Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
Find a Local Couselor
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: steve2020 (43223)

I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Double Betrayal
funny story
♀ Member
Member # 16855
Default  Posted: 5:45 PM, February 5th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This continues to feel like an impossible situation.

I agree with you 100% there. I don't know how in the world we as an entire family are ever going to get through this without something giving. I truly struggle with the reality that my life will always include this as long as I choose to be in this family. And with exception to OW/SIL & H, I truly love and respect every single person.

But I can't live the rest of my life in this spider web...so sad.


(me) BW - (33)
WH - (37)
Married: 11 years
Children: DD - 11, DS - 8
D-Day: September 22, 2007

"I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me."


Posts: 2128 | Registered: Nov 2007
shambles07
♀ Member
Member # 14217
Default  Posted: 5:10 PM, February 6th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How do you get past the constant triggers? I feel confident that it would be a little easier if it had been a ONS with someone I didn't know. But since it was my brother's wife, who was also my best friend I just can't shake this! We are doing really good as far as our relationship goes but I trigger constantly! Everywhere I turn there is a trigger! I've removed all pics of the OW from my house, I got rid of anything and everything that had any connection to her. THis included wedding photos. I am stuck with all of the memories though. I can't get rid of those or the fact that I hear about her throuh family. They all know everything, I told every single person I knew after d-day. I had done nothing wrong and therefor had no shame in telling people. They know how I feel about the whore. In fact when I was told she had a car accident the first thing out of my mouth was "is she still alive', followed by "too bad!" I don't hide my feelings at all and tell people I'd prefer not to hear a single thing about anyone! SInce we were so close i feel just as betrayed by her as I do my H. I told my brother I didn't want an apology from her. I don't want toher any lame excuse and I would know it wan't sincere anyway. My brother asked her after d-day if she regretted it and she said the only thing she regreted was the fact that my H didn't leave me and out kids for her! I have no intension of reconciling with anyone except H. I wnat nothing to do with that bitch and I'm fine with that. I don't feel I owe it to anyone to work through it with her.
I just want to be able to go through 1 day without triggering!


Me BS- 32
divorcing

Posts: 1493 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: midwest
funny story
♀ Member
Member # 16855
Default  Posted: 6:01 PM, February 6th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

shambles,

I have no advice for you, just wanted to remind you that you're not alone in this horrid situation.

It's amazing that after all we've been put through the OW's of the world can still "betray" us with their continued deceitful actions.

I struggle with my anger with my OW/SIL as well and try not to dwell on it, but like you, I end up hearing about it from the rest of the family.

It's a very tough situation to be in, the one we are at. Especially when everyone is trying to R. I'm trying to be the one to take the high road here, but it's so hard some days when I just want to smack her.

So sorry, no advice as I still trigger constantly (and I haven't even went near my wedding albums yet because she's all through them...can't do it yet), but just wanted you to know that I hear ya and I'm in the same boat. Too bad the family pool had to be peed in, eh??


(me) BW - (33)
WH - (37)
Married: 11 years
Children: DD - 11, DS - 8
D-Day: September 22, 2007

"I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me."


Posts: 2128 | Registered: Nov 2007
mdsjmom98
♀ Member
Member # 4931
Default  Posted: 10:46 AM, February 12th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Shambles -
I totally hear you. I don't want anyone to speak her name in my presence. I too, trigger a lot, any number of things set me off.

I figured that my sister (and maybe one of my brothers) would "side" with me, and never speak to her again. I was wrong. Even after all the horrid things she said about them, and they still communicate with her like nothing ever happened. Like she didn't come into my home, accept our love, and blow us up like a bomb.

I have said to her dad, (my other brother) that I never want to hear her name mentioned again. I told him that I don't care if she lives or dies, I don't want to hear it. She's popping babies out like a freaking pez dispenser, and everytime she does, somehow word leaks back to me. I finally flipped out and told them that if they want a relationship with me, then they better never mention her again. I had to be a real bitch about it, but I think they got the point.


Him - WH - 45
Me - BS - 44
OW - my niece - 38
Married 24 years
2 kids (boys) 13, 21
Reconciling 7 years

What doesn't kill you will make you stronger.


Posts: 1280 | Registered: Jul 2004 | From: Illinois
funny story
♀ Member
Member # 16855
Default  Posted: 9:13 PM, February 15th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

wow - I am almost the opposite - I wish someone would talk to me about SIL - they all pussyfoot (the family) around me and don't bring it up - it's like the elephant in the room and no one wants to say anything about it.

One day I'm just going to explode and go off about her and boy oh boy, they're jaws are going to drop.


(me) BW - (33)
WH - (37)
Married: 11 years
Children: DD - 11, DS - 8
D-Day: September 22, 2007

"I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me."


Posts: 2128 | Registered: Nov 2007
Submerged
♂ New Member
Member # 18275
Default  Posted: 6:58 AM, February 23rd (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

D-day for me was December 9, 2007. I found an e-mail my wife sent to my first cousin. She was breaking things off with him and referenced how they had both been terrified she was pregnant. (We have a 6 year old son and 3 year old daughter.) The PA isn't nearly as painful as the 2 year long EA. Since D-day I've seen old e-mail and IM chains from before this whole thing started through the first 6 months as well as some e-mail and journal entries after that. Funny how I was reading what a great husband and father I was before the EA started but once that first "I love you" was written, I suddenly turned into the worst husband and father on the face of the planet. I got this SOB a job, brought him into my house on Thanksgiving because he couldn't afford to go back and visit his family and this is what I get in return. For 2 years my wife treated him like her husband and I was just some slug who happened to make it harder for them to be together; someone who was in the way of their good times. And I still remember my wife and me talking about cheating early in our marriage. She told me if I ever cheated on her not to bother to do anything but pack my bags and get the f--k out. Funny how she feels differently since the shoe is on the other foot. We're working on reconciliation; we're in MC and I'm in IC but damn I have some rough days. We've got a big family event coming in June. I absolutely will not go if he is going to be there. Don't care what kind of lame ass excuse I have to make. If I see him, I will just .


Those who are faithless know the pleasures of love; it is the faithful who know love's tragedies. -- Oscar Wilde

Me: BH (56)
Her: WS (48)
D-Day: 12/9/07
Married: 10 years
2 children: son - 8; daughter - 5


Posts: 15 | Registered: Feb 2008
backatsquareone
♀ Member
Member # 18205
Default  Posted: 3:18 PM, February 23rd (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WH had an affair with a friend of ours. She would hang out at our house a couple of times a week and would have my girls over to play. I had a talk with her when I saw that things were getting a little to close on an emotional level and she sat and lied to my face. They continued on their EA and within weeks it turned into a PA.


D-Day PA 2/1/08
D-Day PA 3/18/08
Divorce final Jan 09
Remarried 1/10 to the most wonderful man!

Posts: 209 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: Georgia
TeatimeAlice
♀ Member
Member # 17414
Default  Posted: 8:54 AM, February 25th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((Submerged)))))) and (((((Backatsquareone)))))

Funny how I was reading what a great husband and father I was before the EA started but once that first "I love you" was written, I suddenly turned into the worst husband and father on the face of the planet.
My husband's A happened ironically at a time in our marriage when I was trying my hardest to be a loving supportive (possibly even over-compensating) wife...spiritually I was strong when the EA and PA was developing and happening...it attacked my very core and it hurts even now when I ask my husband what was worth "saving" from before and he was in such a FOG for so long he didn't even see my efforts to be a godly wife and mother...he only saw his selfish lusts and how to lie, sin, and betray our marriage and hopefully never get caught...he did get caught in a mighty way...but it took him 8 more months to come clean!!!

I had a talk with her when I saw that things were getting a little to close on an emotional level and she sat and lied to my face.
Same thing happened to me...both hubby and my "friend" lied to me further and did all kinds of things to keep me from getting suspicious...it hurts incredibly!!!

I am sorry for the pain in all of our lives and wish our spouses hadn't been so selfish!!! Sending extra (((hugs))) to all here reading these threads!!!


Divorce will be final around the time we should be celebrating our 25th wedding anniversary. Pray please I was a faithful loving wife and now my heart is forever crushed because my husband chose his sexual addictions over repairing our marriage. I

Posts: 348 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: in Wonderland....wondering how/why this happened!
funny story
♀ Member
Member # 16855
Default  Posted: 4:42 PM, February 26th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((Submerged))

Just wanted to let you know that you are not alone - my H had an affair with his brother's wife (My SIL and used to be my best friend).

I don't know if it helps to know that there are others out there who have the double problem of the affair including family members - makes quite the spider web to try to navigate through, but I know I felt like a circus freak when I first found out - I mean, who does this??? Anyway, it really helped me to talk to people here on SI to find out that I was not alone.


(me) BW - (33)
WH - (37)
Married: 11 years
Children: DD - 11, DS - 8
D-Day: September 22, 2007

"I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me."


Posts: 2128 | Registered: Nov 2007
Submerged
♂ New Member
Member # 18275
Default  Posted: 6:25 AM, February 27th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's crazy! The A is bad enough in and of itself; I just can't begin to fathom how FAMILY members can do this to one another! I HATE seeing pictures of this SOB with my wife, with my kids, with my me....


Those who are faithless know the pleasures of love; it is the faithful who know love's tragedies. -- Oscar Wilde

Me: BH (56)
Her: WS (48)
D-Day: 12/9/07
Married: 10 years
2 children: son - 8; daughter - 5


Posts: 15 | Registered: Feb 2008
marigold
♀ Member
Member # 6707
Default  Posted: 6:41 AM, February 27th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey Funny Story,

My husband's brother is also married to OW. Although in my case he didn't marry her until after the A ended. OW is just so wonderful BIL had to have her when H was done.

In my case, I have not wanted our children to know, so most of the family does not know. But BIL walked right into it with his eyes open. He says her past doesn't matter to him. Well it sure matters to me! Parents-in-law also know.


Posts: 960 | Registered: Mar 2005
Skippy
Member
Member # 15387
Default  Posted: 1:30 PM, February 27th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Backtosquareone.

My H had an A with my BF. I am sorry you are here and it sucks that the person you would of confided is also not there anylonger. The anger and the rage is crazy.
I did enjoy burning her pictures though. PM me if you would like to talk.


D-Day 6/1/07

Status: ?


Posts: 88 | Registered: Jul 2007
Skippy
Member
Member # 15387
Default  Posted: 1:31 PM, February 27th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Backtosquareone.

My H had an A with my BF. I am sorry you are here and it sucks that the person you would of confided is also not there anylonger. The anger and the rage is crazy.
I did enjoy burning her pictures though. PM me if you would like to talk.


D-Day 6/1/07

Status: ?


Posts: 88 | Registered: Jul 2007
notplayingthefoo
♀ Member
Member # 17777
Default  Posted: 4:14 PM, February 27th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hang in there!


Me: 41 female BS, H: 51 male WS
Married 20 years
1st DDay: 2004,2nd DDay: 2006(same OW)
"I'm 50% responsible for the problems in the marriage,but 0% for the affair."

Posts: 89 | Registered: Jan 2008 | From: California
funny story
♀ Member
Member # 16855
Default  Posted: 5:10 PM, February 27th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

submerged...

I know the pictures are awful - they are littered throughout our lives. I haven't even been able to try to look at my wedding pictures (as SIL stood up for me).

Other SIL is getting married this summer and we are both supposed to stand up for her at the wedding - I don't know if I can do it. Stand beside her at a wedding no less!!!

Oh my god, the torment mounts already!


(me) BW - (33)
WH - (37)
Married: 11 years
Children: DD - 11, DS - 8
D-Day: September 22, 2007

"I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me."


Posts: 2128 | Registered: Nov 2007
mdsjmom98
♀ Member
Member # 4931
Default  Posted: 6:05 PM, February 29th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Skippy -

You burned pictures too? We had a huge bonfire out back, and torched everything associated with her. Clothes she had given my boys, toys, pictures, everything!! The sick part was that she bought us (me and her) "matching" shirts, like 3 of them, and those got torched too. The one shirt I bought when we went to visit her said "Jersey Girl" well I made a few "alterations" to that shirt and mailed it back to her. I put Jersey WHORE on it.
It was actually very therapeutic.

Although, if I had been able to throw HER in the fire.....

[This message edited by mdsjmom98 at 6:07 PM, February 29th (Friday)]


Him - WH - 45
Me - BS - 44
OW - my niece - 38
Married 24 years
2 kids (boys) 13, 21
Reconciling 7 years

What doesn't kill you will make you stronger.


Posts: 1280 | Registered: Jul 2004 | From: Illinois
funny story
♀ Member
Member # 16855
Default  Posted: 5:03 PM, March 2nd (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I haven't burned anything yet, but I do have some pics that I would like to get rid of - I'm going to wait until our camping trips this summer to do it though. Take some choice pics and throw them into the fire. AH, that will feel good...


(me) BW - (33)
WH - (37)
Married: 11 years
Children: DD - 11, DS - 8
D-Day: September 22, 2007

"I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me."


Posts: 2128 | Registered: Nov 2007
funny story
♀ Member
Member # 16855
Default  Posted: 12:15 PM, March 6th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had a very strong urge yesterday to go over and hurt SIL/OW. Just ream her out and slap her and worse.

I know it's not healthy, but it felt so good just to think about it for a minute!

Just thought I'd share...


(me) BW - (33)
WH - (37)
Married: 11 years
Children: DD - 11, DS - 8
D-Day: September 22, 2007

"I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me."


Posts: 2128 | Registered: Nov 2007
flipper
♀ Member
Member # 12425
Default  Posted: 4:02 AM, March 7th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hey funny,

I felt the same way this morning. I let my imagination run riot and boy did I have fun

flipper


Me: 40
FWH: 40
married 17 years - no kids
DD: 14th Oct 2006
DD2: 18th Feb 2007 - Full details disclosed

Both giving our best to R.


Posts: 311 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Australia
funny story
♀ Member
Member # 16855
Default  Posted: 10:25 AM, March 7th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

flipper,

Thanks, I needed that! I think I had a dream about her last night and I was kicking the shit outta her.

I feel strangely rested this morning.


(me) BW - (33)
WH - (37)
Married: 11 years
Children: DD - 11, DS - 8
D-Day: September 22, 2007

"I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me."


Posts: 2128 | Registered: Nov 2007
Topic Posts: 1000
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 · 13 · 14 · 15 · 16 · 17 · 18 · 19 · 20 · 21 · 22 · 23 · 24 · 25 · 26 · 27 · 28 · 29 · 30 · 31 · 32 · 33 · 34 · 35 · 36 · 37 · 38 · 39 · 40 · 41 · 42 · 43 · 44 · 45 · 46 · 47 · 48 · 49 · 50

Return to Forum: I Can Relate This Topic is Full
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.