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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Spouses/Partners Of Sex Addicts
beach
♀ Member
Member # 7533
Default  Posted: 6:47 PM, June 28th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((sheltered))) I am glad you didn't do it.

Yes, for us, it was always with other men. H is straight though. He doesn't want to do it with any other females, but me.

It was sureal. We (H, xOM, and I) even went to a strip club and I got a lap dance and I was almost going to get recruited.

Those old days were the darkest time and it was like, I was looking at myself acting in the movie or something. It's hard to explain......

Now, if H briefly browses HBO show that happens to be sort of soft porn, I would say loudly "eeeww". It really makes me sick now.
It's like my body is having allergy reaction.

If you are interested, I posted my journey to healing in WW forum (kind of like my biography - long).

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=173959

Thank you for asking, sheltered.

[This message edited by beach at 7:06 PM, June 28th (Thursday)]


If you don't find peace with yourself, you cannot find anywhere else.
Appreciate and cherish what I have.

Posts: 8680 | Registered: Jul 2005 | From: midwest
Heart Attacked
♀ Member
Member # 7747
Default  Posted: 7:38 PM, June 28th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Two weeks ago, my healthy sister went to bed and never woke up. She died in her sleep. We are all still in shock. Only 4 months ago my Father died and I had to break the news to my daughter ( 32) who lives in another state. She became inconsolable when I told her about her Grandfather and I was sorry that I had given her this news when she was alone. My sister was like her "other mother." My XH was two hours away from our daughter on a secret tryst with a married woman. He told me that he would break the news to our daughter and be there so she would not be alone. Well, I just as soon sent the Grim Reaper to deliver the news. XH gave her the news and after crying for a while, daughter would stop crying for a while. He left my daughter alone and returned to his fuck fest. This was on a Friday. He never called her again to see how she was doing and text messaged her on a Tuesday. He is a sex addict. He was so enthralled with the waiting whore and hotel room that even death could not alter his plan!! I am in shock about my sister's death, shock that a man would leave his only child alone with no comfort or compassion because of sex. What is rock bottom?


A wish changes nothing, but a decision changes everything.

Posts: 414 | Registered: Jul 2005 | From: Ohio
beach
♀ Member
Member # 7533
Default  Posted: 8:50 PM, June 28th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((HA))) My deepest sympathy for your sister and your father.

Hitting rock bottom is, IMO, when the SA realize what he/she is doing is out of hand and powerless over it, or when his/her health is in the danger (life/death) stage, or when the employer found about his secret, or his secret fun got out and open to the public. Does he even have a job?

But in reading your profile, he got a cancer and was treated, so he thinks he can go out and play. He didn't learn anything.

I am glad you got out from miserable life. I know, this may be hard for you, but if he is your xH and that I see that you had a 30 long years of history, but it isn't your concern about him or his health. Please focus on YOU and your happiness, and NOT about him.

[This message edited by beach at 8:38 AM, June 29th (Friday)]


If you don't find peace with yourself, you cannot find anywhere else.
Appreciate and cherish what I have.

Posts: 8680 | Registered: Jul 2005 | From: midwest
7yrsbetrayed
♀ Member
Member # 10198
Default  Posted: 10:03 PM, June 28th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For a SA hitting rock bottom is when their life, their circumstances become so horrible that they realize they are sick and need help. Your XH isn't there yet and frankly, he may never be. Some addicts never actually have any kind of awakening at all.

You divorced him, right? Well, that's about all YOU can do. You need to take care of you and your daughter and let him go.

I'm so sorry for your losses.


Me(44)
Him(46) arthurdent (rSA)
Married 12 yrs, together 15
Renewed Vows 12/19/08
One DD(8)
You can avoid reality but you cannot avoid the consequences of avoiding reality.~Ayn Rand

Posts: 2167 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: Colorado
newdaysahead
♀ Member
Member # 10467
Default  Posted: 11:23 AM, June 30th (Saturday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Another group I never thought I would belong to. H had a 4 yr affair with OW who was a coworker at the start. It was a vicious relationship and now I see, he did not treat her any differently or better that me. She even got an RO against him and had him thrown in jail when he broke it. We had to pay her off to dismiss it and agree to civil restraints so H would not lose his job for having criminal charges against him. If it went before a judge he would have served a minium of 30 days jailtime. Despite all this, when we were separated from 12/06-02/07, he actually hooked back up with her.

About 10 days ago, i found emails where he was talking and meeting with another OW he had met last fall (with whom he had sex with on the first nite he met her) and was propositioning 2 others, days before i found the mails.

Last Sunday, I came across IM logs he had with yet another OW from last fall. Despite it being in black and white in front of me, he denied. He then kicked in the computer.

He hooked up an old PC we had that he used while we were separated. He claims it was "sanatized". Last night while i was trying to get my outlook set up in it, I came across more IM logs, pictures of OW1 and trips they had taken (which he used lies to explain his lies when he recently told me the "truth"), emails and porn.

Some of the emails were between him and a HS GF whom he apparently was in contact with during 2005-2006. Something I knew nothing about.

Well, I have to say that this moring, I feel better than I have in a long time. I feel better because there is a name for his problem (SA). I can now see that despite his rants and raves that it was me and my fault because I was not this and that, that it was not me at all. If I was not a good enough spouse then the OW1 was not a good enough OW because he had another besides her. That during our separation, OW1 was still not good enough because he had lots of others in addition to her.

It scares the shit out of me, too. Monday can not come soon enough for me to call the doctor for testing, AGAIN. It will probably take weeks to get an appointment I am sure. Then forever to get results.


Me BS 39
Him WS 40, SLA,LTA and many other PAs and EAs
M 20 years, now separated



Posts: 396 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: SE PA
sheltered
♀ Member
Member # 14641
Default  Posted: 5:48 PM, July 2nd (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey Newdays,

You touched on something really important...you are not to blame for his SA or choices!!!

I still kick around the ol', what could I have done better/ differently, can from time to time...but addictions stem from within an individual...not from the outside. The behaviors and patterns while destructive are also self rewarding...hence how they become addictions.

SA affects a lot of people...so I'd say welcome to the club, but it's more like welcome to the society . It is important to remember that just because your H has a problem with a title...it does not excuse his past, present, or future behaviors.

It can be really hard to find support as a spouse of a SA. Most people just do not understand...family and friends are no exception. But, there are a lot of us that know SA does not define your H, you, or your M for that matter.

Good luck...you've come to a good place. (((Newdays)))


Posts: 112 | Registered: May 2007
newdaysahead
♀ Member
Member # 10467
Default  Posted: 7:08 PM, July 2nd (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

HA -I am sorry for your loses.

I haven't had a chance to read and catch up on this thread yet.

Sheltered - thanks. I know I am not responsible, but he has done a pretty through job of brain washing me over the last several years. Last night a huge argument erupted and he can still turn things on me that I have to untwist in my head.

For what ever reason, this morning I was counting on the way to work...I counted the number of inappropriate contacts I have come across in the last 10 months. The total is 15. 15 other women. 2 he admits to sex with, many i have seen email chat confirming kissing and petting, and a several others may have been more.

I am sure if this is what I have found, then there has to be more that I never uncovered. I am sure it is impossible that I found all. It is just surreal.


Me BS 39
Him WS 40, SLA,LTA and many other PAs and EAs
M 20 years, now separated



Posts: 396 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: SE PA
sadteacher
♀ Member
Member # 13072
Default  Posted: 10:52 PM, July 2nd (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Has anybody done any couples intensive therapy workshops? I read that Doug Weiss has a really good program. It is in Colorado.

Edited to add...

Is anybody involved in COSA?

[This message edited by sadteacher at 9:50 AM, July 3rd (Tuesday)]


The truth sets us free...
BS 33 (me)
WH (SA) 33
Married 9 yrs
secret female validations started 5/99, physical affair #1 11/01, 6 total PA's DDay 9/06, 1/07
Reconciled!! Renewed vows 7/17/07

Posts: 334 | Registered: Dec 2006
jessjane
♀ Member
Member # 13981
Default  Posted: 2:18 PM, July 3rd (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Along that line, does anyone know of any good couple's programs in Canada...Ontario, specifically?

Also, I am having a really rough go of it lately...if anyone has a success story, I would love to hear it. Doubt and fear about my H's ability to recover and my own insecurities are really getting to me lately. Hearing that others are reconciling successfully with their SA partners would really help.


Me: BS, 28 yrs.
Him: WS, recovering SA, 28 yrs.

I love him, but I love myself, my sanity, and my happiness more.


Posts: 142 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Canada
jessjane
♀ Member
Member # 13981
Default  Posted: 2:21 PM, July 3rd (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wish there was a COSA in my area, because I have heard that it is good. I am involved in S-Anon for friends and families of sex addicts and I've heard that the programs are similar, both being 12 step based.


Me: BS, 28 yrs.
Him: WS, recovering SA, 28 yrs.

I love him, but I love myself, my sanity, and my happiness more.


Posts: 142 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Canada
OurLifeBack
♀ Member
Member # 10620
Default  Posted: 3:14 PM, July 6th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am stepping out here -- have not read the posts on the forum, but thought this would be a good place to ask a question.

I think my H is a sex addict. I am planning to have a conversation with him. Can someone please tell me what is considered 'normal'? I, personally, don't find masterbation abnormal...nor, perhaps watching R movies. There are sone of his activies that I am totally uncomforatable with...

Can someone give me some guidance? I am sorry if this is not appropriate for this thread.

[This message edited by OurLifeBack at 3:39 PM, July 6th (Friday)]


Me: BS 50 Him: WS 46 Married 15 years / Together 19
DDay: 4/28/06 & many more after that -- there are still a lot of blanks & I dread the telling
01/28/08 - renewed EA with OW. SA confirmed. Taking a time out.
06/13/08 - discovered EA with OW#2.

Posts: 1141 | Registered: May 2006 | From: Florida / Chicago - Whatever!
1Forward1Back
♀ Member
Member # 11057
Default  Posted: 3:25 PM, July 6th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi jessjane,

It's been over a year since D-Day, when I discovered my WH's affair. He has been a porn addict most of his life.

He struggles with it every day, but he has identified that he cannot allow himself the slightest 'peek'; he forces himself not to even look at women on the street while he is driving. He knows it will lead right to the same ol' thing.

I went through the same feelings as you; will he ever be able to recover? I still do on occasion. But I have gotten past the hypervigilance stage, where I was checking his email, cell phone records, etc. numerous times a day. There comes a point where you really cannot do that anymore. I know it's hard but concentrate on yourself; build yourself up in any way you can. You cannot control him. I realized my fear was that I was half a person without him. I'm not. I'm a whole person without him. It's just nicer with him; but ONLY if he stays 'clean'. If I found copious amounts of porn in this house again, I'd leave. He knows that. He knows I mean it.

Hang in there, jessjane. You will survive.


Me: 60 Yrs. (BS)
Him: 60 Yrs.(FWH- life long sex addict)
-2 ONSs followed by an A-2005/06
-cheated while we were engaged
-seems to stray every 30 years or so
D-Day-June 10, 2006
Working on own recovery. His is his!
Married: 37 yrs. Grown ch

Posts: 966 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: Canada
jessjane
♀ Member
Member # 13981
Default  Posted: 4:44 PM, July 7th (Saturday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks, 1Forward1Back, that is sound advice and I really appreciate the encouragement.

Sometimes I fear that I will never see the light at the end of the tunnel. I am now seven months since D-day. I think my biggest fear is that I cannot be loved and that his behaviour reflects whether or not I am lovable. I know this is not true...I am lovable no matter how much loving or acting out my partner does. Your response helped me remember that about myself. Thankyou.


Me: BS, 28 yrs.
Him: WS, recovering SA, 28 yrs.

I love him, but I love myself, my sanity, and my happiness more.


Posts: 142 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Canada
newdaysahead
♀ Member
Member # 10467
Default  Posted: 10:21 PM, July 8th (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Unbelievable. That is all I can say. How come if someone is a drug addict or an alcoholic, the family (mother, father, sibs) would be able to see for themselves. But with SA, even when faced with evidence, since it doesn't necessary affect them -> they refuse to get involved & refuse to believe?

H's family has bailed him out of jail when his OW had him arrested (while we were still married and together), they offered to help pay OW off so H wouldn't go back to jail, they have called their own grandchildren liars when the kids told them they met the OW.

They have witnessed first hand his destructive decisions. His own mother begged him to come home one weekend because our son was very sick and H refused -> told his mom that she was exaggerating like me. They believe all his lies and he has them convinced that I make up stories. I have f'ing proof to his shananagans!

Why is it that I am the one that was betrayed, cheated on and exposed to who-knows-what, but I am the only one that seems to care enough that H has problems and needs help?

Can anyone help me understand?


Me BS 39
Him WS 40, SLA,LTA and many other PAs and EAs
M 20 years, now separated



Posts: 396 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: SE PA
7yrsbetrayed
♀ Member
Member # 10198
Default  Posted: 3:11 AM, July 9th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Unbelievable. That is all I can say. How come if someone is a drug addict or an alcoholic, the family (mother, father, sibs) would be able to see for themselves. But with SA, even when faced with evidence, since it doesn't necessary affect them -> they refuse to get involved & refuse to believe?

newdays, it sounds to me like they would have their heads buried in the sand no matter what your WH's problem was. And that is probably a lot of the reason he's a SA. He got messages all his life to gloss it over, make everything look ok on the outside and don't deal with your problems. That creates a lot of isolation and that is a key ingredient for a SA to develop. If he is truly a SA it's probably because of family of origin issues. People don't become addicts (of any kind) in a vacuum, they are shaped by their experiences.

Why is it that I am the one that was betrayed, cheated on and exposed to who-knows-what, but I am the only one that seems to care enough that H has problems and needs help?

Because you are not blinded by the disfunction in his family. I'm guessing he is the "golden" child. Can do no wrong in the eyes of his family? Perfect setup for a SA.

Are the two of you reconsiling? Has he faced his SA? Is he seeking treatment? Are you getting any counseling?

[This message edited by 7yrsbetrayed at 3:19 AM, July 9th (Monday)]


Me(44)
Him(46) arthurdent (rSA)
Married 12 yrs, together 15
Renewed Vows 12/19/08
One DD(8)
You can avoid reality but you cannot avoid the consequences of avoiding reality.~Ayn Rand

Posts: 2167 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: Colorado
newdaysahead
♀ Member
Member # 10467
Default  Posted: 10:13 PM, July 9th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

7, you really have it right. It has always been, don't air dirty laundry, don't let anyone know things, etc. It is all about the projected persona.

Yes, H did tell me that when growing up, the advice he was given by his parents was to ignore, ignore the bullies and they will go away type of thing.

Sure, he was the golden son: grand house, new cars, expensive clothes, successful career, 3 children, doting wife. Yep, the perfect child to brag about.

He does no wrong. Of course nobody believed when the OW#1 pressed charges for harassment and stalking. HE wouldn't do that. Well guess what? He did. $50 in charges at the pay phone trying to reach her charging it to his Amex, IMs to her, texts, emails.

Believe me, my parents were not Ozzie and Harriet. I think our family could well be the a case study in dysfunction. But the difference is, my parents will call you on your mistakes. They will not think twice to tell you that you are wrong. Doesn't mean they don't love you (believe me it took a long time for that to absorb for me, and it is my family ). My family will stand behind me in anything I do, BUT they will not gloss over my wrongs. There is a difference between supporting a person and supporting their decisions.

We are no longer reconciling. I found emails and other supporting evidence almost 3 weeks ago. He says I am accusing him of things that are old, which is true, but he told me back in February, when I agreed to another round of R, that I knew everything. It seems that I knew less than evrything. Old info, but new lies discoverd.

He has not faced anything. He has spent the last year lying to me and the MC. He isn't a disgnosed SA, however a prior MC had suggested it and the current MC contantly used the word addict to describe him, even to his face.

He claims he is going back to the MC, who was actually his IC first. However, I would be really suprised if he did.

Me, I have a counselor suggestion and I have an old counselor I could go see. I am just in a holding pattern right now. Strangely, I feel a lot better about myself since finding the evidence of all the other women. That evidence is tangable proof to me, that it wasn't me, but truly was his problem that invaded my life.


Me BS 39
Him WS 40, SLA,LTA and many other PAs and EAs
M 20 years, now separated



Posts: 396 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: SE PA
jessjane
♀ Member
Member # 13981
Default  Posted: 4:37 PM, July 17th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ok, here's what I don't get. According to my 12 step based group for spouses of SA, I am supposed to not snoop, not question, not be hurt (detatchment), let go of suspicion and trust my Higher power to take care of me. It seems like a tall order. I know these things often hurt me more than they help me, but gosh, I'm human. I've been cheated on and lied to for 5 years...that does some pretty heavy damage.

Isn't there some way I can protect myself in a healthy way besides just hoping that some nebulous power will deem it time for me to discover the truth? Sorry, I know this sounds a bit bitter, but it took me 5 years to find out the first time, and I don't want to spend another 5 years with a man who is lying about an active SA. I apologize if my lack of faith has
offended anyone; I do have a small amount of faith on good days, but I am struggling today with this issue.

Also, I am finding that my sponsor's idea of what I need to do and my IC's idea of what I need to do for healing and growth are conflicting and it is causing me some stress. My sponsor would like to see me attend even more meetings and spend hours working on recovery, while my IC recommended taking back my life and my confidence through getting a job, doing things I really love like singing etc. and cutting back a bit (but not totally) on the 12 step work. I talked to her today about the conflict and she apologized saying that it must make things difficult for me. Has anyone else ever been in a similar situation? How did you handle it?

so, I guess I'm struggling with many things today, but there it is. On a positive note, my H and I are continuing to reconcile, and he reports being sober now for over 6 months. I no longer think about his cheating every moment of the day...more like about half of that now...so I'm getting some reprieve. I take that as a positive sign that I'm moving forward and healing from this nasty wound a little bit.

[This message edited by jessjane at 4:39 PM, July 17th (Tuesday)]


Me: BS, 28 yrs.
Him: WS, recovering SA, 28 yrs.

I love him, but I love myself, my sanity, and my happiness more.


Posts: 142 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Canada
tlsmi
♀ Member
Member # 6558
Default  Posted: 5:32 PM, July 17th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

jessjane...

The 12 steps work for some, not all. You 'take what you need and leave the rest', as they say.

I learned alot from it (S-anon) and take it with me every single day, please don't get me wrong.

Yet, it became something else to obsess about.
His SA, my 'co-dependence', my 'family of origin', don't snoop (that was my 'disease' they told me) frankly, I could not deal with it.

Too much self-reflection for me. What DID help me was to find a job I love and do volunteer work....read, stay active, etc.

So, if you learn and grow and 'lovingly detach' with S-Anon, great. The group I was with are the strongest women I have ever met in my life.
If you need to do it in other ways that make you fulfilled and confident, go for it.

This is a process. We learn and grow and try to do the best we can, don't we?

I found when I took the focus off of him ( which was my life) I did better.

When we know better we do better as the bald guy says.

You will be okay. You will.


Posts: 2135 | Registered: Feb 2005 | From: AZ
7yrsbetrayed
♀ Member
Member # 10198
Exclaimation  Posted: 7:04 PM, July 17th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

jessjane,
Listen to your IC! If the 12-step program isn't working for you, it's not for you. I'm an atheist so I know that any 12-step is going to be a problem for me. I don't believe in a "higher power" so nothing can protect me or intervene devinely on my behalf. I have to protect myself. I will always check up on my FWH. Always. No, it's not obsessive and I go longer and longer periods but I will NEVER be the helpless, clueless, trusting idiot I was for 7.5 years, again. I will never give him that kind of power over me again. Had I not discovered his AFF account purely by accident who knows how much longer I'd have been in the dark. No thank you, I'll not go down that road again. A huge part of my recovery is knowing that I've taken that power back and that I will never be so clueless again.


Me(44)
Him(46) arthurdent (rSA)
Married 12 yrs, together 15
Renewed Vows 12/19/08
One DD(8)
You can avoid reality but you cannot avoid the consequences of avoiding reality.~Ayn Rand

Posts: 2167 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: Colorado
shenpa1
♀ Member
Member # 11710
Default  Posted: 9:38 PM, July 17th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

7years,
"I will never give him that power over me." You echo my sentiments as well. For 2 years I literally became frozen with fear, anxiety, rage, helplessness, anger & depression. One morning I woke up and decided that it was time to put an end to my suffering. I was exhausted and detested the person I had allowed myself to become. I spent 2 years in this rather sureal, confused conflicted, child -like state.
On the one hand I loved my H and on the other hand I hated my H. I embarked on an obessive mission to try to find as many details as possible about my H's countless PA's and EA's. Each time I would tell myself if I knew more then perhaps I could understand more. If H could just be honest and provide the details then I could heal....then I could move on.
The more I searched, the more I snooped and the more I discovered and the more he shared about all the A's just served to increase my living hell.

My healing didn't begin until I came to the realization that I had allowed/given away all my power to my H. I had given away my mental health, my physical health, my role as a mother, my role as a wife,
my role as a business owner,my role as friend and countless other roles as a result of something that my H had done. I gave away my essence as a human being because of the affairs my H had.

I told my H that I was not going to let him have the power to destroy me and from that day forward I have made the concious choice to heal.

I did the 180 with myself, not with my H and I'm healing. H and I are still together and R continues to take a great deal of work. H and I have been able to create a relationship that encompasses and respects a place for the "I" (me), "You" (him) and the "Us" (me and him).

I've also come to realize that the "higher power" I have right now is ME. Sure, I have been blessed with the wisdom and guidence of family, friends, books, meetings, doctor's, prayer,therapist's and other's, but the bottom line is that I made the concious choice to make it happen and continue to make it happen on a daily basis.

I wish you all well as you continue your journey to explore your suffering and the root of all your suffering and the ability to recognize that you and only you have the power to let go of your suffering.

Shen
Shen


Me BS-49
H- WH-46
D-day #1 05/05 H Admits to PA #1
D-day #2 10/06 PA#2,3,4,&5 (ouch!)
Children: 3
Married 12 years



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