I say this with as much kindness as I can, if he can say that to you he is not remorseful at all and you have a very slim chance at R. You would just have his body there, but it would not be the marriage that would make you happy or be healthy for your child. You have to ask yourself if you want to settle for that just to keep him?
I told you before you an get as much advice as you can on here, but only you know what you can live with. It is your pill to swallow is it worth it? Check into Florida laws and find out your rights, just for your protection, you can ask Dust Florida has been a mess uh Dust? The sooner the better, they take a can take a long time to do things.
[This message edited by BMC0415 at 9:01 PM, January 24th (Thursday)]
DDAY 01/06 - "BitchSlapMe"
I feel like you should know that you and your children are really the only ones in a position to be making demands. He chose to do this to YOU, not the other way around. Will he at least consider some form of MC? Hang in there, I'm very sorry you're going through this.
Children are innocent no matter who is their parent and they deserve everything that children deserve to have in life. You really need to look into yourself and see if you could provide those things. It is hard enough when it is your own child but when the child does not belong to you it is 10 times harder.
I am personal against abortion but I know people who have done it and I don't hold it against them because for their lives it was what was best for them.
Some food for thought if your decide to R. In the State of Florida the husband is the Legal father of any child conceived during the marriage. So you really need to look into the situation because if you do decide to R and raise the OC the other man may not have any say so. Possible even if you divorce so, please look into Florida law concerning paternity.
I feel so sorry for you, but at least you know before you have an OC to deal with I just found out and they are 9,4,4. Whatever you do decide to do, the only thing I can say is be honest with your feelings with your wife. People so often dance around the subject and don't handle it straight on until it is too late.
Only you know what you can live with.
Good Luck to you.
[This message edited by redvixen at 4:43 PM, January 27th (Sunday)]
XWH died Dec. 2010
I called the CPS lawyer just to make sure that the results are back for tomorrow.
I did not expect him to tell me over the phone. The 9 yr. old is my H the 4 yrs. twins are NOT!!!!
I called my H I just could not keep it to myself.
He is so blown!!! All he could keep saying was oh man, oh wow!
That is what he gets!!!
I will be apply to be their foster mother. i already love them, but now I can look at them wihtout so much hurt in my heart.
How does he feel about her now!!!
I can wait to see her face tomorrow, what does the credit card commerical say, priceless!
lmacdonald, sorry to see you here. Whatever your W's decision is, good luck to you. Don't be sorry for your feelings--I too wished OW had chosen abortion, it would have made things easier--but working on your marriage will be paramount no matter what way you two go. Keep us posted.
I am still determined to be cheerful and happy, in whatever situation I may be; for I have also learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions, and not upon our circumstances.
BMC - I am FLOORED! I just logged in today and saw your post. That is unbelievable after everything you've been through.
Auntcis - so glad to hear that there's a bit less mess for you to go through at least on that end.
Lmacdonald - I'm sorry to meet you here, but I encourage you to come back often and share your story. It helps to talk about it with a group of supportive people.
My update - well, H went to see OW (baby was born in January) and OC for the first time and he did go without me at the end of the day. Said that he felt "odd" because he really had no bond with this child. But he did hold it and it turned my stomach when he said it looks a bit like him. In many ways I'm glad that I did not have to be there and in many others I am disappointed that he can't stand up to OW for us and include me in his life.
She is still refusing to do a paternity test. Says it makes her feel like H thinks of her as a "tramp" (her words)
Since his decision making has been excluding my opinions and feelings, I'm taking a hard 180 position. "Do what you want, and we'll see if this relationship can survive it."
I am often angry as her feelings are taken to be more important than mine, all because of the cost of going through court -- which she won't request *if* H does everything she wants (like NOT doing a paternity test and like NOT having me present during his visits...)
H argues that we don't need her approval for the paternity test. We simply wait until she lets him take the child on his own, then take a swab and send it in.
It's all so very frustrating and the worst part is that it takes the focus away from dealing with the infidelity issues, which ultimately will determine if we can R or not...
"I am where I am because of the bridges that I crossed." - Oprah Winfrey
"Excuse me, what level of Hell is this?" - Bu
We have limited contact cuz of distance, but OW does try to insert herself in ways that scream to me as well that she still has the fantasy of one little happy family with H and OC. H has set some limits, mostly involving calling OC from home with me present, he and I visiting OC together when we do see him, and trying to do as much by email as possible. But he also "feels bad" about being too confrontational--like refusing her calls unless it's an emergency! If you've read any of my posts, you'll see the ups and downs of having a non-confrontational H and a crazy OW!
But first things first--to get through meeting OC. You already know in your head that this in as innocent child, and you will treat him as such--don't be ashamed or afraid of whatever thoughts you have inside your head--your actions will be adult and welcoming to this little person. And if you burst into tears, your H can comfort you. It does get a little bit easier the more visits you have with OC.
You didn't say if it will be with OW present--my first meet with OC she was there--didn't want me to carry him around or touch him, just talk to him while H had him. It was not fun, to say the least. But all subsequent visits have been just H and I taking OC out for the day. And that's better.
Breathe, count on your H for support and understanding of how devastating this is, breathe!!
How old is OC, BTW? I'm assuming he's an infant?
Asking H to watch OC while she goes on a date is very weird--visitation is usually on a set schedule and not for the convenience of the custodial parent and her social life!! Are you going through the courts?
[This message edited by tryin24give at 5:10 PM, February 1st (Friday)]
BMC, OMG!! Wow, I am so glad you insisted on those paternity tests! What a feeling those results must have given you. Please share her reaction with us.
My H does want to tell anyone. We were given temporary custody and I will be applying to be their foster mother.
Sumi, please feel free to share my story with your H. Not to protect OW, but he should explain that the OC has no legal father and should be protected if it is his or not. Explain to him that he should not accept her word for this, look at my situation.
Sadmommie, I know it is going to be hard on you, but just remember that the OC is innocent and did not ask to be here. Sounds like your H is going about it the right way as far as thru legal means, and that makes all the difference.
25Wimsey, that is good news. It is just another thing we have to go thru.
Red Vixen, I am wishing the same thing for you that you do not have to deal with OW again.
LADIES, I ENCOURAGE YOU ALL THAT ARE DEALING WITH A PATERNITY SITUATION TO FEEL FREE TO SHARE MY STORY WITH YOUR SPOUSE.
Even though one of the OC is my H's, 2 of them are not and he based most of his decisions and actions on that for the past 5 yrs. Protect your families.