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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: When Your Wayward Spouse/Partner Works With The Affair Person
sharim
♀ Member
Member # 11937
Default  Posted: 10:39 PM, September 4th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That is FANTASTIC Lisaloo!!!!! Best wishes as you are able to continue the R process without OW lurking around!!!!!!!!!!

Posts: 1379 | Registered: Sep 2006
Obliterated9584
Member
Member # 12714
Default  Posted: 8:45 AM, September 5th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so happy for you lisaloo. And so jealous...and sad too. I fear I will never see that light at the end of the tunnel. After last night, even more so. FWH went to a newly opened home improvement store very near our home last night... and who did he see in the parking lot... OW. She saw him and turned around & drove across the street to the gas station. He went in,got what he needed & when he left, he saw her car in the parking lot again... so she was in there. WTF! She does not live in our town. She lives like 30 miles away. OK, she has to drive on the interstate past our town to get to hers, but what balls she has to stop in our town! And FWH was puzzled that it upset me. I was not over the edge or anything, but it did bother me. Two year anti-versary is coming up soon. From what I have read, we should be in a really good place at two years, and well we are, but I should not have to worry about seeing that slut in my town on top of dealing with them still working together. DAMN DAMN FUCK DAMN DAMN!

[This message edited by Obliterated9584 at 11:26 AM, September 5th (Friday)]


Me 39
WS 40
Married 18 years
Together 22 years
2 Great Kids
we were HS sweeties
D-day 9-24-06
mini d-day 11-19-06
FWH no longer working with OW 10/30/09
Working hard at R

Posts: 264 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: Twin Cities
Obliterated9584
Member
Member # 12714
Default  Posted: 2:19 PM, September 5th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Its going from bad to worse. Not only did FWH run into OW outside of work, but he got talked to about his work performance today & was basically told he better step up his performance or he will be replaced. They have given up unrealistic goals, its almost like they are setting him up to be let go. Its a double edged blade here. He has to find a new job. If he loses his job, we will lose our house. I know he has not been putting forth the effort he once did because of the A, so they have reason to question his performance. And they also gave him a hard time about the number of calls he makes or gets from me during the day. Its not a lot, but they are using it against him. Another sign that they may be pushing him out. I dont want him to work there anymore, but we cant lose our home.


Me 39
WS 40
Married 18 years
Together 22 years
2 Great Kids
we were HS sweeties
D-day 9-24-06
mini d-day 11-19-06
FWH no longer working with OW 10/30/09
Working hard at R

Posts: 264 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: Twin Cities
sharim
♀ Member
Member # 11937
Default  Posted: 5:55 PM, September 5th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OB9584 --- Oh yuck! I swear we can't win for losing in this situation.

If I remember right I think your H is in my same field. I'm sure you have already thought about this but can he be sending his resume out just in case (keeping fingers crossed that maybe he will find something better!).

Do you think that some of the pressure on your H at work is due to them knowing about the A?


Posts: 1379 | Registered: Sep 2006
Obliterated9584
Member
Member # 12714
Default  Posted: 12:48 PM, September 24th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How ironic that the site comes back up today. Today is 2 year d-day antiversary... and I am home sick. Bluk bluk.


Me 39
WS 40
Married 18 years
Together 22 years
2 Great Kids
we were HS sweeties
D-day 9-24-06
mini d-day 11-19-06
FWH no longer working with OW 10/30/09
Working hard at R

Posts: 264 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: Twin Cities
redvixen
♀ Member
Member # 15259
Default  Posted: 6:39 PM, September 24th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I swear I was in withdrawal with this site down. I hope everyone made it through the hurricane okay!

Our 6th anniversary was on Monday. It was low-key, but okay. We're doing good, I guess, but our therapist canceled on us this week, and I wish he hadn't. At first I thought I had nothing to contribute, but then my H called and tried to get out of going to therapy (he'd just gotten out of a meeting, and was heading back to work, but he felt sick). I asked him if he was heading back to work, (where SHE still works), and he said he was. Now, I know his cancer drugs can make him nauseaous, but I would have understood if he was going home sick. But the fact that he was willing to still work, but not on us, sent me over the edge. I was afraid that once this started, then there would be excuse after excuse, and we'd eventually slide right back down to where we were. He could hear my disappointment/anger in my voice, and told me he'd meet me at the therapists'. But then the therapist canceled! We did go out to lunch, so it was worth it. ONe day at a time, I guess.


Me, BS Him WS early 40's at the start, cheated before and after cancer diagnosis.
Two A's, two OW's, online looking for sex partners, two false R's.
Threw him out in January 2009.
Divorce final March 30th, 2010

XWH died Dec. 2010


Posts: 4104 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: New Jersey
Luxx
♀ Member
Member # 20965
Default  Posted: 2:14 AM, September 28th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WS has been away from work for a month, working through our issues as well as some other stuff. He returns Monday. Ugh. He doesn't work directly with OW but they are in the same building...just shoot me now, please.


D-day 1: May 20.08
D-day 2: Aug 17.08

Posts: 392 | Registered: Sep 2008
Obliterated9584
Member
Member # 12714
Default  Posted: 9:21 AM, September 29th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel your pain Luxx. Hope your Monday is going ok.
((Luxx))


Me 39
WS 40
Married 18 years
Together 22 years
2 Great Kids
we were HS sweeties
D-day 9-24-06
mini d-day 11-19-06
FWH no longer working with OW 10/30/09
Working hard at R

Posts: 264 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: Twin Cities
nooneeverthought
♀ Member
Member # 20157
Default  Posted: 1:38 PM, September 29th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wanted you to know we all know how you feel, the feeling gets less desperate but it never goes away.....My H doesn't work with his FOW but does change of shift when she gets there so that 15 minute period is very difficult for me, but, in the end he is remorseful and sorry and loving and coming home to ME..........I tell myself that when the feeling gets overwhelming, she has to watch him walk out the door knowing it is over and he is going home for the evening to his family while she has to try and start her shift and focus on work..........I know that it isn't the best way to let my thoughts drift but it gets me through the rough moment....I started doing that after someone else had written picture her in the corner of your room while having great mindblowing sex with your H and her sobbing and crying and that may help your mind movies, YUP that helped and so does this work tactic...For me anyway and I have to use it less and less as time goes by......


it doesn't matter where you go in life ,it's who you have the beside you

Posts: 8493 | Registered: Jul 2008
lifesabeach
♀ Member
Member # 15236
Default  Posted: 8:30 PM, October 6th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think and I want to believe that NC is actually happening at the office. There have been exceptions but FWH makes sure I know exactly what the contact was, it is always business related, OW is boss. FWH is being transparent and does everything he can think of to make the time they cross paths comfortable for me.
We are a year plus out of first DD and 9 months out from last DD. I always said if anyone cheated on me they would be gone. We had been together for almost 29 years. I am having such a hard time. We were in FR off and on for 5 months. I need some suggestions on how to deal with this. I can't put the A out of my head because it is an open sore everyday when FWH goes to work. Some days are fine and I have no problems. Other days I just want to give up. Not leaving the job is a hard one. He isn't going anywhere and apparently neither is she. Although as soon as the A came out she told him several times she would look for a new job. I don't think the OW wants him now. She finally realized that he loves me and wasn't going to leave me for her. How can you get past the A when it is in your face everyday ? Today is a bad day as you can tell.


R'd

Posts: 337 | Registered: Jul 2007
redvixen
♀ Member
Member # 15259
Default  Posted: 6:52 AM, October 7th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lifesabeach, I hear you. My H has been very upfront regarding the OW; once I explained "fishing" to him, many of her comments became clearer to him and opened his eyes to her actions even more. But I hate it that even now, after all this time and all the mess that's gone on - she would take him back in a heartbeat. There are days when I'd hand him over - if she thinks he's so great, maybe she should actually have him. That would really teach her! He has no interest in her (though we're in therapy to deal with other issues), but just to know that every day she's there, making eyes at him, looking at him...it still bothers me. I wish I had some advice, but I don't. It's just a one-day-at-a-time thing, I guess. It gets easier the farther we are out, but it just never seems to fully go away.


Me, BS Him WS early 40's at the start, cheated before and after cancer diagnosis.
Two A's, two OW's, online looking for sex partners, two false R's.
Threw him out in January 2009.
Divorce final March 30th, 2010

XWH died Dec. 2010


Posts: 4104 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: New Jersey
Obliterated9584
Member
Member # 12714
Default  Posted: 10:50 AM, October 20th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Another GD Monday... I kind feel like FWH has given up on finding a new job. We are struggling somewhat financially, like alot of people right now, and I feel he is using that as an excuse not to look anymore.


Me 39
WS 40
Married 18 years
Together 22 years
2 Great Kids
we were HS sweeties
D-day 9-24-06
mini d-day 11-19-06
FWH no longer working with OW 10/30/09
Working hard at R

Posts: 264 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: Twin Cities
So painful
♀ Member
Member # 18167
Default  Posted: 11:52 AM, October 20th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Obliterated

If I'm interpreting your words correctly, I'm with you on the GD Monday.

I've never demanded that FWH find a different job but he knows how I feel and has said he "wishes he could" change jobs. Says he'd be more than glad to IF the right job came along. The thing is I know how hard he's worked for his position and know he really doesn't want to start over again somewhere new. So I get to endure the torture every Monday morning.


Me: BS - 57
Him: WH - 59
Status: Uncertain

Posts: 799 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: Midwest
pcisconfused
♀ Member
Member # 19583
Default  Posted: 12:42 PM, October 20th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi all. I am fairly new to all of this unfortunately. My WH and OW work together and unfortunately due to contractual obligations neither of them can quit for another 2 years. For those of you in the same boat how to you manage each day wondering if anything is going on. At least at home I can monitor and snope to see what he is up to but cannot at work and that makes it so hard. He says trust me, I say not a chance. Damn, this is so hard.


BW (43)
WS (44)
together 14 years
4 kids together
Separated but seeing Counsellor to see if we can R

Posts: 73 | Registered: May 2008
So painful
♀ Member
Member # 18167
Default  Posted: 2:19 PM, October 20th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

pcis

I understand how you feel. The fact that FWH and FOW see each other every day at work is the single hardest thing for me to deal with. My H also says "trust me" but I just can't do it. Needless to say, my productivity at my job has suffered because its so easy to get distracted by what might be going on across town.

I manage by just trying to make it through each day the best I can and hope this gets easier over time. You're right. It is SO hard.


Me: BS - 57
Him: WH - 59
Status: Uncertain

Posts: 799 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: Midwest
broken-coping
♀ New Member
Member # 21329
Default  Posted: 8:19 AM, October 21st (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi everyone, I just became a memeber last night.

My H and I are in R right now. The A happened from Aug 06 to Aug 07. He works with her and i hate it. It was an EA that lead to a PA. The worse part is the whole A both EA and PA happened at work. The sex was at work. He was never with her outside of work but once. If he's not at work he's with me. Everybody knew it. My H has worked there since we got together 13 yrs ago. I have friends that work day shift. So everyone knew he was married and said nothing. He has no idea how i feel when he leaves to work. I struggle everyday. Sometime tears just fall and i cant stop them. He tries by calling when he gets to work so i dont think he's wasting time in the parking lot. Then calls at about 1 am. He said she hasn't worked in a month or so. I can't believe him. It just hurts so much.


Me - BS 35
Him - WH 41
Common law Married 13 years
1 kid
11-7-06 Confronted, denied.
01-07 Conf.,admitted paritally
06-11-07 conf.the OW tried to deny
06-12-07 The truth i hope
Status R but they still wk 2gether

Posts: 9 | Registered: Oct 2008
pcisconfused
♀ Member
Member # 19583
Default  Posted: 2:50 PM, October 21st (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Broken...I so feel for you. Isn't it amazing how their stupidity affects us so much more than them.

My productivity has gone down at work too and I am also at a new job. I try to put it all aside but it just won't stay out of my head. I so wish one of them would quit.


BW (43)
WS (44)
together 14 years
4 kids together
Separated but seeing Counsellor to see if we can R

Posts: 73 | Registered: May 2008
pcisconfused
♀ Member
Member # 19583
Default  Posted: 7:15 AM, October 22nd (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Here we go with a new day...hope everyone has a good one.


BW (43)
WS (44)
together 14 years
4 kids together
Separated but seeing Counsellor to see if we can R

Posts: 73 | Registered: May 2008
Obliterated9584
Member
Member # 12714
Default  Posted: 11:33 AM, October 22nd (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks pcisconfused... trying to have a good day.


Me 39
WS 40
Married 18 years
Together 22 years
2 Great Kids
we were HS sweeties
D-day 9-24-06
mini d-day 11-19-06
FWH no longer working with OW 10/30/09
Working hard at R

Posts: 264 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: Twin Cities
Isabella39
♀ Member
Member # 19404
Default  Posted: 12:02 PM, October 22nd (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am not sure this ever gets better.

My WH still works with OW.

I asked him the other day "any contact" and he said oh she called me to ask me a question.

I thought YOU BITCH! Then I thought why didn't she just email him? The thought of them talking irritates the hell out of me.

He is totally NC but it still is sooo hard to deal with.


BS (me) - 40
WH - 43
Children - 3
Dec 07 - Confronted, denied denied denied
Jan 08 - Confronted, admitted paritally
Feb 08 - "The whole truth, nothing but the truth"
Status: In R but who knows (he still works with the OW)

Posts: 1094 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Oh Canada!
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