Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
Find a Local Couselor
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: Elaine311 (43215)

I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: When Your Wayward Spouse/Partner Works With The Affair Person
nooneeverthought
♀ Member
Member # 20157
Default  Posted: 1:04 PM, April 28th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you are new to your S working with their AP, I just thought I would share this. When the A was discovered I was so upset about his seeing her at work and some wise people here told me the farther out the more they can't believe what they did and who they did it with. My thought was how do they de-fog seeing that person every day. Well we are 11 months into R and the thought of having to cross her path even for a minute disgusts H so much. He dreads the moment shifts change and he has to even know she is in the building. He had been telling me that for a while but when I really believed him it was such a relief for me. So yeah they cross paths for a second a day, he doesn't even glance her way on his way home to see ME


it doesn't matter where you go in life ,it's who you have the beside you

Posts: 8493 | Registered: Jul 2008
snowdrop
♀ Member
Member # 23594
Default  Posted: 2:59 PM, April 29th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

nooneeverthought, i've found that a really comforting post, because for me the rality is that WH and OW do see each other through work several times a week; we're early days yet,though...


Me: BW, 38
WH: 37
2 DS
DDays:first one was Feb 09.
Separating, after 18 months of trying to R.

Posts: 206 | Registered: Apr 2009 | From: UK
Obliterated9584
Member
Member # 12714
Default  Posted: 9:31 AM, April 30th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

nooneeverthought, I too found some comfort in your post. But it still is so fucking hard, watching him leave every morning to go there, where she is. Sending him to the place where he fell out of love with me and into it with someone else... and that someone else is still there. I think FWH does feel that way, that he cant beleive he did it and with her... but I think it would go a long way to hear him say it.


Me 39
WS 40
Married 18 years
Together 22 years
2 Great Kids
we were HS sweeties
D-day 9-24-06
mini d-day 11-19-06
FWH no longer working with OW 10/30/09
Working hard at R

Posts: 264 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: Twin Cities
nooneeverthought
♀ Member
Member # 20157
Default  Posted: 1:56 PM, April 30th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It took my H about 8 months to say to me how he felt about her and having to see her. He is actively trying to to transfer to a dept where he wouldn't have to see her at all, but, so far no luck.

I had to tell myself that "she" has to watch him walk out everyday to come home to his family without even a casual hello from him. Sweet revenge in my book.


it doesn't matter where you go in life ,it's who you have the beside you

Posts: 8493 | Registered: Jul 2008
Katieisfree
♀ Member
Member # 22930
Default  Posted: 2:58 PM, April 30th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

H says he feels uncomfortable and regret when he has to work with OW. It is so hard for me but I imagine it is hard for both of them as well.

My husband had a friendship at work that developed into this affair and now he is missing that friendship and he also has a suspicious wife and others at his work think less of him. The work place must be not be so pleasant for him now.

I still hate it that he works there but I have no say in him leaving as the work situation around here is very tight.

I hope I can get to the stage where i can believe the OW is even jealous he is coming home to me.


DD 6/6/08
Sep 5/8/08
R 16/12/08

Posts: 485 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Australia
Cally60
♀ Member
Member # 23437
Default  Posted: 4:58 PM, April 30th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Same here, Katieisfree. Except that my husband still misses being able to talk to the woman. I wish I found it easier to deal with that.

I hate the way that one stupid, self-centred little woman, who only wanted an ego boost, so quickly and unrepentantly damaged my husband's reputation as a man of utter integrity. And that when next I encounter his colleagues, I am going to see discomfort, or expressions of pity, in their eyes.

Thank you for your post, nooneeverthought. I too found it comforting.

[This message edited by Cally60 at 5:00 PM, April 30th (Thursday)]


Posts: 2019 | Registered: Mar 2009
feelafool
♀ New Member
Member # 23840
Default  Posted: 7:50 PM, May 4th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My H and the OW work in a small 2 person department in the medical field. Their office is small and usually dark with curtains drawn (for diagnostic testing purposes). Since d-day, which was 4/23/09, one of them has been leaving early. My H tried getting transferred (switching positions) with someone with the same job description from a sister hospital in the area with no avail. They said that the problems going on there were not their problems to fix. Starting next week, the OW will be working only 1 or 2 days M-F (which is what my H works) and on the weekends, per her BS's request. In the meantime I still get sick thinking of them having to work in such a small office together. Seriously, if it's an 10x10 space, I'm exaggerating. There are NO jobs out there right now for my H to even apply for (we've checked) even as far as an hour and a half away. We need the income and I know that, it just sucks! I work at the same facility, but work night shifts. I've "brought coffee" a couple of times since d-day, once to find the OW already bolted knowing I was on my way, and the other time to see the OW walking out of the hallway with a pt. My husband says I can bring up coffee whenever I want, but he's nervous I may cause a scene that could cost him his job. Their manager knows that they've "crossed the line" but not to what extent. She's made suggestions to moving the OW into a different room, but they do the same job, so it is impossible for them not to see and work with one another a parts of the day.
I wish my H could find another job, and he said he would if there was one out there. We've even sent resume's out on-line. It just freaks me out, bc all of the affairness that happened occurred in their office. All "about a year"'s worth.

Very frustrating!!!


Posts: 43 | Registered: May 2009 | From: florida
Katieisfree
♀ Member
Member # 22930
Default  Posted: 3:31 PM, May 5th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

feelafool- This would be too much for me. Mine only has to sometimes speak to OW and somedays not even see her. The work sit all over is so bad now- It will improve and then he can move on. Ya


DD 6/6/08
Sep 5/8/08
R 16/12/08

Posts: 485 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Australia
dirk pitt
♂ Member
Member # 22167
Default  Posted: 4:45 PM, May 5th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't know how you are keeping your sanity. I lose my mind just imagining them taking a break together,(with other co-workers present).

Today for example. At breaktime, My wife tells me she went to a different area of the building this morning. Like she knows I want her to. Anyways, later on that morning, the OP asks her where she was at breaktime.

I wasn't happy to hear this. She said I was blowing it out of proportion.

She will read any responses,

Thanks and tc


Me=BS
Her=WW (ilovemyhusband)

Posts: 2127 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: ottawa ontario
snowpink
♀ New Member
Member # 23784
Default  Posted: 7:55 PM, May 5th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My husband works with the woman and even though he claims to have ended things with her, he sees her every day and it kills me. We are 3 months into separation and considering reconcilliation but how do I deal with him seeing her more than he sees me? I'll never know what really goes on at work. Regaining trust seems so far away

Posts: 2 | Registered: Apr 2009 | From: CT
Obliterated9584
Member
Member # 12714
Default  Posted: 3:50 PM, May 6th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DIRK PIT,
NO you are not blowing it out of proportion. Until she gets her head out of the fog, she may not get it. If she is being completely honest, transparent & sincere, she will understand why any contact AT ALL is a continued betrayal to you & disrespectful to you and your marriage. "Blowing it out of proportion" is a completey a defensive response and I would not accept it...PLAIN AND SIMPLE!!! I suggest you go to www.marriagebuilders.com and both you and your wife read some of Dr. Harleys words.


Me 39
WS 40
Married 18 years
Together 22 years
2 Great Kids
we were HS sweeties
D-day 9-24-06
mini d-day 11-19-06
FWH no longer working with OW 10/30/09
Working hard at R

Posts: 264 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: Twin Cities
dirk pitt
♂ Member
Member # 22167
Default  Posted: 4:00 PM, May 6th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

O thanks for your thoughts, will check out the site.

tc


Me=BS
Her=WW (ilovemyhusband)

Posts: 2127 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: ottawa ontario
texann
♀ Member
Member # 21129
Default  Posted: 2:19 PM, May 7th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The best feeling is when you get the OW fired from a good paying job that she was highly under-qualified for.

OH the wrath of a woman scorned!!!!!


My Jack Russell is smarter than my FWH...and better trained!

Posts: 125 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Florida
259
♀ Member
Member # 22860
Default  Posted: 12:49 AM, May 8th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

and I wish she would (get fired that is)

noone - thanks for post, this is what I hope my WH feels.

feelafool - that is very hard. so sorry for your pain and confusion. mine works on a different floor but often sees "her" as she whores her way round the building. and that is hard enough to deal with.


Me = FBS
Him = gone


things that happen in my life do not define who I am. I get to choose to be the best I can be, for me. cause I'm worth it.


Posts: 286 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: my happy place (most of the time)
Obliterated9584
Member
Member # 12714
Default  Posted: 10:56 AM, May 8th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Texann... share your secret! I'd love to get that slut fired. Dont think I have not tried.


Me 39
WS 40
Married 18 years
Together 22 years
2 Great Kids
we were HS sweeties
D-day 9-24-06
mini d-day 11-19-06
FWH no longer working with OW 10/30/09
Working hard at R

Posts: 264 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: Twin Cities
suspiciousmind
♀ Member
Member # 254
Default  Posted: 11:38 AM, May 8th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The OW's husband changed jobs and she left.

But I think that earlier, she began to get a reality check of the future - and didn't leave her own husband - at a company function where she saw my little girl hugging me in thanks after I brought her a cold cup of lemonade.

I saw her face reflected in a window from behind me, as her face blanched with a reality-check moment. If she ever had a moment's thought that she could step right into my life, I think that ended it. Or if she ever thought my husband would move with her, and leave that little girl behind, she knew then that it had all been fantasy. It wasn't gonna happen.

[This message edited by suspiciousmind at 11:39 AM, May 8th (Friday)]


Posts: 12812 | Registered: Jun 2002
texann
♀ Member
Member # 21129
Default  Posted: 3:12 PM, May 8th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Don't mind sharing at all. Husband left company, he was in a higher position and had been there longer, as he left he convinced the powers that be her position (that the skank was highly unqualified for) was unnecessary!!!Hope she is enjoying unemployment. Back to the welfare line where the mad cow came from.


My Jack Russell is smarter than my FWH...and better trained!

Posts: 125 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Florida
resident
♀ Member
Member # 23736
Default  Posted: 12:06 PM, May 9th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Brief synopsis:

My husband worked in the same office building, different company than the married other woman.

After 1st DDay it was discussed between MOW,her husband, and me (phone calls over several days) whether it made more sense for her to find a different job or WH to go.

I explained that since I knew this wasn't her FIRST workplace affair and my husband had been there far longer in a higher position that maybe she could take a break from working and get some major therapy!

MOW's husband said he knew about the other time(s) and he felt the problem was that men often misunderstood her outgoing personality (oh, REALLY!) and she would not be quitting her job over this because it was more my husbands fault..

CAN YOU BELIEVE HE THINKS THAT!!??

There was a 2nd DDay that MOW & her husband don't know about.I regret this now.

FWH no longer works there but sometimes has to drop by for business...no monkey business though.

Hate he ever goes there.

[This message edited by resident at 12:12 PM, May 9th (Saturday)]


(me)BW- early 50's
FWH- early 50's
married 25+yrs
D-D1 5/08
D-D2 7/08 same OW
Reconciling/Struggling

Posts: 79 | Registered: Apr 2009
islandgrl
♀ Member
Member # 22010
Default  Posted: 12:33 PM, May 23rd (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hmm. guess I'm back here again- was hoping I dont have to change my sig. again.

March 26- my BH told me the OW would be gone in 2weeks to another job. He is more or less her supervisor, but assigned her to working on exteriors of another house than the one he was working on. this was the story...although I know - when it rained - she couldnt do exteriors and got moved to the same place he was doing stuff.

But I was happy & started feeling so much better! I actually got through a few days at a time without crying. But now its back - usually on my commute to work both ways.

Sure I know she missed lots of work for illness, but he keeps letting her back! I confronted about text messages several times & I can read them for the most part, but once in awhile he deletes them (thats when I know its personal - not work)

And the fact shes supposed to be gone! Thurs.' sob stories were about some Migraine she has & blah blah blah (it took 3 text messages to explain this????)

I'm so pissed off now & I don't know what to do.


Me: BS (47)Him: WS (47) Together: 28 years Kids: 3 boys
suspected Aug 08, C Day: Dec.6,2008 OW - skanky co-worker "just friends"
Broken NC: many times(last attempt Aug 7,2010-no reply from OW)
getting there....

Posts: 286 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Canada
sharim
♀ Member
Member # 11937
Default  Posted: 11:29 AM, May 28th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, islandgrl -- they're like sh*t on your shoe -- we just can't seem to shake them off. Supposedly OW in my case has been in another department for the last year plus but if you look at the directory it sure says she is still in IT plus WH just forwarded me an email from his boss sent to the department regarding budget issues and gee guess whose name is also listed as one of the recipients? Sh*t on the shoe.

Posts: 1379 | Registered: Sep 2006
Topic Posts: 1000
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 · 13 · 14 · 15 · 16 · 17 · 18 · 19 · 20 · 21 · 22 · 23 · 24 · 25 · 26 · 27 · 28 · 29 · 30 · 31 · 32 · 33 · 34 · 35 · 36 · 37 · 38 · 39 · 40 · 41 · 42 · 43 · 44 · 45 · 46 · 47 · 48 · 49 · 50

Return to Forum: I Can Relate This Topic is Full
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.