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I Can Relate Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Cyber/Online Cheating
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 2:28 PM, December 30th (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Didn't I say 'Off to the races', again? Yup!

WH has been sending me a "loving e-mail" every morning from his free aol acct.

Ironically, he has *BLOCKED* me on AIM...paranoia, I guess, or ??
& he DENIES IT!


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
Steve_131
♂ Member
Member # 17322
Default  Posted: 7:53 AM, December 31st (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wanted to say a public THANK YOU to Fallen for sharing her wonderful insight with me via PM - youo are a beautfil person.


Me- BS 50

"It's what you do right now that makes a difference."


Posts: 604 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Better and better every day
STICKMAN
♂ New Member
Member # 17556
Default  Posted: 1:59 PM, December 31st (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just checked into the heartbrake hotel. My wife broke my trust after 17 years. A guy that she had dated 20 years ago tracked her down by e mail. Although he is married with children, he started flirting with my wife. She could not resist his compliments.


BS (Me) 40
WS 37
Dday#1 03/05/07
Dday#2 12/21/07

Posts: 7 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: CA.
Fallen
♀ Member
Member # 4313
Default  Posted: 2:30 PM, December 31st (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome, Stickman. Please don't blame yourself for what your wife has done. It is not your fault, and she didn't cheat because of something you did or didn't do. That choice was hers- and it is an indication of something wrong within her that she made that choice.


You can't heal what you won't feel.

"There would be no grand absolution, only forgiveness meted out in these precious sips. It would well up from his heart in spoonfuls, and he would feed it to me. And it would be enough."


Posts: 23475 | Registered: May 2004
Fallen
♀ Member
Member # 4313
Default  Posted: 2:31 PM, December 31st (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Steve, you're welcome. Just trying to pay it forward.


You can't heal what you won't feel.

"There would be no grand absolution, only forgiveness meted out in these precious sips. It would well up from his heart in spoonfuls, and he would feed it to me. And it would be enough."


Posts: 23475 | Registered: May 2004
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 8:35 PM, December 31st (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
unarmbears
♀ Member
Member # 7480
Default  Posted: 1:01 PM, January 3rd (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The thing I like best about this section of I Can Relate is the real sharing of BS and FWS in trying to understand the convoluted mind of the "interneted fog."

Hats off to Fallen, Inchy and all the other FWS that venture in here and lend a helping hand!


FBS-Me, 60
FWH-Him, 55
2 Sons 25 and 30
2 Daughters 28, 24 And 3 darling grandchildren!
"Love is an impulsive act, it's free. It's the story we tell about it afterward that's our poverty." Byron Katie

Posts: 4886 | Registered: Jun 2005 | From: From where the trees lean east...
sydney03842
♀ New Member
Member # 17594
Default  Posted: 6:36 PM, January 3rd (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

thank you for this thread - I can relate - and I am just devastated with the constant Bullshit my husband has put me through with the online crap - when I asked him how he would feel if it was me chatting this way with people - he said bullshit, he would be beside himself, but yet it continues with him - and i can't tolerate it - any thoughts?

Posts: 11 | Registered: Jan 2008
Fallen
♀ Member
Member # 4313
Default  Posted: 7:18 PM, January 4th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think sometimes the disconnect I felt from reality while talking to the OP online allowed me to think of it as more innocent than it was. As long as it was "just chatting" it wasn't real, and therefore not really cheating.

Of course we all know that's not true. I wonder if your H sees the EA/online stuff as a substitute for porn and so he doesn't attach real meaning to it.

Real or not, it still hurts you, and he cannot continue and consider himself faithful.

(((sydney)))


You can't heal what you won't feel.

"There would be no grand absolution, only forgiveness meted out in these precious sips. It would well up from his heart in spoonfuls, and he would feed it to me. And it would be enough."


Posts: 23475 | Registered: May 2004
HeartOfGlass
♀ Member
Member # 17626
Default  Posted: 9:15 PM, January 4th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is me too. E/A began right under my damn nose in an online game. I'd played them for yrs, but he fell for a sob story of the oldest sort (unhappy married woman.. so lonely.. ) while I was recovering from major surgery, they were exchanging love vows. Eventually he even convinced me to PAY for her to fly to visit our town, for "a mutual friends" birthday. In reality, it was just for "them" to confirm what they already "knew" in their "hearts". No one bothered to tell ME this, I found a log myself. He swore no P/A & I do believe that, BUT- counselor said separate, we did, and immediately his A went P/A. I was destroyed, strung along for MONTHS with false R's, blameshifting, gaslighting. Finally it was OWH who told me. Seems she'd filed for D to be with MY WS. Wonderful..

Suddenly, of course, my WS says he "fell out of love with me" - just DAYS after resumed A with OW.. I am very, very jaded. The depths to which they went underground make me ill. Him being a tech person, made it all the easier, although I am too- I just never bothered learning SNEAKY things as he did. Makes it ever tougher now though to confirm any truths from him period. Distance does too. *sigh* Just sucks.


BSO (me) 32 WSO (him) 27
4 Ddays False R #3 (final) Jan 1/07
Engaged/togthr 7 yrs. MOW D'ing BH for my WSO. I'm movin' on & glad of it!

Posts: 407 | Registered: Jan 2008 | From: Midwest
lonelylady
New Member
Member # 17705
Default  Posted: 3:23 PM, January 9th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

my Husband had numerous online affairs starting about 8 months ago, he met up with 3 different women and had unprotected sex with one of them, I found out a few weeks ago when he told me he was going away with work and went to meet women number 3. He says he is guilt ridden, i don't know what to do?

Posts: 11 | Registered: Jan 2008
sunsmile
New Member
Member # 17600
Default  Posted: 2:14 PM, January 12th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am fairly new to this, and posted my story on in the just found out area. To make a long story short. We had an incident that started on line and progressed to a PA 7 or 8 years ago. Well recently I caught him at it again, only this time I cannot find any evidence that it was more than being involved in computer sites such as LAVALIFE and MATCH.com. Last time I knew before I knew. This time I do not have the feeling he has been involved in a PA (of course it is possible). Regardless I see even the non PA as a huge problem. My husband keeps saying "yes it was wrong, BUT I didn't DO anything. I know we need help, is it even worth getting IC if he doesn't "GET IT". He is willing to do whatever I want, but I just don't know what to do. I am lost.
Should I keep digging into finding out what exactly he has been doing just online vs something more? How do I find this stuff out. I am not the most computer savy person going.

Posts: 3 | Registered: Jan 2008
Listeningclosely
♂ Member
Member # 16472
Default  Posted: 12:49 AM, January 15th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sunsmile - an online EA is every bit as damaging as a PA. Your intuition from that standpoint is dead on.

At first I didn't see it coming - fooled myself into thinking it was "just chatting with someone willing to hear me out". But for whatever reason, the intensity grows exponentially online and before you know it, you're involved in something you never thought you would do before.

IC is, IMHO, always beneficial. Whatever the deficiencies are that cause bad behavior have to be identified and addressed. It took me far longer than I had hoped to get to the core of what needed to be fixed within me, but without IC I don't think I ever would have gotten there.

The easiest way for you to figure out what's going on would be to use a keylogger to track activity. There are many out there - you can use sites like cnet.com to read reviews and determine which resource is best for you.

I wish you luck in figuring out what the truth is.


BW(her)- 45, FWH (me) 48
4 month Online EA
M 23 years, together for 28
4 Daughters - 21, 18, 14 and 12
d-day 6/2/07, in R
FORGIVENESS 1/1/2008!!!
"Action expresses priorities." -
Mohandas Gandhi

Posts: 4454 | Registered: Oct 2007 | From: One Particular Harbour
Aurora
♀ New Member
Member # 17726
Default  Posted: 6:43 PM, January 16th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A question about emails: Is it OK to check the WS's email? Do I tell WS that's how I found out details of the A (that and reading his journal)


What comes around, goes around.

Posts: 30 | Registered: Jan 2008 | From: california
2yrsinthedark
♀ Member
Member # 16278
Default  Posted: 9:09 PM, January 16th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Aurora, once a spouse cheats, he loses all rights to privacy. IMHO. Honestly even before A, I dont know why a husband and wife would not be able to read each others emails.
This is my first post here by the way. Hello everyone.


"Trust but verify"

Me-44 BS
Him-44 WS
Married 18 yrs
Dday 8/25/07
two yr EA (maybe longer, maybe w/ more than one)
4 Kids 15,13,8,8


Posts: 378 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: TX
2yrsinthedark
♀ Member
Member # 16278
Default  Posted: 8:28 PM, January 17th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi guys, me again. I was wondering, since Im new here, if some of you can post some of your stories. Im sorry we are here, but good to know thier are others to talk too about this. Or maybe pm w/ them. Mine is on my profile.
thanks


"Trust but verify"

Me-44 BS
Him-44 WS
Married 18 yrs
Dday 8/25/07
two yr EA (maybe longer, maybe w/ more than one)
4 Kids 15,13,8,8


Posts: 378 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: TX
bayview
♀ Member
Member # 17057
Default  Posted: 8:02 PM, January 18th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hello-2yrsin the dark-
my h started an online affair last december-
then we had a new thriving business and he had a 2 million dollar life insurance policy-
now 1 year later-
we have no insurance of any kind- no business- our home is in foreclosure and we are divorcing and filing bankruptcy-
i kicked him out 6 months ago- our family is distroyed on and on............
these internet virtual ea's are real- my h met someone on line through second life- since then he has manipulated all sorts of things to go to see her in person now 4 times in 6 months- he thinks he has found true love- she is 20 years younger than he is lives in europe we live in california- she is married has two young boys-
all this started with an online friendship-
this is not innocent this is real and disasterous- stop it if you can- or get out-


2 daughters/teenagers
married 19 years
on my way to divorce

Posts: 136 | Registered: Nov 2007
Unlucky_In_ Love
♀ New Member
Member # 17871
Sad  Posted: 2:53 PM, January 23rd (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My husband cheated on me for 2 yrs via email with an old gf. I knew something was wrong call it woman's intuition but I knew, so I installed keystroke in our home pc and found a secret email account that he had.

He told her all kinds of personal things about me, he lied about alot of stuff and when I confronted him he denied it, then deleted all of the mail and accused me of doing it.

He said he was just playing her because he knew she had a thing for him.

I'm still in shock and I found all this out Dec 18, 2007, he gave me one hell of a Christmas gift I'll never forget.

I still cry alot, but I know it wasn't my fault, he had a choice in what he did..but he claims that if I were a better wife he wouldn't have done what he did.

He also swears that he never seen her only sent emails back and forth but I don't believe him, why should I ? He's a liar and there's no trust.

He drives OTR and has a laptop in his truck so I'm sure he has women all over the place.
Sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy because I feel like our 7 years of marriage never meant anything to him and I wonder how many women there have been.

I tried to talk to him about this and he acts like I should be the one to suck up to him, like I'm the one who cheated.

Anyway, I guess I'm also a member of a club that none of us wants to be in.


Posts: 1 | Registered: Jan 2008 | From: United States
2yrsinthedark
♀ Member
Member # 16278
Default  Posted: 10:10 PM, January 23rd (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Unlucky, im sorry ur here too. I know exactly how u feel right now. I felt my world come crushing down around me when I found out. I couldnt function, all I did was cry. Please, try to concentrate on yourself right now. Go to the healing library, their is a lot of material there to help you. Also, sounds like you need to try a 180, (explained in the library). Keep in mind the 180 is for you, so you can pick yourself up. You will be surprised how much it helps, and might wake him up too. Meanwhile, keep posting.


"Trust but verify"

Me-44 BS
Him-44 WS
Married 18 yrs
Dday 8/25/07
two yr EA (maybe longer, maybe w/ more than one)
4 Kids 15,13,8,8


Posts: 378 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: TX
5mama
♀ New Member
Member # 17937
Default  Posted: 3:49 AM, January 28th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I couldn't read the whole thread, but is anyone's WS an online gamer? Mine plays WoW.

Posts: 11 | Registered: Jan 2008 | From: WA
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