My WS actually went to an open SA meeting on his own and was referred to an IC from some one within the group. My WS has had great success with a 12 step program (AA) and feels that the SA meetings are just as good. He thinks it reminds him often of how low the bottom can be by hearing all the other stories.
He is also bound by his strict Catholic background but feels that it is his faith in God that eventually saved him. As you said, your own Catholic Doctrine might not be the same as the Catholic churches and my WS finally (on 7/11/07) noticed the gap.
I still don't feel strong enough to attend my own s-anon meeting but will take your advice and try to work up to it.
Once again, thanks for your response and I will stayed tuned.
I am getting so many positive vibes from him -- but I am so very afraid. I think us seperating is the right thing to do -- I am just so pulled. I so very much want my marriage and want him to be okay.
Any advice would be appreciated. I am so torn.
The SA issue is not like any other 12 step issue in my opinion. It is very complicated psycholigically. It needs to be lead by a psychologist who understands it. Lay people in general can't reign in a sex addict.
My observance has been thab sex addicts tend not to follow the rules that make a 12 step group work.
I now attend a divocrce support group for women and that's working a whole lot better for me!
Anyway, the workbook we'll be using is:
Partner's Recovery Guide: 100 Empowering Exercises by Douglas Weiss, Ph.D.
Is anyone here familiar with this workbook? Does it have a Christian slant?
[This message edited by 7yrsbetrayed at 4:41 PM, February 12th (Tuesday)]
How are you doing? Sounds like things are going well...
My husband went to his first SA meeting on Monday night. I can't believe how much "lighter" I've felt since. It meant so much to me that he would do something that was his own version of hell (actually admitting -- in PUBLIC -- what he did; fear of being exposed; etc. etc.) because it would help the two of us heal (not to mention him alone). So I'm feeling so much more positive. That, coupled with the fact that he told me what really makes him NEVER want to go down this path again is the look in my eyes when all this came out. He says it will haunt him forever. So he's clearly taking responsibility for the pain he caused (and openly talks about how painful/shameful it was for him) so life is looking up!!
It is so tremendeously helpful to know I am not alone because I have felt that way many days. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. I feel like it will only make me stronger...(and maybe a little crazy)
Any feedback or advise would be very helpful.
Will let you know...
I haven't been on in a while, and I wanted to check in and see how everyone is doing...also, post an update on me.
My common law H has reportedly been sober for 1 year, and 1 month. D-day was last December 4, 2006. We are still in R, and still both attending SA and S-Anon respectively, as well as counselling and MC. I still get overwhelmed by fear about what he is doing when I'm not around or he's at school, and last night, for the first time in several months, I couldn't sleep because of videotapes. Thank goodness that happens less and less.
I took a min wage job to boost my confidence, and wouldn't you know it, I was hired by a woman who is married to an active SA, and in denial. Very triggering for me. I really had to work on my boundaries at work with my boss, and I feel proud of how I handled that situation. Now, I feel ready again to look for work in my field.
My problem is this: I have these dreams, and I wonder if they are even possible anymore?
I dream of being in a healthy enough relationship that I feel ready to get married. I dream of having a son or daughter one day. Of feeling that I am safe enough to take that step, and that my H and I will not pass this unhealth to the next generation. I dream of travelling...that I can do no matter what :)
Has anyone ever R'd with a SA partner and been able to get married to them after D-day, or have a first child with them?
I'm not wanting to rush, just wondering if anyone's EVER done it. It would be so scary to me right now. That's how I know I'm not ready, not R'd enough at this time.
[This message edited by jessjane at 7:50 PM, February 19th (Tuesday)]
I love him, but I love myself, my sanity, and my happiness more.