Like many of us here, my history with diagnosed clinical depression began long before infidelity first touched my life. My first diagnosis was about two years after a severe (untreated) post-partum depression. In hindsight from that vantage point, I realized that I had been dealing with depression since my teens.
I think that I have the "tools." I've been through years of counseling; I keep a journal; and I do take care of myself. Even so, this episode totally "blindsided" me. I didn't see the usual warning signs. There were no changes in my life, no new stresses or losses to deal with. But I still didn't get help until I was so depressed that I couldn't function at all, let alone function normally.
My questions for this group is, what are your guideposts for seeking medical help for your depression? How do you know when you are not just "sad," but truly in need of medical help?
what are your guideposts for seeking medical help for your depression? How do you know when you are not just "sad," but truly in need of medical help?
My IC figures I'd probably had a low-grade depression since my father left. His death and my mother' death exacerbated it and by the time DDday came along I was prime for a huge drop.
I fought going on meds for a year. What got me on them was my therapist pointing out that I was still obsessing and thinking about death after a year of talk therapy.
Now I adjust my own meds. I dropped the dose down a while back and waited to see if I'd have a huge drop. I didn't.
I think my guidelines are: 1. thoughts of suicide or homicide.
2. return of excessive obsessive behaviors like snooping or setting the VAR
3. not caring about my appearance or caring WAY too much
4. inability to stop crying
Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda
1. I kept having anxiety filled insomnia.
2. I started to want to be hit by a truck.
3. I cried a lot.
4.I felt numb all the time.
5. Others started to urge me to get help (my brother is studying medicine and has a keen interest in psychiatry).
My doctor prescribed ad's and IC and exercise. I have been doing all three and it really has helped.
False R - Was Separated - Now in Limbo while he's going through IC.
Mother to a wonderful 4 year old daughter.
Mood was okay for a few years, then a couple of years ago, I realized I was hanging on to the edge of the pit by my fingernails, so asked my dr for ADs again. He initially put me on zoloft, we increased the dose once, then he added wellbutrin, and after a while we dropped the zoloft.
I was doing very well, the depression was under control, until DDay. 9/11 of this year.
All the depressive symptoms are back in full force. Some more so. I had to see the dr. a couple of days ago for something else, and told him I found out my husband cheated. (Yes, he slept with a flight attendant). Dr.questioned me about my mood, appetite, etc., then suggested adding Celexa temporarily. I agreed because I am so tired of feeling this way. I have only taken it for three days, so can't tell yet if it's going to do the trick, but I so need the help right now.
This is the first time in the history of my depression that I have started to think it would be easier to just not be here anymore. I won't hurt myself because of my kids, but I do find myself thinking that at least it would end my pain.
[This message edited by itspjw at 7:36 PM, October 18th (Saturday)]
there's just too much that time cannot erase
And the more I know, the less I understand
Because of you...I am afraid...
I'm usually ok until just after Chritmas, then it seems to go downhill. I hate the cold weather, I hate it when it gets dark at 5:30, I just hate the whole winter thing. Hate having to feel constricted by all the layers. I would love to live on the equator. I was in a 2 year depression after the loss of a good friend and my BIL. Plus I had a horrible job. I started to notice prior I was getting depressed in the winter. I finally have broken out of the 2 year depression this last April/May. I've been pretty good all year, but now we are approaching winter and although I'm not feeling it yet, I'm scared it will hit. As soon as spring hits, life feels new and rejuvinated again and I feel better. In the past, I have found that going to a tanning bed helps, but we all know what that does. But it sure did help with the seasonal depression.
I've never been on an anti-d, I'm not much of a user of meds. I have to have a really bad headache before I will take anything. It seems if a drug has a side effect, I will eventually get it, so I just avoid them as much as I can. What are some of the side effects anybody has experienced? One of these years, I may consider trying it, just a little scared about side effects. But it may help through the winter.
(I didn't realize that the thread was dedicated for Dealing with Depression until today.) Anyways, I was diagnosed with depression in August.
I started experiencing the following symptoms from February and I finally went to see a family physician at the end of Jul.
apathy (existing with no purpose)
lack of concentration
lack of motivation
loss of interests
(no sadness or suicidal thoughts though)
MD prescribed me Effexor RX 37.5 mg. Side effects I experienced were yawning, sleepy, my head felt heavy, so I took it in the evening. Side effect lasted for a week though.
It took me 4 - 8 weeks to feel functional, but it amprified my social phobia. Made me very uncomfortable self-conscious, if someon is looking at me. Like being judged and looking down on me.
MD doubled my doses last week and I can feel that it is helping finally.
In the mean time, I am working on my low self-esteem issue through IC.
[This message edited by beach at 10:57 AM, October 21st (Tuesday)]
I have never been to IC in my life for it. I justed started MC last night... I am unsure if I can handle IC and MC at the same time. I have so many old demons and I don't think I am ready to face everything all at once.
I hate feeling like this all the time, but I am used to it... I know that is a bad thing, but I need to worry about saving my relationship before I dig out all of my old ghosts.
I've experienced that social phobia thing. I feel that a lot. Like somebody is watching me, like they are judging me. When I have my kids or H with me, I'm fine, but alone, I feel uncomfortable in public. I try to avoid public situations alone. I start feeling a panic attack coming on. Although, I have to say, I recognized it and have worked on it the last few years and I'm not as bad as I was 3 or 4 years ago. I remember panicking so bad in Walmart one day, I couldn't finish my shopping. I had to take what I had and get out. I came back the next day and finished the shopping and was fine. It's better now. Still hits every once in a while and when it does hit, it's not as bad.
I am slowly working on my self-esteem. I am reading "Anxiety, Panic, and Phobia" book and it has helpful information. I just need to change self-dialogue to positive conversation with myself (in the head).
[This message edited by beach at 11:21 PM, October 21st (Tuesday)]
I've never been depressed before, and I am embarassed to go to a doctor and tell them I feel like this. But I feel every day like I can't function much longer like this...it has been just under two months...should I just wait it out longer and I'll feel better? Shouldn't I be at least able to work by now???
Through my first divorce and first experience with infidelity I went on meds. I survived and things went back to "normal".
This time (with my 2nd H) it's different. I was able to walk away from my ExH and be sad, depressed, and move on but my current WH (gosh that's sad that I've now had two WH's) is addictive to me. I cannot walk away no matter how hard I try and want to.
Maybe this time it's true love? Or (more likely) it's my self-esteem and codepenance.
Either way the doctor put me on Celexa from day 2 after D Day. That was the first thing I did the next morning was call the doctor. He also put me on Ambien for 15 days to help me get through the first couple of weeks without having to deal with not sleeping. I'm not yet feeling the effects of Celexa but it's only been a couple of weeks and I know it takes time but I'm desperate to get some clarity in my mind.
Thanks for listening. I'm not sure that I clarified or helped anyone but please do not be ashamed to need AD's. They can do miracles to get you through the lowest times in your life.
[This message edited by newday2day at 3:20 PM, October 28th (Tuesday)]
Don't be ashamed of needing ADs. I am not ashamed of being on them. No one should be. It is medication used to treat a medical condition (Yes, it is a medical condition). If you have high blood pressure, you take medicine for that--if you have depression, there is no shame in treating it.