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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: When Your Wayward Spouse/Partner Works With The Affair Person
Obliterated9584
Member
Member # 12714
Default  Posted: 12:49 PM, July 21st (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Depressed today. FWH and I had a wonderful long weekend. Four days in all, it was great. We had so much fun together & enjoyed ourselves and each other so much... and then comes F***** Monday. Back to work with the whore & all the whore-enablers he works with. I'm trying hard to hang onto our wonderful weekend , but its hard.


Me 39
WS 40
Married 18 years
Together 22 years
2 Great Kids
we were HS sweeties
D-day 9-24-06
mini d-day 11-19-06
FWH no longer working with OW 10/30/09
Working hard at R

Posts: 264 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: Twin Cities
reallylost
♀ Member
Member # 18185
Default  Posted: 2:57 PM, July 21st (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

my wh still works with one of his ea ow...and we were in r..he swore he wasn't having anything to do with her and wasn't calling other women or emailing them..for 7 1/2 months we were ecstatic I thought i would have bad days when I knew he was going to be in the office..and he would get aggravated at me for not moving forward..I felt so bad...and like I was going to run him off...well I couldn't take it anymore not knowing..so I put a keylogger on his laptop so I could give myself some peace...BINGO..THE FIRST DAY! I saw chats and emails from 05!..but now he worked with 2 of them!! and they loved each other!!!I asked him to leave that day and I wanted him back immediately...We can never be sure of all their doing..I shutter to think what I don't know..he won't talk to me and is wanting to get a divorce and doesn't love me...he is in a fantasy world!!!!


Me: 47
WS: 38
D-Day:12-26-07
Married: 11 years
divorce final: 11/19/08
3 children: d25, d21(autistic),d8(ours together)
divorce final: 11/19/08

Posts: 166 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: KY
justfriends
♀ Member
Member # 17867
Default  Posted: 6:57 PM, July 23rd (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Obliterated, I hope your week has turned out better than your Monday. Those 3-Day weekends are heaven, but the Mondays that follow are always hell!

I've been a little happier this week because my OW has had a demotion at work. She isn't smart enough to do the job she has, so they hired someone else to take over most of her duties, and now have her doing "busy work" Not as good as if she were fired, but it's a start


D-day Jan 2008
me BS (now 42)
him WS with no communication skills or heart
4 month PA
WH left 3/10/12 after 4 years of R and 18 years of M



Posts: 426 | Registered: Jan 2008 | From: ca
"cinderellaless"
♀ Member
Member # 20133
Question  Posted: 1:24 PM, July 24th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

HI,
My WS works indirectly with the OW. It also drives me insane. I wish one of them would quit. Their affair began as a friendship when they worked as two equal managers. The A escalated when he was promoted as DM and was actually indirectly her boss.

It has been a year into R, and we have worked on a lot of boundaries so WS does not have to see the OW much, but it still drives me insane.

I want OW out of state and into another company.

Thank you for letting me vent. Somedays are better than others.


Oh yeah, OW is now dating another manager in the same company. Plus, my WS was not her first. She will never leave, because she has too much of a man pool......


Me (BS) 46
Him (FWS) 46
The Company Slut 45(she is now #@*!ing another in the company. She married this one.)

DDay #1 7/1/07
DDay #2 5/23/09

At least I know that I am God's princess. He will never leave me or forsake me!


Posts: 105 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: OH
I think I can
♀ Member
Member # 17756
Default  Posted: 6:52 AM, July 25th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Vent!

This SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS. Bigger said on another thread--you CAN reconcile when the AP's work together, but it's like running a marathon in a monkey suit--it's that much harder.

I don't post here much, but I don't want to have to go through the whole "make him get another job" conversation.

This is really hard! And I deserve praise for trying to R under these conditions!

Sigh.


I'm not the winner, I'm the prize.

Posts: 8717 | Registered: Jan 2008
justfriends
♀ Member
Member # 17867
Default  Posted: 10:44 AM, July 25th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think I can, sorry you are having a bad day. I am also so tired of the "he should get another job" talk. Sometimes it's just not that easy. I love the monkey mararthan analogy

What I can't stand in my situation is why the hell the OW is still there......oh, I know.....to be close to my H

My single OW has a "job", and makes virtualy nothing. My H has a career on which he supports his family. There is such a difference.

I agree....this SUCKS!!!


D-day Jan 2008
me BS (now 42)
him WS with no communication skills or heart
4 month PA
WH left 3/10/12 after 4 years of R and 18 years of M



Posts: 426 | Registered: Jan 2008 | From: ca
sharim
♀ Member
Member # 11937
Default  Posted: 10:48 AM, July 25th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You guys are not going to believe this (I can barely believe it!)

I keep plodding along in this relationship struggling with the whole OW/work issue. WH had a recent job modification that means more money but also more time with OW . I am trying to keep my act together about it as WH has been pretty good.

So now the bomb hits -- I was "looking" (ok so you guys know what I was doing) at some of his work stuff and it turns out they hired a consultant for some work. He had mentioned something about this consultant a few weeks ago. He didn't directly hire her that I know of. It turns out that the consultant is OW#1 from 17 years ago!!!!!

We weren't married at the time and were going through some stuff and so I dealt with it the best I could and excused his behavior (not that it didn't affect our relationship in many ways).

To top the irony of all this -- OW#2 actually approves OW#1's invoices for payments, etc. I don't know if I should laugh or cry!!!!


Posts: 1379 | Registered: Sep 2006
redvixen
♀ Member
Member # 15259
Default  Posted: 9:07 AM, July 27th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sharim, Good Grief!!! Does Ow #1 know about OW #2? Can it get any more soap-operay? How is your H handling all of this? I know my mind would be boggled as well.

I wish I could insert a joke about your H needing to expand his knowledge of capable female workers to more than ones he's had relationships with, but it's early and I'm still drinking coffee and I don't want to upset you.


Me, BS Him WS early 40's at the start, cheated before and after cancer diagnosis.
Two A's, two OW's, online looking for sex partners, two false R's.
Threw him out in January 2009.
Divorce final March 30th, 2010

XWH died Dec. 2010


Posts: 4104 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: New Jersey
sharim
♀ Member
Member # 11937
Default  Posted: 6:45 PM, July 27th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes -- definitely good grief!

I don't know if WH knows that I know about OW#1 being a consultant. I can't believe she is back in my life. She had married but I think maybe they are separated or something. Their house was foreclosed on in 2006 (what another coincidence -- on my birthday).

OW#1 may know about OW#2 if she stayed in contact with people at that office over the last years. (She use to be an employee there but left shortly after her involvement with my H.)

I don't think OW#2 knows about OW#1 but there is a chance she does.

It is actually possible that initially WH didn't even know the consultant was OW#1 because of her married name.

How I would have loved to been a fly on the wall in that first meeting with the two OWs and my WH!

It is so bizarre that jokes wouldn't upset me. How did I get into this soap opera?????


Posts: 1379 | Registered: Sep 2006
Obliterated9584
Member
Member # 12714
Default  Posted: 8:53 AM, July 28th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"This is really hard! And I deserve praise for trying to R under these conditions!"

DAMN RIGHT! ME TOO DAMIT!

Sharim, all I can do is sigh, I just cant find words for you just now. You deserve more than praise, you deserve a fucking cape , tiera, a country named after you...etc.


Me 39
WS 40
Married 18 years
Together 22 years
2 Great Kids
we were HS sweeties
D-day 9-24-06
mini d-day 11-19-06
FWH no longer working with OW 10/30/09
Working hard at R

Posts: 264 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: Twin Cities
justfriends
♀ Member
Member # 17867
Default  Posted: 10:49 AM, July 28th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Okay everyone, it finally happened.....OW got fired! I know you're happy for me, and also hoping it will happen for you. I will still be on here from time to time to see how you are doing.

Even though I am thrilled she is gone, our R would happen with or without her in the picture. I would have made it, and so will you


D-day Jan 2008
me BS (now 42)
him WS with no communication skills or heart
4 month PA
WH left 3/10/12 after 4 years of R and 18 years of M



Posts: 426 | Registered: Jan 2008 | From: ca
sharim
♀ Member
Member # 11937
Default  Posted: 11:05 AM, July 28th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Justfriends - WOW!! Fantastic!! That is great news. Wishing you the best as you continue to R without OW around!!!!!

Posts: 1379 | Registered: Sep 2006
Obliterated9584
Member
Member # 12714
Default  Posted: 1:32 PM, July 28th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Justfriends.

I'm SO happy for you. I'm SO jealous of you. Somedays I get so hopeless that she will always be a stain on rest of my life, and I will be forced to think about her every GD day because they work together. Hearing your good news gives me some small ray of hope. But I have to tell you, its only a small one. Our OW has done so much that they could fire her for, not to mention everyone knows what a slut she is & knows about how many men she has screwed there, yet somehow, she goes no where. The karma bus has yet to find her neighborhood, unless she is sucking off the driver too.


Me 39
WS 40
Married 18 years
Together 22 years
2 Great Kids
we were HS sweeties
D-day 9-24-06
mini d-day 11-19-06
FWH no longer working with OW 10/30/09
Working hard at R

Posts: 264 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: Twin Cities
Obliterated9584
Member
Member # 12714
Default  Posted: 1:33 PM, July 28th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

edited - dup message

[This message edited by Obliterated9584 at 1:39 PM, July 28th (Monday)]


Me 39
WS 40
Married 18 years
Together 22 years
2 Great Kids
we were HS sweeties
D-day 9-24-06
mini d-day 11-19-06
FWH no longer working with OW 10/30/09
Working hard at R

Posts: 264 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: Twin Cities
sharim
♀ Member
Member # 11937
Default  Posted: 2:58 PM, July 28th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hugs OB9584 -- Same here. OW seems to get rewarded every which way she turns.

I finally got the courage to ask WH about his reporting to her since she is the project director. He said he doesn't because they moved her out of his department and so although she is involved he doesn't necessarily go to her but to someone else.

So now in her job (she was hired and paid accordingly to do her job plus supervise 8 people) she now has no one to supervise and has some minor reporting duties at the same pay. WHERE IS THAT KARMA BUS?????

I tried to keep it real nonchalant with H when I was asking about her but now I am triggering badly. I joked that I wished I could find that kind of job and H said I don't try hard enough --- more like I don't spread my legs for everybody. It is like he was defending her so now I'm running around being .

Thanks for letting me vent!


Posts: 1379 | Registered: Sep 2006
redvixen
♀ Member
Member # 15259
Default  Posted: 6:42 PM, July 28th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

JustFriends - Yay!! Ding-Dong the witch is dead...or at least out of a job, anyway. Good news!

Sharim, doesn't it just kill you that our Hs' say the stupidest things? Too bad you didn't fire back "You're right. Maybe I should try sleeping around to get promoted, too!"


Me, BS Him WS early 40's at the start, cheated before and after cancer diagnosis.
Two A's, two OW's, online looking for sex partners, two false R's.
Threw him out in January 2009.
Divorce final March 30th, 2010

XWH died Dec. 2010


Posts: 4104 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: New Jersey
sharim
♀ Member
Member # 11937
Default  Posted: 9:58 AM, July 30th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Grumble grumble -- I can't get a break!!! I was "dusting" WH's home office desk and saw an email from OW. She was asking for help on the bond staffing budget (sheesh she can't even do her own job at 90K/year).

Since WH is now actually part of the project instead of just support he will be funded partially by the bond. She writes to him,

"Oh, and I guess that I'm going to have to add you as well now that you jumped on the "band wagon" to suck the bond funds dry! hee-hee JUST KIDDING....I couldn't resist. :-;

I appreciate your help, as always."

Note -- this was written the same day that WH and I had the conversation about her.

I have kept a copy of the email just in case I decide to send it to the bond committee so they can see how the bond director talks about the monies she oversees. -- Hey you guys this is your tax dollars at work!

KARMA BUS PLEASE HELP!!!!!!


Posts: 1379 | Registered: Sep 2006
beckii75
♀ New Member
Member # 20408
Default  Posted: 3:18 PM, July 30th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

On Father's Day I found out that my significant other had been sleeping with a co-worker among ohter things..Taking her out to dinners etc...This went on since February and I was pregant. Now we have a beautiful 2 mo old baby boy and he wants to try to work it out. I am trying very hard but it is difficult since she works with him. Last Sunday the girl was calling and calling his cell phone then she text me asking me if he was with me well duh of course he is.. I was dumbfounded and he told me that he had told her once and for all not to contact him...Everyday I think about the two together and everytime I look at him it hurts. I want to try to work it out but is it even possible.

Posts: 22 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: California
redvixen
♀ Member
Member # 15259
Default  Posted: 6:42 PM, July 30th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Beckii, it's possible, but it takes committment on both sides. He's got to send her a NC letter, and he's got to agree to tell you about any encounters they have, for whatever reason. It's a hard road, since they work together, but it is doable.


Me, BS Him WS early 40's at the start, cheated before and after cancer diagnosis.
Two A's, two OW's, online looking for sex partners, two false R's.
Threw him out in January 2009.
Divorce final March 30th, 2010

XWH died Dec. 2010


Posts: 4104 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: New Jersey
sharim
♀ Member
Member # 11937
Default  Posted: 7:43 PM, July 30th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Becki75 -- Congratulations on your little boy. They grow up so fast so enjoy him -- everybody says that and it is so very very true -- especially these days!

Redvixen is 100% on her advise. Don't let WH not tell you things in order to "protect you" -- it just feeds mistrust when things are found out. In spite of my situation, I still think that under the right circumstances R is possible.

(Edited becuz I am such a ditz anymore and said Beckii had a girl not boy )

[This message edited by sharim at 10:40 PM, July 30th (Wednesday)]


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