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User Topic: For Those That Love An Alcoholic
NaiveAgain
♀ Member
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 6:30 AM, August 13th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Aaww, sweetie....((((cautiousoptimist))))

I don't have any good advice, just that I totally sympathize.

I don't know what the intense draw is to these guys....I am not even dating mine anymore, but the feelings won't seem to go away, although I can reason them out and get them to lessen enough to start dating others. I wonder if part of it is just the fact that I realize it is a disease, and it is so sad to see someone killing themselves with this stuff....and I am kind of drawn, you know, like to a hurt puppy.

Although there is the part of me that is totally intensely attracted to him, and the deep intimacies we shared, and the fact that he gets who I really am, warts and all, and he is the only man that has taken the time and brain cells to actually really get to know the real me. I can read him like a book, but it is mutual, and I can never hide anything from him.

It is really nice to be loved and accepted for who I truly am, not just being used for the outside package so the guy can insert his own ideal woman inside, like the last control freak was trying to do to me again.

That is really hard for me to give up on.


Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 14915 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
betrayed1012
♂ Member
Member # 26112
Default  Posted: 12:46 PM, August 13th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((cautiousoptimist)))

Trust is not given it is earned. You are right to be distrustful of an alcoholic. He lied before and he must demonstrate he has changed. It's on him to do that.

Alcoholics lie. It is part of there disease. My stbxWW would tell me she had not drank when she was so drunk so could barely stand. If you expect an active alcoholic to be truthful about drinking you will be disappointed everytime.

Try not to get sucked into a game of snoop and sneak. You will drive yourself crazy trying to stay ahead of an alcoholic that is not in recovery. Searching for bottles, checking stories, etc is codependant behavior that will consume you. Establish boundaries with consequences and be ready to enforce them.

You stay because you long for the person he was. The memories of what was. My stbxWW was an amazing person. The person I'm divorcing is selfish and self-centered, concerned only with herself and her FB, the accepting and enabling alcoholic she met in detox. I can no longer trust her. All the love in the world cannot overcome the loss of trust.

Take care of yourself.

[This message edited by betrayed1012 at 12:48 PM, August 13th (Friday)]


BS 52
WW 41
Dday 10/12/09
Filed Divorce Complaint 2/1/10
Together 18 year
M 14 years
Children: 11 & 7

Divorced 10/14/10


Posts: 1010 | Registered: Nov 2009
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 12:47 PM, August 13th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Cautious... if he passed the breathalyzer then he couldn't have been drinking could he?
What other explanation is there for the smell and the red eyes?
Could he be hanging with other drinkers? and not drinking ..but, smoking pot or using other drugs?
One time I was out and got wine spilled all over me..
I was not drinking at the party... but, got pulled over for speeding right outside the house... I reeked of booze... and the officer made me do the whole list of tricks to prove I was sober... and then he let me go...
could it be something like that?


Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
cautiousoptimist
♀ Member
Member # 24222
Default  Posted: 1:18 PM, August 13th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks everyone.

The thing is, he IS supposedly in recovery, goes to meetings, has a sponsor, admitted that he backslid almost a month ago and that he is proud to have 28 days clean or whatever.

When he was actively drinking, I was totally uninvolved except to remark from time to time how uncomfortable it made me, how I longed for abetter life for him. But i totally didn't keep track of his drinking. I knew enough that that way madness lay.

He DID pass the test, so now I just feel fucked up and crazy.He was very teared up and sad to realize that his previous lies had done this to me, made me incapable of trusting mu own evidence, his word, or even a chemical test.

He has been going to counseling, meetings, all the (most of the) stuff he's supposed to be doing after his 6 month rehab stint. He only returned last August.

This is really difficult shit.

I did tell him if I ever found out he was lying to me last night, I would file for divorce. And I totally mean it.

Thanks everyone for the support,

njga, he claims not to have been annywhere or done anything around alcohol so he doesn't know why the smell was aparent to me and to my sister.

If he is lying, he's a stone cold liar.


Me: BW, 43
Him: FWH, 50, alcoholic/drug addict in rehab, staying sober
D-day:4/30/09
Marriage 11 years
In R, doing our best
I will have it even so.

Posts: 652 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: san diego
MixedUpMess
♀ Member
Member # 15256
Default  Posted: 3:00 PM, August 13th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NaiveAgain,

The physical symptoms I have noticed...I believe he has alcoholic neuropathy. He gets the tingling in his hands...some numbness, and sometimes he has a hard time grasping things. He has bathroom problems. He gets diarrhea. He has a hard time urinating sometimes. He is having a harder time being out in the heat this year than he did last year.

His nutrition is horrendous. He has lost ten pounds since I first met him 1 1/2 years ago.

My husband is the same stage of the disease. He is or has experienced of the above symptoms.

He doesn't realize that these symptoms are from drinking alcohol. Does your husband know? Have you talked to him about it?

cautiousoptimist, glad to hear yours is trying to recover. That can be just as tough, sometimes tougher, then the drinking. Earning back his trust will take awhile!


D-Day: 5-28-2007
Married: 26 years
Me (BS): 48 (Cancer survivor!)
Him (WS)(Alcoholic): 48
DD: 17
False R for 1.5 yrs+
He moved out 5/10. In limbo.

I was sad because I had no shoes. Then I met a man who had no feet.


Posts: 2370 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: MD
NaiveAgain
♀ Member
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 3:27 PM, August 13th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He doesn't realize that these symptoms are from drinking alcohol. Does your husband know? Have you talked to him about it?
Ha ha. Since alcoholics can't even "see" their disease, he has decided these are from various different illnesses.

One time, he had problems with ED. I told him it was because of the alcohol. He was shocked. "You think it is the alcohol?"

When he gets sick to his stomach, from the hangover, it is always something he has eaten that has made him sick. Never the alcohol.

He has every medical condition out there, except alcoholism. Which of course is the reason for ALL of his symptoms. And I always correct him, and he always acts like I have shot him.

One time, when he had not drank in two days, he was having some awful symptoms, and I told him he was in withdrawal. His knees got weak, he sat down, then he had to run out and smoke a cigarette. He thought it was a horrible thing for me to say.

But I won't let him lie to himself, not around me. I just always tell him matter-of-fact....no, it is the alcohol. Then I let it drop. He isn't going to hear it anyway until he is ready. But at least I know I put the thoughts in his head.

Honestly, he is just my on-again, off-again boyfriend right now, and I don't know why he wants to hang around me so much. I am always telling him things he doesn't want to hear, although I don't nag him about it, I just mention it and let it drop. He has told me before that sometimes it is nice to tell little white lies so you don't hurt the other persons feelings...but I refuse. I told him all he will ever get from me is 100% total honesty. He still hangs out with me.

ETA: Oh, and something else, I truly believe he knows at a gut level that all his problems are the alcohol, but he works very hard to keep that fact buried, because then he would have to do something about it. I just help him not keep it so buried.

[This message edited by NaiveAgain at 3:33 PM, August 13th (Friday)]


Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 14915 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
nightshadow
♀ Member
Member # 28104
Default  Posted: 3:53 PM, August 13th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My mother is one. She is slowly drinking herself to death. My father was too. Now my sister is. Which leaves my brother and I. I had to grow up with it and it was not pleasant. Both of my grandfathers were. So, that leaves me with about a 95% chance of being on.
Which brings me to DF. He was a heavy drinker when he was unemployed and I was pregnant but that changed after I told him his drinking wa getting out of hand. I would come home to a different bottle of alcohol on the fridge every day. So now its cut down to 2 beers every other weekend


ME30 WOWZER
SON4
"The worst part about being lied to is knowing that you weren't worth the truth." ~Unknown~
"They can't kill you and eat you"
"fuck them and feed them fish"
"Don't let the goofy shit get y

Posts: 864 | Registered: Mar 2010
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 8:45 PM, August 13th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Cautious....
it does sound good... the rehab, the sobriety...
keep being cautiously optimistic...tell him you support him and are proud of his new found sobriety..
Do you go to IC? Does hestill go to IC? How often does he go to AA meetings?
Has he moved back home? What about the affair? Is it over? is there NC with the OW?


Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
cautiousoptimist
♀ Member
Member # 24222
Default  Posted: 2:04 AM, August 14th (Saturday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

njgal-

He does have an IC he's seen a few times. She has requested a session with me, so i'm trying to schedule that. (Since she isn't MY IC, they wouldn't just make an appointment; have to give her a message and have her call me back, etc. Sigh.)

I've seen someone a few times. She's nice but I don't know if she's ideal. Still, I suppose I should go back since it's probably better than nothing.

We were going to MC very regularly for a few months but it seemed like our problems were overwhelming and perplexing to this fellow; the last session, he sort of put his chin in his hand and said "hmmm" a lot.

As far as all that goes, I'm pinning my hopes on getting us both in to see an Imago therapist who we got a few sessions with before we were even married. I felt so close to him during that time, so loving and compassionate. I really want to feel that way again. Of course, that's gonna have to be out of pocket so I'm waiting for a bit more cash to appear here.

He goes to several AA and NA meetings a week. He has a sponsor who stops by and they attend meetings together; I feed the guy dinner sometimes.

Oh, the affair is long over, product of proximity, drunken druggedness and my convenient absences going to 10 day residencies to get my graduate degree. She was my neighbor and friend(so I thought) and it happened three times. Then he did some junkie in Hawaii when he was supposed to be dealing with his dead mom's house.

Honestly, sometimes I think the "affair" (he hates me to call it that, says it gives it way too much power, there was no love or loving words exchanged, just quick awkward exciting sex that made him feel reeeaally guilty and horrible afterwards) is the least of the tortuous shit I've been through with this guy.

And anyway OW moved away before I even found out and when I confronted her she admitted it, crying and apologizing and saying how awful she felt.

Of course, they felt so awful it happened 3 times instead of just the once, but whatever.

He's been home a year from rehab. And-one point for him-while he was there and learning how to be honest and tell the truth, he wanted to confess to me-and those damn recovery fools told him not to, that it would cause more harm and hurt since it was over and done with, best to just shut up about it.

Which is, of course, exactly why Bill W. included that clause in the 9th step, cause he was a cheater par none, leading to the infamous "thirteenth step"-but I digress.

On the whole, he's been doing a lot right for recovery and sobriety, and some things right for dealing with infidelity. He kept telling our MC that he couldn't make our marriage his number one priority, that it had to share number one with him maintaining sobriety, because if he lost his sobriety he would lose me without a doubt.

Unhappily and grudgingly I had to admit he was right. Incidentally, he got his 30 day token back today and was really happy about it.

So even if he would lie to me, and he has, I don't think he would lie to them. Cause when he had his snit a month ago, he immediately called them (sponsors and AA buddies) and went to a few more meetings.

I can only control me, this I know, and I do NOT want to be driven insane by trying to sort through what is or isn't true.

But it is really fucking hard sometimes.

FWIW, when he was outed about the infidelity, he immediately confessed all of it, every encounter, including the one in Hawaii I would have NEVER known about, and the basis of his unforced truthfulness in that situation has given him a pretty good basis to work from with me. I believe(d) that our M is an absolute priority for him.

Okay, I'm really rambling on here. Thanks for asking questions; it helps me sort things out. And yes, I have transparency, all his account passwords, etc.


Me: BW, 43
Him: FWH, 50, alcoholic/drug addict in rehab, staying sober
D-day:4/30/09
Marriage 11 years
In R, doing our best
I will have it even so.

Posts: 652 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: san diego
betrayed1012
♂ Member
Member # 26112
Default  Posted: 6:04 AM, August 14th (Saturday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((cautiousoptimist)))

You have something from your WS I never got from mine, remorse. It was always something or someone that was the cause of her problems and therefore she had nothing to be sorry for. If I had only been more attentive the A wouldn't have happened, if the job wasn't so stressful she wouldn't have drank, If I had done this or not that she wouldn't have drank. If I was more accepting like the POS she wouldn't have slept with him, the LoHL now. She never took responsibility for her actions. Still hasn't. Blames her last relapse on the overwhelming discovery questions my lawyer sent her.

I have trouble some with AA and the step that gives an out for not being truthful. Overall, it has the best rate of success for helping people with recovery around. But, my WS and the POS used meetings to hook up. While AA says don't start new relationships in the first year some of these folks seem to support them. One guy with 25 years was telling her divorce advice rather than she shouldn't be in the relationship.

I heard the "first things first" slogan. They are correct in without sobriety they have nothing. But it is a balance. To put sobriety first does not mean to the exclusion of all else.

It is difficult to trust again. Your WS has the burden of earning your trust back. From what you say, it seems he is going to try. You are probably going to make his life rough with suspicion, but that is something he caused.

I hope the two of you can work together to make it work.


BS 52
WW 41
Dday 10/12/09
Filed Divorce Complaint 2/1/10
Together 18 year
M 14 years
Children: 11 & 7

Divorced 10/14/10


Posts: 1010 | Registered: Nov 2009
cautiousoptimist
♀ Member
Member # 24222
Default  Posted: 3:57 PM, August 14th (Saturday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Betrayed-

I am so sorry that your WW continues to drink and has no notion that she is in charge of her life.

Your kids are sooooo lucky to have you. I feel sick that you don't have someone trustworthy by your side to help you raise them.

Thanks for the words of encouragement; we are doing the best we can.

I hope your WW gets clear soon, and if she doesn't, I hope for you painless release of her to whatever life she chooses. I know you have done all the right things to detach and 180 her.

I don't know why it's just more scandalous when a mom is an alcoholic than a dad; it doesn't make any logical sense. But that's society's prejudice.

I hope she wakes up to her own agency, though. Probably won't with the enabling fellow she's with.

Stay strong, you are one of the good ones, betrayed.


Me: BW, 43
Him: FWH, 50, alcoholic/drug addict in rehab, staying sober
D-day:4/30/09
Marriage 11 years
In R, doing our best
I will have it even so.

Posts: 652 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: san diego
MixedUpMess
♀ Member
Member # 15256
Default  Posted: 7:37 AM, August 16th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NaiveAgain,
He doesn't realize that these symptoms are from drinking alcohol. Does your husband know? Have you talked to him about it?

Ha ha. Since alcoholics can't even "see" their disease, he has decided these are from various different illnesses.

I have not told my WH that his problems are probably alcohol induced but I'm sure he would do the same thing. He's experiencing numbing, tingling in his feet. He's blaming it on his shoes. These are good shoes that I just bought him about 6 months ago. I told him no way it was the shoes, they're new! He said he wore them out fast cause he wears them every day. This coming from a man who may get break down and get new shoes every 2 years!

But he does know, and admit, that he has a problem with alcohol. He knows he's an alcoholic.

To cautious... I hope your WH sticks to recovery. It's a hard process, I know. Do you attend Alanon??


D-Day: 5-28-2007
Married: 26 years
Me (BS): 48 (Cancer survivor!)
Him (WS)(Alcoholic): 48
DD: 17
False R for 1.5 yrs+
He moved out 5/10. In limbo.

I was sad because I had no shoes. Then I met a man who had no feet.


Posts: 2370 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: MD
NaiveAgain
♀ Member
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 6:36 AM, August 17th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

MixedUp - it is kind of weird. He knows he drinks too much. He knows he is killing himself. He has said these things out loud. He has told me he is afraid to see what his insides look like, after smoking and drinking so heavily for so long.

But, when any kind of illness or physical symptoms come, it is NEVER from the drinking, except his hangovers, which he will admit.

The hand tingling, the irritability when he is going thru withdrawal, the nausea and stomach problems, and now....two nights ago, he had a mini stroke. (He had paralysis on one side, and a slurring of speech, and some confusion.) He texted me while it was going on, but I didn't get his texts until the next morning when he was doing better.

He has decided it was a panic attack. I told him it was a stroke and to go to the hospital. I told him I would take him. I told him I know why he is scared to go, and that I would go thru EVERYTHING with him, if he would just go.

No. He says he is better now, and just needs to watch his stress some. The denial and lying they do to themselves is downright scary.

I need to detach more, because I am sure I am going to be burying him at some point, because I really truly don't think he has a rock bottom.


Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 14915 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
Why??
♀ Member
Member # 18132
Default  Posted: 9:31 AM, August 19th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Haven't posted here in a while but I still read and just had to agree with you betrayed1012:

You have something from your WS I never got from mine, remorse. It was always something or someone that was the cause of her problems and therefore she had nothing to be sorry for. If I had only been more attentive the A wouldn't have happened, if the job wasn't so stressful she wouldn't have drank, If I had done this or not that she wouldn't have drank. If I was more accepting like the POS she wouldn't have slept with him, the LoHL now. She never took responsibility for her actions.

It's been about 5 months of NC from xwh. I have pretty much accepted I will never get an amends. Our final DD#2/last straw was 3 years ago! Can't believe it. I am still blown away by his utter coldness when I called him about our dog dying. I think that sad event has helped me move on since it showed 100% how that person was not the same person who I married. Such an awful disease. Hugs to all.

PS - Also I don't agree with the AA step that gives them an out saying something like if to make amends harms the person...then don't make the amends. I think xwh would side with that for sure.

[This message edited by Why?? at 12:34 PM, August 19th (Thursday)]


"Don't let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game."

Posts: 1828 | Registered: Feb 2008
lawofattraction
♀ New Member
Member # 29314
Default  Posted: 8:19 AM, August 23rd (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

________

[This message edited by lawofattraction at 11:07 AM, September 30th (Thursday)]


Posts: 50 | Registered: Aug 2010
betrayed1012
♂ Member
Member # 26112
Default  Posted: 11:05 AM, August 23rd (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((lawofattraction)))

Sorry you are going through this.

I see much in your post I can relate to. My alcoholic stbxWW found her "friend" in detox and used AA to foster their A. She/they had to go to 2 meetings a day. One was a group, the other was one on one from what I gather reading her texts. "In 4 hours we can be as one" doesn't sound an AA meeting I went to with her. She was taking 4 hours to go to meetings since it was a crowded meeting to get a good seat she had to leave early then coffee with the group may have been how it started, but it ended up with just the 2 of them.

The lack of remorse... first it was I wouldn't have had A if you had been more attentive. I was taking care of our children so she could go to AA. Then it was what A? He's only a friend. Then she had not been happy for a long time... loves me, but not in love, etc. It was eerily like so many other posts on SI.

The blameshifting, the rewriting marital history, and the alcoholic refusal to accept any responsibility. It's my fault, her job was too stressful, the moon is full all caused her to drink.

I got she thought I had someone on the side, also. That I was cheating on her. It is amazing what they will come up with to justify what they do.

As you have learned though Al-Anon, you need to heal yourself and detach from the drama. You can't fix him. You can't control what he'll do. You can only control what you will do. I searched for months the one thing that would make her see how badly she was messing up her life, her children, and our marriage to no avail. I'd get into arguments with her when she called drunk trying to manipulate things. She just used my anger to further justify what she was doing and said she could understand why I was angry. She's sleeping with another man, relapsing routinely with him in motels for 3-4 days at a time and couldn't understand
.

I see you understand the difference between a dry drunk and an alcoholic in active recovery. The dry drunk is just not drinking, but still has the same behavior as before.

Again, sorry you are here. You are not alone in what you've been through. Take care of yourself.

[This message edited by betrayed1012 at 12:34 PM, August 27th (Friday)]


BS 52
WW 41
Dday 10/12/09
Filed Divorce Complaint 2/1/10
Together 18 year
M 14 years
Children: 11 & 7

Divorced 10/14/10


Posts: 1010 | Registered: Nov 2009
lawofattraction
♀ New Member
Member # 29314
Default  Posted: 1:06 PM, August 23rd (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry to you as well Betrayed.
The sickness is baffling.
They take hostages and then you become so entwined, it's so hard to get out.

Your EXW still being active will never heal.
She needs to find her bottom, but there are times, when these people have no bottom
But we all hope for the best.

Their need for love and affection to fill their endless void included everything, booze, drugs, other people, food, you name it!

It's seriously the most painful thing I ever experienced.

Hang in there too (hugs)


Posts: 50 | Registered: Aug 2010
betrayed1012
♂ Member
Member # 26112
Default  Posted: 11:28 AM, August 25th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yesterday I got news I was getting a small raise. My first thought was I have no one to share this news with. StbxWW had no idea of how hard I'd worked while balancing time for family. She didn't have a clue how I'd taken on more around the house with the kids because she said she was overwhelmed. Really she just wanted more time to drink secretly. She didn't know how hard I worked to keep my job performance up while trying to get her help after her alcoholism could no longer be hidden. She didn't realize the juggling I was doing so she could enter detox and attend AA meetings. She didn't understand how hard it was to be torn between helping my father, who had a brain tumor removed that has left him mostly in a wheelchair, and supporting her while caring for our children. She has no idea of the pain her turning to the POS she met in detox instead of me caused. She refuses to see that when she walked out to be with that POS she not only left me, but her children - our family.

All she could see was I wasn't accepting and according to her view supportive. Not like the POS that in her words, wouldn't judge her. Of course not, not while she is sleeping with him, not while he can relapse with her and she's buying.

And me, I didn't see how alcohol had turned her into someone with so little empathy or care for others, except for her POS f-buddy. I held out hope for so long during all the relapses she had that ended up with him in hotels for days or his apartment on a drunk that something would make her see what she was doing to us and her children. But, the fog of alcohol and the A made that impossible.

She's got over 90 days dry now. I only talk to her about when she can see the kids and to let her know about how their counseling is going to deal with abandonment issues and adjustment. She's still selfish and self centered with the mind of an alcoholic, accepting no responsibility for what she has done. Our separation papers are signed. All that is left is awaiting on the date to get the divorce decree. What a journey the last couple of years have been.

It is saddening to come to the realization that alcohol has taken the once loving and caring person I knew and left me with no one to share even the good things with as I journey through life. What a horrible disease.

[This message edited by betrayed1012 at 1:46 PM, August 25th (Wednesday)]


BS 52
WW 41
Dday 10/12/09
Filed Divorce Complaint 2/1/10
Together 18 year
M 14 years
Children: 11 & 7

Divorced 10/14/10


Posts: 1010 | Registered: Nov 2009
MixedUpMess
♀ Member
Member # 15256
Default  Posted: 7:27 AM, August 26th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It is saddening to come to the realization that alcohol has taken the once loving and caring person I knew and left me with no one to share even the good things with as I journey through life. What a horrible disease.

Yes it is. It's sad that they can't see what this disease has done to them, too.

(((( HUGS TO YOU BETRAYED!! ))))


D-Day: 5-28-2007
Married: 26 years
Me (BS): 48 (Cancer survivor!)
Him (WS)(Alcoholic): 48
DD: 17
False R for 1.5 yrs+
He moved out 5/10. In limbo.

I was sad because I had no shoes. Then I met a man who had no feet.


Posts: 2370 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: MD
MixedUpMess
♀ Member
Member # 15256
Default  Posted: 2:44 PM, September 7th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thought this was really, really interestig:

Visualizing addiction
A new brain scan shows how alcohol and drug abuse can physically affect a brain:

http://www.sun-sentinel.com/broadband/theedge/newsillustrated/sfl-ni-brain-on-drugs,0,2414921.htmlpage

Doctors can identify areas in the brain suffering from loss of function that show up as holes in SPECT scans. The holes can be associated with specific learning, behavioral, or social problems.

The Sentinel article depicts a brain with holes and what potential problems will occur if that area is damaged. It's very interesting. I think I can honestly say my WH is NOT the same person he was when I married him -- not after 25+ years of drinking.

A couple of similar articles:
http://www.amenclinics.com/scan-image-show/?sid=11&type=1

http://www.studentdrugtesting.org/15.%20Chapter15.PDF

[This message edited by MixedUpMess at 2:45 PM, September 7th (Tuesday)]


D-Day: 5-28-2007
Married: 26 years
Me (BS): 48 (Cancer survivor!)
Him (WS)(Alcoholic): 48
DD: 17
False R for 1.5 yrs+
He moved out 5/10. In limbo.

I was sad because I had no shoes. Then I met a man who had no feet.


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