Dr. H. Norman Wright recommends writing a "loss history" to help you identify and work through past losses. Take time to think of and list any losses you have experienced throughout the course of your life. Include any instances where you felt a sense of loss, no matter how unimportant the circumstances may seem now. Think of missed promotions, friends moving away, the deaths of pets, the ends of friendships, job losses, children leaving home, and lost opportunities.
After you have identified each loss, go down through the list and talk about each one (to God or to another person). Talk about how intense it was and how you felt at that time. Take your time doing this. You may need to plan a time each day or week to work through your list.
"If you find there's an emotional connection to some loss," says Dr. Wright, "then maybe you have not really processed it. Maybe it's still affecting your life in some way."
Dr. Wright suggests that you need to come to the point at which you can say of each loss, "Yes, that happened to me, but now I'm going on with my life," compared to "Boy, that happened to me, and it still hurts."
"Remember the days of old" (Deuteronomy 32:7).
God, I didn't realize how much my past losses were affecting me now. Use this exercise to help me recognize and come to terms with each loss on my list. Amen.
Suggested reading from the GriefShare HelpCenter
Recovering from Losses in Life
H. Norman Wright
Life is marked by losses. Some are life changing, such as leaving home, the effects of natural disasters or war, the death of a loved one, or divorce. Others are subtle, like changing jobs, moving, or a broken friendship. But whether you encounter family, personal, or community disaster, there is always potential for change, growth, and new insight.
Writing from his own experience and expertise, certified trauma expert and best-selling author H. Norman Wright shows you how to work through loss and come out a stronger person on the other side. He tackles tough issues like the meaning of grief, blaming God, and learning how to express yourself and share your pain in times of loss. Whether you've gone through a great tragedy or are just trying to deal with the small sorrows in life, this book can help you resist the pull toward despair and start on the road back to joy.
Order from the GriefShare HelpCenter
If you would like to recommend these daily emails to a friend, please click here.
For more information about GriefShare, including how to sign up for these daily emails, please click here.
All scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®. NIV®. Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved.
Copyright © 2003-2009 by The Church Initiative, Inc., All rights reserved. No part of this material may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying and recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without explicit permission in writing from Church Initiative.
You subscribed to this daily email through www.griefshare.org. We value your privacy! We will never give, sell, rent, or otherwise share your email or personal information with any other organization — EVER.
To remove this email address from further mailings Click Here while connected to the internet.
If you have any problems or concerns, please contact firstname.lastname@example.org.
250 S. Allen Rd.
Wake Forest, NC 27587
[This message edited by snowdrop at 4:22 AM, April 27th (Monday)]
Stay on the ride. You cannot hurry the grieving process. Each time one of these emotions comes flooding back, it is a sign that you are recovering.
"All the feelings, thoughts, and emotions rush back into my life. It's uncontrollable," says Dr. Norman Peart.
But God is always in control. He is a solid rock, unmoving and unchanging. Build your life's foundation on Him.
Coping with PTSD and Recommended Lifestyle Changes for PTSD Patients
A National Center for PTSD Fact Sheet
By Joe Ruzek, Ph.D.
Coping with PTSD
Because PTSD symptoms seldom disappear completely, it is usually a continuing challenge for survivors of trauma to cope with PTSD symptoms and the problems they cause. Survivors often learn through treatment how to cope more effectively.
Recovery from PTSD is an ongoing, daily, gradual process. It doesn't happen through sudden insight or "cure." Healing doesn't mean that a survivor will forget experiences or have no emotional pain when remembering them. Some level of continuing reaction to memories is normal and reflects a normal body and mind. Recovery may lead to fewer reactions and reactions that are less intense. It may also lead to a greater ability to manage trauma-related emotions and to greater confidence in one's ability to cope.
When a trauma survivor takes direct action to cope with problems, he or she often gains a sense of personal power and control. Active coping means recognizing and accepting the impact of traumatic experiences and then taking concrete action to improve things.
Positive coping actions are those that help to reduce anxiety and lessen other distressing reactions. Positive coping actions also improve the situation in a way that does not harm the survivor further and in a way that lasts into the future. Positive coping methods include:
Learning about trauma and PTSD - It is useful for trauma survivors to learn more about PTSD and how it affects them. By learning that PTSD is common and that their problems are shared by hundreds of thousands of others, survivors recognize that they are not alone, weak, or crazy. When a survivor seeks treatment and learns to recognize and understand what upsets him or her, he or she is in a better position to cope with the symptoms of PTSD.
Talking to another person for support - When survivors are able to talk about their problems with others, something helpful often results. Of course, survivors must choose their support people carefully and clearly ask for what they need. With support from others, survivors may feel less alone, feel supported or understood, or receive concrete help with a problem situation. Often, it is best to talk to professional counselors about issues related to the traumatic experience itself; they are more likely than friends or family to understand trauma and its effects. It is also helpful to seek support from a support group. Being in a group with others who have PTSD may help reduce one's sense of isolation, rebuild trust in others, and provide an important opportunity to contribute to the recovery of other survivors of trauma.
Talking to your doctor about trauma and PTSD-Part of taking care of yourself means mobilizing the helping resources around you. Your doctor can take care of your physical health better if he or she knows about your PTSD, and doctors can often refer you to more specialized and expert help.
Practicing relaxation methods - These can include muscular relaxation exercises, breathing exercises, meditation, swimming, stretching, yoga, prayer, listening to quiet music, spending time in nature, and so on. While relaxation techniques can be helpful, they can sometimes increase distress by focusing attention on disturbing physical sensations or by reducing contact with the external environment. Be aware that while uncomfortable physical sensations may become more apparent when you are relaxed, in the long run, continuing with relaxation in a way that is tolerable (i.e., interspersed with music, walking, or other activities) helps reduce negative reactions to thoughts, feelings, and perceptions.
Increasing positive distracting activities - Positive recreational or work activities help distract a person from his or her memories and reactions. Artistic endeavors have also been a way for many trauma survivors to express their feelings in a positive, creative way. This can improve your mood, limit the harm caused by PTSD, and help you rebuild your life. It is important to emphasize that distraction alone is unlikely to facilitate recovery; active, direct coping with traumatic events and their impact is also important.
Calling a counselor for help - Sometimes PTSD symptoms worsen and ordinary efforts at coping don't seem to work. Survivors may feel fearful or depressed. At these times, it is important to reach out and telephone a counselor, who can help turn things around.
Taking prescribed medications to tackle PTSD - One tool that many with PTSD have found helpful is medication treatment. By taking medications, some survivors of trauma are able to improve their sleep, anxiety, irritability, anger, and urges to drink or use drugs.
Negative coping actions help to perpetuate problems. They may reduce distress immediately but short-circuit more permanent change. Some actions that may be immediately effective may also cause later problems, like smoking or drug use. These habits can become difficult to change. Negative coping methods can include isolation, use of drugs or alcohol, workaholism, violent behavior, angry intimidation of others, unhealthy eating, and different types of self-destructive behavior (e.g., attempting suicide). Before learning more effective and healthy coping methods, most people with PTSD try to cope with their distress and other reactions in ways that lead to more problems. The following are negative coping actions:
Use of alcohol or drugs - This may help wash away memories, increase social confidence, or induce sleep, but it causes more problems than it cures. Using alcohol or drugs can create a dependence on alcohol, harm one's judgment, harm one's mental abilities, cause problems in relationships with family and friends, and sometimes place a person at risk for suicide, violence, or accidents.
Social isolation - By reducing contact with the outside world, a trauma survivor may avoid many situations that cause him or her to feel afraid, irritable, or angry. However, isolation will also cause major problems. It will result in the loss of social support, friendships, and intimacy. It may breed further depression and fear. Less participation in positive activities leads to fewer opportunities for positive emotions and achievements.
Anger - Like isolation, anger can get rid of many upsetting situations by keeping people away. However, it also keeps away positive connections and help, and it can gradually drive away the important people in a person's life. It may lead to job problems, marital or relationship problems, and the loss of friendships.
Continuous avoidance -
If you avoid thinking about the trauma or if you avoid seeking help, you may keep distress at bay, but this behavior also prevents you from making progress in how you cope with trauma and its consequences.
Recommended Lifestyle Changes - Taking Control
Those with PTSD need to take active steps to deal with their PTSD symptoms. Often, these steps involve making a series of thoughtful changes in one's lifestyle to reduce symptoms and improve quality of life. Positive lifestyle changes include:
Calling about treatment and joining a PTSD support group - It may be difficult to take the first step and join a PTSD treatment group. Survivors say to themselves, "What will happen there? Nobody can help me anyway." In addition, people with PTSD find it hard to meet new people and trust them enough to open up. However, it can also be a great relief to feel that you have taken positive action. You may also be able to eventually develop a friendship with another survivor.
Increasing contact with other survivors of trauma - Other survivors of trauma are probably the best source of understanding and support. By joining a survivors organization (e.g., veterans may want to join a veteran's organization) or by otherwise increasing contact with other survivors, it is possible to reverse the process of isolation and distrust of others.
Reinvesting in personal relationships with family and friends - Most survivors of trauma have some kind of a relationship with a son or daughter, a wife or partner, or an old friend or work acquaintance. If you make the effort to reestablish or increase contact with that person, it can help you reconnect with others.
Changing neighborhoods - Survivors with PTSD usually feel that the world is a very dangerous place and that it is likely that they will be harmed again. It is not a good idea for people with PTSD to live in a high-crime area because it only makes those feelings worse and confirms their beliefs. If it is possible to move to a safer neighborhood, it is likely that fewer things will set off traumatic memories. This will allow the person to reconsider his or her personal beliefs about danger.
Refraining from alcohol and drug abuse - Many trauma survivors turn to alcohol and drugs to help them cope with PTSD. Although these substances may distract a person from his or her painful feelings and, therefore, may appear to help deal with symptoms, relying on alcohol and drugs always makes things worse in the end. These substances often hinder PTSD treatment and recovery. Rather than trying to beat an addiction by yourself, it is often easier to deal with addictions by joining a treatment program where you can be around others who are working on similar issues.
For many, social life ceases and work becomes impossible; the overwhelming need to earn a living combined with the inability to work deepens the trauma.
Common symptoms of PTSD and Complex PTSD that sufferers report experiencing
hypervigilance (feels like but is notparanoia)
exaggerated startle response
sudden angry or violent outbursts
flashbacks, nightmares, intrusive recollections, replays, violent visualisations
exhaustion and chronic fatigue
feelings of detachment
phobias about specific daily routines, events or objects
irrational or impulsive behaviour
loss of interest
loss of ambition
anhedonia (inability to feel joy and pleasure)
joint pains, muscle pains
an overwhelming sense of injustice and a strong desire to do something about it
Associated symptoms of Complex PTSD
Shame, embarrassment, guilt, and fear.
Starting an exercise program - It is important to see a doctor before starting to exercise. However, if the physician gives the OK, exercise in moderation can benefit those with PTSD. Walking, jogging, swimming, weight lifting, and other forms of exercise may reduce physical tension. They may distract the person from painful memories or worries and give him or her a break from difficult emotions. Perhaps most important, exercise can improve self-esteem and create feelings of personal control.
Starting to volunteer in the community - It is important to feel as though you are contributing to your community. When you are not working, you may not feel you have anything to offer others. One way survivors can reconnect with their communities is to volunteer. You can help with youth programs, medical services, literacy programs, community sporting activities, etc.
Focus on yourself right now above anything else. It's similar to the oxygen masks in an airplane
- you have to help yourself before you can help anyone/anything else. See a doctor or counselor if required. Make sure you make good use of exercise and proper diet.
Listen to God's promise to you and claim it:
"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.
You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart'" (Jeremiah 29:11-13).
My WH has been very manipulative he has come back home (false R) 3 times now. I keep taking him back hoping it's real. He's so convincing. He knows I am a faithful christian so this time he even played the "I have been praying and asking God for help" card.
I know I need to reclaim my life...I am definately spinning around WH...I am Co-Dep.
Please pray for me.
I pray that she puts her faith in you. Faith in humans can be false, but our faith in you is always sound.
I pray that you bring light into the heart of Mr. sofresh. Let him see who he has become in your eyes. Let him see the path he must walk for his soul to reach your arms.
Lord, I pray that sofresh lets go of her past actions and that you send her great strength so that she will be strong enough to stand up for herself and for you.
Lord, you have a great task for her to complete in this world for you. For the betterment of her soul. I pray that this turmoil is overcome in her life so she can walk her path to you with her head high and her spirit strong.
I pray, Lord, I pray deeply that this circumstance is resolved once and for all so that sofresh can once again feel the light and love of the angels singin in her heart.
keep usedup and grant her continued true freedom from fear and real healing
bless Lostheart2 and heal her.
help Katie. firmforever. Anjin
God foorgives us and heal us,
there's just too much that time cannot erase
And the more I know, the less I understand
Because of you...I am afraid...
There are many on this site that have felt like you have forsaken them during this time of human betrayal. I felt that way too. I crumbled on the floor begging for you to come take this awful thing from me. But there I lay and I didn't see you, didn't find the peace within my faith. But I was wrong. That day, I was so very wrong.
Lord, can you bring your power and spirit to the heart and soul of Should_I_Stay. In this hour when her faith is challenged it is then that faith has the most power. It doesn't feel like it but it is true. Now I can see that so much better than I could then. Bring her solace and faith to know that the end of challenges is faith reborn, revitalized and faith deeper than before. Lord, my God, please help bring her closer to you at this terrible time in her life.
For those that read here, for those that are searching and think God has left them. God has not. A human has hurt you, but a human cannot take away your faith, your God or your strength. May Blessings find you all.
ears hear dark
Soft breeze on cheek
(with bowing head before the mighty throne)
Not alone is surely answered,
Not alone is Jesus-said,
Not alone the tears on wetcheek,
Prayer-incense rise o'head,
for once the silented groanings,
bended unspoken words,
that breeze on wetcheek?
whitecomfort for meek.
softfeathers inherit the earth.
is my prayer. for all.
1. Is there a "prayer" list posted somewhere? If so, how do I get to it?
2. SI Staff - any chance "Prayer Support" could become a Forum rather than just a single string? There's so much in this string and it would be great to have it better organized by topic.
Remember - God is always good.
"So I'll stand on your truth and I'll fight with your strength, till you bring the Victory...by the power of Christ in me." - Casting Crowns.
God can heal a broken heart but He has to have all of the pieces - Author unknown.
Dear Jesus, in your name we pray for all of those who are suffering due to infidelity and we ask that You bring peace, comfort, strength, healing and restoration to their lives. Amen.
I said outloud...I said it alone...
Satan, Get out of my heart, get out of my head, get out of my life and get out of my house. And if my husband goes with you, so be it.
Because in the end you will answer for yourself. For me there came a time when I needed to save myself, to let go and let my husband answer for himself.
You cannot save your husband. God gave us freewill and that includes the will to destroy our own lives. My husband chose to step into the darkness. I refused to go with him into the depths of hell. So he had several A's, became a drunk and went all the way to hell.
I saved myself. We are reconciled now but I had to be willing to let go. I still prayed for my husband because I didn't wish him harm, but it was not up to me to save him. He was too lost and needed to find his own way back.
I pray that God can open the door a crack into the soul of your husband to let enough light in to show him how far he has strayed from the word of God.
But more, I pray for you. I pray that you have the strength to grow in faith. I pray that you know that your life matters to God and your path to God is yours alone. Walk that path. Your husband may catch up, he may not, but do not lose faith that your path to God is always the sure and true one...for you.
God, please send the angels to help the hurting souls that are here, each one, each day, help them endure this hurt with the wings of angels wrapped around them.