Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
Find a Local Couselor
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: borderline85 (43161)

I Can Relate Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Cyber/Online Cheating
HippyQueen
♀ Member
Member # 29055
Default  Posted: 8:50 PM, January 8th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

MY H has been playing a game called Utherverse. Calling it a game isn't quite right but its the best analogy I have. He has had a solid relationship with a couple of different people there. I found out in June.... thought he stopped, found out more in August, thought he stopped... Now he has taken a job in another state... I thought he had stopped... again... but he never did. Now he's promising he has... but is still procrastinating installing net nanny software to prove it to me. I have no solid proof now... not for the last couple of weeks anyway. I have proof that he was still playing it in December... the night before he set out on a road trip to come home for Christmas. WTH? I don't know how I can believe him or ever trust him again.

[This message edited by HippyQueen at 8:51 PM, January 8th (Saturday)]


Update: My husband passed away on 9/21/12. I've been on an emotional roller coaster since.
BS45 (Me)
STBXWH49
M- 2/14/87
2 sons, 19 & 23 YO

3/1/11 - heading for D.
6/4/11 R- Turned out to be false.
7/29/11 another D-day and decision


Posts: 121 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: TX
am I crazy
♀ Member
Member # 21511
Default  Posted: 9:42 PM, January 8th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((hq)))). It is cheating. Don't let him tell u otherwise.


BS 44
WS 48
Multiple OW on internet

"So, So what, I'm still a rock star, I've got my rock moves and I don't need you" ~ Pink

Life is great!


Posts: 269 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Lost, but looking for myself
am I crazy
♀ Member
Member # 21511
Default  Posted: 9:42 PM, January 8th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((hq)))). It is cheating. Don't let him tell u otherwise.


BS 44
WS 48
Multiple OW on internet

"So, So what, I'm still a rock star, I've got my rock moves and I don't need you" ~ Pink

Life is great!


Posts: 269 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Lost, but looking for myself
GoArmyLife
♀ Member
Member # 29478
Default  Posted: 8:27 AM, January 15th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't know if I'm just paranoid, but I'd like to feel better. I have no access to hubby's computer, he's 3000 miles away. Is there any thing somebody can think of to help me look for things? I have access to everything that I know of (except Skype, we both got hacked and changed our pw and I'm worried he'll get offended if I ask him for the pw.) He has days were he just doesn't feel like talking and it makes me wonder. I know they're supposed to have distant days during deployment, but I can't help but worry.

Posts: 60 | Registered: Aug 2010
poopylala
♀ Member
Member # 30119
Default  Posted: 9:06 PM, January 16th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For anyone who is with someone who's battling an online gaming addiction, my WBF who realized he was addicted found an online support group that you should check out

www.olganon.org


GoArmyLife, when you've gotten to 50 posts, a new forum opens up called Investigative Tips and you can ask them there. I don't know how to remotely access anything but you need to do what feels right for you. Ask him for his skype password and if he gets upset, then that means he is either in the fog or he potentially has something to hide. Check out the Healing Library in the yellow box in the upper left corner and also, if you haven't done so already, check out the military section in I Can Relate. Maybe they have some useful tips for you. But I think you should ask and honestly, you need to feel comfortable. I can only imagine how much harder this all is with the distance. He may be having times when he doesn't feel like talking so why not set up dates to talk about things? that way he is prepared mentally for it and it's not a surprise to him. (((GAL)))


BGF (me)- 24
FWBF (him)- 24
in a LTR

forgiven and in R :)

"To err is human.
To forgive,
divine"


Posts: 956 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: Houston, TX
GoArmyLife
♀ Member
Member # 29478
Default  Posted: 10:46 PM, January 16th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, I got the Skype password now. I forgot to put it on here :/ sorry LOL

Posts: 60 | Registered: Aug 2010
tsol25
♀ Member
Member # 29461
Default  Posted: 6:54 PM, January 22nd (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wbf lives and breathes video games. He wakes up in the morning checks on things then goes to work. He's an assistant manager at a video game store. He has an app on his phone he can check things for his most frequently plated game. He goes home and starts playing. Rinse and repeat. Video game addiction? Yes for sure. He eats at his computer desk, stays up all night online etc. So maybe I'm being cheated on with a digital box...awesome

The other issue is a social network that he frequents. I googled his screen name and found that his profile says he's single and there are a lot of flirty texts with various girls. There's definitely some some kisa going on, all of these girls seem to have a "crisis". I believe that he really doesn't understand the boundaries being crossed here, he doesn't think any of it can be real. Its just fantasy/fiction/hobby. Anyone have any ideas on how to get the point across without smashing the computer and screaming?


me - tsol, that's all for now

Posts: 1208 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Canada
Elisabeth Ann
♀ Member
Member # 28599
Default  Posted: 8:18 PM, January 24th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Please read my profile and you will see first-hand the danger of the internet. I hope my story will help anyone here understand that this kind of internet play can lead to some very horrible consequences for the BS.

Posts: 134 | Registered: May 2010 | From: Long Island, NY
Socal Mommy
♀ New Member
Member # 31003
Shocked  Posted: 1:33 PM, January 27th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I found my H other life online almost a year ago. He denied it all until I showed him I had actual proof. We had counseling with our church officials and he has really been trying hard to be a better man.

The hard thing is learning how to trust him again. We have full transparency now. I still find it hard to trust him. He carried on all over the internet on personals, social sites, sex sites, craigs list, backpages, etc....I found numerous profiles, emails, etc.....He claims he only talked to these women online and never met up with any of them. I just dont know even after almost a year if I believe him. I know I have to start trusting him again but I am scared he is going to hurt me.

The one thing I do know is all these online sites are disgusting. Craigs list is basically just a prostitution ring. I read many emails from women to my husband offering sex for money.


DD#1 Feb. 2002
DD#2 Feb. 2010
DD#3 May 2010
Me: 41
H: 42
M: 10 years
3 kids

Posts: 12 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Ca
Bluebear1985
♀ Member
Member # 30686
Default  Posted: 2:07 PM, January 27th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am a member of this club too. YAY! I first caught my husband because of an email he sent (the moron used an email that was linked to mine to send it). At first he told me it was because he was depressed and only wanted someone to talk to and hold while I was out of town. A year later I found out that he had also been signed up on dating sights. He said that the dating sites didn't matter because they were all for married people looking to have one night stands, not relationships. So it's better to ruin another persons marriage with a one night stand rather than just ruin your own?


Me: 25
WH: 34
M : 4.5 year
DD: Initial October 2009, but have found out much since then
2 young children together, aged 2 and 4

Posts: 146 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Alberta, Canada
MzMagoo
♀ Member
Member # 30978
Default  Posted: 2:32 PM, January 27th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep, I am sooo a member of this group


I found my WH's online dating sites and profiles (where he claimed that he was already divorced and had no kids- WTF?!?).

When I confronted him about it, he said that he did it because he was lonely, and that he was just "messing around." Again, WTF?!?!

He has since been texting all day and night, during work hours. I was told not to text him at work because he would lose his job. He also said he hates it when his phone goes off, and when I just keep texting him. But apparently it is okay for his whores.

Lovely.


BS (me) 37/WS (him)37
M 13 years/together 18
DD 1~ 8-10/ DD 2~ 11-10
3 kids~ S 14, D 10, D 10
Filed for D: 11-10
R: Trying to trust it is real
If you walk around the pool long enough, you are bound to fall in.

Posts: 271 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: At the moment? Hell.
GeniusOrAFool
♀ Member
Member # 30940
Default  Posted: 4:05 PM, January 27th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just reading through many posts here for the 1st time.

Couple comments:

I recently read that about 35% of divorce litigation involves internet/pornography usage.

That 35% does not reflect all the marriages which have detriorated due to inappropriate internet activity, but remain painfully intact due to the kids or for financial reasons.

Very sad.


I'm back together again.
I'm staring in the mirror
and it's been so long
since I've seen you my friend.

~Citizen Cope


Posts: 454 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: PA
tsol25
♀ Member
Member # 29461
Default  Posted: 12:58 PM, January 29th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Looking for advice from those who know what they're talking about in this (ie. everyone). I'm new to the forum but not new to internet issues. Wbf is (my diagnosis) addicted to video games. He also frequents porn but I'm not sure if it's in the ok zone or not. I found out at the beginning of the year he was visiting a site regularly. A wonderful SI member went undercover for me and sent me chats he was having with friends and her. That + the flirty messages to me is an OA.

I've confronted him and he's sad sorry and he'll do whatever blah blah blah. But he still says that "nothing happened" He doesn't understand that an A can happen with his penis is in his pants. (He had a ons in August and confessed the next day because the guilt was killing him). His avatar has sex online with other avatars. There's close relationships all over the place.

How do I convince him that this isn't ok, that it is just as much cheating as the ons was?


me - tsol, that's all for now

Posts: 1208 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Canada
Socal Mommy
♀ New Member
Member # 31003
Default  Posted: 4:24 PM, February 7th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh yeah, my H claims nothing happened in real life. Only online & of course he is really, really sorry.

I am over a year into R so our marriage is actually now in a good place. I wouldn't say that I trust him fully but I am not sure if I ever will. It just was to much. Site after site, profile after profile, emails, usernames, chats, pictures, you name it. As far as I am concerned he ever even thinks of looking at that crap again and it is over. I deserve better. I deserve a man who finds me special, who only wants to be with me, who would never talk to another woman. We all derserve that.


DD#1 Feb. 2002
DD#2 Feb. 2010
DD#3 May 2010
Me: 41
H: 42
M: 10 years
3 kids

Posts: 12 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Ca
chocobcm
♀ Member
Member # 30156
Default  Posted: 6:28 PM, February 7th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My H is a full blown SA who acted out primarily through the internet. (Phone sex too, just never PA) 2 years ago I busted him with some phone sex numbers and stupidly believed him that it was just a couple of times. There was actually someone who knew that warned me that rarely does a man call phone sex numbers a few times and never again. So I guess you can call it false R. Well fast forward 2 years and I find an alternate email address that has 5 years worth of garbage. The only reason I feel safer now in R is that my H is hard at work on the 12 steps, he attends his meetings religiously, and sees our MC/IC regularly. If he would've refused SA even for a moment it would've been over between us. Good luck to you all.

Oh and every now and then he has these thoughts that maybe he is not really an addict/he wasn't so bad because he didnt REALLY do anything. Yeah right.

[This message edited by chocobcm at 6:29 PM, February 7th (Monday)]


Me: 24 BS
Him: 25 WS Multiple OEA/Multiple Phone relationships.

M: 6yrs

D-day 11/14/10 (found 5 years worth of emails/chats etc.)


Posts: 75 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: NY
swirishrose
♀ Member
Member # 6987
Default  Posted: 8:41 PM, February 7th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was the queen of denial on this one. Claimed that people's sexual acting out just fascinated him, kinda like you buy the porno mag for the articles. I left it go for YEARS before I realized this was the problem in our marriage. Then he decided HE wasn't happy and wanted out. I let him go. He won't own up to what his problem is and it is such a shame.
Good luck to everyone.


lived together 00-04
married 9/14/04
d- day 4/25/2005
SECOND D_DAY 12/5/2010
Separated pending divorce 1/25/2010

Posts: 1221 | Registered: Apr 2005 | From: Maryland
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 6:04 PM, February 16th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I belong here too. Ive been lurking for the last 3 months. I still cant find the words to type out my situation. My husband and I have been married for 10 years(this June),and we have 4 kids. The older two are from my previous marriage. Anyway....like I said,Im having trouble typing out my story. Ive tried several times,but haven't been able to get it all out. Not yet. I found out last August,2 days after my birthday,2 days before our youngest's 6th birthday,about my husbands other life. He is bisexual. I didn't know that. How is that possible? I found his secret email account. There were over 65 men,and 3 women,all whom he met through craigslist. There was one physical encounter. With a man. He lied initially about what happened between him and the OM. But I contacted the OM and he filled me on on what really happened. he hasnt admitted anything to me. Nothing. Anything I have found out,Ive had to dig for,then confront him,then he tells me only what he thinks I need to know. He says he's telling me everything. I don't believe him. I am so confused. I feel like Im drowning in an ocean of pain. I love this man. I LOVE THIS MAN. He says he loves me,he's sorry,etc. I believe he is sorry. he is very remorseful. However,he claims I know everything,there's nothing more to tell. Right. that's a little too convenient as far as Im concerned. I'm obsessed with finding out the rest of this. Im scared. I need help.


BS(me)41
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,9
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: R? I don't know..ask me tomorrow..it changes rapidly.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 6630 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
Fallen
♀ Member
Member # 4313
Default  Posted: 10:38 PM, February 16th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((confused))) I can't imagine how painful this is for you. The first, most important thing is that you're safeguarding your own health. My A started on chat forums, so I understand how some people can rationalize their actions by claiming it's not "real." Well, the betrayal is real enough to the BS!

Yes, you love this man, but he has put you at risk many times. What is he doing, besides saying he's sorry, to show you that he's going to change these things about himself? He has some very intensive work ahead, and if he's not in therapy, he needs to go- NOW. I'm sorry for your pain.


You can't heal what you won't feel.

"There would be no grand absolution, only forgiveness meted out in these precious sips. It would well up from his heart in spoonfuls, and he would feed it to me. And it would be enough."


Posts: 23475 | Registered: May 2004
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 2:29 PM, February 17th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Fallen,we have both been tested and we are both ok.

He claims he was contacting the girls(who were all around 22 years old...much younger than me),because he felt like I wasnt giving him any attention...he claimed it was to see if he could get them to send him pics of themselves. But,they're on craigslist advertising,so what kind of ego boost do you get from a girl who's already posted their nude pics on craigslist?? I read the emails he sent them. He told them all he was married. One he asked for a pic,she sent one of her face. He said,"damn youre cute! Where are you at? Any body pics?" She told him where she lived and no,no body pics. With another girl he told her she had a beautiful body and he wanted to text & exchange pics. The other girl he told he was "looking for a hottie to play with",and he mentioned the town he works in.
But he is now telling me he never would have met up with any of them,he was just looking for an ego boost. So why ask where they live? Why tell them the town you work in??

There were 65 men in his contact list. Several pics were exchanged,including one of his face. As far as I could tell,he only had physical contact with one of them. He says he placed two ads on craigslist(Ive seen one,but the other one wasnt in his inbox(craigslist sends a confirmation email w/the ad placed after its been posted). There were over 200 messages in his inbox,dating back to June. Anyway,he was advertising for a quick "blo n go" after work. He mentioned in several of the emails to these men that he could only spare about 5-10 minutes(so he woulodnt be too late getting home from work..he works second shift and I always wait up on him). He told them daytime meetings would be harder because "its hard to get away from the wife."
He ended up picking OM up near the library and taking him back to where he works(factory),and giving him a BJ in the back parking lot! He could have been seen. He could have lost his job. But this was more important. I ended up contacting the other man who told me my husband told him he was "happily married",he just "has a taste for some dick." The OM gave me details that my husband did not give me. Of course.

Its now been 6 months. I am in constant pain. He has changed who I am. I used to laugh and smile. Now I cant do that. My doctor has me on Zoloft,but its not helping much. When I ask him details,he tells me I know everything already. I dont believe that AT ALL. I have searched,but cant find any other email accounts. Ive searched the dating sites,and have found nothing. Ive accessed his cell phone history(it will only let me go back 6 months),and found several phone numbers I dont recognize. I did a search on the numbers,but still he claims not to recognize their names. They just magically appeared in his history. He claims he doesnt have a clue who they belong to. He says he never gave out his number to anyone. I also got the joy of seeeing just how much time he was spending on the internet(using his phone at work). We're talking HOURS. And he works at a factory,where he runs machines..yet he has all this time do play on his phone.He has been an open book since D-day..at least as far as I can tell..and Im looking(snooping)all the time. He is sorry. I do believe that. And he says he loves me and wants to be with me,and only me. I want to believe that,but I dont know if I can. He has changed since I found out(he was caught,BTW,he didnt tell me.He forgot to log off of his email account and that's how I found out. He had just placed another ad on cragslist. That was the first thing I read). He has been loving,understanding,patient(for the most part),and I do believe he really wants to get past this,and to help me past this.

We have not been to counseling. We cant afford it. I have asked him if he would read some of the things Ive found on here,and he said he would. Ive also asked him if he would start posting here,and he says he will. But has yet to do so. I dont think its because he doesnt want to,I think it's because he is ashamed. And he should be.
Also,he says he has always been bicurious,has always wanted to "see" what it was like. He says he has satisfied his curiousity and has no desire to do anything like that again.

Wow.
I realized this is all jumbled together. Im sorry. There is just so many details and its all still mixed up in my mind.

Thanks for listening.


BS(me)41
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,9
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: R? I don't know..ask me tomorrow..it changes rapidly.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 6630 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
chocobcm
♀ Member
Member # 30156
Default  Posted: 4:13 PM, February 17th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Did you check out the SA topic under I Can Relate forum? See if there is a chance your WS belongs in that category. Wishing you best of luck on this hard and tough journey.


Me: 24 BS
Him: 25 WS Multiple OEA/Multiple Phone relationships.

M: 6yrs

D-day 11/14/10 (found 5 years worth of emails/chats etc.)


Posts: 75 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: NY
Topic Posts: 793
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 · 13 · 14 · 15 · 16 · 17 · 18 · 19 · 20 · 21 · 22 · 23 · 24 · 25 · 26 · 27 · 28 · 29 · 30 · 31 · 32 · 33 · 34 · 35 · 36 · 37 · 38 · 39 · 40

Return to Forum: I Can Relate Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.