While we are attempting to R, I would think that the days she sees him would cause misery on my FWW part as well, but she has never shared that it does. Will that ever change?
Every contact after DDay has been on Saturday for my WW.
[This message edited by dirk pitt at 11:01 AM, December 28th (Sunday)]
[This message edited by dirk pitt at 1:16 PM, January 3rd (Saturday)]
His relationship caused all kinds of rumors and bad feelings in the office on his own level.
Yet he still left me for her. They leave her car somewhere around the workplace and drive back to our house (I moved out) in his car, him thinking he is fooling me by not having her car parked there every night anymore.
I just don't understand how he can see her every day at work, have lunches with her every day, and be with her every night, and not get sick of her. I moved out 5 weeks ago & have filed.
It just makes no sense at all to me. We were always SO independent. Maybe had lunch together 1-2 times a month, if I instigated.
So is this what he always wanted? Someone to crawl up his butt and die there?
And I just don't see how, if it is all over his tiny company (50 people), neither one of them has been fired. Esp. with her track record. Her only friends have been married men. All the women can't stand her.
Ugh, I hate it when you can't send your spouse off to work and know that work is all he/she will be WORKING ON!!!
XWH died Dec. 2010
I am a newbie here, and I am posting as I donít have another outlet to release all the emotions I am feeling.
WS and I got married about four months ago. On our honeymoon I noticed he had a low libido and didnít want to have sex much. I thought this was kind of odd, as we had gone on a ď6-monthĒ no-sex before the wedding, to save the excitement for the honeymoon. I didnít think much of it as I figured maybe it was the stress of the whole wedding, e.t.c.
To give you some history, we dated 7 years before getting marriend, but never lived together, just sleepovers, weekends e.t.c, so I thought I knew him pretty well.
About two weeks when we get back from honeymoon I notice a gal from his office keeps calling him, and he returns the calls, so I ask whats going on. He tells me its just work stuff. That same weekend he has a call from the same gal from work at 2 am. I flipped and told him I would not stand for that nonsense, and what was going on. Again, he reassures me nothing was going on, and that she was calling looking for another guy work friend as she knew they were together.
My gut instinct tells me something is going on, so I continue checking his phone and find some incriminating text messages from a "guys name" and find out they are from the same girl.
This time I hit the roof, and he comes back pleading for forgiveness and he tells me that it started 2 months before our wedding, an EA, basically talking everyday, flirting text messages, drinks with work friends e.t.c. He insists that the physical only happened once, they made out (kissing/ fondling) about 3 weeks before the wedding.
It is now 3 months since D-day and we are working on rebuilding, each day is hard, but he has been very remorseful, working extremely hard to put our relationship on track, and has cut off all ties with her (though they still work at the same office).
I feel like he has taken away my memories of our wedding and honeymoon, as all this happened over that period. That hurts a lot, because even with rebuilding, I can never get that back again. I constantly worry that if he could do that, right before we made the biggest commitment of our lives, and two weeks after coming back from honeymoon, if I am making a big mistake staying with him.
We have not had counseling. He was supposed to arrange it. I decided a month ago, that it wasnít getting better, until we (he) talked to someone and dealt with his issues, as I do not want to be here again. It has been a month and he is still taking his time setting up an appointment. Am I wasting my time? Should I cut and run?
He is still at the same job, though he offered to quit the morning he came back after I kicked him out. I rejected his offer, because I do not want that on me, that he quit because I asked him to, the job market where we are is also really bad, and we need his income. But every day he goes to work is like a knife to the chest. He is working on a business plan for his own business so that he can leave, so I know he is working on it, but it is still so hard. Sometimes I wish there was a way I could get HER fired. I contacted her immediately after D-Day and told her I knew and what I thought. I also made two work friends of his in the office aware of what was going on, so they would monitor the situation. It is very hardÖ..