been nice to have some time to "fix" our relationship before having to deal with OC, it's been painfully tough, but we did what we had to do. you do what is best for you. we BS never asked to be in this situaiton whether it was a long term affair or a ONS as in my situation.

i totally agree w/ you about "moving mountains"...sure OC exists and we do our part, we pick up OC every other weekend, fri-mon. OC is 2 and he calls me mamma, he is a happy go lucky kid w/no idea how wrong his conception was but he adjusts well. anyways...i just had a baby of my own and he is my life...and i would move mountains for MY child and I know my H would move mountains for our child. I would like to think that having a child of our own H feels a huge difference in our child and the OC. I am sure he will never say anything...but it must be different. If it wasn't any woman on the street can bare children and if that is the case then what the heck are we here for! these careless affairs and this careless way of bringing innocent children into this world is sad and not fair.

i work my butt off to be who i am and where i am, financially. so if i don't move mountains and if OC doesn't have half the luxuries my child has, than it is not my burden and or guilt to bare, nor is it my H. as i've said before, yes H is just as guilty for donating his sperm so carelessly. but he didn't ask her to bare him a child nor did he ask for that responsibility to be connected to such a woman for the rest of his/our life.

stand your ground and keep your head up. you do what you need to do for you. the healing process will be long and hard. sure its been 3 yrs since the ONS and its been 1.5 yrs since OC still is in our life...but it is still hard. the few times i've had to bump into OW out and about it is hard. i go into a zone...i try not to imagine it but i see it happening all over again and it stinks.

this forum has been very supported...the majority of us have lived through the same thoughts you have and feel.


Posts: 104 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: Texas
dust to dust
♀ Member
Member # 12583
Default  Posted: 9:53 PM, December 15th (Saturday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OK here is something I am struggling with. OW had her baby in October, we are still waiting for paperwork to do the dna testing. Well my dday was september of last year and H swears up and down that he was never with her again. OW wrote me several emails stating otherwise and now I don't know who to trust or believe until this dna test is done.
My problem has two parts to it. One, if h is the father than I am not sure I will stay with him for obvious reasons. That is the easier route. The harder one is this, if I stay then of course I will have to accept OC as a part of my life, my son's life and my h's life. However, I know OW will make it extremely hard and I dont want to deal with her bull shit anymore. I mean we don't even know if h is the father and she already has set down barracades in our situation. So, what I am trying to get at is this. For those of you who have an OC and who are fully reconciled. How do you not look at that child and think omg he/she is a direct reminder of what transpired? That is what I am struggling with. I'm just afraid that I will have so much resentment because of the simple fact this child was born. Now I know it is not his fault at all and he is completely innocent. Yet, I just can't help but to be mad at this whole entire situation. I'm not saying that I'm going to mistreat this child, but I just don't know how to accept him into my life if it comes down to that. I would sort of be like me accepting that my H did cheat on me post dday, IF he is the father. I'm not sure I'm ready for that. I keep thinking that if he is the father, then maybe it would just be best to leave him and not have to deal with OW or OC directly again. Also if H is the father, then it would mean that everything OW has said to me in regards to what she says happened post dday would be true. Of course H says that it never happened and he does have more credibility than OW does. OW is the one who is beating around the bush with getting the court papers done in a timely fashion. We both think its because she secretly doesn't want the dna testing but has now realized that if she doesn't go through the courts then she is not getting a single dime. In the past, whenever we brought this up with her, she always retorted to my H by saying something like "oh I don't want to be viewed as a whore and if we do the dna test then that is how everyone will look at me." Ok first of all, we never even remotely called her a whore, even though I would have loved to. Secondly, you would think that she would be chomping at the bit to get this done through court because the judge will grant her as much money as she deems suitable for cs if h is the father. Yet, she isn't. She is completely scared of the whole thing. I guess what I am trying to get at is this, how did you cope with the OC as being a part of your family's lives? Especially during the first few times you've gotten to see him/her?


dday 1- september 06, he was having a three month affair.
dday2- april 1st 2008, six months after oc was born, h finally came clean about everything.
Present day- trying to R again.

Posts: 1532 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: florida
sparkle76
♀ Member
Member # 13108
Default  Posted: 7:26 AM, December 16th (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello usually and dust to dust

usually~ OW giving you a hard time about your FWH having time alone with her and OC (ie, without you around) is pretty much standard OW behavior. I've come to think that as much as it pains us to think about OC, that a big reason OW doesn't want to see or hear from the BW is because just thinking of us is a reminder to them of someone they have personally wronged, and given the choice, they don't want to deal with that.

But the bottom line is that it's YOUR marriage, and she cannot ban your H from having contact with OC, just because she doesn't want you there. For advice, there's a long post on the first page of this thread. Yo H has a legal right to see the child if that's what he wants, and if he wants you present, he has that right too. You and him present a "united front" to the OW, and let her know in no uncertain terms that she is not to have secret contact with your H.

After paternity was established in our case, we were trying to talk to OW about seeing OC. She had brought him for a few brief visits every few months. Then she declared that she was not coming here anymore, we would need to come to her place to see him. Then she bitched at my husband that ONLY he could come, not me or any of our kids. And not only she, but her 2nd XH, got on my case, saying that I was "paranoid" for wanting to come with my husband or have someone like his brother or father there....telling me that it proved I couldn't trust my husband and wasn't "over" things, so I definitely empathize with you on that issue! I chalk it up to mind games and control/power issues. Anyway~ that's when my FWH went to the courts for custody and visitation, and for the first year, it was ordered that we could have OC here at our house for two days and nights a week, and scheduled holidays (it's changed now, but that's a whole different story)

So, even though OW wants to cut you out of the picture, you don't have to let her! No, I don't think you are wrong at all. I'm not discounting her hurt, but she did make the choice, and that's something she will have to deal with. You are right to be worried about caring for your family. You didn't ask to be forced to choose, and when it comes right down to it, my personal feeling is that I'm not going to let someone force me to put my kids down on the list of priorities. My advice is to let OW worry how to deal with her mess, and you do what YOU feel you need to do.


Me~ BW 37
fWH~37
Married 14 years
6 children together and he has a son from his A
D-day #1~ May 4th, 2002
D-day #2~ June 27th, 2002
D-day of OC's paternity~ June 30th, 2004

slowly reconciling

Looking for the rainbow after the storm


Posts: 241 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: PA
sparkle76
♀ Member
Member # 13108
Default  Posted: 7:47 AM, December 16th (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

dust to dust~

you post sounds so much like what I (and I suspect quite a few others here in this thread) was thinking for the first few years.....and some of it, to this day.

The one line that struck me from your post was when you said how accepting OC would mean accepting that your H cheated on you. My view is that no matter what (C or NC, reconciliation with your H or not)...now that D-Day has happened, we BS do need to accept the affair as reality. It's quite possible you are still going through the "denial" stage....sometimes I still don't want to think that this is my reality. It's normal. So are the feelings of anger and resentment, among many other things. It sure doth sucketh, though And you have the added issue of the possibility that your H still didn't respect boundaries after D-Day.

For now, I will hope that a test will be done so that you will not have to wonder and for OC's knowledge....and even though I know it's the devil to do, try not to fret unnecessarily until you know. The "he said, she said" game screws with your mind so much, and you don't need it.


Me~ BW 37
fWH~37
Married 14 years
6 children together and he has a son from his A
D-day #1~ May 4th, 2002
D-day #2~ June 27th, 2002
D-day of OC's paternity~ June 30th, 2004

slowly reconciling

Looking for the rainbow after the storm


Posts: 241 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: PA
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 8:16 AM, December 16th (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just a little aggravated this morning. Found out OW is planning on going for more CS. A little background on that topic...OW was on welfare and we only had one COM when CS was originally set. Well we had 2 more children and OW got a job and we never made any moves to have CS lowered like we could have. Now she has decided that she wants more money,in retaliation to my H maintaining NC IMHO. And the worst part is I can't even go out and get a job to better our financial situation until after we find out if they will raise CS,because although OC is not mine and I have nothing to do with her conception MY income is taken into consideration when H CS is determined! As you can imagine she gets a pretty penny already since we only had one child and she had no income originally. And as you can probably figure OUR expenses have gone up considerably since then also with us adding two more children to our family. Now before people get in an uproar about him supporting a child he created keep in mind he is,and quite well at that. It's unfair that a woman can just go into court and demand more money. My only hope is that a judge will see that she is now working and we have more childern and we didn't ask for it to be lowered at all and tell her she is already getting enough.


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 8:34 AM, December 16th (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just wanted to add,the "job" she got is selling sex toys. Apparently,it's like a tupperware party,but selling sex toys instead of storage containers .


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
dust to dust
♀ Member
Member # 12583
Default  Posted: 10:30 AM, December 16th (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sparkle- You do make up a good point about us as BSs needing to accept the affair as a reality. What I meant by my statement was that in trying to accept the OC, it would mean that I would have to accept the fact that he did it again despite the fact that he wanted to R and rebuild trust. That is what I am having a hard time with. If he is the father, then that means OW was right in her emails to me. But then again that is a big IF.


dday 1- september 06, he was having a three month affair.
dday2- april 1st 2008, six months after oc was born, h finally came clean about everything.
Present day- trying to R again.

Posts: 1532 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: florida
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