SM 10 yrs. older than H and me. Known her for 22...married to FIL for 21. Been married to WS for 30! OW intimately involved in our lives and "was" godparent to kids...daughter 12, son 7. they do not know, although daughter has some memories of DDay 6 years ago...tragic story, really. WS basically closed up and turned away after FIL passed...grief therapy in form of EA/PA right in front of my sleep-deprived nose...my son was a newborn...I was 43..older mom.
Separated, back together, separated, back together...therapy, pastoral counseling...put my heart on the table, reached out to SM, lots of remorse, but H just stayed distant and closed and now just lives in a coparenting fantasy life. I was willing to do anything to make it work....H gave lip service, but no action...good father, but neither employed...quit my career to raise kids. After 3 years, yes, better, more focus, but very difficult...divorce papers filed finally last month then i had a medical emergency, holidays, busy with active bright fun children. Talk with H everyday, tag team parenting, holidays together...coexisting with lots of history and love, but H heart is closed....pretty painful...can't run away...try to manage the pain and focus on good. Very difficult to look at divorce folder and do anything...i find that i truly only trust my kids, siblings and parents who know not. Lost my inlaw family...H family embraces him (they ALL know), care about me, but i am not in their lives anymore after 25 years of intimate connection. MIL sends presents and sometimes calls and has spent time with H as "grandma"...i have asked many times that i be the filter for contact with my kids, but time passes and then a situation arises...it all brings up panic, flashback kind of stuff..i really just need to call the shots and basically have MIL out of my radar. i struggle with making any kind of committment to anything except my kids lives. nuff for now...too much? double-edged serated knife, double twist, yes...phew...never again! thanks for listening:-)
..yes, very sad how much of our lives is affected and changed for the worse due to the affair..
..like you said..'lots of history and love'..tough to just walk away from it all, and especially with young kids in the mix!
..wishing you health and as much happiness as is humanly possible under these circumstances for the new year 2011..
Will I go to hell for not forgiving my SIL and ex bff for attempting to and coming close to stealing my husband?? It's not even so much that she tried to steal him--he's amazing--I'm not surprised she fell for him...but it's the betrayal, the lies, the looking into my face and acting like she was helping and listening and wanted what was best for me. I can't stop rethinking it all over and over.
God...do I know ALL ABOUT THIS.
The mind movies will be enough to drive you up and down the walls. If they persist to the point of making it difficult for you to sleep, or becoming so distracted you feel like you're losing your mind...PLEASE get yourself to a doctor that will prescribe some medication to assist you while you navigate your way through this total MESS.
My God...if I had to see her again...I seriously don't know what I would do. i don't know HOW you manage it. Kudos.
Take very good care of yourself.
OM is at every social function we have. He does not cause any trouble but I really do not feel I should give up my friends and family because of WWís stupidity. Has anyone else ever had to face this type of situation and how did you deal with it?
Who can face a person almost daily and smile and ask for "advice", or "help" planning events, fund-raising, while she sleeps with your husband.
I don't get it- its a extremely selfish sick thing to do.
Have yet to ever trust anyone again- and will not ever trust my WS. I was stupid enough to believe him for two years that it was just an EA, the D-DAY two years later-- he had to relieve himself of the guilt- and tell me my worst nightmare.
Ive been trying for four years to build a 20+ year marriage back up-- dont know anymore if I really can..
My 26 yr. old son called me before 6am and said that him and his wife, age 25, had to talk to me. When they arrived, my son said his wife had something to tell me. I was not prepared for what come out of her mouth. She stated that my husband (of 34 yrs, will be 35 in Sept). Had been seeing each other for about a month. She said that they had not had sex, just kissing. I felt as if I had left the earth and my mind could not wrap around what I had been told. No this cant be! This is some Jerry Springer SH#T. This is not something that would happen in my family.
Iím CRAZY in LOVE with this man! My husband and I were so close ( at least I thought we were), we did everything together. On Saturdays we drank coffee at the barn on the swing that he made for me. Just the week before we were talking about how awesome it was to have a wonderful marriage and not worry about the other one cheating. He lied! He was seeing my BEAUTIFUL daughter in law! I love her so much, she is like a daughter to me. I cant and will not stop loving her, but Iím VERY hurt by what they allowed to happen.
My heart hurts so bad for our son. His marriage was rocky before it even
started. I cant even imagine what he is feeling. His own father betrayed him.
Who does he have to talk to about what has happened? Iím sure he wish things were different so he could go to his Dad at the lowest time of his life.
He cant because his own father caused the pain in his heart. Our son feels as if his dad used his 2 child to get to his wife, Of course my husband said NO. Iím having a really hard time with the fact that my husband has hurt our son. This is my baby, my youngest and only son. I want to protect him from the evils of this world, but how do you do that when its your own husband, and his father that has caused this evil?
Our oldest child, our daughter age 31, is a single mother of 2 beautiful daughters. She is so embarrassed by what has happened that at this time she has nothing to say to her father. She has always been a Daddyís girl. She is so disgusted by what he has done. She feels like she has be abandoned, if her father would hurt her brother than would he be there for her if she needed him?
When my husband came home, he told me how sorry he was and he just donít know what happen. He cried like a baby. He said they only kissed 3 or 4 times. I asked him if they French-kissed and he said yes. He is an AWESOME kisser, very passionate. To me that was as bad as having sex! He said that it started with friendly texting. Which I thought was great because I tried to have a friendship with my father in law and he hated me.
I told him that he had to be interested in her to keep going to our sons home to see her. He would text me and say he was bringing them candy he had bought at work. He brought me the same candy and I thought I was going to have a break down.
I feel so hurt on every level, as a mother, my husband hurt my son by being with his wife, as a woman because he was interested in a younger women, (Iím 51 yrs. old, husband 53 and daughter in law 25) and as a wife, he cheated and lied. My family was my world. Everything I did was for them.
I feel as if Iím living in a nightmare and cant wake up! I would have left the night he told me but my car is broke down. Husband is going to fix it this week end. Iíve been married to this man since I was 16. All I ever wanted to be was a wife and mother. Where do I go from here? Iíve tried to make arrangements to go stay with my parents in another state., but OMG, I donít want to live with them! Iím even trying to buy a mobile home, in the same state as my parents, to live in. My younger sister will be my roomy.
When I told my husband that I wanted to get my own place for awhile,
He said he was going to let the house we bought just go back to the bank.
I know he means it but I also feel it is a way to try to make me stay. Almost like he wants to use this to MAKE me stay. I told him Iím not sure if I will divorce him or not.
I love this man so much and I tried to show him daily. I would set his uniform, long johns and socks on the chair in our bedroom for the next morning. Set his pajamasí, slippers and towels out in the bathroom. His Supper was cooked when he got home from work. I even made his coffee and gave him his medication in the morning before he left for work. I would even have sex with him when I wasnít in the mood, not because I had to but because I love him so much I would do anything to make him happy. He is a very mannerly man, please, thank you and your welcome is very common in our home. He would also do things for me. It wasnít a one sided marriage. He would bring me coffee in bed, love notes written on paper towels and picked flowers from my flower beds. I thought we had the perfect life and future.
Yet I know now that everything I thought is and was an elusion. When will the fog of this be lifted?
I just want to say that you WILL survive this, and your son will too. Hang in there. Come here and tell us how you are. Try to see a counselor for yourself, and try to get your son to see one as well. This level of betrayal is just horrific.
I wish you the best and send you many, many hugs.
it is just that for all of us here suffering from a double betrayal..
there is no other way to describe it..