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I Can Relate Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Cyber/Online Cheating
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 4:56 PM, February 17th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I havent checked out the SA thread yet,but I will. Thank you.


BS(me)41
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,9
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: R? I don't know..ask me tomorrow..it changes rapidly.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 6660 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
Fallen
♀ Member
Member # 4313
Default  Posted: 10:18 PM, February 17th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No WS really wants to face what they did, but some of us will, because the price of keeping those horrible secrets is just too high to pay. Many WSes keep silent in order to protect themselves, and then they tell themselves it's because they're protecting the BS.

If you can't afford counseling right now, check into options for counseling at your local mental health center. Mental health centers that receive gov't funding have some kind of sliding fee scale or assistance program. Hopefully you'll be able to find help there also.


You can't heal what you won't feel.

"There would be no grand absolution, only forgiveness meted out in these precious sips. It would well up from his heart in spoonfuls, and he would feed it to me. And it would be enough."


Posts: 23475 | Registered: May 2004
mishto
♀ Member
Member # 31011
Default  Posted: 10:22 AM, February 27th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

my WS likes to cheat online too. personal ads, asked out a chick he met on facebook, and he doesn't think any of it is cheating. but he also thinks he wasn't cheating when he left me for our neighbor. so i think his idea of none of it being cheating is just him being delusional. the internet will always be an issue for us, facebook especially. he refuses to let me have his password, so i assume he's still using facebook to cheat.

Posts: 92 | Registered: Jan 2011
rescuemeplease
♀ Member
Member # 31274
Default  Posted: 4:43 PM, March 12th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This was how my affair started.
We had just gotten a computer and i was checking out chat rooms and thing you could do on it, i found these MSN chatrooms and they were local and other rooms and so i started chating.
It was interesting as i was meeting new people and enjoying myself when i met someone who PM's me and we started talking in a side room, i dont recall how much time passed between that and the phone calls when i gave him my cell number he started talking sex to me that day and omg i was so turned on i had never felt that was as i was an experienced person only being with my first and my spouce at that time.
I tried to incorporate some of the things we talked bout into my marriage bedroom and my husband was less than receptive....... he didnt want to hear it and didnt want to do it............i got depressed and thats when i first went to meet OP... our marriage was already in trouble as he was ignoring me i know i was wrong but i needed something....i went to bible study and i talked to the person running it and he did counseling which my husband refused to go to......... anyhow this was how it all started.................



Rescuemeplease

Posts: 55 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Indiana Pa
betrayedONE
♂ Member
Member # 29650
Default  Posted: 2:13 PM, March 26th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


You sound just like my FWW. Chat rooms were new and exciting. Add an old flame who also knows no boundaries and there you have it, a high speed internet highway to Hell.


Dday: 11/16/07
R with remorseful W
Me : 42 BH
MM: 41 Piece of shit married Cop
Her: 39 FWW
Together 21 years, married 18
Children: Boy 7 Girl 10

Posts: 91 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Texas
hurting38
♀ Member
Member # 29829
Default  Posted: 9:12 PM, March 30th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am new to this thread but not to SI. My WH and I have been in false R from a ONS since July 2010. Last week I discovered an photo in his email that I had password to of a 1/2 naked woman. Went through hell for 4 days until he finally had to confess as I uncovered things bit by bit. He tt some more until I confronted him like I knew more than I did in front of the counselor. He admitted to one episode of cybersex as recently as end of jan. (he just got a webcam in Jan) during the time I was recovering from a surgery. This occurred on Monday.

The cyber affair has lasted for 2 1/2 years, mostly on yahoo IM . They met through gaming online. It sounds like (but who really knows) it was mostly flirty then turned into photos of her to him, then texting once a day ,a couple of calls . It progressed to more photos and one way webcam where she was exposing herself and took a photo, then finally cybersex.

I cant believe this is the man I thought I knew? He admitted to the ONS (not with the same girl, i am pretty sure-but who knows at this point). He denies any other online friends during our relationship but who the hell really knows.

This is new ground for me and the lies and tt just put me over the edge. I am meds for the first time in my life and am falling apart as bad as d day #1

just wanted to post to gain some insight into this world? I dont understand why admit to the physical encounter of the ONS but not fess up to this? Why did things progress from the ONS on? He admitted in counseling he had no remorse while he was doing it but does after being caught.

Who is this man? It is not the man I have known ?

How do you even begin to piece back trust in a world of online availability.


DD#1-7/9/10 WH=32 Me=38
ONS(on 7/5/10) w/ stranger out of town. He confessed,I had no idea.
tt truth 3/22-3/28 true D day #2 3/28/11 cyber A spanning 2 1/2 yrs
3/11/11 d day #3-found texts/phone calls to "friend", its an exit affair.

Posts: 301 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: ILLINOIS
ConfusedIsMe
♀ Member
Member # 31488
Default  Posted: 5:28 PM, March 31st (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How do you even begin to piece back trust in a world of online availability.

JMO: For the time being, I have made sure that he has no access to the internet without me being around. I have password protected the computers. He reminded me of the internet on his phone, and I turned it off and had him blocked from it. I also have all passwords, and have changed most of them so that he has no access to the secret accounts. When he is at work, he does not have access to a computer connected to the internet.

All of this makes me feel better for now. Someday I will give him back access to things, but slowly and with me watching every step of the way.

Back story: My SO had a phone sex relationship and responded to ads on Craigslist. No physical meetings according to him, and so far everything I have seen (e-mails asking why he didn't show, and him canceling meet ups through e-mail) confirm that.


Me: Betrayed 30
Him: Wandering 36
Together 6 years
kiddo: My beautiful 5 year old from a past relationship who only knows WS as Daddy
D-Day 3/3/11

Posts: 56 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Houston
numb28
♀ New Member
Member # 31303
Default  Posted: 6:03 PM, March 31st (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I really hate craigslist right now. My WH posted on craigslist mulitple times. Thought it was just last year, but have recently learned it goes as far back as at least Aug 2009, when I was 7 months pregnant with our daughter. He also, apparently, regularly chatted up women while I was exhausted from taking care of our newborn. Now, almost 2 full months after D - day and into MC he is still secretly using his computer and hiding the history. ugh. I wish I could just magically restore everything he has done so that I would know the truth


Me: BS 31
Him: WS 34
Amazing DD: 17 months
Married 3 years 6/28, together for 10
DDay: 2/3/2011

Posts: 24 | Registered: Feb 2011
hurting38
♀ Member
Member # 29829
Default  Posted: 8:58 PM, March 31st (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

removing the internet is just not realistic. i would never be able to police it at work and it is vital for him for school. :(


DD#1-7/9/10 WH=32 Me=38
ONS(on 7/5/10) w/ stranger out of town. He confessed,I had no idea.
tt truth 3/22-3/28 true D day #2 3/28/11 cyber A spanning 2 1/2 yrs
3/11/11 d day #3-found texts/phone calls to "friend", its an exit affair.

Posts: 301 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: ILLINOIS
seeker2010
♀ Member
Member # 31552
Default  Posted: 4:29 PM, April 1st (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do they ever really stop? I had a knock down drag out with my WH today regarding his friends on Facebook. I'm pretty down today.

Posts: 183 | Registered: Mar 2011
purplebreeze
♀ Member
Member # 31611
Default  Posted: 4:43 PM, April 5th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WH got involved on an adult site where people post themselves nude or in sex acts. He registered and just looked. Then he posted his nude picture as his avatar. People can see the avatars of whoever is online at the time. A woman saw his and liked what she saw and contacted him. They started exchanging nude pictures of each other and then started chatting about sex with each other. He finally told me about it and didn't think anything was wrong, since it was all imaginary stories and nothing physical. Looking around online, it appears many people (more men than women, but still a lot of women) don't see it as an affair.

[This message edited by purplebreeze at 4:49 PM, April 5th (Tuesday)]


me 64
WH 65
married 44 years
DD Jan 16 2011

Posts: 346 | Registered: Mar 2011
hurting38
♀ Member
Member # 29829
Default  Posted: 10:17 PM, April 5th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

purplebreeze,

i agree, many people dont see it as an issue since there is no PA. My WH knew full well he was cheating and did everything in his power to cover it up. His started on yahoo IM, but he initially met her on myspace/fb gaming. Stranger he accepted a friend request from type of thing. 2 1/2 years he has known her, turned flirty/sexual 2 years ago. Moved to webcam stuff recently while in R for ONS he had in July 10 but never bothered to tell me about his online trist. While in R, the online thing progressed to cybersex even though I had password info and everything!

A nightmare from start to finish. This is all new to me so I am looking for guidence from anyone out here. Clearly he has an addiction or at minimum a compulsion related to the meaningless physical validation this brings him.

not sure what to think anymore.


DD#1-7/9/10 WH=32 Me=38
ONS(on 7/5/10) w/ stranger out of town. He confessed,I had no idea.
tt truth 3/22-3/28 true D day #2 3/28/11 cyber A spanning 2 1/2 yrs
3/11/11 d day #3-found texts/phone calls to "friend", its an exit affair.

Posts: 301 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: ILLINOIS
TotalyBroken
♀ Member
Member # 31645
Default  Posted: 8:51 AM, April 6th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

H had an affair that started online. She contacted him on facebook. They would facebook chat. But they also emailed, texted and called each other.

They had cyber, phone and text sex. They sent each other photos and i am sure the webcam was used.

They also had an emotional affair. He confided in her. He talked to her all the time. He sent her love letters and told her he loved her.

It never went to physical, but honestly i think that is only because they were so far apart and i caught him before they could.

It is just totaly devastating to see all the evidence in writting.


Most posts are on my phone, so I apologize for poor grammar and spelling, and random weird auto-correct words. :)

Me- BS
Him - FWH
D-Day 3/27/2011
R in process. We'll see where it goes.


Posts: 146 | Registered: Mar 2011
purplebreeze
♀ Member
Member # 31611
Default  Posted: 6:58 PM, April 6th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The only reason WH didn't go physical is that she lives 1000 miles away. Too far to do anything. It is so hurtfull what they said to each other and the pictures they shared. It is like a PA.


me 64
WH 65
married 44 years
DD Jan 16 2011

Posts: 346 | Registered: Mar 2011
purplebreeze
♀ Member
Member # 31611
Default  Posted: 7:02 PM, April 6th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WH is still a member on this adult site. People still message him, he got a message this morning.


me 64
WH 65
married 44 years
DD Jan 16 2011

Posts: 346 | Registered: Mar 2011
seeker2010
♀ Member
Member # 31552
Default  Posted: 4:10 PM, April 7th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There is a lot of addicitive behaviour involved in web cam cheating. Viewing sexual images stimulates dopamine in the brain, which leads to a sense of excitement and being 'high' beyond what is usually the case in a real-life sex act. As well, it's all make-believe. Of course, she's perfect! She knows just what to say, because he's feeding her cues, and those grainy images improve anybody's looks. Last, but very important, the sense of control as he says, "Do this! Do that!" can really feed into an insecure person's fantasy life.

Online activity can rapidly become a sex addiction, and that's BIG trouble. It's not even the person anymore, it's the activity itself that he's in love with.

BTW, I say 'he and she' here, but reverse them if that is your situation.


Posts: 183 | Registered: Mar 2011
purplebreeze
♀ Member
Member # 31611
Default  Posted: 3:34 PM, April 8th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am glad WH did just the personal messages, never got into the cam (don't have one), IM, phone etc. The exchanging of photos was bad enough along with the messages to each other.


me 64
WH 65
married 44 years
DD Jan 16 2011

Posts: 346 | Registered: Mar 2011
purplebreeze
♀ Member
Member # 31611
Default  Posted: 1:33 PM, April 9th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He deleted his history this morning. I can see the last time he logged in from my computer and there is no history of that log in on his browser history. He has been acting so nice lately like it is all over with and now, I don't know what is up and what he is doing.


me 64
WH 65
married 44 years
DD Jan 16 2011

Posts: 346 | Registered: Mar 2011
purplebreeze
♀ Member
Member # 31611
Default  Posted: 1:34 PM, April 9th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just feel in my bones, something is up now.


me 64
WH 65
married 44 years
DD Jan 16 2011

Posts: 346 | Registered: Mar 2011
megmegryry
♀ Member
Member # 10740
Default  Posted: 10:24 PM, April 9th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I do not know if I belong here. In the past my husband has gone online and made inappropriate contact with porn actresses and with his high school prom date. Anyways I found out he was looking at porn earlier this week and the history on the computer said that he went to the inbox at you-tube 5 times while looking at porn there. The inbox has nothing in the sent messages bu he could have sent messages and deleted them right? Hopefully I'm in the right place.

Posts: 663 | Registered: May 2006
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