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I Can Relate Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Women
allingoodtime
♀ New Member
Member # 39679
Default  Posted: 8:11 AM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello! I'm new to SI and just found this thread. I'm making my way through the posts, just wanted to say hello. I'm sorry for the circumstances that have brought each and every one of us here, but I've got say, I'm glad I've found a place with people who get it.


(All In Good Time)
BS: 25 (me)
WH: 29

A Dates: March 2013-May 2013
D-Day 2013: May 24
MW: My former best friend.


Posts: 12 | Registered: Jun 2013
Blackhair
♀ Member
Member # 39451
Default  Posted: 6:05 AM, July 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am filing a divorce. I know it is the right thing to do as seeing him contacting her day and night, it is a mental abuse, but I am sure I will miss him crazy the man I loved for 10 years, he has been an awesome husband.
It will take a while or never get over it, I do not know, I am scared to think about it....just one day at a time!


M: 10 years
DD:5 DS Twin: 8 months
DDay: Earlier 2013, WS has been chatting and flew/met many times with a Philippine girl (20 yrs younger)
Divorcing.... Sep.Agreement finalized on Oct 18
I am determined to fly even with broken wings and a broken hea

Posts: 142 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Canada
Ellephantastic
♀ Member
Member # 39833
Default  Posted: 1:27 PM, July 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BW here, just don't know how my life, our life, came to this but we are trying to R and I really hope that it works because I love him to death!

[This message edited by Ellephantastic at 1:30 PM, July 17th (Wednesday)]


BS(me)
WBF = PA
Ow = 19(at the time)
WBF A = 08/10/2012-17/10/2012
D-Day = 24/01/2013

"It was easier for him to hurt me than it was for him to turn her down"


Posts: 75 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Scotland
n0tm3
♀ Member
Member # 37884
Default  Posted: 1:38 PM, July 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am hurt, sad and in pain. It is awful. When my husband is an ass that is who I think he really is instead that he may just be having a bad day. When he is kind and loving I am convinced it is all an act to con me into staying married to him to protect his self image.


Me: BS 44
Him: WH 44
DDay #1: 12/17/12; OW 46 married 22
years
DDay #2 2/1/13 EA 6 years ago for 2 weeks with a married college friend through FB
Married 17 years, together 20 years
3 kids; 6,12,15
R trying both IC and MC

Posts: 206 | Registered: Dec 2012
3kids30years
♀ Member
Member # 38879
Default  Posted: 7:00 PM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok ladies - we need to get this thread going. Grab a glass of wine (I like a mice Malbec) and let's talk. The guys thread is amazing. We gotta get going!

My WH is trying, my MC sucks and I have to see the OW 4x a week if my DD plays soccer this fall. I don't want to limit her options just because her dad is/was a dork. My life in a nutshell! Thoughts?


BS (Faithful) - 53
WH (Not so much)- 54
DDay - 3/2/13 - 2:07pm
2+year EA/PA at least I think so - he isn't telling.

3 great kids :)

Married almost 30 years and here I am. Heartbroken.
Trying to make it thru each day. 4/14 - Still trying.


Posts: 175 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Nor Cal
Twentyplus
♀ New Member
Member # 39593
Default  Posted: 11:29 PM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok, ladies, I'll pipe up. Can't grab the glass of wine though. I'm the alcoholic in this mess. 30 months sober. The tea will loosen my lips just as well.

I've had an actual whole good week since Monday. A few wobbles when talking about "the past," but we righted it up. fWH is finally looking like the person I thought he was. Today, anyway.

I actually used the squeegee on the master bath shower glass for the first time in 2.5 years. I actually laughed at the dumb ass jokes on the Wednesday night ABC comedies.

Of course there is still some BS in my energy field. Found myself registering for a group of Meetups that are of interest to the COW as she seeks a new sugar daddy in her new town in her new state. (Lost her house here, boo too.) Her profile is the same ole everything. Still wearin' that Rolex he bought her. Realized that NC is NC and that I should unregister for my own sake. Didn't yet.

Booked a vacation for next month in mountains. Last time we were there we were still separated. Seems like a lifetime ago. Probably a dozen significant TT events between then and now.

He attends his SAA meeting tomorrow am and I just attended an AA meeting tonight. Nope, 3/30, never though this is where we'd end up in our 60's. But very grateful to be here together tonight.

I'll try to track this thread and maybe we'll get some momentum. I have trouble keeping up in SI since I have so many alphabet identifications (LTA, SA, AA, R, WS, etc.) to track already!

Enjoy your Malbec!


"But we must supply our own light." - Stanley Kubrick


Posts: 36 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: The Big Blue Sea
3kids30years
♀ Member
Member # 38879
Default  Posted: 12:16 AM, August 10th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for joining in 20+ I also enjoy s little tea

Having s pretty good day, except I found myself at the office where OW works tonight. DD was invited to a Bar Mitzvah that was in the same building. So that sucked. But fWH was very good at supporting me.

We are 5 months in and trying hard. The mind movies are still debilitating, but I can banish them a little easier. I sometimes wonder if they will ever go away. I never thought id be the one who stayed with a cheater, but here I am. Hope he proves he is worth it!


BS (Faithful) - 53
WH (Not so much)- 54
DDay - 3/2/13 - 2:07pm
2+year EA/PA at least I think so - he isn't telling.

3 great kids :)

Married almost 30 years and here I am. Heartbroken.
Trying to make it thru each day. 4/14 - Still trying.


Posts: 175 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Nor Cal
RightTrack
♀ Member
Member # 36976
Default  Posted: 2:31 AM, August 10th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi 3kids and all you ladies!

I never thought I'd stay either. I don't want to lose my kids half the time though ( live in 'no fault" state).

I wonder if I'm being weak not going out on my own or strong for staying with him for the kids.


Posts: 541 | Registered: Sep 2012
RightTrack
♀ Member
Member # 36976
Default  Posted: 2:32 AM, August 10th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I should move to the Bible Belt.

Posts: 541 | Registered: Sep 2012
3kids30years
♀ Member
Member # 38879
Default  Posted: 10:12 AM, August 10th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome RT!

I think you are strong fir staying. I think all of us who stay, for whatever reason are strong. We have to look at the person who hurt us the most and still get through each day. That is strength. I stayed for my youngest, and for me. I love him. I have history with him. But I wonder if I'll ever trust him again, or look at him and not hurt.


BS (Faithful) - 53
WH (Not so much)- 54
DDay - 3/2/13 - 2:07pm
2+year EA/PA at least I think so - he isn't telling.

3 great kids :)

Married almost 30 years and here I am. Heartbroken.
Trying to make it thru each day. 4/14 - Still trying.


Posts: 175 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Nor Cal
41andthankful
♀ Member
Member # 38650
Default  Posted: 1:49 PM, August 10th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do you have fears about your decision? I was too hurt and afraid to stay. But i was hurt enough to decide to leave. He is making a lot of changes but I haven't changed my mind. We have to live separate for a year here before we can divorce. I'm not afraid of being single. I'm financially independent. My only reason for thinking about regrets is our dd. She is 4. It crushes me that we aren't the family I thought we would be for her. How do you make peace with that?

Posts: 241 | Registered: Mar 2013
3kids30years
♀ Member
Member # 38879
Default  Posted: 4:49 PM, August 12th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sometimes infidelity is a deal breaker. I understand that. I thought it would be for me. Then it happened.

I am only 5 months out - I haven't made a final decision yet. My WH is remorseful, trying hard to be there for me, and is NC (as far as I can tell). He is doing all the right things - at least on the surface. I don't trust him, I don't feel safe with him, and it's hard to look at him sometimes. Not sure the trust or safety will ever come back. We have been together 30 years, we have 3 children. I stayed to try to make it work. I never thought I'd be able to forgive someone who cheated on me. Still not sure I can. But I am trying. I think I owe that to my kids. The issues in our marriage are on both of us. How he chose to deal with it is all his. And it sucks. Everyday it sucks.

You asked if I have fears about my decision. I do. My decision was not based on finances, it would be tough, but I'd be fine. It was based on my wanting to stay with a man I love. Or at least think I do. I stayed to make sure. I will rethink the situation at 6 months, if I'm still not sure, I'll visit it again at 1 year. I have to try to make this work. He didn't try, but I will. But I have the option of leaving at any time. He knows this - his job is to give me reasons to stay. So far - the good outweighs the bad. At least most days.

The entire situation sucks. Soccer for DD is starting up again, and I'll see the OW at least 4 times a week. That is the toughest part. And where I can see if he is real, if he is genuine, if he can see and acknowledge the destruction he has caused, if he sees my pain. And what he chooses to do about it.

If I even think for a second that he is not there for me, I'm gone. I will not go through this again. Ever.

[This message edited by 3kids30years at 7:10 PM, August 12th (Monday)]


BS (Faithful) - 53
WH (Not so much)- 54
DDay - 3/2/13 - 2:07pm
2+year EA/PA at least I think so - he isn't telling.

3 great kids :)

Married almost 30 years and here I am. Heartbroken.
Trying to make it thru each day. 4/14 - Still trying.


Posts: 175 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Nor Cal
41andthankful
♀ Member
Member # 38650
Default  Posted: 6:01 PM, August 12th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you 3k30y. I can not imagine having to look at ow, I've never seen WH ow in person. I've been offered a great job from the company she works for but can't take it for that very reason. My WH is still trying to win me back, still going to IC hoping I'll go to mc. I just can't and it's hard not to feel guilty about not wanting to r for at least my dd sake. I honestly think about it times for her but just can't. I am unable to imagine happiness and love again with WH after so much turmoil and pain.

Posts: 241 | Registered: Mar 2013
3kids30years
♀ Member
Member # 38879
Default  Posted: 7:09 PM, August 12th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi 41T - not sure when your DDay was, looks pretty close to mine - if you joined soon after. My only suggestion is to not make any decisions quickly. If you don't want to R, don't. That is on him. He chose to nuke the marriage.

Your DD will be better off with a mom who loves her, and who loves herself, then in an "intact family" that is an illusion.

Whatever you decide will be right for you. What is right for me, what is right for anyone, is very personal. We have to make decisions based on what we can handle. Having an A is a deal breaker for many people. It still may be for me.

Be good to yourself - you didn't cause this and you can't fix it. Sadly, neither can I.

[This message edited by 3kids30years at 7:11 PM, August 12th (Monday)]


BS (Faithful) - 53
WH (Not so much)- 54
DDay - 3/2/13 - 2:07pm
2+year EA/PA at least I think so - he isn't telling.

3 great kids :)

Married almost 30 years and here I am. Heartbroken.
Trying to make it thru each day. 4/14 - Still trying.


Posts: 175 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Nor Cal
41andthankful
♀ Member
Member # 38650
Default  Posted: 7:46 PM, August 12th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My dday was feb, from the very moment I got my proof I wanted out. I kicked him out 2 days after dday but listening to my pastor, my sister and a friend I tried to consider a second chance. I let him come home after six weeks. I just couldn't take living with him, it hurt too much. I put him back out end of May and filed in June. I don't think I have it in me to r, for me the damage is too great. He has been nc with ow since dday and has gone from calling her a friend to now the biggest mistake of his life. I believe he is sorry, just doesn't seem to matter.

Posts: 241 | Registered: Mar 2013
gma56
♀ Member
Member # 19595
Cool  Posted: 8:48 PM, August 12th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi ladies ! I'm so glad to see y'all are getting this thread moving !
You need some oldtimers here. So here I am.

I think I deleted most of my story but dday was over 5 yrs ago.
Separated for 5 mo and had a false R. He had one chance only to redeem himself and never did do NC with Twat.

He met Twat online for Thai women. Made up excuses and to do business there and then dday. I found emails. That was only the tip of iceberg I traced affairs back at least 10 yrs.

After three mo. he left and filed D. Never got one answer from him or explanation much less I'm sorry. Together for 27 yrs at time of dday and M for 22 yrs. Through my research and SI, I discovered he is a NPD and that is a special kind of hell to live with besides the infidelity.
This was a 2nd M for both and we had no children together. He has 1 son that I raised from 3 yrs old and I have 1 daughter from 1st M.

We lived with a marital agreement for almost 4 yrs but divorced last year.
FT (fucktard)-now 74 yrs
Me-now 57 yrs
Twatwife-now 40 and pregnant thru invitro
They now live in Thailand
So that is my story and yes you can heal from this shitstorm they gave us.

[This message edited by gma56 at 8:49 PM, August 12th (Monday)]


BW-Divorced
It's my life now, my choices, my mistakes to make and my victories to celebrate. His choices made me free of liars and betrayers in my life. I lost my family but gained a second chance to be happy.

Posts: 20275 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Half way to where I want to be.
kernel
♀ Member
Member # 27035
Default  Posted: 8:49 PM, August 12th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

41, nothing wrong with that. For some people, infidelity is a deal breaker. I wish I had come to that realization immediately - it would have been a quicker path to healing. Stay true to yourself. Your WH is the one that betrayed you and destroyed the marriage so I don't think you have to feel guilty about saying no thanks to reconciliation.


"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% - and that's pretty good."

Posts: 4661 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Midwest
kernel
♀ Member
Member # 27035
Default  Posted: 9:01 PM, August 12th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

On another tangent, are there some really ironic things about this whole shitstorm that you have realized?

I sure have. One of the things my workaholic X used to accuse me of was caring more about his paycheck than I did about him. Of course this was him projecting because he was obsessed with the pursuit of the almighty dollar, not me. He would drag that tired accusation out whenever I talked about him spending more time with the kids. Anywho, the net effect of his infidelity and abandonment has ultimately reduced our entire relationship to just what he used to accuse. He's nothing but a paycheck to me now. If this were a novel, you would call that foreshadowing. The kicker? His OW skank is nothing but a gold-digger who went after him for his paycheck. Irony. Too bad it's not a bigger paycheck.

[This message edited by kernel at 9:02 PM, August 12th (Monday)]


"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% - and that's pretty good."

Posts: 4661 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Midwest
gma56
♀ Member
Member # 19595
Default  Posted: 9:21 PM, August 12th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Like Strongbutbroken wrote , show some respect for your dick, dude.

I just crack up everytime I think of it.

Unfortunately if divorcing, other than custody, it is all about financial.

[This message edited by gma56 at 9:26 PM, August 12th (Monday)]


BW-Divorced
It's my life now, my choices, my mistakes to make and my victories to celebrate. His choices made me free of liars and betrayers in my life. I lost my family but gained a second chance to be happy.

Posts: 20275 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Half way to where I want to be.
3kids30years
♀ Member
Member # 38879
Default  Posted: 12:26 PM, August 13th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I loved the "I'm just a paycheck to you" line. I heard it as well. The funny part - HE WAS UNEMPLOYED!!!!! I was keeping it all together while he was out "falling in luurrve" with the OW.

He is employed now - and better not ever say that again.

What are the STUPIDEST things you heard?

[This message edited by 3kids30years at 12:28 PM, August 13th (Tuesday)]


BS (Faithful) - 53
WH (Not so much)- 54
DDay - 3/2/13 - 2:07pm
2+year EA/PA at least I think so - he isn't telling.

3 great kids :)

Married almost 30 years and here I am. Heartbroken.
Trying to make it thru each day. 4/14 - Still trying.


Posts: 175 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Nor Cal
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