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Newest Member: Depressed4ever (43230)

I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: When Your Wayward Spouse/Partner Works With The Affair Person
Obliterated9584
Member
Member # 12714
Default  Posted: 2:52 PM, August 6th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just when I've almost given up all hope, someone has a turn in their favor. So happy for you. Good luck and prayers.


Me 39
WS 40
Married 18 years
Together 22 years
2 Great Kids
we were HS sweeties
D-day 9-24-06
mini d-day 11-19-06
FWH no longer working with OW 10/30/09
Working hard at R

Posts: 264 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: Twin Cities
RCACE
♂ New Member
Member # 25083
Angry  Posted: 3:54 PM, August 6th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WS work with OP on occasion and took his place as the general manager but "needs his advice on occasion" I can't get access to her email so I don't know what contact she has with him. I agreed that there would be times she would need his advice because he has an engineering background like me and she has an accounting background. This bothers me some but what is killing me is the A was mostly email based and I got access to the acount and printed most of the email out for my lawyer. She has changed the password and has not deleted the account and says she might want it some day, and why should she delete something I have copies of We have been trying to R since 1-09 what do yall think?


BS ME
WS EA & PA WITH FORMER BOSS OF 6 YEARS
1 8YEAR OLD CHILD

Posts: 2 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: CHARLESTON, WV
sharim
♀ Member
Member # 11937
Default  Posted: 8:22 PM, August 6th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

noone -- CONGRATS!!!!!!! Wishing you the absolutely best!!!!! I love when we have grads!!!!!

Posts: 1379 | Registered: Sep 2006
sharim
♀ Member
Member # 11937
Default  Posted: 8:27 PM, August 6th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok - now for my sh*tty news. WH had a retirement lunch at "our" place. He arranged it and guess who got invited. F*cking slut. I confronted him about it -- haven't said anything about A in almost 4 years but this was too much for me. After doing the lying by omission stuff he admitted that she was there and actually admitted that FS would probably be the next assistant director which means that she would be his boss. I told him that if that happens we will have to decide what we are going to do. He's too old to start somewhere new but I think that will be the straw that breaks the proverbials camel's back. Way too much for me to handle. Thanks for listening. I'm a drinking a little vino so I'm kinda wacko (I'm not a drinker -- in two minutes I will probably be sound asleep!)

Posts: 1379 | Registered: Sep 2006
dirk pitt
♂ Member
Member # 22167
Default  Posted: 9:12 PM, August 6th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

sharim, how about this, my W tells me tonight,app. 6:30 tonight, (She picked me up at work at 4:00 pm). I seems her and the om are scheduled to work next Sat Nite. Turns out they will be the only ones in the building. The last time this occurred, was not a good thing.

I am so angry....

tc


Me=BS
Her=WW (ilovemyhusband)

Posts: 2127 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: ottawa ontario
dirk pitt
♂ Member
Member # 22167
Default  Posted: 9:15 PM, August 6th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Your news does suck tho.

(sharim)


Me=BS
Her=WW (ilovemyhusband)

Posts: 2127 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: ottawa ontario
sharim
♀ Member
Member # 11937
Default  Posted: 9:36 PM, August 6th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

darkpitt -- I just don't get why people just can't go to work and do their frigging jobs. No wonder our economy sucks -- too many people screwing each other instead of doing what they are paid to do. Sorry I am in a real pissy mood. Any way that W can call in sick or something?

Posts: 1379 | Registered: Sep 2006
dirk pitt
♂ Member
Member # 22167
Default  Posted: 9:48 PM, August 6th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She said she is trying to change her schedule. I told her that if I wouldn't have come home with that news. I would have done everything to change it.

I told her that I would tell her Manager, or her District Manager about the affair. I would do whatever I could to prevent this from happening.

I know, it wasn't much of a discussion
, but I am so F g angry.

I can't help myself.


Me=BS
Her=WW (ilovemyhusband)

Posts: 2127 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: ottawa ontario
AnnaMaria
♀ Member
Member # 24900
Default  Posted: 6:45 AM, August 7th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dirk --

I don't know if your W works in a situation where this is possible but can you go with her to work that night?

At least she told you. Hopefully that's a positive sign?


Not everything that is faced can be changed. But nothing can be changed until it is faced. - James Baldwin
DDay - 05/30/09

Posts: 442 | Registered: Jul 2009
dirk pitt
♂ Member
Member # 22167
Default  Posted: 7:04 AM, August 7th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She just called, she has changed to a morning shift.

thanks


Me=BS
Her=WW (ilovemyhusband)

Posts: 2127 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: ottawa ontario
sharim
♀ Member
Member # 11937
Default  Posted: 10:01 AM, August 7th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She just called, she has changed to a morning shift.


Fantastic!!!!! Maybe she is starting to get it!


Posts: 1379 | Registered: Sep 2006
dirk pitt
♂ Member
Member # 22167
Default  Posted: 10:39 AM, August 7th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I believe that she 'gets' it, but I don't think she understands how big a problem that was for me.

thanks for listening


Me=BS
Her=WW (ilovemyhusband)

Posts: 2127 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: ottawa ontario
mommy0508
♀ Member
Member # 24720
Default  Posted: 11:43 AM, August 10th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WS is going back to work on Wednesday and I am having a really hard time with it. It really bothers me to believe that I am the bad guy with the people he works with. Why am I labeled the unstable wife. He says he is not trying to make me out that way just doesn't want to get the people he works with involved in our situatio, however he was willing to fuck around with a women that he works with (that is pretty much getting someone he works with involved in our situation!
I am so angry all the time, how the hell do I get rid of this anger? Ugh!!!!!!!!!


Wipe your mouth there is still a little bit of bullshit around your lips!
D-Day #1: 5/29/09
D-Day # 2: 7/1/08
D-Day #3: 6/17/10 possible oc on way and
my own little miracle on the way-miscarried!

Posts: 733 | Registered: Jul 2009
Fleury
♀ Member
Member # 24185
Default  Posted: 4:40 PM, August 10th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

mommy0508, I went through the very same thing with H at his job.

Why do you care if you are labeled the unstable wife? Your H cheats, you are entitled to a huge amount of instability. What makes you think they view you as unstable? I know when people in our office have had A's, we always feel extremely sorry for the BS's.

The other tough thing is to get past the fact that your H was willing to risk your family, your finances, his career and worst of all your marriage...pretty important things...all for some attention from a cheap whore. And now when he is back to normal (or at least close to it) he isn't willing to take risks anymore. I had to look at it this way, when H was in A-land, he was in a very bad place. He was willing to risk alot for a little. Now that he has come to his senses, he has realized what is important and isn't willing to do anything at all to risk it anymore. It takes time to come to that point. And your H needs to realize that in this situation, it an situation where you can't have NC, every single thing he does matters. It is a tough place to be for a WS. They have to be perfect. Frankly, I don't feel sorry for them because their own actions caused them to be in that spot so.... tough.

Bottomline, it takes time and alot of communication. He is going to have to put up with some anger. That is part of the deal.

Let us know how you are doing.


What have I done to deserve this life?

Posts: 378 | Registered: May 2009
Katieisfree
♀ Member
Member # 22930
Default  Posted: 9:01 PM, August 10th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mr Katie just dropped into my office to tell me he had to work standing next to OP for 10 minutes this morning.

He must have freaked when he saw the look on my face. I got upset (as usual) and asked how that was. He said it was OK. He must be getting over her as he usually says it was uncomfortable or strained. I can however think the other way and he says it was OK because he was getting off on it!!!!

I


DD 6/6/08
Sep 5/8/08
R 16/12/08

Posts: 485 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Australia
dirk pitt
♂ Member
Member # 22167
Default  Posted: 10:34 PM, August 10th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

10 minutes seems like forever, Katie I know exactly how you feel.

Because of the false R, I' as f'd up as I was back in Dec-Jan. I am getting dressed for work this afternoon, and I notice her new bra in pile of clothes in the corner. She wore it Saturday, she and the om got to spend some time together alone at work. Business but still..., Anyways, I ask her why she didn't wear it today, was it because he wasn't working and she didn't need to feel a little extra something special.

Compared to Dec-Jan, I was relatively calm about it. But the fact it bothered me upset me even more. These were the last e-mails we exchanged on the subject today.

Me

I sensed that my call bothered you. Did it bother you because it was silly, or because there was a hint of truth to what I was thinking
?


Her

It did not bother me. I understand what your thinking
NO there is no truth to what you were thinking!

ETA, I was more than happy with our discussion on the topic.

tc

[This message edited by dirk pitt at 10:36 PM, August 10th (Monday)]


Me=BS
Her=WW (ilovemyhusband)

Posts: 2127 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: ottawa ontario
mommy0508
♀ Member
Member # 24720
Default  Posted: 11:16 AM, August 12th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So H got a call yesterday and they want him to see a doctor and get cleared before he can go back to work. I guess this is stemming more from the fact that one of the other officers he works with just tried to kill himself the other day.
I was very relieved however H was disappointed he was not able to go back today which of course set me off. Why the hell would he be disappointed at the fact that he gets to spend more time with his family, paid considering we were robbed of 4 months of him because she was so gosh darn important, much more important than me or his children or his family and he would rather be there! Am I blowing this out of porportion? Then I get the whole speach about I need to stop pointing fingers at him and start looking in the mirror, bullshit!
Ugh I am so irritated with him right now, besides the fact that I got lied too about the affair and him still talking to her and then when he finally told me he hadn't stopped is when he went on leave, so he could not get rid of the whore while he was working there only when he took time off so what is supposed to make me think he will not start it back up again the minute he returns?
Ugh Ugh Ugh Ugh


Wipe your mouth there is still a little bit of bullshit around your lips!
D-Day #1: 5/29/09
D-Day # 2: 7/1/08
D-Day #3: 6/17/10 possible oc on way and
my own little miracle on the way-miscarried!

Posts: 733 | Registered: Jul 2009
dirk pitt
♂ Member
Member # 22167
Default  Posted: 11:25 AM, August 12th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't know what to say mom, but telling you to look in the mirror is WRONG.

You are not the reason, he did something wrong.

I am wishing you well.

tc


Me=BS
Her=WW (ilovemyhusband)

Posts: 2127 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: ottawa ontario
flygirl96
♀ Member
Member # 22954
Default  Posted: 1:18 PM, August 12th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know Mommy it's hard. The ow in my case quit her job last July and now she comes back this past June. I hate when he goes to work. He may run into her and that kills me but I try to remember we are in a good place and if he is going to cheat, well he is going to cheat.

Posts: 340 | Registered: Feb 2009
Fleury
♀ Member
Member # 24185
Default  Posted: 7:41 PM, August 13th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

mommy, it doesn't sound to me like he considers what he did an 'affair'. It also doesn't sound like he is very remorseful at all.

I am not an expert, but I think you need to consider the 180. You need to do it for you and not H. It is hard, but there are folks here that can help you through it.

I think this goes beyond him going back to work. I think there are some fundamentals that need to be ironed out.


What have I done to deserve this life?

Posts: 378 | Registered: May 2009
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