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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: When Your Wayward Spouse/Partner Works With The Affair Person
mouse62400
♀ Member
Member # 14311
Default  Posted: 9:25 AM, May 29th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Friends

New here to this forum.

Marie- my WH and OW are teachers too. However, they still have 3 weeks of school. I too have worried about the last week with no students. Will he need to say a "goodbye" to her the last day? (He is getting a new job but hasn't told anyone at work yet). They are supposedly NC but they work together EVERY DAY in the same department.


D-Day 4/14/07
Me: BW 39
FWH:39
Married 7 years-together 9
2 children (girl 4 & boy 5)
FSOW: 24 yr old coworker
Divorcing

Posts: 187 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: Chicago
hurtbs
♀ Member
Member # 10866
Default  Posted: 9:43 AM, May 29th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WTF is up with these WSs and OPs hooking up in schools? Aren't they supposed to be role models? Dono't they realize that a school is a hotbed for gossip? Seriously? In case you can't tell, my FWH and FSOW are both teachers at the same school. He got an official reprimand, she got fired. This is the last week I can post in this forum.
For me, graduation was the hardest, as I couldn't attend (I was out of town).
Hang in their BSs. I hope that things are going well with you all.


Me BW Him XSAWH
DDays - 1 was too many
Divorced 2012

"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid


Posts: 15133 | Registered: Jun 2006
melody
♀ Member
Member # 12344
Default  Posted: 11:29 AM, May 30th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sharim, how did it go when you talked to your husband about the missing calls?


M 20 yrs
4 kids

H-EA, d-day 1-06
W-PA, d-day 9-05
so both of us are WS & BS
working hard on R
"Sorry is looking backwards, worry is looking around, and faith is looking ahead"


Posts: 385 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: New England
sharim
♀ Member
Member # 11937
Default  Posted: 12:49 PM, May 30th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Melody - It never got to that point in the conversation. As soon as he saw the note that I wanted to talk he got angry. We "talked" a bit about his nonresponsiveness but I let it drop. He says now that I am just making up stuff. Oh well we continue to not be able to deal with that ugly pile of crap that hangs between us.

Posts: 1379 | Registered: Sep 2006
dancingmuppet
♀ Member
Member # 14809
Default  Posted: 4:26 PM, May 30th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello, Im new to this forum and struggling with the fact that my Dh and OW still work together and by coincidence they're both teachers!

Alli


Me: BW 34
Him: FWS 35
DDay : 12/28/06

Posts: 62 | Registered: May 2007 | From: UK
mouse62400
♀ Member
Member # 14311
Default  Posted: 1:54 PM, May 31st (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yikes- what is with the teachers???

Muppet-
Is it possible that your H could get another teaching job? How easy is it for him to transfer? How much longer in the school year?

I read your other post too. You say no on else knows at school and they still have to act "normal" around each other. Same story here. However, I think people must know! My FWH and OW would lock the door to his office and make out for an entire free period. I mean can you imagine? I have also been told that students (who are high school by the way) have made comments about the 2 of them. Jeez- how stupid are these people????


D-Day 4/14/07
Me: BW 39
FWH:39
Married 7 years-together 9
2 children (girl 4 & boy 5)
FSOW: 24 yr old coworker
Divorcing

Posts: 187 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: Chicago
hurtbs
♀ Member
Member # 10866
Default  Posted: 3:00 PM, May 31st (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mouse, trust me... they know. FWH and FSOW though thtat they were being so discreet until they were called in to the office and told to 'knock it off at school' as the students were gossiping so much it was a distraction. In FWH's resprimand letter, it stated that he had an 'inappropriate and indiscreet relationship with another faculty member.' In their fantasy land, they think no one notices how much time they spend together, the looks they give one another, the flirting, etc. God they're stupid.

And seriously, what is up with the teachers? Someone posted over in General about the WS being in law-enforcement and using the whole "people don't understand" garbage to justify their behavior. What do they use? My (also teacher) wife doesn't understand how upset I get when my students don't understand the perfect subjunctive? What was really odd to me is that FWH loves teaching (as do I). FSOW hated it and the students. WTF?

Tomorrow is the last official day that they work together! Yay!!!!

[This message edited by hurtbs at 3:02 PM, May 31st (Thursday)]


Me BW Him XSAWH
DDays - 1 was too many
Divorced 2012

"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid


Posts: 15133 | Registered: Jun 2006
mouse62400
♀ Member
Member # 14311
Default  Posted: 3:10 PM, May 31st (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hurtbs-

Good for you- last day!! 2 more weeks to go of our school year...

Funny, my FWH also used the analogy of being a cop -being a teacher is so all encompassing. Jeez! I too am a teacher but have been a SAHM for the last 4 years. I know that I got sick of hearing about his school stories. I guess SOW didn't. She by the way is a first year teacher and my FWH is her department chair. Nice mentoring, huh??


D-Day 4/14/07
Me: BW 39
FWH:39
Married 7 years-together 9
2 children (girl 4 & boy 5)
FSOW: 24 yr old coworker
Divorcing

Posts: 187 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: Chicago
dancingmuppet
♀ Member
Member # 14809
Default  Posted: 4:05 PM, May 31st (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi, yes it's possible for my Dh to get another job but most likely he wouldn't be able to start for another year as most teaching jobs in the UK come up in January ready to start in September. The school year ends at the beginning of July but then he's away on a school trip with her (and others) for a week and then again for 5 days in August. He's away on one at the moment (the trips run from may - oct). It use to be just him and her that would go and then last year my Dh started adding other staff at which point she apparently accused him of wanting chaperons and this was before he confessed to me! (my Dh runs the trips and she's like his 2nd in command)
I'm pretty sure no one at the school suspects as although the PA lasted on and off for about a year I think it was quite infrequent and happened when there was only the 2 of them on school trips but the kids being supervised by other people.


Me: BW 34
Him: FWS 35
DDay : 12/28/06

Posts: 62 | Registered: May 2007 | From: UK
sharim
♀ Member
Member # 11937
Default  Posted: 4:06 PM, May 31st (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Congratulations to hurtbs on your pending "graduation". Best wishes to you!

Ironically, my H and OW are in school district administration so it is not limited to the school sites. And, yes, everyone knows including down to my DD's elementary school staff. But of course they don't think so.

H is now off to a meeting which OW is going to be at.
I am trying to not be concerned about her. Although I want to know what it is like for them to work together now and do they still have a "friendship" (barf sign appropriate but I think I have used my quota) but I refuse to "lower" myself to asking. She's not worth my time. H has actually been really good so I will just go with this for now. I know he called her yesterday for a less than 2 minute phone call -- it's starting to not drive me so crazy. He didn't delete that call off his phone and I checked later to see if he deleted his calls because he may have realized that he forgot and it was still there. So he either totally forgot or it was a true business call -- whatever if they want to be together then I am outta here. I don't have any more time to waste on them.


Posts: 1379 | Registered: Sep 2006
misto1976
♀ Member
Member # 14803
Default  Posted: 11:30 AM, June 4th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is my first post here and I hope I post correctly because honestly I am having a few problems with the abbreviations lol. I found out about my H's A with his co-worker in February and kicked him out immediately but he came back a week later and we decided to reconcile. I made up my mind as soon as he told me he wanted to talk that he would have to quit the job immediately and not even hesitate before I would take him back and that there could be absolutely NC period after that day and thankfully he met all my ultimatums and we are still working on keeping this ship a float. I wish everyone that is dealing with this the best of luck and just remember you are worth getting what you require out of your relationship and you can't accept anything but what you need! Don't let your WH/WW make you think you aren't worthy of that!! Good luck to all.


Me - FBS/FWS (EA) 31
Him - FBS/FWH 30
Three kids
DDay - Feb. 21, 2007
R - Feb. 23, 2007 Still working every day
OW - is a not going to invade my thoughts anymore :)

Posts: 218 | Registered: May 2007 | From: Texas
jmac205
♂ Member
Member # 12341
Default  Posted: 11:51 AM, June 4th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Another spouse of a wayward teacher here.

I think they have too much time on their hands. I too am fretting the coming weeks. It is the time that the EA turned PA.

I have told her that she is free to do whatever she wants, but if she talks, eats, spends any time with OM it's a deal-breaker. At this point, d-day + 6months, I have prepared myself for either outcome. I just hope our esteemed legal system, who ultimately knows whats best for us, does do to me what it did to EE


Posts: 142 | Registered: Oct 2006
hurtbs
♀ Member
Member # 10866
Default  Posted: 3:28 PM, June 4th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am officially graduated from this forum! Yay! I'll still check in time to time. Thank you everyone for your support. This forum has been so helpful.

Big hugs to everyone who is struggling.


Me BW Him XSAWH
DDays - 1 was too many
Divorced 2012

"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid


Posts: 15133 | Registered: Jun 2006
dancingmuppet
♀ Member
Member # 14809
Happy  Posted: 2:01 AM, June 5th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Congratulations hurtbs, it must be a wonderful feeling. Hopefully I'll be in that position this time next year.

Best wishes for your future


Me: BW 34
Him: FWS 35
DDay : 12/28/06

Posts: 62 | Registered: May 2007 | From: UK
mouse62400
♀ Member
Member # 14311
Default  Posted: 7:55 AM, June 5th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome misto. Are your WS and OW still working together?

jmac- another W teacher?? Do we need a new abbreviation --WT???? How much longer in your school year? Do they work closely together? Will they both return in the fall?

hurtbs- Congrats on your graduation!!!!


D-Day 4/14/07
Me: BW 39
FWH:39
Married 7 years-together 9
2 children (girl 4 & boy 5)
FSOW: 24 yr old coworker
Divorcing

Posts: 187 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: Chicago
crazycatlady
♀ Member
Member # 12849
Default  Posted: 8:34 AM, June 5th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am a teacher and I am shocked anyone would have the time to carry on affair during a school day. Heck, I don't even have time to pee, much less woo a colleague. Then again, if I worked with Johnny Depp...


Love all, trust a few. Do wrong to none.
William Shakespeare "All's Well That Ends Well"
D-Day: Nov 30, 2006
"For I have sworn thee fair, and thought thee bright, who art as black as hell, as dark as night."
William Shakespeare

Posts: 1711 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: Etherville
crazycatlady
♀ Member
Member # 12849
Default  Posted: 8:39 AM, June 5th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

All kidding aside (see above Johnny Depp anecdote) , my fwh does work with his ow. He rarely sees her but she is still working in their agency. It is hard but he assures me he cannot even look at her without seeing all the pain they caused. I hope this is true, but I will always have my fears.
You know, if I had to do it all over again, I'm not sure I could. This was so excruciating. And unless you have been a BS before, there is no possible way you can understand.

[This message edited by crazycatlady at 8:40 AM, June 5th (Tuesday)]


Love all, trust a few. Do wrong to none.
William Shakespeare "All's Well That Ends Well"
D-Day: Nov 30, 2006
"For I have sworn thee fair, and thought thee bright, who art as black as hell, as dark as night."
William Shakespeare

Posts: 1711 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: Etherville
mouse62400
♀ Member
Member # 14311
Default  Posted: 8:40 AM, June 5th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with you CatLady!!

I am a teacher too and I was floored when I found out my teacher H was having an A with another teacher. Who has the time? I guess working on those lesson plans can just make you all hot and horney...and rubrics and state goals- don't get me started. I'm getting too excited!!!!


D-Day 4/14/07
Me: BW 39
FWH:39
Married 7 years-together 9
2 children (girl 4 & boy 5)
FSOW: 24 yr old coworker
Divorcing

Posts: 187 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: Chicago
crazycatlady
♀ Member
Member # 12849
Default  Posted: 8:43 AM, June 5th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah, when I make a rubric I am thinking hot sex. And those romantic 15 minute lunches, ahhh, the smell of milk and peanut butter just makes me want to groan.
Oh baby, I just love the smell of a copier in the morning...


Love all, trust a few. Do wrong to none.
William Shakespeare "All's Well That Ends Well"
D-Day: Nov 30, 2006
"For I have sworn thee fair, and thought thee bright, who art as black as hell, as dark as night."
William Shakespeare

Posts: 1711 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: Etherville
misto1976
♀ Member
Member # 14803
Default  Posted: 11:26 AM, June 5th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

They no longer work together thankfully. We actually no longer even live in the same county as her because that was my ultimatum. On the day he came back to beg for us to reconcile I made him call and quit his job immediately and then call her and tell her in no uncertain terms that it was over and they would never see or talk to each other again and my bestfriend suggested that then after that call was over that he get rid of his cell phone which he did by smashing it with a hammer! I guess I probably posted in the wrong forum considering this is no longer a concern for me but considering I have been in the situation I thought I would start by posting here.


Me - FBS/FWS (EA) 31
Him - FBS/FWH 30
Three kids
DDay - Feb. 21, 2007
R - Feb. 23, 2007 Still working every day
OW - is a not going to invade my thoughts anymore :)

Posts: 218 | Registered: May 2007 | From: Texas
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