couldn't imagine a life w/o her at least as "a friend." Did I ever hear that he couldn't imagine a life w/o me?
Yeah, that is one of the hardest parts. My X said that he could not "abandon" OW. But then he turned around and really did abandon DD and I. ANd he wonders why I refuse to be his "friend"
Is OW now your X's fiance?
I'm surprised you didn't have a no paramours clause put into the visitation agreement.
Most courts support such clauses since AP's don't usually develop permanent, lasting relationships. And the courts don't want kids exposed to or attached to people who are put into "parental" roles because of temporary love-life choices.
It's been almost a year since he's exposed the kids to her. You should've gone back to court right away and put an end to that. It's prolly too late to do anything about it now. JMO
Wait, it says STBXH? If you're not divorced, why is he taking the kids around her? And to Church? OMG
And I bragged to EVERYONE how great it WAS to have family that you got along with, that you could hang out with.
Little did I know that as I was enjoying "hanging out" with my family, H was enjoying "letting it all hang out (or in...or in and out)" with SIL.
Some days I feel like a complete fool because I actually would say "let's go over to BIL and SIL's - we haven't seen them for a few days"...I pretty much set them up for dates.
[This message edited by funny story at 4:57 PM, April 2nd (Wednesday)]
"I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me."
The kids had been around her SO MUCH before I knew. We were together all the time. I pretty much set up their dates too. We had pizza w/ them and another family every Friday night. I invited her over for dinner when her husband was away, had her watch my kids sometimes and my STBX was picking the kids up. I also 'bragged' about how great my new neighborhood was and how great it was to have these close friends.
"Fiance?" Hmm, that's a good question. They did have matching hemp braclets on this summer maybe that was in liue of a ring. We are nowhere near divorced. We have a property settlement agreement but no legal custody arrangement. I have refused to start the divorce paperwork before that is settled. Currently, he has them 2 evenings and every other w/e, but they sleep at my house S-Th. Get this, her kids think she is staying w/ a (female) friend- or ay least that is what she told them. She stays w/ my STBX on alternate days and stays at her family home on the other days. Her STBX stays at his mom's on her nights. i think that will be ending soon, though. I have heard from others that they (my STBX and OW) are looking for a house together. My STBX has not mentioned marriage to me, but obviously since she is so christian, she will not want to move in w/ him (in front of her kids) if she is not married. (She has mentioned marriage to many people.)
I will write more on this another time, but my STBX gave me all that crap too. On the same day that he told me about the church picnic, he cried b/c he was so sad that I was no longer his friend, b/c I had been his best friend for 20 years. Quite unbelievable, really.
I will try to write my whole story on my profile soon. if it wasn't my life, it might be riveting material.
[This message edited by tigerlilly at 6:08 PM, April 19th (Saturday)]
if it wasn't my life, it might be riveting material.
I can't decide if mine is a really bad soap opera or Jerry Springer My IC said I should write a book. I would LOVE to get rich while exposing X and his whore
I can't always figure out all the initials. Is there a 'key' somewhere on this site to all the abbreviations?
Check the healing library.
Many of the abbrevs that you see are there. for others, just ask. Sometimes we make them up as we go along
Lots of support here for you. We've all been through double betrayal. I'm really starting to hate the word betrayal.
What are your experiences w/ other friends, especialy ones that know everyone involved? I just got off the phone w/ one. I feel 'baited' sometimes. I am careful not to bring up OW and MSTBX yet this woman brings them up, complains about the OW, then seems surprised that I am still upset by them. WTF?
It still does not help that I see her all the time.
I do need some advice. OW lives around the corner. I see her all the time. She has never spoken to me after I found out and confronted my H and told her H. She really tries to avoid me.
I have alot of unresolved issues with her. I became pregnant right after D day and did not want to risk confronting her in person until after I had the baby. (I have a long history of miscariages and told I could not have any more children.)
Well anyway, I had the baby and he is healthy and great. I know feel extreamly angry at her again and want to confront her and tell her how wonderful I really think she is.
I don't know if I should do this or not. I IM'ed her once and she did not respond. I also made sure her entire family new and she did not say a word.
Should I just let this go. I feel like she got away with destroying my life. She has had no real ramifications for doing this except being embaressed and losing face with her family and lost a group of friends. We had a 20 year relationship. She tried to take my life. She is my single white female. (My H allowed her to do this too.)
Maybe I am just hormonal. I had the baby 3 weeks ago.
I too feel that she's had no real consequences for what she's done - she's still living in her little dreamland and not owning her own shit.
I really wish I could ream her out in front of the whole family so that there was no mistake in her eyes how I really felt and she could not play the "victim" to the rest of the family.
Yeah, i would wait. Not to say that you should just "let it go," but 1-wait until you are less hormonal, 2-figure out what, if anything would really satisfy you. Maybe write a letter to figure out what it is you really want to get/want her to get out of it. I did once say a few unkind words to my OW/former BF. It was satisying for a few weeks, but not lasting. Now, when I see her I just make eye contact and say nothing. I may say something again, but it would need to be really worth it and exactly what I want to say and I am still not sure what that is yet. And, yeah, mine wanted to take my life too. she kept telling me and my STBX that we were "the two coolest people she knew." Justwait, he is not nearly so cool when he is not helping at all around the house and sitting in front of the TV. HA, Jokes on her.
[This message edited by tigerlilly at 6:11 PM, April 19th (Saturday)]
I had to be with her at Christmas and it was horrid. She might show up to DS's birthday party tomorrow.
It causing me severe stress.
How was the BDay party? Did you have to see her?
But you know, I was mad at her for not coming - I realized that I would've probably have been mad if she did show up too, but she hasn't seen her niece or nephew since Christmas. I think "how can you do that"???
I almost cried a couple times when I watched my nephews playing with my son and daughter yesterday - they are all so innocent and now DS is asking for cousin again.
I think maybe I should call BIL and try to schedule a playdate.
A's, by nature are selfish acts. "How can she do that?" B/c she is more concerned w/ herself than her or your children. That is how she can do it.
My STBX and his OW broke up 2 families. When I asked me H on the night he decided that he would rather be w/ her, "What about the children?", his response was "Don't I deserve to be happy?" I think that sums it up, don't you?
Tigerlilly, I think we may have the same STBXH!! Mine said, "I think it's time I started thinking about me." Right, as if it hadn't always been all about him.
It's amazing how similar so many of our stories are. The OW in my case was a friend of 15 years. My children called her "Auntie", and we hung out all the time - barbecues, pool parties, poker nights - multiple times a week we were together.
My STBXH also was immediately shoving OW and her kid down my 2 children's throats. DS12 finally had enough outbursts and refusals that I think he realized that he had to cut back on these "group dates" (not sure what else to call them) Can anyone elaborate on the "paramours" clause? I'm thinking I will need something like this. I know he and OW will move in together as soon as it looks like they just recently developed this relationship.
Tigerlilly, the mutual friends thing has been so hard on me. It amazes me that these "friends" do not see OW and STBXH's "friendship" for what it is - an A. Some of them will still talk to me or reply to emails, etc, but it is abundantly clear that they do not want to hear any more of the details or any more accusations about the two of them having an A. Apparently, they've all been convinced that STBXH left the marriage because of me and his unhappiness - not because he was deep in an EA (plus more?) with OW.
[This message edited by woundedby2 at 5:56 PM, April 8th (Tuesday)]
Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson