Then the A happened in 2006 between my best friend and my WH. Losing my mother was a walk in the park compared to the pain I felt. I never, ever in my life understood suicide until the A was shoved in my face. (I knew I wouldn't do it b/c of my babies, however the urge was there) Even then I STILL refused ADs. I struggled for another year, until the inability to concentrate at my work caught up to me and I had a breakdown. Could NOT stop hysterically crying for 2 whole days. So I begrudgingly agreed to try the ADs. Holy friggin shit I am SO pissed I didn't agree to take them sooner!!! It does not end all of your sadness, but boy, the obsessive thoughts diminished almost completely, concentration got better and I was a much much better mother to my children. Things that would have sent me over the edge I can now shrug off or deal with them without losing my mind.
I am taking Zoloft and Wellbutrin....the Zoloft is what did the trick - it is truly a miracle pill for me. And yes, I still see the shrink twice a week.
I feel everyone's pain on this thread because I was there. Whenever I got a break from the kids (I have them 98%) I would just sit and stare at a wall, or watch TV with the volume off....for hours. It was awful. So yes, it all gets better with time, but I while you're waiting, I highly recommend ADs!!!
[This message edited by aokmom at 3:37 AM, March 17th (Monday)]
Finding out that my SO cheated on me,sent me into a severe state of depression.
I am on anti depressants but they aren't really helping me all the much.
I am yet to go back to a counsellor though and know i need to.
Depression is the pits :(
Met when we were 17 and 15. Together since 1983, married since 1985. Two kids, B21, G15.
Life has a way of making us get our panties in a wad.....I refuse to wear panties ever again.
I saw only the firs5 minutes and could SO identify with the people on there. The key I think is to get your loved ones to watch it and hope they can remove themselves from the personal situation and see the disease for what it is.
Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda
It seems to be helping as I can concentrate at work now and seem to be a little bit more at ease in the house.
I went to the doctor for my depression and anxiety issues about a year ago.....
He is such a dipsh*t. Kudos to you for hanging in there through the depression and anxiety. It is really disorienting. It is the equivalent of him kicking you hard in the knee while you are both running a marathon, and then mocking you because you are hobbling.
Honestly....he is the one with depression issues...that go up and down. But he will never admit it. He shuts me out, picks fights until he gets himself back on track.
The suicidal thought were so bad, I actually planned my suicide and wrote a will, letters to my family and children and put double indemnity on my life insurance. I waited for the time period to pass for it to take effect and planned what bridge I would drive off of.
I am thankful that the Lord had a good friend step in and recognize what was going on and got me help.
was depressed because I was trapped into a depressive way of thinking, a depressive way of dealing with life.
But I truly feel right now, that the revelation of the LTA and multiple affairs just snapped something in me, like a CVA, my world went black and when my eyes cleared, it was like I was seeing the world as it truly is instead of with the rose colored glasses I wore all those years.
My landscape is no longer sun-dappled and colorful. I see a husband who is festering with unresolved problems and his soul is ugly to behold. I see our marital history with 1/3 of it now in ashes, the foundation of the life we built teetering on 3 legs. This is the reality my husband apparently ALWAYS saw, we're finally on the same page.
I lived in denial, now I see reality. And that's actually good for me, I just haven't found a way to accept it yet.
[This message edited by despairing at 7:14 AM, June 20th (Friday)]
I think I do understand why someone would do something to themselves in order to get rid of the tremendous pain they are suffering with.
I am on Zoloft, Wellbutrin, Ativan and Ambien.
Sometimes I'm afraid that if I get pushed any further that I would just snap because I'm at the end of my rope with all of the stress of the A, my husband moving out, finances, etc.
Will I ever be depression free?
I'm on Paxil and Buspar - my anxiety on some days goes through the roof. I keep having thoughts about being alone - that I'm going to be alone forever, that I'm going to die alone, it's horrible. I've broken into tears just imagining dying in my house with no one finding me for months at a time.
(I'm sorry, I know that's VERY bad. But it's one of the things that scares me so, so much. I have no family left that I can really depend upon, and not many friends - I'm now isolated, thanks to this.)
There are only a very few people left that I can trust anymore, and I can count them on one hand. Before my XH's A, I trusted openly and wholeheartedly.
Today I hate him for taking that away from me...
Can you believe, my husband and I have FOUGHT about me being on these?
Yep, I can believe you and your H fought about the meds.
My H was spectacularly unsupportive when I finally spoke up about wanting to seek help for life-long depression.
At some point, he did change his mind about ADs but he's never been able articulate to me what changed his mind.
He thinks they are quick fixes. I say they keep me (semi) sane through this roller coaster after infidelity.
He's wrong. You're right.
They take time to work and they do make a difference in how we cope with things. They take the edge off, they lessen the sense of being completely and utterly overwhelmed. They help us function normally.