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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: When Your Wayward Spouse/Partner Works With The Affair Person
sharim
♀ Member
Member # 11937
Default  Posted: 9:45 AM, May 4th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Whiteflower - Does OW's H know about the relationship?

Posts: 1379 | Registered: Sep 2006
whiteflower99
♀ Member
Member # 13937
Default  Posted: 12:21 PM, May 4th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I doubt it. I can't bring myself to tell him because not knowing him, what do I do if he goes crazy and tries to kill my WH? It doesn't really help me. I just wnat her OUT OF OUR LIVES!!


What are you pretending not to know?

me FBS
him idiotic sex addicted, hormone addled, porn watching, post pubescent male with a walking hard on for anything without a penis
4 kids 15 13 12 8
Earned my *F* the hard way; no longer defining mysel


Posts: 1675 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Greensboro, NC
Emerald Eyes
♀ Member
Member # 7977
Default  Posted: 12:28 PM, May 4th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SH1 - YAY for the Sweet Baby Boy. I just love that newborn smell. Enjoy your time with both your guys.

Whiteflower - welcome. Its a horrible situation we are in but you'll find lots of support here.


Posts: 1235 | Registered: Aug 2005 | From: Texas
christrics
♀ Member
Member # 14452
Default  Posted: 12:58 PM, May 4th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WH's OW was his employee!'
They were both 'let go' in Nov. '06 but he has since moved to another state for another job (hired her as a PT door girl) He doesn't know that I know!

Hugs - Christine -


Me:BS, 42
Him: WH, 45
Married 14 years
1DD- 9YO
Dday - Oct '06
OW- 23 YO; he was her boss
Divorce final -- 7/07

Posts: 242 | Registered: May 2007 | From: Michigan
MarieD
♀ Member
Member # 14450
Default  Posted: 8:12 PM, May 5th (Saturday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have a month to go...I hope.

WH and OW are teachers at the same school. She is not returning next year, so I just have to make it until the end of the school year.

Until then, he says he went NC but I do not believe him. I do believe it is currently just an EA...so I am counting the days until they are no longer working together. At that point, our lives can go on.


Posts: 151 | Registered: May 2007
hurtbs
♀ Member
Member # 10866
Default  Posted: 9:55 PM, May 5th (Saturday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OMG Marie I'm in the exact same situation. FWH and FSOW are both teachers. Her contract didn't get renewed, so she's gone. Still dealing with all the rumors and gossip - you know how kids are.


Me BW Him XSAWH
DDays - 1 was too many
Divorced 2012

"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid


Posts: 15133 | Registered: Jun 2006
MarieD
♀ Member
Member # 14450
Default  Posted: 6:38 AM, May 6th (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WH has not yet acknowledged (to me) that there are likely rumors around the school. I imagine, being male, he simply hasn't noticed the signs, and I'm sure OW is more than happy to keep him in the dark.

In any case -- I'm moving forward as far as I can with R. As I read somewhere else here, if there can be a glimmer of positive to all this, it is that it showed us we were taking each other for granted and not talking about our needs. It's given us a chance to be the couple we were meant to be. I'll just be glad when she is truly GONE!


Posts: 151 | Registered: May 2007
hurtbs
♀ Member
Member # 10866
Default  Posted: 1:10 PM, May 6th (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My FWH swore up and down that the rumors weren't rampant, even though FSOW got called into her boss's office and told to knock it off at work as the students were gossiping about it and it was distracting them from their work. Then, this year, FWH got officially reprimanded for his 'inappropriate and indiscreet relationship' with a colleague. I agree, I think that it's because he's a man. I also think that WSs just assume that no one knows or cares. I'm with you, when the bitch is gone, it's going to be a huge relief.


Me BW Him XSAWH
DDays - 1 was too many
Divorced 2012

"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid


Posts: 15133 | Registered: Jun 2006
Emerald Eyes
♀ Member
Member # 7977
Default  Posted: 10:35 AM, May 8th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah, we've had this conversation too. They think they're soooo discrete but its always obvious.

Posts: 1235 | Registered: Aug 2005 | From: Texas
hurtbs
♀ Member
Member # 10866
Default  Posted: 12:46 PM, May 9th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No one has posted in a while. I just wanted to see how everyone was doing.

I've got just three more weeks 'til I 'graduate'. Yay!


Me BW Him XSAWH
DDays - 1 was too many
Divorced 2012

"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid


Posts: 15133 | Registered: Jun 2006
Emerald Eyes
♀ Member
Member # 7977
Default  Posted: 1:35 PM, May 9th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so happy for you, Hurtbs. That must be a wonderful feeling, like a huge weight will soon be lifted off your shoulders.

Posts: 1235 | Registered: Aug 2005 | From: Texas
MarieD
♀ Member
Member # 14450
Default  Posted: 4:31 AM, May 10th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hurtbs, I've got three weeks left as well. I'm so excited!

Of course, there are a few hurdles between now and then, including an event Tuesday night. OW may be there, depends on how gutsy she is I guess and what the current contact level is. Whether she is there or not, there'll be some news announced at the event that may start a small firestorm...


Posts: 151 | Registered: May 2007
Emerald Eyes
♀ Member
Member # 7977
Default  Posted: 10:50 AM, May 10th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

MarieD, a firestorm???

Do tell us more.....


Posts: 1235 | Registered: Aug 2005 | From: Texas
TrulyReconciled
♂ Member
Member # 3031
Default  Posted: 11:08 AM, May 10th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Things are going pretty well here


TR


"In a time of deceit, telling the Truth is a revolutionary act."

Posts: 20485 | Registered: Dec 2003 | From: Hell and back, way back :o)
MarieD
♀ Member
Member # 14450
Default  Posted: 11:23 AM, May 10th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, on Tuesday WH will be announcing at school that we'll be having a baby in December :)

Since I'm pretty convinced that you can't have a discrete A at a high school, I'm sure some of the girls will get a kick out of dropping the news to the OW. In any case, you can't stop a rumor at a HS, so she'll find out one way or the other.

Of course, there's always a chance WH already told her. I have asked him twice not to. Tonight, I plan to ask him again whether he has.


Posts: 151 | Registered: May 2007
Emerald Eyes
♀ Member
Member # 7977
Default  Posted: 12:02 PM, May 10th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, goodie! Another baby!!

Now we'll have two little ones!

Congratulations!


Posts: 1235 | Registered: Aug 2005 | From: Texas
hurtbs
♀ Member
Member # 10866
Default  Posted: 1:04 PM, May 10th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Congrats MarieD!!!


Me BW Him XSAWH
DDays - 1 was too many
Divorced 2012

"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid


Posts: 15133 | Registered: Jun 2006
hrtbroken
♀ New Member
Member # 14574
Helpless  Posted: 5:02 PM, May 10th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's nice to find this board and talk about this to someone. A little over 2 years ago I discovered my H was having an A with a co-worker. He was calling the OW, texting her, emailing her, meeting her on their days off (they work in a hospital on the same shift), parking next to her, meeting her before and waiting for her and walking her to her car after work, confiding in her about our marriage and his most intimate thoughts. He even knew what she was doing on her days off- down to what she was doing at exactly what time. I truly believe it started out as an EA and turned physical later. I knew something was amiss for about 2 month prior to d-day because he was distant, wouldnít communicate with me or even touch me. His behavior on the phone- hanging up suddenly when I would come in to the room or instantly deleting his messages when he never used to do was just bizarre. He was working late and would go in early, he would get calls on his cell phone and would freak out if I picked up his cell phone for any reason and he never did that before. So I had some cause for concern but I was in total denial at that point and too fearful to acknowledge what I really knew in my heart.

On D-day we met for lunch after I overheard a portion of a phone conversation between him and the OW. I just walked out of the house and went to work devastated. He called me multiple times before I finally answered and agreed to meet him for lunch. When we went to lunch he told me that he was not happy, that we had drifted apart and that he was seriously contemplating leaving me. That I didnít satisfy him sexually either. But the thing with that is he was the one who didnít want to be intimate with me for months prior to d-day. He said his co-worker, the OW, was just a friend but he was very attracted to her and that if he were single he would definitely date her. WTF? He said that she was thinking about leaving her husband as well. We have three children and I reminded him of that. He said that he had already looked at apartments and was looking at talking to an attorney but that he might try and work things out. Well we did try and work it out; weíve been working on it for 2 years now. I told him that he would have to cease any contact with the OW except that of coworkers. Well 2 years and 3 months later and he is still working with the OW, still parking next to her and meeting her before work and she is still very much a part of our lives. She is a constant reminder of the A- itís like rubbing salt in an open wound. He have has bought her expensive gifts for Christmas and a few times I know he has met with her on their days off. I have asked him numerous times in the last 2 years to change jobs or transfer to another department but he always has an excuse. He was recently offered another job at another hospital and he was seriously considering it because of a significant pay raise. I was so happy about this offer because I thought we would finally be rid of her and she would be out of our lives once and for all! But I found out that the OW also applied at the same hospital in the same unit after he did and he lied to me about it. He hasnít turned in his paperwork and the only reason I can think of is because the OW apparently hasnít made up her mind if she is going to go over to that hospital or not. I am so sick of this. I told him that he has a choice me or her and that I am serious this time. I can live without him if I have to because three in this relationship is not working anymore. He says that she listened to him when he needed someone and that is all it was, that he loves me and that she isnít even a consideration anymore. If he has to choose- he chooses me. But I canít trust him- bottom line. I obsess about where he is, who he is talking to on the phone and if he is even parking next to her. I hate who I have become in all of this.
----------------------------
Me- 34 BS
Him- 37 WS
D-day 2/9/2006
A- ? 2 years ?


Posts: 8 | Registered: May 2007 | From: Texas
MarieD
♀ Member
Member # 14450
Default  Posted: 8:57 PM, May 10th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks --

I did just ask WH....and he admits that he's already told OW about the baby.

On the plus side, he did it about a week ago, as a last ditch attempt to get her to stop contacting him. Apparantly, it worked.

OMG, that clears up SO much of what I've been questioning for about a week. What a relief!!!


Posts: 151 | Registered: May 2007
melody
♀ Member
Member # 12344
Default  Posted: 8:35 AM, May 11th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hrtbroken, I'm so sorry for you. My H also works in a hospital w/ a woman he became emotionally close to (see my profile). He has been good about telling me when they work together and about keeping it 'all business', I think. Working in a hospital together, though, I think puts a lot of pressure on--they are frequently in high stress situations together, understand each other's job better than I, as an outsider, could, etc., etc. I go back and forth about whether I want to know every little incident of contact, or if I never want to hear about her. It reassures me a lot when he volunteers something about her. It makes me more concerned when he appears to be minimizing contacts.

Yesterday was his birthday, and everyone at work was wishing him happy birthday, and they had a cake for him. I knew she wasn't working in the same building, though, so I was kind of waiting to hear if she would send birthday wishes somehow. On his way home, he said she and two other women from the other building 'group called' to wish him a happy birthday. I'm torn--is he telling the whole truth, or putting a spin on it so it won't sound bad and/or hurt my feelings? He and I have both done that to each other before. We've also both learned that it ends up hurting more when the truth comes out, and promised we wouldn't do that to each other anymore, so I don't think he would tell a partial truth to me anymore. It makes it very hard to trust the simplest things sometimes, even your own instincts. Thankfully, we are both intent on taking each day and helping each other through it. He's been very good about hearing my fears without getting defensive lately. That helps a lot.

We have just decided to move to another state next year, for a number of reasons. She wasn't a deciding factor at all, but I will be relieved when she isn't a daily thought for either of us.

Sorry for the ramble--I haven't posted in a while and I guess it's backed up Good luck w/ the possible job change--maybe he's waiting to see where she'll be so he can be away from her, not with her.

[This message edited by melody at 8:42 AM, May 11th (Friday)]


M 20 yrs
4 kids

H-EA, d-day 1-06
W-PA, d-day 9-05
so both of us are WS & BS
working hard on R
"Sorry is looking backwards, worry is looking around, and faith is looking ahead"


Posts: 385 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: New England
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