An alcoholic doesn't work next door to a bar-it's too tempting.
So any advice on how to survive this. And it's an auto manufacturing plant so it's like a freakin fortress where they can hide inside together and I'd never know. I just have to "take his word for it" that he doesn't talk or have contact with her.
As if his word could be trusted...
My FWH had an A with a younger coworker for about 10 months. They don't really have to interact at all, usually, but they had to the other day and it is all I can do not to lose my shit. But, as FWH is owning his, I am trying to keep it together.
Hate having to be here, but glad to of found you all.
An alcoholic doesn't work next door to a bar-it's too tempting.
This is so true. In June 08 when I finally exposed WH's A with co-worker he promised it would end. I truly believe that is what he wanted. He admitted he had tried to end it many times before, but couldn't. After the first week I noticed the phone calls starting again. Each month, more and more phone calls. In August I asked how things were going, was OW trying to continue to communicate. His answer was "everything is fine, I got this". Should have known then; the wall was back up, no more open communication. In september I asked him about his lunch, so he didn't lie told me he went out to lunch. Yep you guessed it, but there were supposed to be two other co-workers join them, but they couldn't make it.. Go figure. Another week of awful arguments, him needing space,,,,, then finally deciding to continue R. Or false r as I know now. November we are going away for an overnight trip and I once again asked about his lunch that day, because mine was spoiled. Didn't eat it. Yep another lunch out. At this point I asked him if he just like slapping me in my face. That was a turning point for me to get me where I am now. Had to get through the Holidays for my children. The rest is in my profile up to most recent events. WH in the first 2 years before I proved A always offered to quit his job during our fights, but of course we needed the financial security. (I don't think he ever intended to quit, just trying to throw me off. A is back in full swing now with admitted PA. OWH finally informed and he moved out after she told him she needed space. WH still gas-lighting & cake eating cause I suck at 180. Told him last week we need to get finances in order so I can move on, can't continue to live like this with him in the house. So, after that really long post, my only advice is that he look for another job and get out of the situation as soon as possible. If OW wants A to continue he will have difficulty refraining.
Waywards, please feel free to comment!
Done That -- I think you are right to want more from him as far as keeping the contact with OW as strictly business -- no cutesie stuff - it is disrespectful of you. How bold of him to say that everybody is over A except you -- if he were sitting next to me right now I would slap him upside the head for being an idiot.
We had a new convo yesterday. He implied that he would be going out of state again for long term duty. It is not always necessary and he would have to put his name down..
So as we talked he said "nothing will happen, I know".. later in the talk he said" nobody can be 100% sure that they won't do it" this in ref to A.
What an ass. Can I say that here?? Come on, Man. Are you commited to a marriage or not? Is this R to you?
Arggh. He slept on the couch and I sent him a rebuttin' letter today.
Today I don't like him and I told him not to come home until he can commit honestly to M and R and 100% to no more As.
I'll say this. At least he's honest about being a cheater.
I did the slap one day several weeks ago. It did the trick but only temporarily.
Last night, also, he said he's not sure if he loves me yet.
Is this normal?
[This message edited by DoneThat at 1:37 PM, March 4th (Wednesday)]
So much communication is non-verbal. It has taken me months to get to the point of seeing her as a perpetrator in my affair. I saw myself as her KISA! Disgusting - I can't believe my own arrogance. Every time I saw her, it just prolonged the illusion.
In my case, the fog is finally lifting to the point that I can see that I was a fool and have irreprably injured the one I loved and all our children and friends through my betrayal. But "NO CONTACT" has been a big part of that.
Thanks for your reply, Stupid_is.
H works with her and they only talk on phone most of the time to exchange work, schedule stuff. I feel that it's too much, but he refuses to leave the job. Says " I can handle this"..
I am scared. I shouldn't have to go through this each day.
F OW has called me to tell me how much she wants her M and R w/her H. She has shared details on A and says she broke it off with my H. Says she doesn't want a man like him. Says my H lies and doesn't know how to be responsible. Imagine that! This after I finally told everyone about how he stopped picking up kids, didn't communicate for family/kids, alcohol issues.
She said she figured it out for herself. Said they were sitting there one day and she said I was "blowing up his phone". She said to him "Are you going to pick up your kids?" His response was "no, she needs them more than I do."
So he did it to himself.
I am wondering if she realllly doesn't want him or if they're just waiting it out til another time.
I don't think the small talk is okay. Flirting not okay. Long biz trip where she may be there NOT okay. That's how they started the P part of the A.
BTW;he came back to me just a few days after she split on him. He didn't move back for some time. He refused R for a long time.. He says that the only reason that he's here is because HE's giving ME a chance.
If he says "No. I am not leaving my job. I can handle myself".. What should my response be?
How do I respond to "I'm not sure I love you yet; I don't have the answer". Do I let him stay and figure it out or kick his ass to the curb?
If he's telling me that there is not 100% certainty that he won't cheat again how do I respond? My response before was that I would not cheat because I would not CHOOSE to. Hey-my username is DONETHAT for a reason Been there and know better than to PLACE MYSELF BACK IN THE SITUATION!
Any clue as to how to respond to all this stuff?
[This message edited by DoneThat at 8:21 AM, March 5th (Thursday)]
[This message edited by aandbmom at 6:35 AM, March 7th (Saturday)]
the A was 6 months ago and we have been living apart since and i'm considering R but thinking of the practicalities of things. my ex's no longer works for that company but works for a similar company, in his line of work everyone knows everyone and they all socialise together so even if he isnt working with her there is a very good chance she will be there on a night out. I dont often go out with him and his work friends and would not want to do so now considering they all knew about the affair and i want nothing to do with them. Short of stopping him having a social life what can i do? Everytime he goes out i'll be sitting at home wondering if she is there, if they are talking, if he feels things for her?
i just dont know???