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User Topic: Spouses/Partners Of Sex Addicts
Eternaloptimist
♀ Member
Member # 15029
Default  Posted: 10:06 AM, May 26th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's good to hear some positive stories on this link! I have to thank 7yrs for encouraging me to continue reading Mending a Shattered Heart, even when I was initially unimpressed. I'm finding it really helpful -- turns out I'm NOT crazy! Yeah for me. I'm just in a crazy situation (no need to tell all of you that -- you're there with me!). It's heartening to read of people who overcome this and move on with hard-won wisdom.


Me: BS
Him: WS, SA
Married: 12 years
Three kids: 9-year-old D, 7-year-old S, 5-year-old D
D-Day #1: December 11, 2006 (LTA)
D-Day #2: June 17, 2007 (found out about SA)

Posts: 656 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Toronto
7yrsbetrayed
♀ Member
Member # 10198
Default  Posted: 10:36 AM, May 26th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

EO,
I'm so glad you stuck with it!
I'm finding it really helpful -- turns out I'm NOT crazy! Yeah for me. I'm just in a crazy situation

Yup. None of us is crazy and none of us is to blame for this. I love that book.


Me(44)
Him(46) arthurdent (rSA)
Married 12 yrs, together 15
Renewed Vows 12/19/08
One DD(8)
You can avoid reality but you cannot avoid the consequences of avoiding reality.~Ayn Rand

Posts: 2167 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: Colorado
innerstrength
♀ Member
Member # 19540
Default  Posted: 10:20 AM, May 28th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey- Just wanted to share some hopeful news on our progress over here...

Thanks to 7yrs, my husband listened to the interview with Micheal Leahy and Dr. Drew and started scouring the internet for more information on his own (up to this point, I have been talking with him about everything I have learned, but he had yet to take those steps on his own... Which was starting to frustrate me, but I realized that if he didn't want to do it, he could never get to recovery and I was perpetuating the co-dependancy in myself)

I got on the computer and saw tons of sexual addiction treatment and informational sites that he had been looking at and I was really happy that he took that step on his own. He actually only told me about the interview since I had suggested that he listen to it.

He has already agreed to see a CSAT therapist and is working on getting that going.

I just wanted to say thank you again to everyone, because the information and advice I have been given is already helping so much.


Me: BS
Him: WS,SA
D-Day #1: 10/22/05
D-Day #2: 4/27/08
In R, LOTS of counseling this time!
I'm finding out day by day how strong I can be... I wish I never had to get to this self-discovery...

Posts: 189 | Registered: May 2008
claudiasometimes
Member
Member # 19361
Default  Posted: 12:19 PM, May 28th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i'm new to this forum, but have been on SI now for about a month... just after dday. 7yrs brought the idea that my FWBF might be a SA to the light, and i talked to my IC about it last night... and i think it's definitely a possibility. i don't know what to do. it's really hard to wrap my head around the idea.


"i wish i could just stop. i know another moment will break my heart. too many tears, too many times, too many years i've cried over you." - **from the edge of the deep green sea** by the cure


Posts: 166 | Registered: May 2008 | From: ca
Eternaloptimist
♀ Member
Member # 15029
Default  Posted: 12:59 PM, May 28th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Inner Strength,

That's great. It's such a relief when they take responsibility for their actions and their recovery.

Claudia,

I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I don't really have any advice other than to be kind to yourself and treat yourself respectfully. Whether he is or isn't SA, it sounds as if you've got a rough road ahead. I think you need to spend some time determining what your boundaries are -- what is okay with you and what is NOT okay -- and then learn to stick with them. Keep reading here and keep posting. You'll gain strength...


Me: BS
Him: WS, SA
Married: 12 years
Three kids: 9-year-old D, 7-year-old S, 5-year-old D
D-Day #1: December 11, 2006 (LTA)
D-Day #2: June 17, 2007 (found out about SA)

Posts: 656 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Toronto
innerstrength
♀ Member
Member # 19540
Default  Posted: 3:38 PM, May 28th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Claudia-
Have you gone and looked at some of the "signs" of SA? I'm sure 7yrs had good reason to suggest it if she did- she's pretty astute about this subject as far as I can tell-

I actually took one of the quizzes "for" my H, just to see what it would come out with... He has been pretty honest with his feelings about the whole thing, so it was pretty easy to answer...
He took it on his own later and we came out with the exact same score-

Depending on what resources you have already looked into, it might be a good starting point. This is the one we took, but there are many different ones...
http://www.sexhelp.com/sast.cfm

Have you talked with your BF about it at all? The thing I am learning is that he has to think there is a problem if he's going to begin to recover from it...

Feel free to PM me anytime if you have any questions- I have learned so much here and I am so thankful to everyone who has reached out to me. I'm definitely new to this, but I am trying to become as educated as I can be so that I am better prepared for what my life may bring me...

Good luck with this-


Me: BS
Him: WS,SA
D-Day #1: 10/22/05
D-Day #2: 4/27/08
In R, LOTS of counseling this time!
I'm finding out day by day how strong I can be... I wish I never had to get to this self-discovery...

Posts: 189 | Registered: May 2008
peridot
♀ Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 10:41 PM, May 28th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WS has been going to the SA group meeting for about three weeks now. We're seperated but I am pretty sure he is really going. We aren't getting back together, in the middle of a divorce. I think he is only going to impress the judge. Problem is, that he continues to visit porn and dating sites. I'm really starting to believe that he is meeting women to have sex with them. He's going to be so screwed when he tells the judge he is getting help and I show the judge how serious he really isn't about getting help. At first, I really hoped he would try and get help. Not just for our marriage but for the kids. He's done too many off the wall things since our seperation to ever go back to him.


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4488 | Registered: Feb 2008
beagle lover
♀ New Member
Member # 19694
Default  Posted: 9:28 AM, May 30th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello everyone.
I posted my story in profile, and I want to thank you all for being so courageous and honest on this thread. I have spent the past couple of days reading and it has helped me so much. Not only because I don't feel all alone anymore, but also because it has answered some questions.

I am truly wondering if WH is bi polar. He certainly seems to have hyper sexuality with his compulsions and his deviant tastes in porn (amputees, women with animals, trannies, gay, grandma, etc...). As a child he was one of the hyper kids, and he has obsessions now where he focuses on one thing and disregards everything else.

For some reason, I attract bi polar sufferers into my life. I have no idea why or how.
WH has no sexual desire or urges since his nooner with the OM, or at least not since he got the herpes diagnosis. He wants to forget the ONS ever happened. I know that is not healthy, but I wonder if he will be able to have a sexual relationship that is healthy ever again. To be honest though, I won't even kiss him because of knowing his kissed another man.
WH thinks his PA in part filled the "God hole" when he stopped going to Church. I asked him if we should attend church together (we are different faiths which would prove difficult). He said he would like it, but is afraid he would replace his SA/PA with a religion obsession, which would be a very harmful thing in our R because of the damage MIL's religious obsession has done to us.
I guess I'm just rambling. It's so hard with no group support locally. It makes me feel all alone. I'm feeling ashamed and inferior as it is because of the herpes - not having any community support just makes me feel like more of a freak. I am still waiting on the yahoo groups for S-anon and COSA to approve my membership.


Me 33
WH 37 SA/Porn Addict/had ONS with OM and EA with ex co-worker
Married 10 years
No kids
Lots of D-Days along the way, but ONS D-Day 5/28/08
Going to give R another chance. Hoping for honesty this time around

Posts: 50 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Rhode Island
Eternaloptimist
♀ Member
Member # 15029
Default  Posted: 9:06 PM, May 30th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Beagle lover,

Welcome -- I'm so sorry you find yourself here. But you'll find a warm, generous community of people who share your pain and will offer up whatever hard-won wisdom we've gained.
I'm glad you're trying to find support for yourself. You sound very strong and capable...which is great, as long as you're not repressing your own pain around this issue.
I'm also glad your husband has acknowledged that SA is a problem and is seeking help. It sounds as if he's had a pretty rough time in life...the good news is that it can get better. Perhaps he's hit bottom and has nowhere to go but up.
Keep posting. And, if you haven't already, get yourself Mendng a Shattered Heart (for spouse's of SA) and I'd also recommend reading Don't Call It Love, about sexual addiction by Patrick Carnes, the acknowledged "pioneer" in SA research.
It's sometimes hard for me to read others' posts when they're new because I remember too well the raw pain of it all. But I'm glad you found us.


Me: BS
Him: WS, SA
Married: 12 years
Three kids: 9-year-old D, 7-year-old S, 5-year-old D
D-Day #1: December 11, 2006 (LTA)
D-Day #2: June 17, 2007 (found out about SA)

Posts: 656 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Toronto
peridot
♀ Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 11:44 PM, May 30th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Have some questions for those of you who have more experience with this. As I said earlier, my WS is going to SA meetings but he continues to still look at porn and is on porn dating sites. Won't the people in his group somehow know that he is not serious? I wish he were serious about getting help even though we are over because we have kids together.


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4488 | Registered: Feb 2008
7yrsbetrayed
♀ Member
Member # 10198
Default  Posted: 12:32 AM, May 31st (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome beagle lover,
I'm so sorry you find yourself here but glad that we can offer community and support.

I see you're in Rhode Island and that you can't find a CSAT there. Can you find one in Massachusetts or Connecticut that you could at least talk with by phone or have a consult with? They could perhaps give you some resources to check out in RI.

I highly recommend you read MASH (Mending A Shattered Heart by Stefanie Carnes) there is an entire chapter dedicated to wives of SAs who act out with men.

Your SA could be bi-polar. My (adult) nephew is bi-polar (diagnosed at 17) and he is a SA as well. It's fed by the OCD component that many bi-polars have. My nephew is not in recovery for his SA which makes me very sad but he is on medication for bi-polar. But anyway, he could just have ADD. Very common, almost a given, with SA. I recommend you listen to an interview with Michael Leahy (author of "Porn Nation" www.pornnationthebook.com) by Dr. Drew. Go to:
http://www.westwoodone.com/pg/jsp/drew/audioarchive.jsp
And look for:
May 16, 2008: Michael Leahy talks about his book "Porn Nation," which is his true story of sex addiction...
They discuss the SA and ADD link.

PM me anytime, I'm sort of a veteran in these parts and I'm happy to help if I can.
7


Me(44)
Him(46) arthurdent (rSA)
Married 12 yrs, together 15
Renewed Vows 12/19/08
One DD(8)
You can avoid reality but you cannot avoid the consequences of avoiding reality.~Ayn Rand

Posts: 2167 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: Colorado
7yrsbetrayed
♀ Member
Member # 10198
Default  Posted: 12:36 AM, May 31st (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Have some questions for those of you who have more experience with this. As I said earlier, my WS is going to SA meetings but he continues to still look at porn and is on porn dating sites. Won't the people in his group somehow know that he is not serious? I wish he were serious about getting help even though we are over because we have kids together.

They aren't mind readers and if he's lying to them and doing it well (and let's face it, our SAs are EXPERT liars) they can't call him on it. False recovery is not uncommon. I gave beagle lover a link to listen to an interview with Michael Leahy (a recovering SA who has written a book) and in that interview he talks about his false recovery. Going to SA meetings and counseling but still lying. It does happen. :(

Now, if he's going and being honest, then yes they will call him on it, or at least they should. It sounds to me like he needs to see a CSAT and not just go to meetings but of course you can't control that. He's going to have to hit rock bottom before he gets serious about recovery. And who knows when or IF that will happen. :(

You're right, it's very important he get into recovery for the sake of your children.

7

[This message edited by 7yrsbetrayed at 12:38 AM, May 31st (Saturday)]


Me(44)
Him(46) arthurdent (rSA)
Married 12 yrs, together 15
Renewed Vows 12/19/08
One DD(8)
You can avoid reality but you cannot avoid the consequences of avoiding reality.~Ayn Rand

Posts: 2167 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: Colorado
innerstrength
♀ Member
Member # 19540
Default  Posted: 4:29 PM, May 31st (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Beagle lover-
Welcome. I read your profile and I am glad that you have taken the steps to get yourself information. I am also glad to hear that your H realizes that he has a problem and is willing to get help. Those are the first big steps... Please post often and listen to these guys here- they are helping me immensely and will try their best to steer you in the right direction.

I am new here too and I have already made so much more progress with this situation than my last DDay... I wish I had found SI years ago...

Good luck and know that you are not alone in this-


Me: BS
Him: WS,SA
D-Day #1: 10/22/05
D-Day #2: 4/27/08
In R, LOTS of counseling this time!
I'm finding out day by day how strong I can be... I wish I never had to get to this self-discovery...

Posts: 189 | Registered: May 2008
beagle lover
♀ New Member
Member # 19694
Default  Posted: 6:40 PM, May 31st (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you so much for the welcome. I truly feel so much better knowing I am not alone. I don't think I am repressing. I guess I was waiting for the other shoe to drop, and now it has I am determined. it helps to have other issues to focus on, but I am still taking time to... grieve? I guess grieve would be the right word. I'm pretty angry right now.
WH confessed to an urge to look at porn today. His first urge since the ONS. He is proud he was able to rationalize it, but understands it is a forever battle. He thinks it was more of a routine thing (get up, get on the computer, look at porn) and we talked about some new routines he could get into in the morning.
When I made him the appointment for IC, the therapist said he has some experience with SA. That makes me feel better, because it is so hard to find help in RI, MA, or Eastern CT. A further burden is an impossible work and school schedule. Still I am going to be hopeful that this therapist is good. If not, I have the number of the IC my Dr gave me to make an appointment with myself.
I am heading to B&N tomorrow for the Carnes' books. Tonight I am at my parents' house dogsitting trying not to worry that WH is cruising the personals or looking at porn.

I do have a question- WH admits he will slip. He said it foolish and not helpful to recovery admitting he won't. Is that an unhealthy attitude?


Me 33
WH 37 SA/Porn Addict/had ONS with OM and EA with ex co-worker
Married 10 years
No kids
Lots of D-Days along the way, but ONS D-Day 5/28/08
Going to give R another chance. Hoping for honesty this time around

Posts: 50 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Rhode Island
7yrsbetrayed
♀ Member
Member # 10198
Default  Posted: 3:32 AM, June 1st (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I do have a question- WH admits he will slip. He said it foolish and not helpful to recovery admitting he won't. Is that an unhealthy attitude?

As long as he's not using it as a rationalization for choosing not to get sober, then it is a healthy attitude. It is true that it is rare for SAs to not slip. It is astounding that my FWH is 21+ months sober with no sexual slips and no resetting of his sobriety date. That's not to say that he hasn't "acted out" because he has, but not sexually. He's been struggling with anger and rage and has had outbursts that were not fun at all. SA is one of the most difficult addictions to get sober from because the drug is in their brain. They carry it around 24/7. So, like I said, as long as he's not using that as an excuse and is genuinely being realistic that is a good attitude to have.

You might want to call B&N to make sure they have the books before you make the trip. I was in a B&N today and was disappointed at the selection and placement of the books. I went in to get "Porn Nation" by Michael Leahy, they didn't have it. I did find some Carnes books. They had 4 copies of "Out of the Shadows" and 1 copy of "Don't Call it Love" that was it. Nothing else. They did not have a single copy of "Mending a Shattered Heart." I was really disappointed but more appalling to me was that the "addiction" section in self help was literally right next to the sexuality section. As I'm scanning looking for titles/names I accidentally let my eyes wonder over too far to the left and what did I land on?? A "Letters to Penthouse Forum" box set. Isn't that just perfect?? Let's put thinly veiled PORN right next to the books on sexual addiction. What a bunch of morons. Seriously.


Me(44)
Him(46) arthurdent (rSA)
Married 12 yrs, together 15
Renewed Vows 12/19/08
One DD(8)
You can avoid reality but you cannot avoid the consequences of avoiding reality.~Ayn Rand

Posts: 2167 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: Colorado
1Forward1Back
♀ Member
Member # 11057
Default  Posted: 6:57 AM, June 1st (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had a very bad week last week. I was right back to D-Day and ruminated ad nauseum about the OW and FWH's other 'indiscretions'. It culminated on Friday night by blowing up at FWH for all of it. I went to work the next day and when I came home I went right to my bedroom and read the chapter on co-addicts in Patrick Carnes, "Not Just Friends". I am a textbook codependent/coaddict. I have been for our entire marriage. The chapter is most excellent. I came out to the kitchen and read some of the passages to my FWH. As I was telling him that I am as compulsive a co-addict as he was/is a compulsive porn viewer and masturbater. It all makes sense now. The book says that I do all the things a co-addicts do to avoid dealing with my own pain. As I said that last little bit a huge lump rose in my throat and almost choked me. I have no idea where that came from.

The problem is I don't know what pain I am running from. This is where I need to start to truly heal. I need to discover where the pain originates and deal with that. The more I do, the less focused on FWH's activities and thoughts I will be. It was truly a seminal moment for me. So now I am working out how best to discover what that pain is. I was not an abused child in terms of the widely held views on abuse. So my plan is to see my IC/MC to help me discover this and to do some other work. What that other work is, I don't know yet, but I'm sure it will come to me.

Just wanted to share this with all of my fellower S/P of SAs. This truly was a major, major moment.


Me: 60 Yrs. (BS)
Him: 60 Yrs.(FWH- life long sex addict)
-2 ONSs followed by an A-2005/06
-cheated while we were engaged
-seems to stray every 30 years or so
D-Day-June 10, 2006
Working on own recovery. His is his!
Married: 37 yrs. Grown ch

Posts: 966 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: Canada
beagle lover
♀ New Member
Member # 19694
Default  Posted: 8:14 AM, June 2nd (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep, no copies of MASH at B&N or Borders. And yep relationships is right next to sexuality, and right by the penthouse letters. It definitely stung a bit especially when I saw books that we have at home that I purchased to spice things up and pull WH away from the porn.
So anyhow, I ordered MASH online, and was able to pick up "Out of the Shadows". I put it in the bathroom to ensure WH reads it. He actually has, and was very affected by the introduction so far (especially the part where it says you need to be in recovery for yourself). He said he wants help. He isn't sure why, but he definitely wants it.
Tonight's his first IC. He's nervous and a bit daunted by the amount of work he has to do. I am very distracted today with work stress to worry about IC. I have a test tonight, so that's another distraction.
I'm glad his attitude is healthy, but I definitely have concerns about the rationalization. He's got so many behavioral issues that needs to be checked out, that I definitely see as contributors to the problem. Hopefully he will be open with his IC so they can be addressed. It's so hard to bite my tongue and not offer him suggestions. I can't control his addiction!

1Forward1Back: I am very glad you had your realization, but I am sorry you had to have a bad week in order to accomplish it. Good luck with the next step.


Me 33
WH 37 SA/Porn Addict/had ONS with OM and EA with ex co-worker
Married 10 years
No kids
Lots of D-Days along the way, but ONS D-Day 5/28/08
Going to give R another chance. Hoping for honesty this time around

Posts: 50 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Rhode Island
Eternaloptimist
♀ Member
Member # 15029
Default  Posted: 9:41 AM, June 2nd (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

1Forward --
That's great re. your breakthrough. I noticed a while back that when I'm at my lowest and feeling hopeless, very often that precipatates some sort of eye-opening moment. Suddenly, I'll just "get it."
I had my own tough week. Too much work plus it was the week leading up to my birthday (today) -- my first without my mother who was the biggest birthday booster around. To compound things, it was my high school 25th reunion and high school years were really painful for me. I was dealing with my mom's alcoholism, suicide attempts, psychosis, etc. What did I do?? Got completely drunk at dinner with friends and showed up at the reunion loaded. What an ass, I am.
So I spent yesterday loathing myself (what others might view as a night of letting loose and having fun, I immediately view as disgusting, embarrassing drunken-ness). I'm blind-sided sometimes by how deep my self-loathing goes. I still struggle with this sense that unless I'm completely perfect -- pretty, thin, successful and always totally in control -- then I'm worthless.
And given that my 43rd year was horrible -- my husband's SA disclosure and my mom's death -- I was awake most of the night wondering what hell my 44th is going to deliver.
Sorry to sound pathetic -- I think I'm doing really well....then have a week like last and wonder if I'm actually healing at all.


Me: BS
Him: WS, SA
Married: 12 years
Three kids: 9-year-old D, 7-year-old S, 5-year-old D
D-Day #1: December 11, 2006 (LTA)
D-Day #2: June 17, 2007 (found out about SA)

Posts: 656 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Toronto
beagle lover
♀ New Member
Member # 19694
Default  Posted: 9:56 AM, June 2nd (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh I am sorry e.o. Big hugs to you and I hope you have a very happy birthday today despite the poor beginning to the day.
I wish I had some nice and comforting words to say to help you with the self-loathing. God I really wish so, because I have the very same problem and I think it's become a self-fulfilling prophecy in many ways. But know that you are beautiful, loving, and deserving of the very best life has to offer you.


Me 33
WH 37 SA/Porn Addict/had ONS with OM and EA with ex co-worker
Married 10 years
No kids
Lots of D-Days along the way, but ONS D-Day 5/28/08
Going to give R another chance. Hoping for honesty this time around

Posts: 50 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Rhode Island
roccodom
♀ Member
Member # 19714
Default  Posted: 10:34 AM, June 2nd (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Okay - help me out here. I think I just may have had an AHA moment.

I just found out about the 2nd A. First one happened 10 years ago and lasted 5 months. This one lasted 3 weeks. I think my husband is a sex addict.

When I met him, he was recovering from a divorce in which his wife repeatedly cheated on him. He was living in a basement apartment and I would call him - ask - what are you doing? His response - watching Baywatch with the volume off and listening to music (okay - just assumed masterbating). I used to tease him about this. Also had playboy (wasn't too upset - actually didn't care)

Get married - move in with parents to put him through school (yes I know - dumb - dumb - dumb). It was a miserable situation - parents began divorce as we were living there. He had the first affair.

2004 - leaves for Iraq - while there masterbates during any down time - stays to himself - stuffs everything - doesn't process anything.

When he comes back - things are never quite the same - removed - unemtional.

Find him looking at pretty graphic porn sites - mention it bothers me - he dismisses me.

Continues to look at porn - talks to his brother about porn. Masturbates - lack of sex drive.

Things deteriorate - has second affair. He seems to suffer from depression - has stated he has thoughts of suicide (even before second affair) refused to help himself.

Marriage counselor seems to think he uses sex as a way to self medicate?

What's the verdict. He is going to IC, but not sure sex addiction has been brought up.


BS - me (45) WS - him (45)
married 16 yrs (DS 11yrs, DD 9yrs)
#1 PA - DDay 12/97
#2 PA DDay 5/08
#3 PA DDay 2/12
Trying R
Buddhism teaches that a craving for things outside ourselves causes an unhappy and pointless search for security.


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