Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
Find a Local Couselor
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: Forsook (43154)

I Can Relate Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Cyber/Online Cheating
DancinOnThinIce
♀ New Member
Member # 29873
Default  Posted: 2:24 PM, November 5th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

***

[This message edited by DancinOnThinIce at 8:21 AM, June 14th (Tuesday)]


Me: BW
Him: WH
OW
Kids: 3 DD
D Day: 9/23/10
Status: R

I've never been good at sharing. ~ me


Posts: 31 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: dancinonthinice
sickofthelies
♀ Member
Member # 28566
Default  Posted: 7:50 AM, November 9th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

First Dancin I'm sorry you are here and I'm sorry you are married to one selfish SOB. Affairs are based on fantasy.Once he has to live in reality with this whore it won't be all fun & games.It's gonna be a big reality check for him.

As for letting him do what he wants for the sake of the children, that's bs!! It's not good for your children to see their father crap all over you. What message is that sending to your girls?

Honey, they always seem to 'affair down'. Most intelligent,self-confident women don't accept crumbs from another woman's table.

CYA!! You need to take 50% of any bank accounts now and put the money in an account with your name only. If you have any joint credit cards you need to look into having yourself removed from them. How is he paying for his travels to see her? With money that belongs to your girls?

Hang in there. You need to put yourself and your girls first. The holidays are going to be a nightmare no matter if he's there or not. He needs to decide. You are allowing him to have the best of both worlds right now. Knock that cake-eating fence rider of of his perch. Take care of yourself. You deserve better!!


BS-43(me)
WH-44 (love of my life)
Children-19,17,& 14
I think I can breath again!!

Posts: 260 | Registered: May 2010 | From: ohio
DancinOnThinIce
♀ New Member
Member # 29873
Default  Posted: 2:54 AM, November 12th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

[This message edited by DancinOnThinIce at 8:18 AM, June 14th (Tuesday)]


Me: BW
Him: WH
OW
Kids: 3 DD
D Day: 9/23/10
Status: R

I've never been good at sharing. ~ me


Posts: 31 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: dancinonthinice
torn2bits
♀ Member
Member # 28376
Default  Posted: 10:12 PM, November 12th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so sorry you are here. I too have invested 23 years into this relationship. You can not think about R until he wants that too. He is not going to want that if he has his family and is girlfriend without consequence. He has no reason to change things because you are letting him have it all. The way you look has nothing to do with his affair. There is NO excuse ever for an extra maritial affair. I have read the books and they all had their wits when it happened. Do not allow him to go on with this in front of you and your children. Right now its skyping the OW, after that its who has them for New Years. He will keep taking your life from you as long as you allow it. If you decided he is there for the holidays and kids birthdays, good, tell him to get out and come over for the parties. Don't let him spit on you.I'm telling you cause my WH has treated me this way and I just woke up after 9 months of it. Strap your balls on.


Me: 44/WH (SA): 49
M: 24 years 3 kids over 10 yrs old
EA/ PA Dec. 2009 -Divorce pending

Posts: 1239 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: Midwest
ambivalent
♀ Member
Member # 30106
Default  Posted: 8:14 AM, November 14th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am the BS of an OEA. I feel very alone, but after reading through this thread see that that is not the case. My counselor tells me that about 40 to 50 percent of his practice is OA. I guess it is the "anonymity". Well it hurts just like a PA. Thank you everyone for all your posts.


BW - me (46)
Fwh - him (45)
After 2 months TT final DD 17AUG10
R with more good days than bad

Paranoia? Hell, no. Heightened awareness is more like it.

Sometimes you're the bird, and sometimes you're the windshield.


Posts: 75 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: Michigan
givingtree
♀ New Member
Member # 27135
Default  Posted: 12:52 PM, November 23rd (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

[This message edited by givingtree at 12:59 PM, November 23rd (Tuesday)]


Posts: 17 | Registered: Jan 2010
givingtree
♀ New Member
Member # 27135
Default  Posted: 12:56 PM, November 23rd (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm having a really hard time in R with porn. My WS had quite the collection in his history before we ddayed. He realized it was a problem..worked on it..stopped looking. Our sex life got better. Things were just.etter. he was more affectionate. But honestly I'm not sure if this was because he quit porn or because he almost lost me.. so I'm left with this very strong connection of him cheating on me, sending/receiving nudes and him looking at porn. So when I see it on the history of his work computer I can't help feeling like I'm going to throw up. How could it not be an ominous sign? Maybe not of him cheating again. But of something. We are a young couple. We've been together about five years, engaged for five months, in r for less than a year, and have a very dry sex life. We are in our early 20s. I told him I feel ugly when I know that he is looking at porn at work (even though he says its only when hes there by himself) and we are not affectionate. How do you feel attractive when your SO is so into looking at other women? How do you find the drive to be .. seductive for someone happily seduced by pictures if strangers? I hope this belongs here in this thread. My head has been way too full of it..

Posts: 17 | Registered: Jan 2010
Ongelikkig
♀ Member
Member # 29905
Default  Posted: 3:55 AM, November 25th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WH is cheating on FB - he is using a fake name.... I am so hurt, he thinks that I am a total idiot and dont know what he is up to... blames everything on a 'virus' on his laptop...

Blatently lies about watching porn - will spend all day on porn sites if nobody is around.... and these sites are not just run of the mill stuff - but rather horrific ones, with bestiality being at the top of the list.

I cannot put a keylogger onto his laptop he will figure that one out - very computer clever - however we work together and all information on sites visited is logged - I get those logs together with the IP addresses... this is how I have found out his little secrets.

I just wish that 2 years ago I thought of this because one of the guys at work used to complain about the fact that WH used to spend his whole day typing but not producing any work..... why was I so blind?????? Now that I think of it, he was on a freaking chat room....

Now it is facebook.....

I have tried to find out his password and what email address he is using but have had no luck.

Yesterday I caught him on FB again - and of course.. denial, denial, denial.... then he said that he would look me in the face and tell me that he has not even been on a porn site in the last month... lies, lies, lies.... I have pages of logs of porn sites he has visited... one of which is also a site to meet other people for no-strings-attached sex....

It seems that he has moved from wanting sex with a real live person to rather having an online affair.

The worst is, about 5 months ago text me to say he would be late out of a meeting which should have finished at 5pm - he arrived back at 7pm - pretending he was sick and didnt want me to come anywhere near him..... Am I just being paranoid here thinking that he has possibly just come from meeting someone for sex??? [I checked his temp which was normal, he was pretending to want to vomit and shivering etc., bit of an overkill???]

Last night I could barely sleep - I am so hurt that I am ready to throw in the towel.... sorry - am having a really bad day again!!

Thanks for being there and hearing me vent.


BS - 49 [me]
WH - 51
Married ; 29 yrs
Filing for D
**********************
Emotionally battered and bruised, will I ever recover?

Time might heal all the wounds but the scars will always remain.


Posts: 183 | Registered: Oct 2010
FmrLIer
♀ Member
Member # 29784
Default  Posted: 7:50 AM, November 25th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi givingtree,

How do you feel attractive when your SO is so into looking at other women?

This was a super hard issue for me to deal with. My self esteem had taken a major nose dive and I couldn't have felt uglier. fWH was the key to making me feel sexy again. If it wasn't for his compliments and constant reassurances, I'm not sure I'd feel sexual again with him.

Plus, it helps that I now spend time on myself for myself. I take time to just chill out and relax during the day. I also started to splurge on myself and get waxed every month and get my hair done...hell, I deserve it!


Me (BS)
Him (fSAH)
OA/PA

Ignorance was bliss but it wasn't the reality of my marriage...


Posts: 427 | Registered: Oct 2010
brokenk
♀ Member
Member # 30193
Default  Posted: 6:19 PM, November 29th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is there anyway to do a keylogger on an Iphone??


Me(32)- BW
Him(36)-WH Evilgeek
1st Dday 11/20/09
2nd Dday 11/20/10
Successfully R`ed.
Found out we are Pregnant 12/6/2010

The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.
Abraham Lincoln


Posts: 568 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: California
brokenk
♀ Member
Member # 30193
Default  Posted: 10:22 AM, November 30th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My story is in my profile but I know I belong here. Mine actually shys away when things become physical in person, he just enjoys the attention online and all the sexy talk. he doesn't even get off on it he just needs it for an ego boost. It makes me ill to read what he has said to these women.

The first time it was all about them sending him dirty pictures of themselves. They were ugly and overweight and yet I still found myself wondering what was wrong with me?! Recently it was a girl from work, again not someone I would consider more attractive then me and here I am asking him what she had over me. Why didn't he just email me dirty thoughts and I could have satisfied those urges. I'm the one who would beg for sex and never get it. He swears no one was getting it from him. But I just don't understand that.

We both realize now he needs constant ego stroking and reassurance he's a good person but how do I do that after all this?? He's finally seeking help and for the first time ever saying he knows it's something wrong in him. I just hope it's not too late for me to be able to move forward with him. I don't know hearing that he video chatted with her hurt so bad. Why do the little details sting so much? I guess I feel like everything that is attached to her is ruined and that is a lot of our everyday life because he would use what made me happy to get what he wanted from her!


Me(32)- BW
Him(36)-WH Evilgeek
1st Dday 11/20/09
2nd Dday 11/20/10
Successfully R`ed.
Found out we are Pregnant 12/6/2010

The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.
Abraham Lincoln


Posts: 568 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: California
cheeseburger
♂ New Member
Member # 22479
Default  Posted: 1:47 PM, December 3rd (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Quick follow-up to my story. My now STBXW has been caught again with sexy texts, and even a pic of the guy's wang. I kicked her out on Black Friday. No R anymore, we are separated and a D will be coming as quickly as we can.

She's absolutely addicted to her Blackberry and Facebook, and has been adding old flames, chatting people up, staying out late, etc. Meanwhile, I'm at home taking care of our daughter.

Kicking her out hasn't changed any of that. She's been tagged in photos out, even with a drink in her hand, hanging out, etc. I have cancelled my FB account. No love for that stuff. The Internet sucks, man.


- Married 10/1999
- 1 daughter (9)
- DD1 11/2008
- DD2 12/2008
- DD3 01/2009
- DD4 11/2010, kicked STBXW out same day
- Currently separated, divorce inevitable

Posts: 8 | Registered: Jan 2009
Muchstrongernow
Member
Member # 30169
Default  Posted: 10:58 PM, December 22nd (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

they met on a website directed at couples who want to keep the "passion" alive. most were married 20+ yrs.
She facilitates "womans" groups. I guess she knows how to surround herself with married men


hard work pays off.... so does the emotional hard work.... happy me.... worry less, do more

Posts: 165 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: a good place
Secondbestiguess
♀ Member
Member # 30333
Default  Posted: 10:58 PM, December 23rd (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Facebook EA with ex from high school. I don't think its over yet, and I don't know if I will ever get over this, not that I can if he's not willing to own it anyways.



"The person who will be true to you is the one who doesn't need you to establish and enforce a set of rules for him/her to live by."

Posts: 474 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: NW Minnesota
am I crazy
♀ Member
Member # 21511
Default  Posted: 6:58 PM, January 4th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Can you truly R if the WH doesn't beleive that the multiple OEAs is considered cheating? He calls in "inappropriate behavior."


BS 44
WS 48
Multiple OW on internet

"So, So what, I'm still a rock star, I've got my rock moves and I don't need you" ~ Pink

Life is great!


Posts: 269 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Lost, but looking for myself
carnelian
♀ Member
Member # 24824
Default  Posted: 7:30 PM, January 4th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Can you truly R if the WH doesn't beleive that the multiple OEAs is considered cheating? He calls in "inappropriate behavior."

In my opinion, absolutely not - unless you want to sit around waiting for the other shoe to drop. Over and over again. "Inappropriate behavior" is the same as saying "just" or "but" or "only" - it's a phrase designed to minimize and deny responsibility, which seems to me to leave the door wide open for another A. Because, after all, it's not really a big deal if it's only 'inappropriate' right?

It makes me angry for you!

[This message edited by carnelian at 7:31 PM, January 4th (Tuesday)]


What are you going to do when he leaves you?

Posts: 543 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Europe
am I crazy
♀ Member
Member # 21511
Default  Posted: 8:15 PM, January 4th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

thx Carnelian, that is exactly how I have been living the last 2 years, waiting for the ugliness to return. In a way it has. H is back to online gaming which includes chatting with women on line and looking at porn. He seems obsessed with my current weight status, which is about 15 lbs more than when I met him.


BS 44
WS 48
Multiple OW on internet

"So, So what, I'm still a rock star, I've got my rock moves and I don't need you" ~ Pink

Life is great!


Posts: 269 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Lost, but looking for myself
carnelian
♀ Member
Member # 24824
Default  Posted: 8:26 PM, January 4th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((am I crazy))) I'm sorry you're in pain and still going through this.

The weight thing is just a tired old excuse. As long as he's busy pointing his finger at you, picking on every perceived 'flaw' to justify his actions, he's doesn't have to look at himself and his behavior.

We can't fix these people, they have to realize they're broken and put themselves back together in some way. I guess the question is: what are we going to do for ourselves?


What are you going to do when he leaves you?

Posts: 543 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Europe
am I crazy
♀ Member
Member # 21511
Default  Posted: 8:27 PM, January 4th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How do you feel attractive when your SO is so into looking at other women? How do you find the drive to be .. seductive for someone happily seduced by pictures if strangers? I hope this belongs here in this thread. My head has been way too full of it..

I wonder the same thing. Except in my case my H has told me directly he is not attracted to me, then tried to retract it when he saw how upset it made me. I moved out 3 weeks ago, started having panic attacks and feeling sick to my stomach when I was around him.


BS 44
WS 48
Multiple OW on internet

"So, So what, I'm still a rock star, I've got my rock moves and I don't need you" ~ Pink

Life is great!


Posts: 269 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Lost, but looking for myself
poopylala
♀ Member
Member # 30119
Default  Posted: 11:17 AM, January 7th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WBF confessed tonight that he did NOT meet OP at a summer program back when he was in high school but in fact met her online in a game. He opened up out of the blue tonight which made me very happy and told me about his insecurities and how gaming offered him a fantasy world which he preferred to live in at times than the real world, even after we had already been together a while. It made sense in a way but I don't get how online EAs become RL PAs... From previous posts I've read I'm guessing its like they want to make the fantasy a reality?

[This message edited by poopylala at 1:00 AM, January 8th (Saturday)]


BGF (me)- 24
FWBF (him)- 24
in a LTR

forgiven and in R :)

"To err is human.
To forgive,
divine"


Posts: 956 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: Houston, TX
Topic Posts: 793
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 · 13 · 14 · 15 · 16 · 17 · 18 · 19 · 20 · 21 · 22 · 23 · 24 · 25 · 26 · 27 · 28 · 29 · 30 · 31 · 32 · 33 · 34 · 35 · 36 · 37 · 38 · 39 · 40

Return to Forum: I Can Relate Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.