I had hired a lab out of washington, but they have lab techs all over the country to come and take the samples. You can have it back within a couple of weeks. Faster if you pay more. The lab techs will go wherever you are and they have there fingerprint machine camera etc. with them. It's still the same strick rules when doing the DNA test.
Basically as long as the lab has court ammesable (sp?) reports it can be used. You have to make sure of that.
I am still determined to be cheerful and happy, in whatever situation I may be; for I have also learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions, and not upon our circumstances.
She has filed D papers. She wants to "move on" with OM. She is not asking for anything from my son at this point.
My son thinks he can do this without attorneys, unless she hires one. If not, he feels he can handle it with mediation only.
We live in Maine. I don't know what the law is regarding unborn children at the time of D.
What happens if the D is final before the child is born? Can she claim afterward that the child is his and demand CS? Can the court demand that she have the baby and determine paternity before they will grant D?
What an evil mess this little tramp has put my son through. I am a mess of emotions and I'm not thinking clearly. I've been through so much shit with my own XWS, and now this. It's driving me mad.
Please tell your son to be careful. I may be wrong ,but I believe that he can be put on the birth certificate and be made to pay child support even if the child is proven not to be his if the child is born while they are still married. In fact I think it may be legal for his WW to list him as the father even if they are divorced since child was conceived while they were still married. Your son should get a lawyer NOW!
Also in most states divorces can not be done if one party is pregnant. They specifically ask you this. My H wanted out of his M with the OW but she was pregnant so they had to wait until the baby was born to file. I've also known couples to lie about this. My cousin was separated from her husband for 3 years (she tried to file but no one could find him, he was military also). They had both moved on with their lives but never divorced. She found herself pregnant and wanting to marry her baby's father. Finally she found her H and his girlfriend was pregnant also. They agreed that neither would bring up the pregnancy, technically lying under oath, because they both wanted out to be with their new SO.
Your son is in a tough spot. I'd research state laws online, maybe do a couple legal consultations over the phone with lawyers he knows he won't use (so there is no chance of them knowing for sure she's pregnant). Lawyers have to stick to the rules if they know a spouse is pregnant (my cousin and her EXH both represented themselves since they had been separated so long and had no children).
If she has an amino for any reason DNA testing can be done before the child is born. Most judges won't require this because there is a risk of miscarriage and the woman can come back on them. But if she's having one because her Dr's recommends it, it's a simple test. Of course this means the lawyers and judge will know she's pregnant.
I'm sorry your son is in the situation. I wish him the best of luck.
Let alone forget?
He seems remorseful now. But, the trust is gone. How do you get it back? Does it come back?
This was not my choice, but it will not be my undoing either. ~~yewtree
Under our circumstances we unfortunaltly don't get the luxury of forgetting since we have a constant reminder. But it does get easier. OC in our situation will be 11 in April and I just got used to the idea of her exsistence a couple of years ago. I wish more than anything that I could go back in time and stop her conception from happening but I can't so there is no use in dwelling on it and preventing me and my H and our COM from living a happy life. The trust will come back as soon as your H earns it,and the sting from the betrayal will lessen with time. How long it takes is different for all of us.I hope this helps some .
One day at a time-- one of your posts said your H is remorseful and wanting to reconcile. It's a long road--keep posting.
I just don't know if I can do this. I mean, I DON'T trust this man. I DON'T respect this man. After this long of a separation, through humiliation and overall hell, I'm not in love with this man anymore.
But, still, I don't know how to let go.
A 1000 reasons to run, but I can't name one to stay (other than our own 2 kids). Why am I still here?
Why can't I just put life on pause? I need a freaking break here!!
Then, he admitted that when she called him to say she was pregnant,he went to her house. She gave him a blowjob and then had sex again. He said that he only had sex twice with her.
I was totally devastated. Right away of course I felt very betrayed and thought that the only solution was to divorce. That same week we found out that this daughter and her mother are crack and heroin addicts. But, they say they are clean now.
When I heard that I couldn't let such people ruin our marriage. Especially when my husband had a drug problem 12 years ago. He was addicted to crack. He cost us about $50,000 in credit card debt. I didn't even know that he had a drug problem until a bill collector called for money. My husband opened up his own Post Office Box!
He eventually went to rehab, lost his job, and got arrested for possession. We had to move away from the area because it was printed in the newspaper.
My kids were in 4th and 9th grade at the time. I stuck by his side then to make our family work. I couldn't afford to be on my own financially. I was waitressing and going to college full time to become a teacher. What pain we went through for all of the drug problems!
He hasn't used crack for about 12 years, but he does drink beer. About 4 - 6 cans a night. He is a good worker and provider. We have been doing well in our lives for quite a while. I have been teaching for 9 years. Believe it or not, I even graduated #1 out of 298 classmates. I was determined!
Taking this shock of an affair was very tough. But I decided to try to make our marriage work because I truly realized how much I love him.
Next shocker: 4 nights ago we received a call from this daughter and mother. I was on the other line while my husband was speaking to them.
I found out that their affair lasted between 3-5 years!! He said that she gave good blowjobs so he would see her here and there.
Now this daughter wants to have her dad in her life after not having one for 25 years. But it is not even sure if he is the father. This lady slept with several men.
I think that they only way now that our marriage can survive is to keep the daughter and mother out of our lives. I don't want a constant reminder of his infidelity.
Also, this daughter's possible drug problems could become more pain for the family if she calls when she is down and out.
What if my husband meets her and gets back into drugs?
Is this too much too ask of my husband to do to keep our marriage?
Please let me know what you think.
Sorry this was so long, but it feels better to tell my story to ease the pain.
As for what you can ask of him - nothing you ask of him is too much in my opinion. If you feel that NC is what you need to fix your M and heal your family then that is exactly what you should ask for.
I just wanted to check in and see how everyone is doing. Thing's have been going O.K. with us,we had a small issue with our taxes cause of a mistake OW made over the summer and $400 of our money ended up going to her. All I can do is hope she is using it for OC like she is supposed to. Other than that OW/OC have dropped off the face of the Earth again,like usual until OW wants to try and start trouble. Our anniversary is soon so she will probably pull something around then. As some of you may remember my FWH finally helped me realize that OW always tries something around our anniversary and the holidays to ruin them. Well try as she may I won't let her ruin special stuff for us anymore .
Well (((hugs))) to all of you that may need it . I hope things are going well for all.
[This message edited by auntcis at 2:41 PM, March 9th (Sunday)]
[This message edited by auntcis at 4:31 PM, March 11th (Tuesday)]
"I am where I am because of the bridges that I crossed." - Oprah Winfrey
"Excuse me, what level of Hell is this?" - Bu
Neither one of them want to really deal with this and you will not have any peace with the way this is going. What you H fails to understand is that by putting it thru the courts, she loses some of her rights. She can not withhold the child from him.
This really needs to be done thru the courts because right now she is dicatating everything,he may have NC in place, but it is not working. The courts will put rules and boundaries in place.
My heart really goes out to you. I hope he gets sick of the situation and does what is right for his family.
I agree with BMC,please continue to encourage your H to go through the courts. By keeping it out of the courts OW still has all the power and can use OC as a pawn. If the situation with your H seeing OC at a sitters house works for you both then getting set up legally! Then your H won't have to worry about "rocking the boat" and he can tell OW to get lost without the fear of not being able to see OC.
Best of luck to you
Things have been better with H and I since he began NC with OW. I feel that he has actually committed to our Marriage and family. He wants to move back into the house but I am so scared that he is going to hurt me again (the affair, lies and deception lasted for 9 months after I confronted him). I guess that I don't know what to do in that situation either.
Thanks for listening. : )