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User
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Topic: Double Betrayal
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funny story
♀ Member
Member # 16855 |  Posted: 12:43 PM, May 2nd (Friday), 2008 |     |
tore up,
All I can say is it was really good for me. It was closure and I know that has been something you have been looking for for a long time.
Good luck to you and let us know when you've written the letter. At first, I thought if I just posted it here, I would feel better, but inside I knew I would not feel better until I actually sent it.
(me) BW - (33)
WH - (37)
Married: 11 years
Children: DD - 11, DS - 8
D-Day: September 22, 2007
"I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me."
Posts: 2128 | Registered: Nov 2007 |
tore_up
♂ Member
Member # 9171 | | Posted: 5:22 AM, May 8th (Thursday), 2008 | |
Well, A little update on the letter to my mom. There is no time to write the letter like I thought there was going to be. My mom called me saturday and left a message for me to call her and another one later in the day saying that my grandma died and wanted to let me know. I called her back on Sunday morning and we talked for over an hour but it was not the kind of things that i needed to say. She said she will be flying into town in a week so the letter is just not going to happen. She made a point to say that when she is here, that she wants to go out to luch with me. I will look forward to that because that is when I am going to unload on her about all the feelings that I have.
As for the useless brother that I have. I am ready to write him a letter and write him off like no other. I am going to wait until after I have that lunch with my mom before I do anything just yet. I want her take on him and what lies or bull sh*t he might have told her before I write my "kiss my ass" letter to him.
I will let you guys know how it goes. This whole peeing in the family pool thing really does just suck!
Tore_up
Me46bs
her46ww
4 kids
married 26 years!!!
working on 27
24/20 girls
15/14 boys
Grandson!
d-day#1 5/2/04
d-day#2 5/16/05
Posts: 124 | Registered: Dec 2005 |
flipper
♀ Member
Member # 12425 | | Posted: 5:01 PM, May 8th (Thursday), 2008 | |
Hi tore_up,
Sorry to hear about your grandma.
Good Luck with your lunch with your mum. I hope you get some sort of closure after it.
I agree, get all the information from your mum before writing letter to your brother. It really is a freeing feeling when you write the letter and letting them know exactly how you feel.
How are you and wewillbeok getting along?
flipper
Me: 40
FWH: 40
married 17 years - no kids
DD: 14th Oct 2006
DD2: 18th Feb 2007 - Full details disclosed
Both giving our best to R.
Posts: 311 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Australia |
Dreamboat
♀ Member
Member # 10506 | | Posted: 10:42 PM, May 9th (Friday), 2008 | |
Tore up,
I recommend that you at least write out the talking points for your lunch with Mom. That will help you get your thoughts in order and help you stay focused when you do talk with her. It is very easy to go onto a tangent when you are dealing with emotional issues.
I am sorry to hear that yout grandma died ((hugs))
Stay strong!
And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine
Posts: 16401 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: A better place :) |
just_sad
♀ Member
Member # 19237 | | Posted: 2:51 AM, May 13th (Tuesday), 2008 | |
I agree with the advice to make a list and try to stick with it because if you don't get to make all the points on your mind....you will be bummed a the lost chance. You did not say if your grandmother was your mom's mother or your dad's that could make this more difficult if mom is grieving and not emotionally all there. Timing is everything, so feel it out first. BUT have your list ready.
I have been debating whether to send a letter to OW. Tiger lily suggested that I start the letter and don't send it. That was the best advice ever because I have had time to write it little by little and say some things I really want to say. I have edited it and worded it carefully. I think I will send it this week because the OW went to visit my H in his classroom last week. Luckily he told me immediately and he sent her a message saying not to ever come in his room for any reason and he forwarded the message to me and her partner. Good for him. He has cajones after all! 
Tiger Lily and Funny Story, thanks for all your advice and encouragement. I have not been online in awhile, at least to SI because we moved our computer to the living room, since we have two teenage kids and this keeps things a little less private for those exploring the internet, but I can never stay up after the kids do....tired.....the kids are blocked after 10 pm, but I am having a hard time finding time for my own private healing....Since OW went to WH's classroom last week, I know I need to send the letter, after he sent her the NO CONTACT email again....she went crying to a good friend of ours and was boo hooing and saying "it's been almost 2 months, how long do i have to pay for this????" He told her forever! Hooray for him. I am blessed with many good friends.  Anyway, I sent you a private email with the letter, I would love any advice you have. I also haven't decided if I will 1. show my husband, although I have nothing to hide.
2. Send a copy to her partner. I have a feeling her partner knows less than I do. I don't want to do anything to cause her partner any hurt BUT I don't want her to be manipulated either... what do you guys think? Her partner is/was a good friend of mine. My h is also writing her an apology letter. I am glad about that, it is the right thing to do.
Married: 20 years now...
Reconciling and happy about that most of the time. The man I knew is back to being himself!
Follow your heart and you won't get lost. - Brett Dennen
Posts: 265 | Registered: Apr 2008 | From: Far away from home... |
tore_up
♂ Member
Member # 9171 | | Posted: 5:24 AM, May 14th (Wednesday), 2008 | |
Here we go I guess!!!!!!! Mom flew in last night and she got in kinda late and we a baseball game last night so we or I did not go and see her but I am sure I will tonight.The baby shower is this sunday and wewillbeok is really nervous about it. I think she is just going to glue herself to her sisters and try not to be one on one with MIL.
Flipper, thanks for asking. We are doing pretty good right now. We do still talk about what happened but no where close to what it was in the past. when there is a family member involved it is hard not to have talk about it from time to time.
Thank you all for the advise. I have started jotting things down so I can resort to my "notes" when I talk to my mom because like you guys said, I would hate to walk away from lunch that day and say to myself,Damn, I wanted to say this or damn I wanted to say that. I really need to make things right with her. I do know that.
Once again, Thank you all for being here,
Tore_up
Me46bs
her46ww
4 kids
married 26 years!!!
working on 27
24/20 girls
15/14 boys
Grandson!
d-day#1 5/2/04
d-day#2 5/16/05
Posts: 124 | Registered: Dec 2005 |
Dreamboat
♀ Member
Member # 10506 | | Posted: 3:54 PM, May 16th (Friday), 2008 | |
toreUp,
Sending you and wewill positive thoughts this weekend!!
And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine
Posts: 16401 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: A better place :) |
tore_up
♂ Member
Member # 9171 | | Posted: 8:46 AM, May 17th (Saturday), 2008 | |
Thank you Dreamboat, that means alot to me. Knowing that you are thinking of us right now. It is also not the best of days today. It is the day that I told her that I knew about it. Then turn right around and have the shower tommorow. I hope to just get thru this weekend.
Take care all,
Tore_up
Me46bs
her46ww
4 kids
married 26 years!!!
working on 27
24/20 girls
15/14 boys
Grandson!
d-day#1 5/2/04
d-day#2 5/16/05
Posts: 124 | Registered: Dec 2005 |
Skippy
Member
Member # 15387 | | Posted: 2:02 PM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2008 | |
Well, I know it has been a few weeks. I did send an email to OW. It has been almost a year and I just didn't have closure with her.
My friend who also is a therapist gave me some great advice. Make the letter about my X-BF not my husband and her relationship. I did and it was good. I was originally not going to send it because I felt better but my friend who I read it to thought I should. So I did.
I do feel better about it and feel like I have some closure now. I do know she opened it and read it so that was enough for me. 
D-Day 6/1/07
Status: ?
Posts: 88 | Registered: Jul 2007 |
funny story
♀ Member
Member # 16855 | | Posted: 2:36 PM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2008 | |
If it made you feel better, then great for you Skippy.
I know sending the letter made me feel better too.
We have a birthday party for my nephew this weekend, so it should be interesting to see if SIL/OW shows up or not...
...kinda hope she does - I must say that I'm looking HOT these days and I've been anticipating the day when we'd cross paths again.
SIL/OW and BIL did not have birthday parties for their kids this year because she was too embarrassed to be around family. No birthday parties for their kids! One turned three this year and the other turns 2 on Saturday (same day as other nephew who's party we're going to).
And, she never showed for my kids' parties, so the last time I saw her was Christmas. If I don't see her now, it'll probably be on other SIL's wedding day...that will be interesting - we're both standing up for her... 
(me) BW - (33)
WH - (37)
Married: 11 years
Children: DD - 11, DS - 8
D-Day: September 22, 2007
"I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me."
Posts: 2128 | Registered: Nov 2007 |
flipper
♀ Member
Member # 12425 | | Posted: 5:05 PM, May 21st (Wednesday), 2008 | |
tore_up,
How did the weekend go?
flipper
Me: 40
FWH: 40
married 17 years - no kids
DD: 14th Oct 2006
DD2: 18th Feb 2007 - Full details disclosed
Both giving our best to R.
Posts: 311 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Australia |
funny story
♀ Member
Member # 16855 | | Posted: 10:05 PM, May 21st (Wednesday), 2008 | |
yes tore_up, I'd like to know too - I hope it went oK for you and I hope that you had a chance to really talk with your mom...
(me) BW - (33)
WH - (37)
Married: 11 years
Children: DD - 11, DS - 8
D-Day: September 22, 2007
"I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me."
Posts: 2128 | Registered: Nov 2007 |
funny story
♀ Member
Member # 16855 | | Posted: 9:56 AM, May 28th (Wednesday), 2008 | |
Tore_up,
How are you doing friend? I hope your weekend went oK.
Give us an update.
(me) BW - (33)
WH - (37)
Married: 11 years
Children: DD - 11, DS - 8
D-Day: September 22, 2007
"I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me."
Posts: 2128 | Registered: Nov 2007 |
tore_up
♂ Member
Member # 9171 | | Posted: 6:01 AM, May 29th (Thursday), 2008 | |
Thanks for the asking and checking on us. The weekend went, I guess ok. My mom came up to my W and DD and gave the both of them a hug and acted like everything was fine. My W said that it was very uncomfortable but thats expected, considering my mom has not talked to her in three years. My mom told my DD that she cant wait to move back up here so she can go to the kids baseball games and all that good stuff. Well the part about that is, she has been here two weeks now and has not even called me once. I saw her the day after she got here and have not seen or heard from her since.
I am calling her today to try and set something up to go out to dinner so I can vent to her just much I think its crap that she cant even pick up a phone to call her youngest son. I guess she has three other boys and a daughter she can call so I must be last on the list.
Wish me luck and will get back to you about how dinner went. So sorry for the long delay in posting but its a zoo around here. Its baseball season around our house.
Take care everyone,
Tore_up
Me46bs
her46ww
4 kids
married 26 years!!!
working on 27
24/20 girls
15/14 boys
Grandson!
d-day#1 5/2/04
d-day#2 5/16/05
Posts: 124 | Registered: Dec 2005 |
suspiciousmind
♀ Member
Member # 254 | | Posted: 6:11 AM, May 29th (Thursday), 2008 | |
Tore up,
Your mother's mom died. She had funeral arrangements to make, and some grieving to do. She probably needs someone to look after her a while emotionally, especially if your grandmother was sick for a long time and she was the one who witnessed the deterioration.
It can take a lot out of a person.
Posts: 12812 | Registered: Jun 2002 |
funny story
♀ Member
Member # 16855 | | Posted: 12:47 PM, May 30th (Friday), 2008 | |
Sorry people, off subject here, but I am so pissed off at BIL and SIL/OW right now!
She is a selfish, self-involved drama monger and I'm slowly realizing that he has no balls and will continue to "rescue" her from the life she has created for herself.
Pathetic. Just pathetic.
(me) BW - (33)
WH - (37)
Married: 11 years
Children: DD - 11, DS - 8
D-Day: September 22, 2007
"I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me."
Posts: 2128 | Registered: Nov 2007 |
flipper
♀ Member
Member # 12425 | | Posted: 8:11 AM, June 1st (Sunday), 2008 | |
Tore_up,
Thanks for the update.
How did the rest of the visit go?
I hope you got to speak to your mum about things.
flipper
Me: 40
FWH: 40
married 17 years - no kids
DD: 14th Oct 2006
DD2: 18th Feb 2007 - Full details disclosed
Both giving our best to R.
Posts: 311 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Australia |
tore_up
♂ Member
Member # 9171 | | Posted: 6:14 PM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2008 | |
Thats it! I am fucking done! I will never try and contact any one of my family members ever again. I have one brother that I will talk with and other than that, the rest of them can just flat out kiss my ass!
My DD had her baby last friday morning. She was about a month early but the both of them are doing great. She had a little boy. 4lbs. 14oz. I was not even going to call my mom about him but DD said she would. My mom came to the hospital friday night and here it is late tuesday and have not got one fucking phone call to see how the two of them are doing. I found out that my aunt is in town from michigan thru my one and only brother that I talk to. Has anyone called to let me know this, Nope! I just got off the phone with my brother and told him I was done. I just dont give a fuck anymore. They can have it all! I can no longer sit here and wait for them to call and god knows that I am wore out on being the one to call them everytime.
The family pool is now closed and I am getting the fuck out for the last time!
Looks like the only REAL family I have is the ones I have had a hand in.
You all take care,
Tore_up
Me46bs
her46ww
4 kids
married 26 years!!!
working on 27
24/20 girls
15/14 boys
Grandson!
d-day#1 5/2/04
d-day#2 5/16/05
Posts: 124 | Registered: Dec 2005 |
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522 | | Posted: 6:47 PM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2008 | |
(((Tore_up)))
First, and most importantly -- Congratulations on the arrival of DDs baby!  I'm glad to hear that DD and baby are doing well.
Second -- What a bunch of ingrates your family is! Dumbasses... Their loss...
Finally -- You go and smother DD and baby with love and attention. Forget about those losers.
Me: BS
2 kids: DD14 and DS17
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010
Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson
Posts: 7218 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal |
flipper
♀ Member
Member # 12425 | | Posted: 1:03 AM, June 4th (Wednesday), 2008 | |
Tore_up
Congratulations on becoming a grandfather !!!
You've done all you can with the rest of the family. Just let them go and miss out on being a part of your life. I know it hurts but in the long run it will be their loss and not yours.
Go and enjoy the new bundle of joy which has been added to your family.
flipper
Me: 40
FWH: 40
married 17 years - no kids
DD: 14th Oct 2006
DD2: 18th Feb 2007 - Full details disclosed
Both giving our best to R.
Posts: 311 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Australia |
| Topic Posts: 980 | |
