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User Topic: Reconciling While in a Long Distance Relationship.
incrisis
♀ Member
Member # 12945
Default  Posted: 11:57 PM, April 16th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's sad. But, the OPs brought it all on...asked for it in my opinion.
You'll get no argument from me there. Not if they knew it was a MM (or MW), as was the case here.


BW: 40 (34 on DDay)
WH: 39 (33 on Dday, LTA and PAs)
M: 11 years, together 14, at time of S
3 kids
D-nial: 11/01/06
S: 07/21/07
D-ing! (very slowly)
--

Posts: 913 | Registered: Dec 2006
ohpuhlease
♀ Member
Member # 13679
Default  Posted: 6:29 AM, April 17th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good morning ladies. I just made a fresh pot of coffee if you would like some.

Uni, he's not getting off the hook...No way. My days off being a passive little woman are long over. I've held back too much over the years and it's only come back to bite me in the ass.

Incrisis, your profile says that your H will be wrapping up his last contract this summer. Is that still the plan? You also said in your profile that 'you would follow him anywhere'. That was sweet.


Those who know others are intelligent. Those who know themselves are truly wise. - Lao-tzu, Tao Te Ching


Posts: 5714 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: *Proudly Canadian...Eh!*
unicornsearcher
♀ Member
Member # 912
Cool  Posted: 6:48 AM, April 17th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'd love some nice freshly brewed coffee that someone else fixed, LOL. What flavor is it & does it have sprinkles too?

Nah, don't let him off the hook, instead hold the bar steady at a GREAT marriage & settle for nothing less, that's what you deserve. He does too & if he'd really known that all along the way he should have, you wouldn't be on this site with us today.


11/02 Busted WH 4+ cheating yrs, 11/06 Busted [Month Long Lustfest]. 2/1/08 admits false version of betrayals, so no full disclosure / "whole truth" yet. '09 Together, great work in progress. '12 Still gladly united.

Posts: 14209 | Registered: Jan 2003 | From: Calif
punky
♀ Member
Member # 12233
Default  Posted: 10:52 AM, April 17th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just wanted to say HELLO this morning! How is everyone?

OhP--so excited about your news. Hope it all works out.


Be a lion, not a mowess...
The Cowardly Lion

Posts: 11293 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: A whole 'nother country
incrisis
♀ Member
Member # 12945
Default  Posted: 11:30 AM, April 17th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We have to do this more often! Whatever was in the water yesterday was good stuff.

That's great news, OPL! I hope your H follows through with this desire. I think you should take uni's spin on things for now and give him positive encouragement towards that end without being overly pushy and scaring him out of it. Not that I would know anything about being pushy, I mean, or about H's being scared to truly invest in a M. I'm just saying.

I need to work on being more positive myself. My H called yesterday and what do I start with? Questioning him about what the OW said in her email to me. Not that I am not fully justified in doing so and making his life a living hell for as long as I feel like, but it's not really helpful to my desired outcome. And after him obviously having made the NC call the day before I could have at least asked about the weather first.

Anyway, so H called and we had a decent talk for abut half an hour, though very relationship-issues oriented and he gets antsy with those. Then his phone battery was getting low and he said he needed to get his laundry, so he had to go, we'd talk tomorrow or whenever. (I had asked him to call everyday and email or text in addition, not instead of sometimes, which is the current sitch, but he hadn't committed to that yet.)

I hang up and get online.

Then he called me back about 20 minutes later. I was shocked. Then we had a really good talk and talked for almost another hour. I heard positive things from him that I hadn't heard in a long time. The usual negatives too, but it was good communication.

And when we hung up and said we'd talk later, he said "Yeah, you want me to call you everyday." And I said yes.

I think he might be tuning in? Stay tuned, avid viewers...


BW: 40 (34 on DDay)
WH: 39 (33 on Dday, LTA and PAs)
M: 11 years, together 14, at time of S
3 kids
D-nial: 11/01/06
S: 07/21/07
D-ing! (very slowly)
--

Posts: 913 | Registered: Dec 2006
unicornsearcher
♀ Member
Member # 912
Cool  Posted: 11:38 AM, April 17th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow, I'm stocking up on that water supply! I'm hoping these praise reports become contagious for all of us...

That's great InC, & a wonderful way to start working together, good job!


11/02 Busted WH 4+ cheating yrs, 11/06 Busted [Month Long Lustfest]. 2/1/08 admits false version of betrayals, so no full disclosure / "whole truth" yet. '09 Together, great work in progress. '12 Still gladly united.

Posts: 14209 | Registered: Jan 2003 | From: Calif
ohpuhlease
♀ Member
Member # 13679
Default  Posted: 12:02 PM, April 17th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

but it was good communication.

So happy for you!

(FYI...I'll buy the next round of water for everyone.)

Doesn't that feel good to say! Even better is when you truly feel the good communication! The lightbulb moment of 'oh ya...that's what it can feel like'.

Uni, got the emails. Thank you.

How are the other girls doing?

Punky, McKenzie, other ladies and gents in LDR?


Those who know others are intelligent. Those who know themselves are truly wise. - Lao-tzu, Tao Te Ching


Posts: 5714 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: *Proudly Canadian...Eh!*
punky
♀ Member
Member # 12233
Default  Posted: 12:50 PM, April 17th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good today! Thanks for asking!

Thought I'd be crazy anxious like I normally am right before he comes home. But I am actually really looking forward to seeing him.

The past few days when he calls, he's been saying ILY and actually not mumbling it--kind of sounds like he means it. Wow. Who knows.

Pass the water.


Be a lion, not a mowess...
The Cowardly Lion

Posts: 11293 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: A whole 'nother country
incrisis
♀ Member
Member # 12945
Default  Posted: 4:00 PM, April 17th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Glad to hear you're doing good, punky. I hope you have a good visit with your H.

uni, thanks for the articles.

OPL, I forgot to answer your Q. Contracts never end on time. I think it's a cosmic impossibilty. Right now H's contract is due to run until probably Sept/Oct. They may have a permanent offer for him after that or it may be time to go elsewhere. Regardless, if we're going to R, I either need us there with him by the end of the year, or him staying back here at home, or us all going somewhere else together.

I like where he is now better than where I am, but my following him anywhere is now a helluva lot more conditional, unfortunately. If things even swing that way, unless I can do it totally on my own terms, I'm not sure that I'll be able to do it.

So, one way or another, I do intend to be out of the LDM business by the end of the year.


BW: 40 (34 on DDay)
WH: 39 (33 on Dday, LTA and PAs)
M: 11 years, together 14, at time of S
3 kids
D-nial: 11/01/06
S: 07/21/07
D-ing! (very slowly)
--

Posts: 913 | Registered: Dec 2006
unicornsearcher
♀ Member
Member # 912
Cool  Posted: 6:36 PM, April 17th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OPL, I heard this song today & thought it could help inspire some of that writing & plotting for a better life together:

MICHAEL BUBLE LYRICS

"Home"

Another summer day
Has come and gone away
In Paris and Rome
But I wanna go home
Mmmmmmmm

Maybe surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
I just wanna go home
Oh, I miss you, you know

And Iíve been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you
Each one a line or two
ďIím fine baby, how are you?Ē
Well I would send them but I know that itís just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that

Another aeroplane
Another sunny place
Iím lucky I know
But I wanna go home
Mmmm, Iíve got to go home

Let me go home
Iím just too far from where you are
I wanna come home

And I feel just like Iím living someone elseís life
Itís like I just stepped outside
When everything was going right
And I know just why you could not
Come along with me
'Cause this was not your dream
But you always believed in me

Another winter day has come
And gone away
In even Paris and Rome
And I wanna go home
Let me go home

And Iím surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
Oh, let me go home
Oh, I miss you, you know

Let me go home
Iíve had my run
Baby, Iím done
I gotta go home
Let me go home
It will all be all right
Iíll be home tonight
Iím coming back home

I also like the Train "Calling All Angels" (one of my fave stick it out songs) CD which has this one:

TRAIN LYRICS

"Get To Me"

Well an airplane's faster than a Cadillac
And a whole lot smoother than a camel's back
But I don't care how you get to me
Just get to me
Parasail or first class mail
Get on the back of a Nightingale
Just get to me I don't care just get to me
Prokeds, mopeds take a limousine instead
They ain't cheap but they're easy to find
Get on the highway point yourself my way
Take a roller coaster that comes in sideways
Just get to me - yeah

Go on hitch a ride on the back
of a butterfly
There's no better way to fly
To get to me
I look around at what I got
And without you, it ain't a lot
But I got every, with you, everything

Maybe you could pollinate over the
Golden Gate
Take a left hand turn at the corner
Of Haight
And then a sharp right
At the first street light
And get yourself on a motor bike
And if you think you'll get stuck in a
traffic jam
That's fine, send yourself through a telephone line
It doesn't matter how you get to me
Just get to me

Cause after every day
The wind blows the night time my way
And I imagine that you are
Above me like a star
And you keep on glowing
And you keep on showing me the way
SHINE SHINE SHINE


11/02 Busted WH 4+ cheating yrs, 11/06 Busted [Month Long Lustfest]. 2/1/08 admits false version of betrayals, so no full disclosure / "whole truth" yet. '09 Together, great work in progress. '12 Still gladly united.

Posts: 14209 | Registered: Jan 2003 | From: Calif
ohpuhlease
♀ Member
Member # 13679
Default  Posted: 6:36 AM, April 18th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow uni, this is great. I've heard the song but never really paid attention to the lyrics.

Also, my cute little LDR buddies, I posted in W inviting any WS in an LDR to come on over for. (Was uni's idea originally)

I find this is such a nice peaceful forum and regardless of wearing a BS or WS, LDR is just so freakin' hard. This has become one of my favorite forums because you can just tell everyone in here has such a huge heart.

So, I really hope some WS come to play in our sandbox and we can help each other.


Those who know others are intelligent. Those who know themselves are truly wise. - Lao-tzu, Tao Te Ching


Posts: 5714 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: *Proudly Canadian...Eh!*
punky
♀ Member
Member # 12233
Default  Posted: 3:01 PM, April 18th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How is everyone? I saw a post from someone who posted on the old LDR thread that was deleted in Inspirations. I told him about us over here.

We'll be the busy thread before too long!

Everyone have a good day.


Be a lion, not a mowess...
The Cowardly Lion

Posts: 11293 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: A whole 'nother country
Niteowl57
♂ Member
Member # 13734
Cool  Posted: 4:53 PM, April 18th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah I heard that song allot "HOME" this winter. At the time I was hoping that my WSI- and I would work it out..I related because I live on the opp. side of the country-Song made me cry, I just wanted to go back to my home town where she lives. As it turns out though we are done, she is with OM and I was left heartbroken, with false hopes and shattered dreams..Now I am trying NC>>>>I write allot of fiction,lyrics,poetry and wish I could have written and happy ending for all of us.Thanks friends


If we couldn't laIugh we'd all go insane-Jimmy Buffet
D DAY September 6,09
We are both 51
Her still her as a roomate


Posts: 679 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Arizona
unicornsearcher
♀ Member
Member # 912
Cool  Posted: 5:46 PM, April 18th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"Our" long distance song used to be "Somewhere Out There", WS even found it on a unicorn music box for me. I can't bear to listen to it now / yet.

I did listen to some of our other songs when we did the affair tour but SC ruined that so if I hear those when weak, you might as well just run me over with a train, that would hurt less.

I do know that the last time WS noticed (key word NOTICED) that I was triggering in a store cuz of the song playing, as he came around the corner & saw me frozen in the middle of aisle crying, he did imediately rush over & hug me until it was over, which was nice. I would have done the normal run out of the store but I was all the way in the back & couldn't move since I knew it would take way too long to get away from it.

Ugh.

I'd be glad to see more WS's here. Besides the fact that their perspective would be great, they have a hurting BS somewhere. And hopefully the exchange of information & support here will help us all get to a place where healing is happening on a regular basis instead of just the pain / anguish.


11/02 Busted WH 4+ cheating yrs, 11/06 Busted [Month Long Lustfest]. 2/1/08 admits false version of betrayals, so no full disclosure / "whole truth" yet. '09 Together, great work in progress. '12 Still gladly united.

Posts: 14209 | Registered: Jan 2003 | From: Calif
letting_go
Member
Member # 13774
Default  Posted: 9:28 PM, April 18th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Need hug.

WH is coming home after being gone for 6 months. He left not long after d-day and we are at a point to where we are listening to each other. The problem is that I am not happy about his return. I have so many thoughts running through my mind and it's making me nauseous. He has been working on himself while he has been gone and I have been in IC. He'll be here for a short visit and then he will be gone for a few more months. When he makes it back state side he will be moving to another state. I do not want to move but we cannot afford two households. I am not mentally prepared for him to come back so soon. Need advice. Need support. Need hug. Excuse the rambling.

I am filled with mixed emotions and part of me is happy.

[This message edited by letting_go at 9:30 PM, April 18th (Wednesday)]


"To change and to improve are two different things."
Anonymous. German proverb.

"It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men." Frederick Douglass (1818-1895)


Posts: 3704 | Registered: Feb 2007
ohpuhlease
♀ Member
Member # 13679
Default  Posted: 9:40 PM, April 18th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm here with hugs....lots and lots of hugs!!!!!

Oh kiddo, we all know your anxiety level is through the roof right now. The time leading up to thier arrival is a mental, emotional and physical hell on its own.

I've felt from the beginning that having an LDR is sometimes a blessing in disguise. It has it's difficulties too, but at least we are given some breathing room to heal ourselves at a much slower and steady pace. We figure 'ourselves' out in a different way than having the WH around all the time.

It sounds like you've both been doing alot of work. Maybe you can share with each other what progress you've made. I know you've probably talked about it on the phone or via email, but nothing beats the face to face.

Start it out slow. Don't rush. Don't feel like you have to be excited or that you should be throwing your arms around him when you first see him. It'll come naturally and you will do what you feel you need to do.

Try not to worry about the moving part yet. Just get through the next couple days first.

I'll be thinking about you.

More hugs coming at you.

[This message edited by ohpuhlease at 9:40 PM, April 18th (Wednesday)]


Those who know others are intelligent. Those who know themselves are truly wise. - Lao-tzu, Tao Te Ching


Posts: 5714 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: *Proudly Canadian...Eh!*
letting_go
Member
Member # 13774
Default  Posted: 9:52 PM, April 18th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks. You described what I am thinking.

Coping with PTSD. Was doing good and now my head is jumbled just thinking about his early return. Having hard time making a complete sentence. head is spinning.

I am going to bed.

[This message edited by letting_go at 9:53 PM, April 18th (Wednesday)]


"To change and to improve are two different things."
Anonymous. German proverb.

"It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men." Frederick Douglass (1818-1895)


Posts: 3704 | Registered: Feb 2007
punky
♀ Member
Member # 12233
Default  Posted: 1:26 PM, April 19th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

letting_go,

Boy--I've been known to practically have a meltdown right before my H comes home. Your mind is just reeling I know. I just need to get in the habit of taking a xanax or something before he gets here. Sounds extreme, but it really does help.

Much of it is needless worry. But a lot is just the strain of "getting to know each other again"...it's so hard.

Talk to us. We understand.

About the songs: whatever you guys do, NEVER listen to Carole King's So Far Away on purpose. It's a real killer...


Be a lion, not a mowess...
The Cowardly Lion

Posts: 11293 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: A whole 'nother country
letting_go
Member
Member # 13774
Default  Posted: 11:41 PM, April 19th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for all the words of encouragement.

I am better today and able to think in whole sentences.

I still feel a tad bit nauseous and I do believe it's because my WH is trying to 'create' an environment for me to feel safe in and I do not believe he is being sincere. I smell false R then again I don't think we, meaning he, were ever in R. Then again, I am becoming cynical. My gut tells me that something isn't right and I am listening loud and clear. I have found out a lot of things about his personality and it doesn't fit my idea of R.

Oh well, one day at a time.


"To change and to improve are two different things."
Anonymous. German proverb.

"It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men." Frederick Douglass (1818-1895)


Posts: 3704 | Registered: Feb 2007
incrisis
♀ Member
Member # 12945
Default  Posted: 4:39 AM, April 20th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Definitely keep listening to your gut. I hope your H is on the up and up but it's good to be cautious, especially if you are considering something big like a move in order to R. I am in a similar boat and am hoping things will be clear enough before I'd have to make a decision.


BW: 40 (34 on DDay)
WH: 39 (33 on Dday, LTA and PAs)
M: 11 years, together 14, at time of S
3 kids
D-nial: 11/01/06
S: 07/21/07
D-ing! (very slowly)
--

Posts: 913 | Registered: Dec 2006
Topic Posts: 286
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