I've been told time and time again that he felt nothing and was dead inside. I thought a lot had to do with him having the A. It may have been the A and depression talking. I don't know. He went to the doctor two days later and was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. The doctor prescribed Lexapro.
We had been NC for about a month but for reasons I had to break NC this week. I actually spoke with him for the 1st time today in a month. He claims he isn't speaking with the OW and she is out of the picture (not sure if I believe that one...been lied to many times in regards to that) and he just works all the time.
He claims he still doesn't feel anything inside and still feels dead. He said the anxiety is gone but he doesn't "feel" anything. It is like little bombs could go off all around him and he'd just continue working or ignoring.
I've told him he needs to see about changing meds. I've explained there are others out there to try that he shouldn't be walking around feeling so dead and empty. It is easy for him to just walk away from everything because he has no emotions.
I've read others taking Lexapro but then switching to another. I'm sorry but I haven't read all the way through this thread. Have others taken Lexapro and still felt nothing? Is it the medication or the person? I've read a lot about mid-life crisis and a lot fits him so maybe that is a problem too coupled with the depression. I want to shake him and make him realize there are other options out there and it is like he is chosing to feel the way he does. I really wish he'd get the help he needs. It tears me up inside.
is he in ic?
there's just too much that time cannot erase
And the more I know, the less I understand
Because of you...I am afraid...
He is in IC. He doesn't go consistently. Due to his counselors schedule he may go 3x one month and then nothing the next. It frustrates me a bit. And, when he goes, he doesn't tell her everything. He has been going to a year and I believe he has wasted a year.
you don't have any control over what your wh does. i know you want him to get help, but it really is up to him. all you can do is encourage him to take the right steps.
am i correct in the understanding that the two of you are separated?
but it also seems like you maybe would give him a chance to r if he made the right steps?
i am in a very different situation than you. I am the one battling depression. and from that perspective, i can tell you that if he doesn't deal with his depression, and get it under control, (which means both the right meds AND regular ic) HE will not be able to r.
it seems to me like you have a good head on your shoulders, and a good take on the situation. it sounds like you do love him, but are not willing to live in a situation where you do not get the respect you deserve.
bravo to you!
if he decides to get help and get control over his depression, and if you want to r, there may still be a chance.
however, if he does not heal himself, he can't help you heal.
whatever you decide, know that we are all here for you. you are the only one that can decide what is right for you.
keep posting. stay strong.
I think I would to R like you said if and only if he took the right steps. I'm living my own life right now. I'm not obsessed with him or about him. I'm taking care of me and my DS. I'm doing the single parent thing (he hasn't seen DS since he walked out and hasn't spoken to him in over a month). I'm also preparing myself for a possible divorce. I'm not hooking any hopes to a rainbow. I've got to face reality.
I know I can't help him if he doesn't want the help. It just upsets me to see another human being suffer when they don't need to. I'm wondering if the depression has led to a self-loathing aspect. It seems to me that he is upset with himself in regards to the poor choices he has made and believes he deserves nothing. He doesn't want to love because he doesn't think he deserves the love. He can walk away from everything because he is not good enough for our life. He lives in a hotel because he deserves that. It just seems that if those thoughts come to mind coupled with the depression it's very hard to deal with and manage. I could be totally off base but that is the feeling I am getting.
I agree with you in regards to regular IC and the right meds. Yes, I do love him because I can't just turn my feelings off after so many years like he seems to be able to. Sometimes I wish I did hate him. It would make things a little easier.
I've said it a bunch of times but I'm so glad I found this place. Thanks ((itspjw)).
i do know that when you are in the depths of depression, you do feel worthless. it is sometimes even hard to see that it is the depression working. you are sure that your feelings and thoughts are real and justified, even if they are not. depression truly changes your perspective and changes who you are.
hang in there and keep taking care of yourself and your son. if you have the opportunity, keep encouraging your h to get the right meds and ic. while you can't make him do it, you can push him in that directions. maybe enough pushes and he will get himself some help.
[This message edited by badlyhurting at 10:43 AM, January 12th (Monday)]
((hugs))badlyhurting. Please come back and post to let us know how you are doing.
You have previously attempted suicide, been hospitalized, and treated for depression without success. You are a single mother to 5 young children.
Do you have any local support? Is there a friend or relative who can take care of your children for you so that you can focus on taking care of yourself?
There are some tools that you can use to stop the recurring fantasies. "Visualization" is one. When you begin to recognize that you are having these suicidal fantasies, you picture a bright red, octagonal "STOP" sign and even say the word out loud. You tell yourself, "I'm not going to think that right now.
The second tool is redirection. While you are looking at the bright red Stop sign in your mind, you say, "I'm going to think about _____, instead."
Then you force yourself to focus on whatever it was that you used to fill in the blank in the previous sentence. Maybe it's the alphabet song. Sing it. Maybe it's the times tables. Recite them.
Using these tools take practice, and they don't solve any underlying problem, but using them gets you out of "crisis mode."
sending you strength
[This message edited by badlyhurting at 10:44 AM, January 12th (Monday)]
(((((i am broken)))))
please know that all of us are here for you. we know your pain. try to remind yourself that things WILL get better.
are you in ic? do you have friends you can talk to?
please keep posting. we are here to help.
also, just a note, this forum does not get as much traffic as the others. you might take a look at the other forums and post there, too.
(((I am Broken))) Hang in there.
The Women's shelter where I used to live offered me phone counseling...I called yesterday to try to set something up.
No real friends at this time. My STBX/WS and I lived 24 hours away from my family and friends...he isolated me by keeping me pregnant with small children and keeping all control of all the money coming into the household.
I'm living with family right now...but they don't know what to say to me. My parents are still married after 40+ years, my sister and brother are both happily married, and my other brother is dealing with his own health issues.
I just have to accept life sucks...
[This message edited by badlyhurting at 10:45 AM, January 12th (Monday)]
please let us know how you are doing.