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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Other Child
SadMommie
♀ Member
Member # 17718
Default  Posted: 9:31 AM, March 19th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi RockedMyWorld,

I have been thinking about you and wondering how you are doing.

As for your question, I really cannot answer your question either. I am still trying to figure it out myself. I have been reading a book called After The Affair. It has been helpful for R. For us the OW may finally be calming down and laying off of me and my H. If she doesn't my H has a decision to make.

Good luck on Thursday. You are in my prayers and thoughts.


Me - 36
H - 35
Kids - D-6years, S-3year
OC - 2 year old
OW - POS crazy 25 year old
D-Day - April 10, 2007

"I am where I am because of the bridges that I crossed." - Oprah Winfrey

"Excuse me, what level of Hell is this?" - Bu


Posts: 91 | Registered: Jan 2008 | From: Virginia
Godisgood
New Member
Member # 18330
Default  Posted: 3:43 PM, March 19th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As if I need more torture!

So Monday I told you that he got a call from the court saying that the date was postponed to next Wednesday. I told him to call and make sure but he didnt listen.

Today, OW calls from court telling him that there is a warrant out for his arrest because he didnt show up in court today! He tells her about the call and she said she didnt get a call.

Then he calls the court and tells them about the call, they have no record of the call! They called both his cell phones and it was a recorded message. Of course he deleted it!

Can this whole situation GET any worse that it already is!

What did I do to deserve all of this!


Posts: 11 | Registered: Feb 2008
tryin24give
♀ New Member
Member # 15821
Default  Posted: 4:01 PM, March 19th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((rockedmyworld))

that is a hard question to answer. My situation is a little different as my H had a ONS not an affiar per say. And to be perfectly honest, I was 7 months pg with our second child and a week after dday found out my dad had lung cancer. I needed him. I also knew he was sorry for what he had done. That made a huge difference to me at least.
As for the OC, the OW was and still is a wacko, I told him as soon as he told me who it was to try and get custody b/c she will put the baby in danger. He didn't agree with me b/c everything i said was hearsay.. however less tehn a year later, we have full custody of the OC b/c her mother is a crackhead.
But i realized going through such a difficult time, the cancer, the birth of our beautiful baby boy and my father dying that I needed him. He was my rock during that whole time. He let me cry, he let me scream, we went to MC and he is still going to IC. I'm not saying our marriage is perfect, not by any means, but I know that I did what was right for me and my family.
You have to do what is right for you and your family and if D is the answer then thats the answer that fits you.


Me: 29
Him: 28
Children: D-3, S-18mnths, D-22mnths
D-Day- March 2007

Posts: 32 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: PA
tryin24give
♀ New Member
Member # 15821
Default  Posted: 4:03 PM, March 19th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((godisgood))

I have no words of wisdom.. just hugs to you

((HUGS))


Me: 29
Him: 28
Children: D-3, S-18mnths, D-22mnths
D-Day- March 2007

Posts: 32 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: PA
firstandthird
♀ Member
Member # 17022
Default  Posted: 4:36 PM, March 19th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

our OC is also the result of a ONS. He did it during a very difficult time for everyone, but was practically perfect before that, supportive, understanding, everything I could have asked for. Then this happened, and it was like those two minutes were enough to change all of it. I have to remind myself of who I know he is, not who he was for a two minute mistake. It's because of that that I know I'm making the right choice (for me) in staying in our marriage. We also opted for NC, I would have tried to make it work with the OC in our lives, but I know myself well enough to know that I probably couldn't handle that. I feel that the OW will be a good mother, I also feel that my H would be a good father, and either one of them raising the child on their own would be fine. But trying to do it together under these circumstances would be in nobody's best interest, especially the child's.


Me: BS 26
Him: WS(ONS) 27
Wedding Day: Mar 17, 2007
ONS: Sept 4, 2007
OC born: May 22, 2008
Nov 25, 2008: Found out the OC is not his!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posts: 108 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: ohio
tryin24give
♀ New Member
Member # 15821
Default  Posted: 5:23 PM, March 19th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((firstandthird))

how horrible for you.
You're right, those 2 minutes can change your life dramatically. I'm glad you did what was best for you and your marriage. It's hard I know. I wasn't sure how i felt at first, I knew it wasn't the OCs fault, but I wasn't sure I could love her b/c of how she was concieved, but it all went out the window when I saw first hand what her psycho mother was putting her through. I'm still not sure that I love her like I love my own children, but she is growing on me and I hope to god that they NEVER take her away from us and give her back to her crackhead mother, we would all be heartbroken.


Me: 29
Him: 28
Children: D-3, S-18mnths, D-22mnths
D-Day- March 2007

Posts: 32 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: PA
25wimsey
♀ Member
Member # 7816
Default  Posted: 6:12 PM, March 19th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hugs to all who are going through this mess. H and I have contact, and it's a continual struggle with OW--he and I have visitation but it's very long distance, so not that often. OW doesn't want to actually see me and still tries to negotiate time with just her and OC, and for us it's worked at pickups only, in a neutral place. Other than that small amount of time, it's just H and I and OC.

It's not easy, but I think it's a little easier since they're so far away. Not ideal for OC, but those are the consequences. Everyone's path is a little different.

Gets somewhat less awful as time goes by, but it does impact our marriage--course the infidelity does as well--not looking forward to the future years, but I'm hoping OW will calm down more and more as it FINALLY sinks in that she isn't going to have her happy family with her , OC, and H--


Posts: 695 | Registered: Aug 2005
sparkle76
♀ Member
Member # 13108
Default  Posted: 5:18 AM, March 20th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry I'm not up to date on all the recent additions to the thread....I should get caught up.

I have definitely been in a downswing again

Of course, OW is still up to the games as far as the custody goes....last visit was Dec. 2nd, she is not making copies of OC's report card... blah blah blah, it all goes against the order. So, sometime soon it looks as though DH will be going through Round 3 of contempt/modification of the custody...for any good it might do.

Meanwhile, she's currently getting double the monthly support payments, even though the order to stop the second monthly wage garnishment was put in in January. And now thanks to the income tax, she will be getting all the arrears money from the time paternity was not established, and back when support was based on a higher monthly amount. After getting her own income tax return, and all the extra money she already gets, now she'll get a $4,000 check in the mail to go do whatever she wants with....must be nice. What we got after her chunk was taken out was $1500, to be used amongst 6 kids (as opposed to her 3)

I hate the thought of this. I know she is smug as sh*t right now and SO happy that she got her way yet again.

I'm especially upset because 3 of our children have had birthdays recently, and 2 of them asked to go to Chuck E. Cheese. They have never been there. For the obvious reasons, we don't get out often to do things like that.
So we had to tell them No, and we just had a small party at home like we normally do.

I come to find out that OW DOES end up giving OC a Chuck E. Cheese party, inviting more than the allotted number of guests even. That's well over $200, just on the party (not counting gifts). She didn't tell DH anything about it, we had to find out through a friend who knew someone who was invited. But that doesn't stop OW from trying to ream my H out for not calling OW during the party

This is what I hate so much about the situation. Our kids deserve to be able to go to Chuck E. Cheese too. If she wants to treat OC, fine, but the fact that she takes so much from our family so that our kids CANNOT do what they deserve, then turn around and go on about how OC comes "first" and that she will do "everything in [her] power to see that OC comes BEFORE [our kids]....that is what I can't forgive. I want to SCREAM at her that our kids WERE born first, and she KNEW that....yet she has this sick thing about needing to prove to me and my family that what she wants and thinks and demands is THE most important thing in all this. And she tops it off by reminding us that "that is how things will keep going as long as [she] is breathing"...worse, to say how if things were reversed and we did what we needed and wanted for our kids first, how that "wouldn't be fair"

???


Me~ BW 37
fWH~37
Married 14 years
6 children together and he has a son from his A
D-day #1~ May 4th, 2002
D-day #2~ June 27th, 2002
D-day of OC's paternity~ June 30th, 2004

slowly reconciling

Looking for the rainbow after the storm


Posts: 241 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: PA
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 10:12 AM, March 20th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(GIG) I am so sorry it just never ends. What was the reason that this call says that the case was postponed? I don't know where you live but normally you would hear from a live person and get a court notice in the mail.

Too late, but he should never delete, throw away anything that has to do with this OW and OC. How is this being resolved? He is turning himself in or did they lift the warrant? Did OW say they gave the results anyway?

Sparkle I was hoping that things had gotten a little better for you, I am so sorry. I am praying for you and your family.

((Rocked)) I am thinking about you today. Please stay strong.


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 10:28 AM, March 20th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((ALLOFUS)))

I just wanted to send hugs and good thoughts to all of you out there dealing with this garbage. It seems like some of us have been having an extra hard time lately and I wanted you all to know my thoughts and prayers are with you.


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
Godisgood
New Member
Member # 18330
Default  Posted: 3:09 PM, March 20th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(GIG) I am so sorry it just never ends. What was the reason that this call says that the case was postponed? I don't know where you live but normally you would hear from a live person and get a court notice in the mail.
Too late, but he should never delete, throw away anything that has to do with this OW and OC. How is this being resolved? He is turning himself in or did they lift the warrant? Did OW say they gave the results anyway?

He called the court today and they told him not to come in because the warrant was not yet issued and they would just hold him until it was. OW didnt say whether or not paternity was told (but if it was she woulda definitely rubbed it in his face). We pretty much know by now that it is his because they wouldnt go through all of this if it werent.

I TOLD him to call and verify. The fact that they called both cell numbers bothered me. The fact that they have no record of either call bothers me. This whole thing bothers me.

Now he just has to wait until next Wednesday and hope that they dont keep him. And they will most likely not even give him the results then.

I officially know what it feels like to walk through life numb.


Posts: 11 | Registered: Feb 2008
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 4:33 PM, March 20th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so sorry. I hope that this gets resolved in some kind of a positive way for your family.

I really can't stand when our families are put thru the ringer because of tha actions of our WS and some OW who you wish you never had to think about again. Ever child deserves to be taken care of, but unfortunately in some situations, there are casualities.


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
Godisgood
New Member
Member # 18330
Default  Posted: 12:01 PM, March 21st (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So he turned himself in this morning and the set a new court date for April 4 (which pretty much means it is his child).

The judge said that he was set up because they never make calls like that.

I dont think OW would go to these extremes, even though her mother and brother work for the county. But why is this thing that has been so prolonged being put off even more?!?!?

So, T-14 dats until I know with certainty where my life stands.


Posts: 11 | Registered: Feb 2008
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 1:28 PM, March 21st (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Godisgood)))

I'm so sorry this is dragging out even longer for you . At least the judge was understanding and didn't slam your H with some charge or something.

I know it is hard,but try and hang in there. We are here for you


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
bronzermike
♂ Member
Member # 18751
Default  Posted: 2:44 PM, March 23rd (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My Ex had had numerous affairs, unbknownst to me for almost all of our 10 years (yeah, BIG dummy here). ONE of those A (with her bro-in-law's bro) resulted in an OC, ALSO unbeknownst to me. I did not find out until I FINALLY figgered the A's out and then I got suspicious and checked blood type and found that I could not have been the F (statistically yes, but likely, no. Esp. since she was hitting the sack with the OM right at that time) With this child she thought she had a tubal and we went thru heck (She wishing it would abort I later find out). But it worked out and my D was born. Four yeasr alter, the truth comes out and we get D. For the next 14 years I say nada, treat her as my true D (which I STILL feel she is). I even get custoiday of BOTh my Ds, even the one that I KNOW isn't mine, but still pay a small supportt stipend for about a year til she remarries one of the OM. at age 17, the wife, in an attempt tp extort $$ from me, threatens to spill beans. When I say NO MORE $$, she DOES tell the D the truth before I get a chance to talk to her. D VERy upset but I manage to talk, convince and sooth her saying that I'll always be her dad, just not her bioD, which she doesn't know the ID of and likely won't, would hurt entire fam too much. So, it is 5 years later. I've moved 2,000 miles away for job reasons. We still talk, not as much, not as close, tho I've told her she can call, email, write, whatever whenever. Bad bad bad situation, bad bad bad ExW.


Twice married,
thrice cuckolded
First marriage: 10 years
Second, 19 and counting
Six kids. Two by first (30 and 26) four by second (21, 15, 12, and 5)

Posts: 76 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: Florida
redvixen
♀ Member
Member # 15259
Default  Posted: 7:39 PM, March 23rd (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bronzermike, some women are such bitches, it's unreal. My H's ex wife had an affair on him, got pregnant, then eventually gave that kid up for adoption. She's had no contact with the children of their marriage in 9 years, though we know she's moved on, remarried, and had at least one other kid. Wonder if she's still with that poor child. I often wonder what her current husband thinks about her not having any contact with her other children. Or has she fed him a bunch of bull that she can't find them?

In our situation, our OW is returning to work next Monday (not tomorrow), from her maternity leave. Great. I am so not looking forward to that. She's even tried to convince the boss to let her bring her baby to work! (It's a small office). Yeesh, I wish she'd just go away.


Me, BS Him WS early 40's at the start, cheated before and after cancer diagnosis.
Two A's, two OW's, online looking for sex partners, two false R's.
Threw him out in January 2009.
Divorce final March 30th, 2010

XWH died Dec. 2010


Posts: 4104 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: New Jersey
bronzermike
♂ Member
Member # 18751
Default  Posted: 7:42 PM, March 23rd (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

THAT would be too easy RedVixen. Unless her karma is overwhelimingly negative, the Earth would probably swallow her and then throw her right back up.
Is the OW's whelp your H's? If not, then don't sweat it. She likely doesn't know who's the daddy!


Twice married,
thrice cuckolded
First marriage: 10 years
Second, 19 and counting
Six kids. Two by first (30 and 26) four by second (21, 15, 12, and 5)

Posts: 76 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: Florida
shammarriage
♀ Member
Member # 18029
Default  Posted: 10:39 PM, March 23rd (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have been reading these posts to see if I can find some solace here. You all seem to already know that there is another child from the A. Would you mind telling me how you all found out?

I have a sneaking suspicion that there is another shoe about to drop in my situation-26 year marriage 9 year affair(might not be true might be longer) and lots of money going monthly to somewhere else along with a whole host of circumstantial stuff. When I asked my WH he erupted like Vesuvius. Absolutely not! Are you crazy? he said.

Did your WSs tell you? Did you find out in stages-first the affair then the little surprise later (my little surprise may be a teenager)living in our same state. Did the fess up or did you pry? I am so fearful that so many of our assets went to OW for precisely the reason of OC but it hasn't been outed yet. Any thoughts or experiences would be helpful as my situation seems to be unfolding gradually over time.what should i prepare for or how can I elicit the truth?


Posts: 94 | Registered: Feb 2008
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 10:12 AM, March 24th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((shammarriage)))

I'm so sorry you are hurting. Not knowing can be awful! I found out about OC at the same time that my FWH found out. He never knew OW was pregnant, when OC was 4 months old H was served with paternity papers. I was devastated to say the least.H continued to deny A saying there was no way OC could be his since he never cheated. We hired a lawyer and had DNA test done and it was proven that OC was in fact my H.

As far as how you can find out if your H has OC I can't really say. But I would say to talk to your H about it again cause if OC is his he can get nailed for years of back CS even if he has been giving OW/OC money over the years.I hope you are able to find the information and answers you need. Best of luck to you.


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
dust to dust
♀ Member
Member # 12583
Default  Posted: 11:05 AM, March 24th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know I have asked this before. H goes in tomorrow for his sample collection. So, on the paperwork it said three weeks from then. What is the shortest and longest amount of time it has taken for everyone to get their results back?


dday 1- september 06, he was having a three month affair.
dday2- april 1st 2008, six months after oc was born, h finally came clean about everything.
Present day- trying to R again.

Posts: 1532 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: florida
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