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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: When Your Wayward Spouse/Partner Works With The Affair Person
Jessy1501
♀ Member
Member # 24483
Default  Posted: 3:34 PM, October 14th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the response dirk...yes, it's business related (that's what he says, I guess I wouldn't know otherwise, but so far everything adds up). No, she's not married. Single 23 year old..


Attempting to give a fuck: ███████████████████] 99% Complete...ERROR!: Unable to give a fuck.

Posts: 5893 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: My own fantasy land
RomanianGypsy
♀ Member
Member # 25748
Default  Posted: 3:44 PM, October 14th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WH works with OW . . .

I just found out about the A
I don't know that I can deal with it, I don't even know if I want to deal with it . . .
15 years of M . . .

Day 2 ~ I am still breathing

[This message edited by RomanianGypsy at 3:46 PM, October 14th (Wednesday)]


~ Numquam quietus veri fuit amoris cursus ~

~ The course of True Love never did run smoothly ~


Posts: 118 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: ~ My Castle In The Sky ~
Sad in AZ
♀ Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 3:54 PM, October 14th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((RomanianGypsy)))))

I've read your posts but I don't know much about your situation;

Have you confronted your WH? Has he owned up to the A?

Have you read the Healing Library? There are good ideas in there to help you through this situation, like showing your WH how to go NC with his AP at work.

If he has owned up to the A, would he be willing/able to leave this job?

It is so painful in the beginning; we've all been there. Please read everything you can here and post as often as you need to. Journaling helps also; it can be cathartic to put your pain into words.

(((hugs)))


I promise to surround myself with amazing souls and love them fiercely.

Posts: 19181 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
RomanianGypsy
♀ Member
Member # 25748
Default  Posted: 4:04 PM, October 14th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was finally able to tell a little bit of my story on my Profile, it was not easy. It is not easy to admit these things.
WH denies Everything, even though I do have proof of written notes he kept in Our Home and I have copies of some chats and emails back and forth between the two. OW is not married and is younger. WH says they are "just friends" he will not leave his job and I do not think he will leave OW.

Right now, I think they can have each other, I just want to protect myself . . .
The hurt and pain is suffocating me . . .


~ Numquam quietus veri fuit amoris cursus ~

~ The course of True Love never did run smoothly ~


Posts: 118 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: ~ My Castle In The Sky ~
dirk pitt
♂ Member
Member # 22167
Default  Posted: 5:19 PM, October 14th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Jessy, she must be a 23 yr old genius, if his problem couldn't be solved by X,Y and Z, and he needed her advice.

RG, He has to keep NC with OW, if he can't, you should start keeping NC with him.


Me=BS
Her=WW (ilovemyhusband)

Posts: 2127 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: ottawa ontario
Jessy1501
♀ Member
Member # 24483
Default  Posted: 7:47 AM, October 15th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Jessy, she must be a 23 yr old genius, if his problem couldn't be solved by X,Y and Z, and he needed her advice.
More like a 23 year old leech... He's a moron. One day he'll get hit upside the head with the reality stick and "get it"!

RG...have you read through the healing library? If not, please do. There's some great articles. Sounds like 180 time...hang in there.


Attempting to give a fuck: ███████████████████] 99% Complete...ERROR!: Unable to give a fuck.

Posts: 5893 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: My own fantasy land
Obliterated9584
Member
Member # 12714
Default  Posted: 10:05 AM, October 15th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Its been so crazy this week, I completely forgot to come and post my news. FWH got a new job!!! He officially accepted their offer yesterday and he will be giving his resignation tomorrow am. One and only reason he is giving is because OW is still there. I'm exstatic but still super stressed, so much so that I got sent to the clinic yesterday because by blood pressure is through the roof. I'm so afraid I'm going to wake up and it will all be a dream. We are so close, I'm so afraid something bad will happen to screw it up. Three years and 22 days I have been waiting for this to happen.


Me 39
WS 40
Married 18 years
Together 22 years
2 Great Kids
we were HS sweeties
D-day 9-24-06
mini d-day 11-19-06
FWH no longer working with OW 10/30/09
Working hard at R

Posts: 264 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: Twin Cities
dirk pitt
♂ Member
Member # 22167
Default  Posted: 10:43 AM, October 15th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Me=BS
Her=WW (ilovemyhusband)

Posts: 2127 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: ottawa ontario
Jessy1501
♀ Member
Member # 24483
Default  Posted: 10:59 AM, October 15th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

what a relief that must be!


Attempting to give a fuck: ███████████████████] 99% Complete...ERROR!: Unable to give a fuck.

Posts: 5893 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: My own fantasy land
nooneeverthought
♀ Member
Member # 20157
Default  Posted: 11:27 AM, October 15th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That is great Obliterated....I graduated from this thread a few months ago, but, I keep up on the news. I am really happy for you. It has made a world of difference in our R.....


it doesn't matter where you go in life ,it's who you have the beside you

Posts: 8493 | Registered: Jul 2008
flygirl96
♀ Member
Member # 22954
Default  Posted: 11:35 AM, October 15th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yay for you. My husband almost got another job but it feel through. I hate that she is there but I hope he is doing what he is suppose to....NC.

Posts: 340 | Registered: Feb 2009
Katieisfree
♀ Member
Member # 22930
Default  Posted: 12:04 PM, October 15th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Another one has escaped the Zoo

But another is joining us

RM: This site can be of great assistance. Just found out forum and here is a good place to start. Working with OW is just an added bonus to the finding out of the A. I have found out that it is one of the most common types of affairs.

Keep up the breathing and try and take one day at a time.

You are not a fault for the affair and you will get through it.

They are not friends and that will take a while for him to admitt it and do something about it.

Most WS do not give the truth at the beginning. Keep digging if you have the strength. You will eventually get to the bottom of it. Dont let him gaslight you if you have the proof.

Out the OW to her partner if she has one. Out the affair to the workplace as well.

Keep posting on this forums and read the healing library up and down. It helps you get the info to better handle the future rollercoaster ride. PM me if you like to vent in private.


DD 6/6/08
Sep 5/8/08
R 16/12/08

Posts: 485 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Australia
Fleury
♀ Member
Member # 24185
Default  Posted: 5:55 PM, October 15th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Congrats Obliterated!!! Wish we could all graduate with you.

We have been dealing with some non-A related issues this week, so I haven't had much of a chance to come out here.

Jessy - I can relate! H's FOW is 26 and unfortunatly a direct report. It is interesting though, lately she has been avoiding IM and contact all together. She has even had her peer give H updates for her. It feels weird actually that their contact is limited to a few group emails and a couple out of office emails and that is it. I think she believes the Karma bus is after her since she is having issues with her pregnancy. (I know I am going to hell for not caring what happens to that baby)

RG - you have a tough road ahead since your H is still in the fog, big time. I would recommend the 180. Listen to the folks here and in Just Found Out. Post when you need to, ask whatever you need to.

NET - good to see that you still lurk. You have so much experience with this, you can still be a help to all of us that have not yet graduated!!

Jessy, she must be a 23 yr old genius

Dirk, that is a classic statement! WH used to tell me that FOW reminded him of me, from a work perspective. I wonder if he really thinks I am a young, stupid, ignorant slut that would sleep with a married man while pregnant with my husbands child, after being married for only 6 months.


What have I done to deserve this life?

Posts: 378 | Registered: May 2009
accountable2one
♀ Member
Member # 25441
Default  Posted: 11:33 PM, October 19th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Okay so he never admitted any affair. There were things that were inapproriate sexy e-mail she sent him, her doing boob shaking dance for him (didn't know I was watching), I called halt to him driving her to work early in the year.

So I see on cell phone call log she called yesturday. I asked him about it. Her car is broken down and she needed ride to work. He gave her a ride last night and tonight!! He gave that bitch a ride!! He wasn't going to tell me cuz he says I over react???? My reaction last winter was High anxiety and sleeplessness he wants to go there again??

I think nothing has changed and I was right all along. they are involved still. I should buy a VAR tomorrow and get it in his car for their ride to work tomorrow night. Do you suppose those things are easy to operate.

I had better be on my own quest for truth because my H is not forthcoming with any of it.

I hate this.


"My life is a contradiction of sorrow and desire, I drag my heart across the ash and throw it on the fire". John Melloncamp

Posts: 110 | Registered: Sep 2009
Obliterated9584
Member
Member # 12714
Default  Posted: 10:02 AM, October 21st (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Accountable, is she married? If so, contact her husband.


Me 39
WS 40
Married 18 years
Together 22 years
2 Great Kids
we were HS sweeties
D-day 9-24-06
mini d-day 11-19-06
FWH no longer working with OW 10/30/09
Working hard at R

Posts: 264 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: Twin Cities
Obliterated9584
Member
Member # 12714
Default  Posted: 2:04 PM, October 23rd (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Only one week left until I am officially no longer an inmate of this thread. I cant explain the emotions that I am experiencing.


Me 39
WS 40
Married 18 years
Together 22 years
2 Great Kids
we were HS sweeties
D-day 9-24-06
mini d-day 11-19-06
FWH no longer working with OW 10/30/09
Working hard at R

Posts: 264 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: Twin Cities
Cally60
♀ Member
Member # 23437
Default  Posted: 5:03 PM, October 28th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Only one week left until I am officially no longer an inmate of this thread

Obliterated9584, I'm so happy for you! And for you and your husband asd a couple, too. This is what I dream of....

I hope your husband's new job goes really well and leaves the two of you lots of time to reconcile completely, as you enjoy each other's company without the daily trigger of OW's presence.

[This message edited by Cally60 at 5:04 PM, October 28th (Wednesday)]


Posts: 2019 | Registered: Mar 2009
Obliterated9584
Member
Member # 12714
Default  Posted: 11:28 AM, October 29th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks Cally. I hope your day like this is coming soon.


Me 39
WS 40
Married 18 years
Together 22 years
2 Great Kids
we were HS sweeties
D-day 9-24-06
mini d-day 11-19-06
FWH no longer working with OW 10/30/09
Working hard at R

Posts: 264 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: Twin Cities
waybeyondhurt
♀ Member
Member # 25900
Default  Posted: 10:37 PM, October 29th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Congratulations Obliterated! May we all follow in your footsteps.


BS: me 36
WH: him 42
Married 12 years
2 beautiful little girls, 6 and 8
Married 9/9/99
D-Day #1: 9/10/09
D-Day #2: 9/26/09 (only the text messaging had stopped)
TT and blameshifting: till July 2010
EA with ex-coworker
Trying really hard to R...

Posts: 291 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: New York
Katieisfree
♀ Member
Member # 22930
Default  Posted: 12:54 AM, October 30th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome waybeyondhurt

It is a special kind of R if they are still in contact through work. You really have to talk about their work day and how they are coping with the NC and seeing the AP. If they cannot talk about it it festers inside both of you.

For a while My FWH told me if there was NC or C. Now it is only if he has C with her.

I rarely worry about her as much now and am concentrating on R. I do however push him to find other employment.

I have had lots of times when I have exploded about them having C but IC says he could C her no matter where they both worked so I have to start to devlope trust.

Keep us posted with your journey.


DD 6/6/08
Sep 5/8/08
R 16/12/08

Posts: 485 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Australia
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