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User Topic: Dealing With Depression
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Member # 29193
Default  Posted: 11:51 PM, December 28th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just found this thread: i struggle with Seasonal Affective Disorder, and with the extra anger from this summer's phone escapade and who knows what else, I became depressed early in the fall, and now I'm really having a much harder time than usual. I do take a small dose of AD, and I'm trying to muscle through it. It feels like running in mud. Let's all keep trying to cope, spring is coming. After January is over, that is. Anyone have any activities that occupy them during the winter days that helps?

I'm not sad that you lied to me. I'm sad that I can never believe you again.

Well, I'm sad that you lied to me, too.

Posts: 371 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Great Falls Montana
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Member # 21136
Default  Posted: 12:23 AM, January 1st (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just needing to vent a bit here:

Sometimes I wonder if being truely happy is at all possible. I look around me, I am with a loving man now, have 3 beautiful daughters and one grandson (19 mos old). We are moved into our new home, and have enough money for mortgage, food, and to save a little. He tells me, and shows me constantly that he loves me.

But I can't sleep at night without the assistance of something, and am constantly worried about one daughter who has many classic s/sx of depression. I worry that I did something as a mother to have caused her depression. I dwell on my failures... as a wife (I must have been horrible & how on earth did I get that way?), as a mother (after all, if I was a good mother my daughter would be completely well-adjusted and wouldn't have the low self-esteem issues that are plaguing her in her 20's), as a friend (I find that although I love my friends, I tend to keep them all at arm's length- God forbid anyone get too close!).

I feel like a failure who is constantly wearing a mask to fool everyone around into thinking I'm confident and not needing anyone or anything.... Hmmm... fear of being dumped again?

Who knows... Who cares... Why do I still cry?

Happily Divorced- final in Oct. 2009, Engaged to my True Love in Dec. 2012

When his family jokingly tells you of how "spoiled" HE was as a child, RUN- It doesn't change when they get older!

Posts: 2206 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: New England
♂ Member
Member # 15902
Default  Posted: 3:06 AM, January 1st (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


I feel like a failure who is constantly wearing a mask to fool everyone around into thinking I'm confident and not needing anyone or anything.... Hmmm... fear of being dumped again?

Actually, your feelings are common and many people feel this way. You are definitely not alone.

Worry is just another form of stress. It is not necessarily a sign of depression. You can overcome these feelings, but it takes work. Your mind is programmed to behave a certain way based on various factors. I call these scripts.

Your scripts are coping mechanisms that were learned when you were young. They are based on the same model you learned from your parents. They are what drive your thoughts and actions when you are stressed. You can't change the script (it's who you are), but you can change how you respond and how things effect you.

Here are some books that have helped me overcome my stress:

The 14 Day Stress Cure: A New Approach for Dealing With Stress That Can Change Your Life by Morton C. Orman

The Joy of Living: Unlocking the Secret and Science of Happiness by Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche

What Happy People Know: How the New Science of Happiness Can Change Your Life for the Better by Dan Baker

Who knows... Who cares... Why do I still cry?

There are plenty of people that care. However, you should know the solution to your feelings are within you right now. You're not going to believe me, but you have the power to turn this around. At first, I didn't believe it either. I felt very much the way you did. Now I realize that I always did have the power to change my fears. Everyone does.

If you have been depressed for two weeks or more, please seek the help of an IC or medical doctor.

Me: BH, Her: FWW - Long Term EA/PA
d-day: June 25, 2007
Married 29 years, Happily Reconciled

Posts: 5613 | Registered: Aug 2007
♀ Member
Member # 30284
Default  Posted: 7:49 AM, January 1st (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just wanted to say thank you to Hardenmyheart for the book suggestions. I didn't even know I was looking for such books but I realize deep down I am not happy about most things. It's time to change that.

BW - 38
FWH - 41, SA since around 2005
Dday 4/9/10
Months and months of TT torture.
DD born 3/1/13
In R? Feels like going witht the flow.
Trying to get used to the new "normal"

Posts: 396 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: The worst place I can be - inside my own brain
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Member # 29368
Default  Posted: 8:39 AM, January 1st (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've had bouts of depression my whole adult life and have been taking Prozac to combat it.

My maintenance dose is 20mg daily but my doc bumped me up to 60mg after DD. I think that and SI helped me not lose my mind.

Part of me thinks it is bad to rely on a drug but another part of me says, if there is something that can help you, why not? I haven't had any side effects other than I was a little "shaky" at first on the larger dose. Shaky was better than walking zombie.

Posts: 1922 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Midwest
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Member # 31279
Default  Posted: 9:48 AM, March 8th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am depressed. I resisted going on meds for over 3 months and I just couldn't take it anymore. I've been taking prozac for 12 days now and I hope this helps me!

M 7 yrs- 2 little kids
He walked out 10/2010
DDAY #1 Phone bill, found OW #2-2 mo EA turned PA after he left.
11/2010- he asks to come back. 12/2010-He moves back in.
TT from 11/10-1/11
DDAY #2- 2/2011 MOW #1- EA- 1 yr

Posts: 305 | Registered: Feb 2011
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Member # 31279
Default  Posted: 9:53 AM, March 8th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't think I was depressed before all this happened, I was fine. I wonder how long the meds will take to kick in, and how I'll feel when it does.

M 7 yrs- 2 little kids
He walked out 10/2010
DDAY #1 Phone bill, found OW #2-2 mo EA turned PA after he left.
11/2010- he asks to come back. 12/2010-He moves back in.
TT from 11/10-1/11
DDAY #2- 2/2011 MOW #1- EA- 1 yr

Posts: 305 | Registered: Feb 2011
♀ Member
Member # 30289
Default  Posted: 9:14 PM, March 13th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hurt- most AD's can take approx. 5 weeks to reach an "effective" level in your bloodstream. However, there's something to be said for the placebo effect; many people report feeling better long before that dsimply because they know the drug is supposed to help them do that. Everyone is different, though so YMMV (your mileage may vary). Hang in there. Take them as prescribed. Drink water, get exercise and decent sleep and hopefully they'll kick in and you'll start to feel their benefit.

[This message edited by wordsfail at 9:14 PM, March 13th (Sunday)]

SHE/ME: 40's
WSO: 40's
OW: x-BF, 30's
Met 11/06. Moved in 1/08. Engaged 8/09. EA 11/09. PA began ??. My Mom died 12/09. DD 2/8/10. WSO is with x-BF now. My Dad died 12/10.

Posts: 192 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: wish I knew
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Member # 30234
Default  Posted: 7:49 PM, May 23rd (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am from an acholic dad and a depressed mom. I like the wine but taking steps to get away from that. I have never been depressed and I am totally depressed now. I think of ending my life every day but I will never do it because I'm too scared or too brave ... don't know which. I thank God for SI.

Posts: 379 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: New York
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Member # 30498
Default  Posted: 3:28 AM, September 1st (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yet another thread that relates to me, when will it end?

Had post-natal depression back in 1998 when my daughter was born. This I believe was also a delayed/repressed grief over the loss of my twins who were still-born in 1991. Was on ADs for a while, had counselling but it wasn't right for me, I fell through the cracks and just "coped" for many years not realising that what I was feeling wasn't normal (I was so used to feeling that way). Came right for a while until about 5/6 years ago when I discovered flirtacious emails between my STBXH and various women. It just triggered something off again and down I went. Went back on ADs for about 2 years then weaned myself off them. Felt pretty much OK since then until of course last Nov 2010 when I discovered all the affairs. I went straight to the Docs and got myself back on the meds because I knew I would be sliding downhill fast. Best thing I could have done. I honestly believe they are the reason that I have been able to achieve what I have over the past few months and why Sir Shagalot is not in a wheelchair. Tried to lower the dose a few weeks ago thinking I was doing a lot better - big mistake! Soon realised that I need to keep going with this as there is still so much more to go through. One day I hope to remove myself from taking meds but I won't hurry, I will just let life events dictate what I need to do.

It is a pity some people still frown upon ADs because they really are a life saver at times.

If anyone feels so depressed that they are thinking of harming themselves PLEASE, PLEASE ring Lifeline or the support organisation in your area, then ring a trusted friend immediately.

Things WILL get better.

Love Ellejay xxx

Married 25 years now divorced.
D-Day: 20/11/10
Me: 48.5 plus 10% GST
Him: mental age 6 (apologies to all 6 year olds)
Betrayal: Who cares anymore?

Posts: 1073 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Adelaide, South Australia
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Member # 33186
Default  Posted: 3:56 PM, September 5th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yet another thread that I belong to!

I have fought depression on and off for a few years after the post partum depression after my 2nd daughter...

I managed it well for the longest time until my WH's ONS last year, and events in the 3 years leading up to the ONS (which I think there were at least 2 PA's he will never admit to!)

I started AD's after his admission of the ONS (he thought he had STD's) and stopped 3 months later...

Lately though, I feel like I am going Crazy at times... I just feel so sad, so hopeless, and so paralyzed in my pain...

I wish there was a happy pill we could pop and make the world a better place for all... not so, huh???

Posts: 519 | Registered: Aug 2011
♂ New Member
Member # 35073
Default  Posted: 10:17 AM, April 2nd (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am genuinely ashamed to say that I am a cheater and have become depressed as a result. I have had bouts before and was on 10mg of Lexapro daily for four years up to my infidelity, but nothing on this scale.

I knew it was wrong but the attention I got was on a scale I had never experienced and she was constantly telling me she was crazy about me. It was like I was on a pedestal and I have to admit I became addicted. I couldn't cope when we ended it. I couldn't sleep, eat or concentrate. I cried every day for a month.

I was put on 20mg of Lexapro but that wasn't working and am now taking 150mg of Efexor XR having been on 75mg for four weeks.

I deserve it and more.

Posts: 33 | Registered: Mar 2012
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Member # 32753
Default  Posted: 9:58 AM, April 3rd (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just checking in here. I belong here too. I'm a mad-hatter, and I'm sorry.

I've been diagnosed with major depression since my childhood, not sure when it was "official". It took a long time to get on the proper meds. Over ten years without them, and finally got them near the very end. I was taking Effexor before the pregnancy for just a few months, but the doctor had me stop so as to not harm the baby (now our one year old son ). So I've been off meds for the past two years. Nine more months to go until he stops nursing, and then I can get back on them. It is a struggle. Therapy is teaching me some skills to use when I'm having a hard day, but they're more addressing another mental illness I have rather than the depression directly. I wish we would focus on the depression, understand why it happens this way, what triggers it (even though it feels like it never goes away). It's so raw. Maybe it will get better when the Effexor comes back. It was the greatest feeling taking it for the first time, I can still remember it: my mind felt like it was waking up suddenly, after being dim and asleep for so long, and when it woke up it said: "Yes... I... can!"

Is anyone else learning skills in therapy to complement ADs, mood-regulating skills? Do the ADs take all the depression away for anyone, or is there still a low level that lingers?

Find peace. Or sleep on it.

Posts: 3761 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: California
♀ New Member
Member # 36851
Default  Posted: 11:42 PM, September 26th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hi All--glad to see this topic. I have sruggled with severe depression for years. I had just really climbed out of a steep trough, for real and was ready to cut back on my meds as well as my (very!) necessary sleep aids (valium, yecch), when my WH dropped the D-bomb on me

Needless to say, after nearly 2months I am giving back in to the depression. I held the line pretty well, but his continued lying and serious case of TT have pretty well done me in. In addition, I have realized that my job, very people-focused, is not something I can do well at all. It took me 3 years to get that job (I do public humanities/museum work and it's very hard to get jobs.)

So his affair has not only tanked my personal life, my self esteem, my belief in myself as a sexual being of any attractiveness (I'm an overweight middle aged woman), but on top of it all, I find that I'll have to give up my career that I fought hard for years to achieve, since I just don't have the stamina to do it any more. There is no such thing as an extended leave ast a small non-profit where you are the whole staff.

Basically, the bastard firebombed my whole life, soup to nuts. I'd like to know if there wasn't something on purpose going on there?

Everybody talks about the fog and all, but it seems a little coincidental to me.

Meantime, I am looking at partial hospitalization programs because I simply cannot cope any more. I have started cutting. I never did that before. I cut myself 93 times for each of the time he texted his mistress on my birthday this year, when he never so much as said hello to me, never mind a cake, or flowers or anything. Nada.

Now I'm finding that I can't stop cutting. yikes.

He blames the "omission" on the fact that we shared a planned celebration date with my daughter (in the middle)...but he texted OW on both the shared date, and daughter's date too. Such a liar. He claims he doesn't know what he talked about for more than a hour on the phone each week with his trollop.

So, all that notwithstanding, and I have terrific support in IC and psych meds doc etc, I don't know how to care for myself any more. The world goes on, and I cannot go on with it any more.

I really need help--some strategies for digging out of this hole.

I want to try in-home 180, but I am not sure I am strong enough.

thoughts or wisdom, anyone?

[This message edited by sevensisterhood at 11:44 PM, September 26th (Wednesday)]

Me-53, married 23 yrs, 25 yr relationship; PA at his HS reunion, year + of s/texting, phone, Facebook; CraigsLIst postings, Ashley Madison, OKCUpid account, Adult slut sites..... "I never used them!!".

Posts: 39 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Massachusetts
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Default  Posted: 2:39 PM, October 20th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think that going through MC and bringing up many addressed issues including is As is going to be depressing. The day after our last session H slept all day and had headaches. I will seek out AD but he is in NA and refuses but this will just make it worse for all as he is looking to take his hurt out on someone. I know I can't make him do anything but anyone have any luck persuading WS to seek their own help?

Posts: 13 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Usa
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Member # 22033
Default  Posted: 2:48 PM, October 20th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've battled with mild depression on and off, especially after EX started his A.

But I was in survival mode for years, and now that I'm not just living a day at a time, but looking toward more than mere survival, I am becoming depressed about my current situation and future. I am really struggling to find happiness in anything. I cry a lot.

BW (me) - 44
DS 13, DS 11
D-Day#1: Oct 30, 2008
D-Day#2: June 3, 2011 (same MOW) Separation: June 3, 2011
Divorce finalized: Feb 2012 (due to 6 month waiting period).

Posts: 3191 | Registered: Dec 2008
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Default  Posted: 2:13 AM, January 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have had depression off and on for most of my life. Before WH cheated I was in treatment for post-partum for the past 2 years. When we married I was doing very well, but wheni got pregnant with our first child I got very depressed and again with our second. I have been taking Zoloft for about 3 years now. It helps with some symptoms, but the side effects are disruptive.

I was doing ok before he told me what happened. Then I just fell off a cliff. I couldn't think strait for a couple weeks. Almost had to drop out of my MBA program, was asked to step down from a volunteer position because I was doing nothing. I have been suicidal, but can't bring myself to leave my kids. Everyday I just wish I was dead.

Now I am reconsidering ECT treatments. This is something that I worked very hard through doctors and insurance to pursue in the past because I was unhappy with the antidepressants effectiveness/side effects. However, I was doing well enough that I decided to hold off. Since he cheated I feel like this is my last hope. I should have my first treatment in about 3 weeks.

Anyone on here have experience with ECT treatments? I know that I could lose some memory and I am wondering how I should handle the information about WH. Should I tell him to re-confess? Should I write myself a letter about it? I think it would be a blessing to just forget the whole thing. Should I tell WH to not tell me if I forget so that I can move on and get better?

Army Wife 6+ years with 2 kids
WH: (AlwaysAway) Had sex with a prostitute on his way home for R&R.
DDay: 14 NOV 2012
I don't want to be here anymore.

Posts: 27 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Fayetteville, NC
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Member # 26133
Default  Posted: 2:53 PM, May 9th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just saw this and thought of this thread:

Shame this thread is a little moribund for now, as a sense of tribe could be very helpful for anyone dealing with depression.

Maybe this could act as a bump as well. I do recommend the link.

Maybe a long walk in the Hindu Kush would do it?
BW (me) 52
FWS 55
Together 29 years; 2 DDs 15 & 12
Dday Dec 08 (confessed) Feb 09 16 other OW confessed. OW17 tried her unedifying hardest until Aug 09. R'd.

Posts: 4960 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: UK
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