Not much to report ... I started school on this last Tuesday ... all oreintation stuff ... this coming Monday will be 1st day of real class ...
I posted in O/T about my new study nest
anyway I also just posted in D/S about getting a lawyer ... very scary ...
hope ya'll are doing well ...
First, let me tell you that you are already stronger and more insightful than you realize. I have added something you said to the Quote thread in F&G
Now onto you most pressing issues - your pain and empathy for WS. You will never really know what happened completely. You cannot trust what either your WS or your BFF say because they are both trying to avoid shame and guilt and minimize what happened. One thing you can do is investigate -- go online and look at the details of the past 18 months of phone records and credit cards and bank statements. If you feel particularly obssess, make a calendar and fillit out with events that you know happened (like visiting family on xx date, vacation at beach xx date, child's school play on xx date,...) and then start to fill in things that you find from your "forensic accounting". Compare notes with the other BS (assuming he is willing). Hack into facebook and email and whatever other means they may have used to communicate. Then at least you will have a fuller picture for yourself.
As far as being confused because he is interested again, it is very possible that he was never NOT interested in you. He thought he could have you and his dirty little secret all at the same time. He never thought you would find out. He never thought that you would be so upset that he would have to leave. (My x, who eventually M his whore cousin, still comes sniffing around me! ) You will hear this again and again -- the A was not about you, it was about him getting a little thrill. That is all it was, a little thrill. And he threw away his entire family because he wanted a little thrill. Asshole!
You are still curious about what he is doing and still concerned about him because you cannot just flip a switch and stop loving him. Has much as you would like to, as much as you may hate him sometimes, you did love him and trust him completely not very long ago. You have been hit by a truck and you are still in shock.
As you said, stay strong your for DD. Get thru every day anyway you can.
I am sure it is hard to see your friend and not immeidately think of her sister, even before dday because their lives are intertwined in the same family. And then you are immediately reminded of the A and that clouds your enjoyment of your friend. And even if your friend is very supportive of you, she probably has mixed feelings because her natural instinct is to help her sister.
Perhaps you should have a long talk with your BFF and explain the mixed emotions that you feel when you see her. While acknowledging that it is not her fault, perhaps you should take a "breather" from your friendship for a few months. Or at least not see each other as often as you used to.
As you are finding out, and A changes EVERYTHING. And then your WS has an A with a friend or family member it makes everything weird.
I wish you luck and don't have more time to post, have to get to work, but I feel your pain and I'm so sorry.
well I watched the show with stbx in it ... and it was good ... natgeo did a great job on the show ... even tho they kinda just showed one side of the prison system perspective ...
and stbx was all over the show ... however only 1-2 scenes were with his face ... the rest were him dressed out in riot gear going in to get an unruly inmate ...
doesn't matter I knew who he was ...
and I did not trigger like I thought I would ... and I have it saved on my DVR ... and have only watched it once ... the night it aired ... thought I would be watching it everyday ... but I don't ...
so that is it ... things are still moving along ... the meadiation is set for May 13th ... I will appear by phone/fax ... last time I talked to stbx he asked if I would be coming to CO for the meadiation ??? and where I would be staying if I was ???
WTF ??? no I told him I will be by phone ...
no other news school is good and I am almost done with the first trimester ... 2nd one starts May 3rd ...
[This message edited by betrayed_one at 3:52 PM, April 30th (Friday)]
EVERYONE my WS had relations with were friends, two of which were my best girlfriends, one of which was my roommate as well to whom I was very close.
I honestly wish he'd have gotten involved with someone who I DIDN'T know so I could have just easily cut them out of my life without so much extra pain on my behalf. It literally crushed my support structure and pretty much negated my social circle.
In these dreams--I've had 3 now over the past few weeks--I discover FWH in a compromising position with one of my friends. 3 different friends! 1 he has never even met and I haven't seen since college 20 years ago.
The dreams are so realistic that I wake up with my heart pounding like crazy and feeling the worst kind of panic. I can't figure out why this is happening right now. Has anyone else ever had anything like this happen?
Add me to the list of the double betrayal! My DH has been embroiled in an EA with my now former very good friend who lives about 6 blocks from our home.
It's such a long story that I wouldn't even know where to begin so I'll just go with the condensed version!
I became ill in 2004 and was diagnosed with a rare incurable disease which has led to devastating consequences. Although it is treatable my life and health will never be what it was.
I've known the OW for many, many years. We met and became friends because our two oldest children went to school together and were friends. We also worked in the same DR.'s clinic together for the same doc. We used to do alot together and were close, bbq's etc. She is divorced and had 3 kids.
In any case it became can your dh stop by and help me with "x" and I'd say sure being the sweet thing that I am. From there she was constantly calling for help with this or that! I got fed up and put my foot down said no more. Well it then led to her calling him directly on his cell phone. I found out while I was in the hospital that they apent a great deal of time together.
So I went to her and asked her to stop calling my H for help and that led to her calling him wahhhh, and a big fight between him and I. I then terminated the friendship with her but it didn't stop them from the "friendship" they were having. I again contacted her via letter asking her to stop the EA and again it did no good!
It has been going on for 3 years now. I confronted H and told him that I was not comfortable with all the time he spends with her etc. and thought it had ended but actually found they had gone underground and gotten very sneaky. Our kids know, I have been approached by other neighbors and friends who've seen them out and about together. I know that they talk quite a bit on the phone. Her calling him, him calling her even when he is out of town on business. Long conversations. Funny when we talk he never has much to say to me. He says this is only a friend and he'd be proud if I had such a friend, of the opposite sex. yeah right. Idiot. I spoke with WS father the other day and asked his honest opinion which was not a favorable one for him.
This past week I finally said I have had enough either it ends or we end,period. I am dead serious and have now made preparations for where I will be going to stay and be able to live etc. Obtain my meds and everything else because it is so damn complicated!
Thanks for hearing me out! EA's suck!!!!!!!!!!!!
Please take care of yourself.
Sending you hugs and good energy from beautiful Atlantic Canada.
Double betrayal is so hard because it makes you question everyone and everything and makes it so hard to feel safe.
How are you doing? How are things going?