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Newest Member: Turtles (43206)

I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Double Betrayal
funny story
♀ Member
Member # 16855
Default  Posted: 10:13 PM, June 4th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((tore_up))

Congratulations grandpa!!!

And as for your family - really, it's their loss.

Love your DD and that new precious baby and surround yourself with their love. You deserve it!

Take care,

FS


(me) BW - (33)
WH - (37)
Married: 11 years
Children: DD - 11, DS - 8
D-Day: September 22, 2007

"I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me."


Posts: 2128 | Registered: Nov 2007
Dreamboat
♀ Member
Member # 10506
Default  Posted: 11:57 PM, June 4th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((tore up & wewill beOK))

Congrats on the new addition to your family!!! Babies always make life better

I am sorry that tore_up's mother and family are soo screwed up and don;t seem to care about this baby or DD. They make their own path in their lives and they will miss out knowing this beautiful new being in your family. So be it.

Take good care of each other and your family!!


And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine

Posts: 17280 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: A better place :)
tore_up
♂ Member
Member # 9171
Default  Posted: 5:36 AM, June 5th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you guys for being there and your words of wisdom. I really dont mean to unload all my crap on you but I really have nowhere else to do that. I held my grandson this mornign and it brought a tear to my eyes to think that they are going to miss this. But you know what, like you all said, Their loss not mine. I asked my DD this morning if she minded what I told them and she just said, Dad dont worry about it. You did everything you could. It meant alot to me. Kinda like, I got your back. More than I can say about some others that I know.

I really do feel better today than I have in quite some time. I am no longer going to get all worked up wondering about weather they are going to call me or try to stop by.

We move on from here without them. Kinda sucks but life does that sometimes.

Once again, thank you all from the bottom of heart.

Take care,
Tore_up

P.S. Funnystory, I see congrats go out to you and your hubby on a good day on sunday. Hope that continues for the two of you. I guess you just need to get rid of the kids a little more often!


Me46bs
her46ww
4 kids
married 26 years!!!
working on 27
24/20 girls
15/14 boys
Grandson!
d-day#1 5/2/04
d-day#2 5/16/05


Posts: 124 | Registered: Dec 2005
tore_up
♂ Member
Member # 9171
Default  Posted: 5:17 AM, June 12th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just a little update on my family situation. I got the chance to sit down and talk to my mom tuesday night. I tokd her EVERYTHING! Told her how it started, how I went about trying to hide it from SIL for 2 1/2 months, told her how the dumbass has not told me once that he was sorry. You name it, I told it. I did almost all the talking and she listened. It was like a huge boulder taken off my back. There were times where she would say, "I didnt know" and I would say to that, I know because we have never talked about it. Well, it is out there now and it feels so much better. She didnt know that my WW had sent an Im sorry letter to SIL and she didnt know about the letter to my brother that I had sent. I gave har copies of both so she could read them again when she has time. We both left that night feeling so much better. I think she a new look at my WW and a really new look at the asshole brother that cant even call his brother and say I screwed up and for that I am sorry.

It was a great night!

take care everyone,
Tore_up


Me46bs
her46ww
4 kids
married 26 years!!!
working on 27
24/20 girls
15/14 boys
Grandson!
d-day#1 5/2/04
d-day#2 5/16/05


Posts: 124 | Registered: Dec 2005
3rdTimesACharm
♂ New Member
Member # 19854
Default  Posted: 4:50 PM, June 12th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello. I'm a new member to the "club". My GF of 3 years decided that a mutual friend who was having relationship problems needed some of her ... "attention".

My heart is killing me, and my story is in the "Just Found Out..." thread.

:(


Posts: 16 | Registered: Jun 2008
funny story
♀ Member
Member # 16855
Default  Posted: 5:27 PM, June 12th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

welcome 3tac

((hugs to you))

Not a fun group to be in, but we're here for support whenever you need us.


(me) BW - (33)
WH - (37)
Married: 11 years
Children: DD - 11, DS - 8
D-Day: September 22, 2007

"I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me."


Posts: 2128 | Registered: Nov 2007
funny story
♀ Member
Member # 16855
Default  Posted: 5:28 PM, June 12th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

tore_up:

GOOD ON YA!!!!

I'm glad you were able to get all of that off your chest and that you FINALLY know that your mother has YOUR side of the story as well.

I hope that this is a new chapter for the two of you. If not, you've done all you can, but I can literally hear the relief in your message.


(me) BW - (33)
WH - (37)
Married: 11 years
Children: DD - 11, DS - 8
D-Day: September 22, 2007

"I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me."


Posts: 2128 | Registered: Nov 2007
flipper
♀ Member
Member # 12425
Default  Posted: 5:55 PM, June 12th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((tore_up))

That's great news!!

Hopefully this is now the beginning of a better relationship with her for you and wewillbeok.


Me: 40
FWH: 40
married 17 years - no kids
DD: 14th Oct 2006
DD2: 18th Feb 2007 - Full details disclosed

Both giving our best to R.


Posts: 311 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Australia
flipper
♀ Member
Member # 12425
Default  Posted: 6:05 PM, June 12th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

3rdTimesACharm,

I'm so sorry you find yourself in this position.

The double betrayal aspect is unbelievably hard to work through.

The wonderful people of SI will be here to help you through. If you need to vent or have any questions just ask.

Is your GF still seeing your friend? Is he single or in a relationship?

I know you are hurting now but please take care of yourself. Get some real food, sleep and exercise. I know you don't feel like doing it but you do need to look after yourself.

Take Care

flipper


Me: 40
FWH: 40
married 17 years - no kids
DD: 14th Oct 2006
DD2: 18th Feb 2007 - Full details disclosed

Both giving our best to R.


Posts: 311 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Australia
brknsoul
♀ Member
Member # 19522
Default  Posted: 6:24 PM, June 12th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My FWH had EA/PA with his employee, a friend of mine who I had helped many many times and helped her get her job there.

I asked him if they ever talked about how shitty that was of both of them and he said "no". They were all up in the A and didn't even think about how doubly shitty it was.

I asked him didn't he think less of her for doing me that way, and he said "no" that she was just doing the same thing he was.

Are there heads really that far up their asses?


brknsoulBS(me) 54
FWH 45
2nd M both; 4 adult kids
Dday(s) 4/23/07;6/4/07; 6/14/07; 11/07;12/07 (trickle truth)
More info 4/08 (hopefully all)
Separated 4/15/08
Trying to R in MC/IC

Posts: 119 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Deep South
puddin
♀ New Member
Member # 19855
Frustrated  Posted: 6:56 PM, June 12th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I guess i need to put myself in this forum too.
My story is in "just found out".
The players are my 50 yr old husband of 18 yrs and the wife of my son, she is 21. My husband raised my son from the age of 10.
They were living with us after returning from Kenya, where he met and married her. It was a "safe" place for them and their 15 month old baby. As i reveled in the joy of grammahood, he reveled in the joy of exotic Kenyan women. My son and i are devestated. They (my son, wife, and baby)are moving far away tomorrow. So i'm losing my son and precious grandbaby and she is losing me and her beloved grandfather because her "BoBo" couldn't keep off of her mother.
In 18 years i NEVER saw a single clue that he was capable of such horrific behavior.

Posts: 19 | Registered: Jun 2008
flipper
♀ Member
Member # 12425
Default  Posted: 7:02 PM, June 12th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

brknsoul,

The simple truth is that they didn't think of us during their A's.

They only cared about themselves.

I asked my H the same question and he said they only spoke of it once and they knew the pain and devastation it would cause but then didn't worry about it because they knew they would never be caught.

Well, they were caught and we now have to deal with this freakin mess.

flipper


Me: 40
FWH: 40
married 17 years - no kids
DD: 14th Oct 2006
DD2: 18th Feb 2007 - Full details disclosed

Both giving our best to R.


Posts: 311 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Australia
flipper
♀ Member
Member # 12425
Default  Posted: 7:14 PM, June 12th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

puddin,

I'm so sorry for your pain.

It rips your heart out when you have to try and deal with the infidelity on top of your family being ripped apart.

The one piece of advice I can give is for you and your son to keep your relationship strong. My H had an affair with my brothers W while they were living in our home. Thankfully my brother and I have managed to not let this tear us apart as well.

This kind of betrayal does make reconciling very difficult as you constantly ask yourself how can I get past not only what he did to me but also what he did to my family.

Sending you huge hugs and lots of strength.

flipper


Me: 40
FWH: 40
married 17 years - no kids
DD: 14th Oct 2006
DD2: 18th Feb 2007 - Full details disclosed

Both giving our best to R.


Posts: 311 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Australia
funny story
♀ Member
Member # 16855
Default  Posted: 10:43 AM, June 13th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with flipper...try to keep the communication open with your son as much as you can.

A double betrayal becomes even worse when the two BS's can't even talk anymore. That's how it is in my case and it sucks.

How far away are they moving?


(me) BW - (33)
WH - (37)
Married: 11 years
Children: DD - 11, DS - 8
D-Day: September 22, 2007

"I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me."


Posts: 2128 | Registered: Nov 2007
3rdTimesACharm
♂ New Member
Member # 19854
Default  Posted: 8:21 AM, June 14th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks, Flipper. I'm having a hard time taking care of myself, though. I work seven days a week, and the last day I had off was labor day, on the 26th. Today is day 19. The last time I had a decent meal was last Monday. I haven't slept more than four hours at a time, and this morning I started throwing up.

I'm falling apart. I work all the time and am on different shifts than my roommates. I don't see them, they haven't seen me.

I haven't shaved in a week. I look digusting. I can admit to this here, but once I leave the safety of my keyboard, I lose whatever hope I have, everything.

I'm tired and cannot sleep. I feel like I'm slowly dying.


Posts: 16 | Registered: Jun 2008
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 8:37 PM, June 14th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome, brknsoul, puddin, and 3rdTimesaCharm. (((big hugs))).

The double betrayal is so hard. As if it's not bad enough to be betrayed by your spouse or SO, to have them involved with our friends or family members just makes it exponentially worse.

I know you new ones are hurting so. I've read 2 of your stories in JFO. SI is the greatest place. I can't tell you how many nights I have sat up asking for help and support. Just knowing that there is always someone out there who understands means so much.

Please take care of yourselves. Eat. Please. You must eat something. Also try to get some sleep. Do small things for yourself. Take a bath or a nap. Read a book. Go to a movie. Call a friend. Lean on us here. We care.


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7633 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
family&friend
♀ New Member
Member # 20122
Default  Posted: 10:44 PM, July 5th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I guess I can join this group also. My H was doing my neice(that was also my best friend).
My H is blaming me for his stupid ass. He has been pissy all day because I'm not following his nasty ass around. My full story on just found out

Posts: 7 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Kentucky
tigerlilly
♀ Member
Member # 18913
Default  Posted: 9:00 PM, July 6th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just wanting to let all of you new ones know that I am thinking of you. What horrible pain. You are in my thoughts.


M -18 yrs. S16 S13
DDay 12/18/06, divorced.
OW (former) friend and neighbor
"The problem is not moving mountains, but digging the ground that you're on." Jakob Dylan

Posts: 358 | Registered: Mar 2008
funny story
♀ Member
Member # 16855
Default  Posted: 10:36 PM, July 6th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

having a really bad night here....want to go over and rip SIL/OW a new arse...even drove by their house tonight...

what was I thinking?

It's been so long since I've been over there (where the A was outed - they were caught in the act), but for some reason I was pulled over there...

It sucks they live in the same town. We can't move. They aren't going anywhere. We are forever tied by family. I HATE this. I just wish she would fuck off and get lost.


(me) BW - (33)
WH - (37)
Married: 11 years
Children: DD - 11, DS - 8
D-Day: September 22, 2007

"I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me."


Posts: 2128 | Registered: Nov 2007
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 10:57 PM, July 6th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((funnystory)))

Seriously, could our WSs have made things any more of a huge Jerry Springer Show mess for us?

I live about 1 mile from OW and our kids go to the same school. I have so far resisted the temptation to do drive-bys of her house. On some level I think I'm afraid of what I might be capable of doing.

I saw OW on the way home from work recently. Very unpleasant. Just seeing her car made me triggery. I didn't so much as glance her way though.

My sitch is hard enough with OW being a (former) friend who was like a sister. And I am D'ing my WH. How difficult it must be for you all who have this in your families! Like you, I do wish she (and he) would just vanish off the face of the earth. We can dream, can't we?

F&F,
I'm glad you found your way to this forum. Keep reading and posting. (((hugs)))


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7633 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
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