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User Topic: Betrayed Women
SI Staff
Moderator
Member # 10
Default  Posted: 6:08 PM, April 2nd (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A place where women come together and share their challenges, difficulties, fears and triumphs.

Posts: 10000 | Registered: May 2002
madseason
Member
Member # 13224
Default  Posted: 9:46 PM, April 2nd (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Come on ladies, where are you! We aren't representin' very well in the new forum!!


Lose my breath in waves
Knowing that every crash is bleeding the hourglass
And taking the stride
From all our lives

*Somewhere, far away from here, I saw stars. Stars that I could reach.*


Posts: 10283 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Southeast of Disorder
once proud wife
♀ Member
Member # 12706
Default  Posted: 11:18 PM, April 2nd (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BW here. It sucks. Having a bad week and a bad night. My H is an insensitive clod and I need more support from him. I am scared to death because I still love him - which means he still can and does hurt me. So I have contributed challenges, difficulties, and fears. No triumphs - unless the fact that we are still married counts.


Me: BW (33)
Him: WH (34)
Together 17 years, married 5
Discovery started in late Aug '06 with major revelation mid Oct '06.
New DDay, new OW, mostly EA - 3/2/2008 (later figured out there were more women before we M)
Currently - still M

Posts: 737 | Registered: Nov 2006
click4it
♀ Member
Member # 209
Default  Posted: 11:39 PM, April 2nd (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm here.


Me: 41
Two boys: 16 and 13
Divorced 12-13-05
d-day 10-02-01

Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?


Posts: 25502 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: California
madseason
Member
Member # 13224
Default  Posted: 8:28 AM, April 3rd (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((onceproud))) - sorry you are having a bad week.

Hi click!


Lose my breath in waves
Knowing that every crash is bleeding the hourglass
And taking the stride
From all our lives

*Somewhere, far away from here, I saw stars. Stars that I could reach.*


Posts: 10283 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Southeast of Disorder
madseason
Member
Member # 13224
Default  Posted: 8:30 AM, April 3rd (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Once proud, I just read your profile. So what's going on?


Lose my breath in waves
Knowing that every crash is bleeding the hourglass
And taking the stride
From all our lives

*Somewhere, far away from here, I saw stars. Stars that I could reach.*


Posts: 10283 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Southeast of Disorder
wasfooled2
♀ Member
Member # 13783
Default  Posted: 9:00 AM, April 3rd (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Count me in! I'm here!! Had a really bad night last night so I'm exhausted. :(

I'm so glad the mods set this up for us. I can't wait to get to know you all better and expand my SI family.


(Me) BS-39
(Him) WS-41 (serial cheater)
D-Day #7 2/24/07 (lost count)
Married 15 years; together for 23
Reconciled, or so I thought. Separated & divorcing.

Better off I sparkle on my own ~ Anna Nalick


Posts: 5583 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Chicago Suburbs
Formykids
♀ Member
Member # 12653
Default  Posted: 9:10 AM, April 3rd (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Although I am emotionally separating from WH I find it to be EXTEMELY difficult and painful!

Just wanted to share that with you guys... (cause I know you'all care!)

[This message edited by Formykids at 9:11 AM, April 3rd (Tuesday)]


Behind every successful man is his woman, behind the fall of a successful man is the other woman!

Confront the most BRUTAL facts of your current situation, so you are able to come back from difficulties not weakened but stronger!


Posts: 1352 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: Texas
ultrapain
♀ Member
Member # 12810
Default  Posted: 9:43 AM, April 3rd (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello ladies,

I'm 5 months out from ILYB, and 3 months out from his moving in with OW.

I'm actually okay with him being gone and see it as very good for me now, though his method of leaving hurt like hell and laid me very low. I've moved on from that with the help of SI and my friends out here in reality.

The only thing that really gets to me now is the financial mess he left me with...little bitter about that part. I'm going to make it work for me though.

D pending. Looking forward to the new normal with hope.


The phoenix Hope can wing her way through the desert skies and still, defying fortune's spite, revive from ashes and rise. ~Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra

I'm a cranberry!


Posts: 1798 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: Bloom County..in the Outland now
browneyedgrl
♀ Member
Member # 14143
Default  Posted: 9:56 AM, April 3rd (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello. I too struggle with the fear of still being "in love" with my STBXWH. I think now though, I'm starting to realize that I'm not in love with "him" (who could love someone who has completely devastated you to the core, right?) but more "in love" with what I thought we were and the "idea" of what we were. Plus, I hate this for my son. I fought my STBXWH for 3 years to "love" his family not OW...but when they are in the fog, they are IN THE FOG!!! ya know?

My son and I will be moving soon and starting our new life together without WH. I'm excited and scared all at the same time...I know we will be better off, I just still struggle with how we (son & I) were so easily "replaced". Does anyone else feel/felt this way? Does it ever go away?????


BS 32
XH 43
married 7 years together 9 years
DS 4, the only thing that gets me through!!
Divorced 7/07
Moving on to my new life and HAPPY!!

"SDWF seeks NNPDNSNSACLTCSWM to have a possible long-term relationship."


Posts: 63 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: KY
one sad lady
♀ Member
Member # 12891
Default  Posted: 10:03 AM, April 3rd (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

4 months exactly since the PI report. I have no regrets for kicking him out,but of course little choice. I am often sad but mostly just so relieved that I do not have to deal with his crap anymore. I am very slowly figuring out who I am and what I want. I lost so much of me, it is hard to know where to begin. But I am ready to stand and deliver.


In the heaviness of night, when all
Creatures seek the ghost of Slumber, I
Sit up, singing at one time and sighing
At another. I am awake always.

~ Khalil Gibran


Posts: 4476 | Registered: Dec 2006
pebbles
♀ Member
Member # 13870
Default  Posted: 10:15 AM, April 3rd (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Throughout our whole M I've had to struggle with his porn.
Now after he has destroyed me with A he no longer does the porn and he is now treating me like I wanted to be treated all along.

Don't get me wrong he was a wonderful husband, good dad, and my best friend. We only had the difficulty with the porn which caused sexual problems with me.

I wonder how long this wonderful treatment is going to last. For the first time I feel like he really wants me.

Should I give him the chance he's asked for and open myself up to future pain?


me: BS
Dday 7/23/05
This former rock has been blasted into a mound of pebbles.

Posts: 1283 | Registered: Mar 2007
BelleStar
♀ Member
Member # 13515
Default  Posted: 10:28 AM, April 3rd (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

U can hit me with a 2x4 as nto only am I a BW now D, I am a BGF and trying to just get by one day at a time.
Trying to trust him a little more each day...until its trigger time

Posts: 1105 | Registered: Feb 2007
ultrapain
♀ Member
Member # 12810
Default  Posted: 10:28 AM, April 3rd (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Pebbles, That's a hard question to answer with so little info.

How much porn are we talking about? Was he addicted to it and needed it even when having sex or does he subscribe to a magazine and you just feel somehow less desirable because of it?

Whatever the level, the fact that it makes you uncomforable is a problem. Why did he stop with the porn? How long ago did he stop?


The phoenix Hope can wing her way through the desert skies and still, defying fortune's spite, revive from ashes and rise. ~Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra

I'm a cranberry!


Posts: 1798 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: Bloom County..in the Outland now
Woman_scorned
Member
Member # 13247
Default  Posted: 10:30 AM, April 3rd (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm here too....Have been having a rough few days. I just get to that point that I just start crying...no real triggers I just can't help it. I guess I just start thinking of where I am in my life and this is SO NOT where I pictured myself to be

Feels like I am in limbo land....


Both BS/WS
Recovering, Re-discovering, and Reconciling :)

My karma ran over your dogma :P


Posts: 1417 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Closer to Heaven now :)
pebbles
♀ Member
Member # 13870
Default  Posted: 10:41 AM, April 3rd (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When I finally agreed to therapy last year I learned what he had. An Addiction to Sex.

First stacks and stacks of magazines and then lots of porn on internet.

He's in therapy now.

Not sure of what month he stopped because I wasn't in any condition to know. It was last summer sometime. He was in denial for awhile that he wasn't like that.

Says now he has no urges to do the porn and that he's sorry he hurt me so bad over all those years. He just wants me now.

I lost my sex drive because of it. I'm worried about the future and the future pain he could cause me.


me: BS
Dday 7/23/05
This former rock has been blasted into a mound of pebbles.

Posts: 1283 | Registered: Mar 2007
once proud wife
♀ Member
Member # 12706
Default  Posted: 10:52 AM, April 3rd (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mad - Thanks for listening to my post. You are a better spouse than my H! LOL

I have been repressing my feelings and trying to act happy for months. About a month out my H brought up separation for my benefit (lovely?), since I was clearly hurting too much. He said something about people needing to make themselves happy. So, I acted as happy as I could manage (at least around him) for months. From the posts I read, I know others do the same.

Anyway, my feelings are starting to seep out unexpectedly - and sometimes explode. I think some of it is related to my H starting to act married about three weeks ago - comments to his friends about having to check with his wife before making an investment, telling stories about how we met, etc. Three weeks of this broke the work I had done on emotional detachment. So I realize that I love him - which scares me and makes me so mad at myself.

I left him a note this morning trying to explain some of my feelings, that I am dealing with them every hour of everyday, and telling him that I need his support and reassurance. I guess only time will tell me if this was an incredibly stupid thing to try after last night when he said that I needed to figure out why I was so unhappy when I drink too much. So I tried to talk about my feelings (HUGE step for me) and he was still stuck on my drinking. WTF It's clear as day to everyone else who knows about the A that I am still reeling from the A. And no one else thinks I am crazy for having these feelings.

Ya'll are great. Without SI I would be much worse off.


Me: BW (33)
Him: WH (34)
Together 17 years, married 5
Discovery started in late Aug '06 with major revelation mid Oct '06.
New DDay, new OW, mostly EA - 3/2/2008 (later figured out there were more women before we M)
Currently - still M

Posts: 737 | Registered: Nov 2006
sweetiehurts
♀ Member
Member # 12429
Default  Posted: 10:59 AM, April 3rd (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BW here.

Must be a full moon or something. I have cried more this week than I have since Christmas. I'm not regretting any of my decisions but I do regret all of my wh's decisions.

He should have been a man, grown some balls and divorced me. Instead of being a slime bucket. I hate everything he did to my marriage (I say "my" here because, according to him, I am the only one who cares). I know I care but he no longer gets to know that.

My divorce hearing is set for next Tuesday at 1:30 PM. How sad for me.

How sad for all of us.

Sweetie


Me BS 49
Him WS 47 (BPD)
M 12-4-93 (together since 10/89)
OWM 41 PA-9/2006 secy
OWM 28 PA-6/2006 strpr
OWM 27 EA-2003 strpr
Dday #1 10-31-03;Dday #2 8-29-06
Dday #3 10-25-06;Dday #4 11-29-06
Character is how you behave when you are alone.

Posts: 127 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Ohio
ultrapain
♀ Member
Member # 12810
Default  Posted: 11:15 AM, April 3rd (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Pebbles, how is the sex life now? Are you getting your drive back or are you still in the same place despite his efforts?

It sounds like other than this one thing, you think he is a good man. How is R going otherwise?


The phoenix Hope can wing her way through the desert skies and still, defying fortune's spite, revive from ashes and rise. ~Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra

I'm a cranberry!


Posts: 1798 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: Bloom County..in the Outland now
pebbles
♀ Member
Member # 13870
Default  Posted: 11:39 AM, April 3rd (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sex drive is not very high yet.

When I first found out about the A and we decided the marriage was worth saving I couldn't get enough of him.
Now I know it was hysterical bonding.

He is a very good man. He is the very best dad. While our sons were growing up he was always there for them.

They didn't know about the porn problem because I made him keep the magazines out of the house. We all had our own computers so they didn't use his. Our youngest knows about the A because he finally cornered me and asked me what was wrong with me was I having a breakdown.

I had thought about leaving him a few times over this porn thing, but everything else about him is wonderful and I wouldn't split up the family. Now the guys are grown and my youngest thinks I should leave him. He doesn't even know about the porn problem.

My WH has asked for a chance to make up for what he has done to me.


me: BS
Dday 7/23/05
This former rock has been blasted into a mound of pebbles.

Posts: 1283 | Registered: Mar 2007
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